krisgrace

Congrats!! I will get there. I know I can. I am praying my husband takes the kids this weekend. I dont want them to see me go through that.....
I will keep posting.
Thanks to everyone who is posting. I posted on a another website before I found this one. It has been a week, and still no one has responded. I am thankful that I have supposrt here.
Thanks,
Kristin
:ghug

cmb

Kris i am in the same boat as you 5 yrs ago I started on loratabs now im addicted to methadone oxys dillauds and heroin I know how hard it is also I work as a corrections officer I want to stop but at the same time everytime I try I dont function so a part of me doesnt want to quit but I just recently started iv drug use something i said i would never do i just dont know what to do

krisgrace

Ok, so after unsuccessfully trying to "taper". I had my last pill yesterday at 2:00p.m. By 7:30 I was shaking like I was cold and I felt like I was going to vomit, so I just laid there until I fell asleep. This morning, my stomach, and everything else on my body hurts, but I dont care. I am NOT going to take another pill.

I had the worst weekend ever. I went to one of my best friends (the one who also uses) weddings, I was so depressed afterward at the thought of me and my husband not working out. I tried calling everyone in my family, and no one who answer. I tried to call my ex. I was so desperate for someone to "be there", and he even pushed me away. I then realized that no one I going to help me get better, but ME. I am also seeing a counselor, and a Pysc, next week. I honestly think I have some sort of personality disorder. I know, I can not be trying to self medicate if I am going to get any better. My friend who had the wedding came to work, asking about getting pills, and for the first time, I said no.

Then I went to leave for work this morning, and I have a flat tire....
No money to get a new one, but normally this would devestate me. Today, I am just glad I am not on pills. And I am lookinmg forward to getting back to the normal, happy me.
:praying

bval

You quit yesterday, and now you're off to work today?

With your addicted friend there, asking you about going in on some pills?

I just gotta say, Kris, congrats on saying 'No' ... the first time. That's awesome news.

BUT ...

You really have not set up for yourself a very, um, 'optimal' situation for getting through this right now?!? I don't want to discourage you from trying if you feel now is the time, but ... lets just say ... I'm gonna be REALLY impressed if you're able to pull this off under these circumstances.

Good luck to you sugar

krisgrace

Actually, I am at work........
Feeling like ****.
I am having a horrible day, and I am trying to not snap at everyone.
I am trying to get through my flat tire situation and get my kids back tonight.
My body aches, my head hurts, I am hot and sweaty, but I am so far behind at work that I couldnt miss. I am trying to concentrate on work and work as fast as I can to get it done so maybe I can get off early....
I can do it, I know I can....

bval

I know you are at work, Kris, I caught that

And my heart goes out to ya babe. It's not even remotely difficult for me to imagine how much you're fu**ing hating life right now. As a wise AA person said to me when I showed up (back) to 'the rooms', three days into detox off of subutex, complaining about how bad off I was:

I only wish I could say 'I don't know how you feel'.

But honestly ... if you're serious about doing this right now ... I would start angling for heading home sick right now. And I'd plan on staying home for at least the next couple three days. At work is not the place to be for someone in your shoes. Especially not all stressed out, 'behind' in your work, with someone else there that can get you pills. I can scarcely think of a less 'promising' scenario for someone trying to off these buggers. Except maybe parked in some 'shooting gallery' or 'crack den' somewhere.

You are not even 24 hours into this right now. And I'm sorry to have to say it, but it's going to get worse before it gets better. I really think you should tell them you're sick, and go home. And you should also try to leave your kids where they are for the time being. Don't try to be superwoman here, Kris. Keep it real, ya know?

And remember ... if you don't get yourself clean, there's not going to BE a job to worry about at some point, I promise you that.

First things first, babe.

lostbutterfly

Good luck kris. That is a tough situation to be in. w/d's look so much like the flu, you could easily go home, you know. Take care.

LB x

krisgrace

Well, my kids are coming back whether I like it or not.......
I cannot tell my ex "hey Im detoxing today so can you keep them for a while?"
He will def. try to use that against me.
Also, I can not imagaine this getting any worse. If I feel any worse than I do now, I will have to go home. =/

krissypissy

YES you can do this...keep it up!!! take care

Eagle1

yea...no snapping. Stay stronger than your addiction.

bval

How you doing tonight Krissy?

Hanging out pretty hard, I'd imagine.

You're in my thoughts, best of luck to ya

SuperTrucker65

Want My advise too... Be Brutally Honest, with Your Doctor!!! If You Cant, Find an Addiction Specialist-Dr!! and Be Honest with that Dr!! Go find yourself an NA meeting... or 2 or 3... and be brutally honest there, too... and I bet you will feel better

Rob

krisgrace

OK, So I ended up getting a "rebound" migraine from not having the drugs in my system. It was so bad that I had to go home. My husband or ex if we dont fix things (still pending divorce), came down (we live 21/2 hours away), brought the kids to day care, and changed my flat. I then decided to tell him. Hell, he is an alcoholic. He cant hold it agaist me. And I needed someone to help me go threw this yesterday. I was in sooo much pain. So he didnt know what to tell me except that if I move where he is we can work on things and I could get help there. (Which is a totally different story, he cheated and I dont trust him enough to move there.) I begged him to stay and help with the kids at least until I got them to settled and the little one to bed, so finally after many minutes of begging he agreed. I finally took all my normal meds and went to sleep. About 1:00 I woke up and could not stop moving. Couldnt go back to sleep, which is not like me. I sleep hard and never wake up... So I finally took a xanax, which I was presribed about 2 years ago and never got it refilled, so It was my last one. I finally fell asleep around 2:30.
I woke up and ran right to the bathroom to vomit...Yuck...but at least afterward I felt better and my body is not aching like yersterday. I feel fidgidy (if thats how you spell it). I cant stop moving. Its irritating me. My mind feels weird, but at least I am not in pain yet. AND, NO PILLS!!!!!!! I know I can do this. I have to do this! I will keep posting...

