dragonfire613

Hello gang! What wonderful inspiration I have found here. Just wanted to introduce myself briefly and get a little support going. I'm 34 years old, and I've been addicted to opiates for the better part of 15 years. After my wife became pregnant with our first child 4 years ago, I began suboxone treatment. This is my 4th attempt at being sober from the suboxone. Each of the first 3 times I was able to make it longer before I gave up and went crawling back to the doc to keep me on a low dose until I was ready to try again. Here I am... this time I've been on only 1mg/day for the past 2 months and having absolutely no problems with it. I took my last 1mg dose on Thurs 7/19. Day one wasn't too bad as I'm assuming my brain was still getting some effects from the last dose. Some early morning anxiety & craving, burned off by the afternoon and had a decent day. Had a little trouble falling asleep last night, but still got a good 8 hours. Today has been much more of the nerves & craving, until I found this forum! Its amazing what reading other's stories does for me. You guys just helped me to do what I wasn't able to do on my previous attempts, and that is to break through! I really feel like I can do this, and this time feels different. Thanks again!

Chrisy

Welcome. You are in the right place.

There are a lot of wonderful people here.

albeitslowly

Welcome!!! It's wonderful that you are feeling so positive today, and I hope you can keep your healthy optimism through the worst of the symptoms you will face. Here's to hoping that your symptoms are as mild as possible! You can do this!!!!

Ollie909

Thanks for the post dragonfire. I've been on 1 mg of suboxone for the last 6 months
and reducing that and skipping days to get clean. Haven't suffered anything major yet, but
subs I've heard have a wicked half life. So here we go.Best to all. At least I'm not on those
percs.

stillsleeping

Hey dude and welcome! My husband tapered off opiates a few years ago. It sounds like you have a great attitude towards it - good luck!

xxx

dragonfire613

Thanks all for the welcome! My attitude isn't so great this morning... mornings are the hardest for me. Day 3 begins... hanging in there. Fell asleep easily last night, but woke up after 3 or 4 hours and tossed & turned the rest of the night until daylight. Keep me in your thoughts today. I can do this. I am still determined.

stillsleeping

Yeah you can. Weirdly, it's getting through the tough days that feels good though - anyone can coast. Finishing a rubbish day without drugs, at least you go to bed knowing you achieved one extraordinary thing.

Remember for the first few weeks your body chemistry is going nuts, so be easy on yourself. I had full-on fake hangovers for about the first 8 days, and was really tired for a while after that. Cutting any drug will mess with your sleep for a while, so just try and roll with it.

You're right about this place helping - I logged on hourly for my first few days. Or weeks - could have been weeks haha! I'd been trying to get clean for a long-assed time before that. Started posting here, and am four and a half months dry now. So keep posting dude

xx

dragonfire613

Thanks for sharing! Congrats on 4.5 months! That seems inconceivable to me right now (I'm just hoping to make it through today, then I'll worry about tomorrow tomorrow). The more people that tell me they've made it x months or y years just continues to reinforce that it can be done, that it does get easier, and you do feel better afterward. I've been having thoughts of calling my sub dr. tomorrow to see how fast they can get me in, and I keep reminding myself that that is only prolonging the inevitable. Overpowering that lower brain function that says I need opes to survive is my greatest challenge, because quite honestly, this is the mildest physical detox I've ever done (saying this on day 3). Yesterday, after finding this forum, I managed to convince myself that I was ok without the opes. I'm working on convincing myself again today. I figure if I can keep training my mind, so to speak, eventually it will get the point. I'm very proud of you for how long you have made it! Great job! Truckin' on

BrokenLilHorse

@DragonFire - I am so proud of you! I feel like day 3 is the hardest...but it may be different with Sub. I know it has a longer half life then the things I have experience with. It is awesome that you are trying to turn your life around. Like you - I keep reminding myself that returning to opiates is not like returning to other drugs. You will have to do the horrible withdrawal all over again. And why? I dont know about you, but its just not fun anymore. That part of my brain that says I will get that euphoric feeling I once used to is clearly wrong because I've played into it too many times to know. I am really proud of you...and know you can do it.

dragonfire613

Day 3 was a long day, but day 4 is proving to be even longer. I feel like I'm deep in the trenches now, I just keep praying that it gets easier soon. I almost called the clinic today, but I don't want to go through this ever again. Truckin' on, but I have lost most if not all of my positivity... at this point I'm just like I'm this far in and I will only have to do this this one and only time. Never again do I want to feel like this, and that is all any kind of using can get for me. Keep me in your thoughts & prayers in the coming days. Could really use all the encouragement I can get at this point.

stillsleeping

Hey sweetie, I've got some encouragement for you

It ABSOLUTELY gets better. Of course it does. Right now you're in probably the worst of it - days 3-5 - as your body starts to panic that you're really not going to use, but you're not feeling any benefits yet. I'd need to check my blog, but I seem to remember day 4 being the worst, day 5 being pretty rough, day 6 thinking it was easing up, then day 7 feeling, oh thank god, it really is easing up.

I know it feels like hell, and it could be tempting to think that you don't deserve to feel so crap when you've finally done the right thing, dammit! but the good news is, your body does recover incredibly fast. I mean, I drank hard for 19 years, and was pretty much physically recovered after a month. That's amazing, right?

So stick out day 4. Stick out day 5. Don't think about feeling better yet, just plod your way through them, eat some chocolate, be nice to yourself. Go and read my blog if you want - I know booze withdrawal isn't exactly the same as what you're going through, but it should at least give you a laugh

Take care, and hang in there...

Thinking about you

Still xxx

dragonfire613

Thanks for the kind words, friend.... keep them coming. I need each and every one right now. Sucks that you are in the UK an probably going to bed soon... it gets lonely when the couple people who have reached out to me aren't around on here (my wife & kids are on west coast for another 2 weeks, which is precisely why I'm detoxing now, although she supports me well on the phone, its not like we can talk every waking minute). Anyway, still reading your blog (up to day 2). I seriously don't know how alcoholics do it... and am so proud that so many of you are able to do it! One of the few things keeping me going at this point is knowing that even if I call the doc, I won't be able to get in for a week anyway, and by then I'll be through the worst of this, so hell naw. But if it was as simple as going to the corner store to get what my brain so desperately wants, that would be a different story altogether. I would have caved yesterday. I'm really grateful today that I cut off my user "friends" years ago so that I have no one to call for a fix even if I wanted to. Truckin' on... thanks for reading

dragonfire613

Maybe I should start a blog for this or something, but this is my thread so I figure I can rant. I think I finally accepted today, on day 4, that this is actually happening and there is no way out: no fix, no subs, no opiates in any form. I actually feel a little better about it now. Don't get me wrong, this still sucks, horribly... from the diarrhea/chills/sweating/shakes/stomach cramps/leg pain/headache/etc., this is not fun. Mostly I keep watching the clock, wanting the day to be over so that I can get on with watching the clock tomorrow for day 5 to go by... but there's still a bit of day 4 left... didn't get anything done at work today... told people I was sick and everyone stayed away, left early under that claim. Work is piling up quickly though, and will have to be dealt with tomorrow. Ugh. This sucks. But d****t I still haven't used, and that's something, right? Someday saying that might bring me joy, or make me proud, but right now it feels pretty empty. Hoo-freakin-yay, I'm almost 4 days sober.

dragonfire613

I have to say, I am rapidly feeling better this evening... later I think I will play a game of spades online, then take a bath and read some Calvin & Hobbes, and maybe I'll even pretend to enjoy it. Take THAT limbic system! You WILL ENJOY THINGS! I AM NOT DETOXING AS HARD AS YOU WANT ME TO THINK! hah.

BrokenLilHorse

Great job on day 4! Seriously I think stillsleeping is right. 3-5 were definitely the worst for me. I am currently on day 8...so just ahead of you. I have been on and off today, but SO much better.

I hope you have had the relaxing evening you hoped for! As much as you must have wanted your family to be away, it must be hard to do this alone. Know that we are all here rooting you on. You have the strength to do this.

Keep up the great work!!!

Ollie909

Thanks for everyone's post, support and this tread dragon
I skipped 2 days and dosed .25 mg today. I was getting muscle cramps in muscles I didn't know I had. Going to keep plowing ahead. Roll with it. Best to all.

stillsleeping

Hey guys

You're right Dragon, I was in bed. Even without the timezone thing, I miss out on evenings - we get up at 04:30, so I'm in bed by half past eight haha! Well done on getting the blog going - I'm now reading you in about 4 different locations. Keep writing dude, it saves your sanity...

Hey Ollie, I didn't realise you were still tapering - bloody good job hun. The muscle cramps and twitching are a nightmare. I used to get restless legs when I was using, and just figured it was hormones (the sucky girl kind) - don't get them at all now I'm clean. It all works out once you're over the edge

Hey BrokenLilHorse

Still
xxx

dragonfire613

Hey gang! Just checking in for those following here and possibly not on my blog. I did have a pleasant evening last night as I had hoped for... Took a short walk with the dog (too hot & humid to do much more outside), had a good shower & soak in the tub, read my Calvin & Hobbes... caught some TV and was asleep by 11pm... woke up this morning at 4:30am, which was 2 hours better than the previous night. Got up and posted some on my blog & messages... now I've made it to work on day 5. Today, although still not wonderful (yet, perhaps), is a big improvement from this same time yesterday. I'm not exactly motivated to tackle my work, but I feel like I can at least concentrate on heavy math for little spurts at a time, and maybe get some of this deadline work knocked out.

Shout outs to stillsleeping, ollie, & broken. U guys rock! Keep it up!

@ brokenlilhorse... u coming off subs/opies of some form too or something else (if you don't mind my asking... maybe I forgot if you mentioned it before)... big congrats on 8 days!

dragonfire613

@ broken also... It was more the kids and less the wife I preferred to have away during this. The 3 year old wouldn't understand why daddy didn't feel like playing all the time, and the 1 year old you have to follow around constantly to prevent him killing himself (the 3 year old is a very reserved and cautious child, more like his mom... the 1 year old is all dad... headfirst and deal with consequences when they happen, plus thinks he should be able to do everything his big brother gets to do)... and the wife, while supportive, isn't entirely sympathetic to the detox (and yes, I put myself here, but doesn't make it any easier... she would never say it out loud, but I know she thinks it time to time). So yeah, I dunno how I would have handled having the kids around during this, especially the last 2 days... but anyway it is what it is... the dog makes decent company, she doesn't need much other than food and my company.

(ETA for spelling, grammar, and clarity)

Finally12

Hi, I just wanted to reply to let you know that I am in the exact same place. I took my last sub Thursday morning (1 mg/day), so I am also on day 5. I happened upon your post by chance, and it feels really good to see someone else in the same place as me. I know everyone will probably reply that I shouldn't do this, but no one in my life knows about my former drug use or sub treatment. No one. And telling my family is not an option, they would not understand. So I am basically going at this alone, but I am determined to get off this stuff before I start my career August 27th. Anyway, I don't intend to hijack your thread, just wanted to let you know that there is at least one other person in the world in your place rooting for you