HarryB

I haven't been personally addicted to those pills but I have a close friend who is addicted to pain pills and is a single mother with a very young daughter.
She told social services about her addiction to make sure her daughter DIDN'T get taken away. She got clean but then relapsed a few months ago and they have not taken any moves to take away her daughter.
Social services get a bad reputation as 'child stealers' but they are really there to help. If you are able to meet your child's basic needs then you don't have too much to worry about. If for some reason you ever did need to hand your child over to someone else then you would be doing the best and most loving thing you could for that child.

Does your job or human resources dept. give sick leave? I took 'compassionate leave' when I went into rehab. Don't be afraid to tell them your situation as it is supposed to be 100% confidential. They're more likely to let you keep the job if you admit your problem and seek help rather than come in under the influence each day.

bval

Hey Kris, good for you girl! You're almost to two days here, right? This only lasts about 4-5 days, so you're nearly half-way through now!

Since you seem to be a little 'in the dark' about how this w/d thing plays out, here are the common symptoms:
1) Excessive, but entirely useless, energy.
2) Shaking, twitching, muscle spasms, most noticeable in the legs, and ESPECIALLY when you try to lay down and relax. There's a reason they call it 'kicking' dope
3) Complete and total insomnia.
4) Anorexia, i.e. not wanting to eat.
5) Excessive yawning, frequent sneezing.
6) Watery eyes, and a tendency to start crying at the drop of a hat.
7) The Bowels Of Hell
8) General achy-ness, esp. in the lower back, which usually hurts pretty much constantly in w/d's.
9) Low-grade fever
10) Not that you'd know, but your blood pressure become slightly elevated.
11) Inability to regulate body temperature. Most of the time you're feel very cold, but you also very suddenly start sweating. You get the cold sweats, you might say.
12) Fits of vague panic, and intense desire to just take some of the drug, to make the horrible feeling go away.
13) Depression.
14) Vomiting is not uncommon at all.
15) T I M E P A S S I N G V E R Y S L O W L Y ...

And one symptom I've always got, but never heard anyone else describe ... I get this feeling like all of my soft body tissues are somehow, like, poisoning my bones and making them sorta 'itch'. I start feeling like *I* am actually my skeleton, my bones, and I just wanna take myself and jump right out of this itchy goo of a body that I'm stuck inside of. Kinda weird, and like I say, I've never heard anyone else mention this, but I'd be willing to bet ... there's at least someone who knows EXACTLY what I'm talking about here ...

So there you go ... any of those things are happening to you ... now you know why

krisgrace

Wow!!!!! I am soooo glad you posted that. I feel so much better today. Except I cant not stop moving....
As you call it useless energy. I cannot get work done, but I cant stop moving my legs. I did that last night also, when I woke up in the middle of the night. Kicking. I keep getting cold, but hot also. I can not eat. ANd I yawn all the time. I was so unaware of all these things. I knew my stomach "issues" were from the withdrawls though. That was a really helpfull post. AT least my body aches went away. Thank you JESUS!!
I am so going to do this!!!!!!!! And, I am proud of my self, even if it is two days!

lostbutterfly

Kris, you've done well! I think kicky legs are the very worst thing, especially at night. My poor cats have gone flying off the bed a few times!!

All this physical stuff, it's going to get better. But be prepared, you can land up feeling pretty down for a while once it's all over. And you feel like you should be feeling up coz you're not sick anymore.

I have always found the mental dependance much harder to kick than the physical dependance. Well done tho, you're going to turn the corner soon!!

LBx

krisgrace

Yeah, well I am use to being depressed so that wont be anything new to me. I am on 20mg of Lexapro and I am going to the Psyc on March 3rd, to change my meds. So hopefully, I will be getting on the right stuff soon. I really think its more to it than just depression. I have dealt with that since I was a child.

Stagebear

The kicking leg thing sucks but it stops...give it time,my dear.

fuster

Kristen:

Tell your psychiatrist about your substance abuse disorder.

If you don't you hurt yourself and the psychiatrist cannot properly prescribe medication. Anxiety or depression or both can be part of your withdrawal from opiates. It could last a few weeks, but could last longer. If you are already being treated for mental health disorders then the psychiatrist must know what you are stopping and how you are hooked on them (just because you now stop does not make the addiction go away, you will always be an addict, just maybe you will be a recovering one if you get a recovery program with help from the right people).

Kids get removed from a home if the care is not safe for them or you are not caring for them. I have not read anything that indicates this is the case, so don't worry about that, you just make it an excuse to stay a secret from people who can help you, thereby sabotaging your own recovery.

If you are serious about staying off the pain meds, I feel adamant that you get an assessment from a substance abuse counselor.