24hrsatatime

I'm glad you know your date. An oldtimer at a NA meeting told me that if I didn't know my clean date, it probably wasn't important to me and it would probably change. Today I remember when I took my last illicit drug and I have my jump from sub scheduled to September 15 give or take, if all goes well, the date I count from will change there, but not b/c of a relapse, b/c I see it as a new phase of my recovery journey. I really am glad I found this site b/c it seems to present a balanced view of maintenance therapy instead of telling folks that everything will come up roses for them from day 1 or that maintenance is absolutely in all circumstances horrible. I'm working on developing a fellowship based on 12 step peer support, but that recognizes people who are in maintenance treatment as being in recovery and allows them to share as we do here, as there is nothing in the real world that truly encourages maintenance patients to build a support network. I read in 1 of your posts that your dr. required attendance for some type of therapy. May I ask what type you attended? I'm just curious about your experience and also if you were/are part of a 12 step fellowship, I was wondering if you felt accepted by them. Sometimes NA, while it hasn't been my personal experience, doesn't allow people on maintenance to be part of group discussions, service commitments, etc., and I was wondering if you or anyone else here had ever experienced this. I have been attacked by NA members in other forums for the choice I made to save my life, but never in the real world, in fact I hold 2 service positions in my NA home group and I really believe it has saved my life. I'm accountable to someone other than me and I have a wonderful group of people who have my back. With that said, I have no desire to disrespect others who have chosen a different route or to support a fellowship whose leaders don't support me. I know that a support network is critical for lasting recovery, hence the idea of a new fellowship. I would love any input any of you who are successfully tapering might have concerning how you've formed your support network, etc. and if you feel that another fellowship would be useful to the recovery community. I'm not trying to hijack a thread, but I would really like feedback from some folks who've had time to get some experience with recovery and who are moving toward coming off Suboxone, as I've found that most of the time those who have no plan to taper often have no support network, meeting experiences etc.

dragonfire613

Yes, my doctor required us to go to group meetings or 1-on-1 counselling and required us to bring proof of such..

First I tried a "Celebrate Recovery" group (a Christian-based offsping of NA (I think)... google to find more info)... the meeting was good and informative, but at the end when I went to the leader to sign my proof of attendance sheet... he was like "Oh, you're on suboxone." (apparently had seen the sheet from my doc before). Subsequent meetings seemed focused on convincing me to kick, which made me uncomfortable... I wanted to share in my own time, in my own way, and not feel pressured into anything... never went back after the third such meeting.

Next I tried one of many local NA meetings... same result, different venue.

Then I decided to try 1-on-1 counselling with an addiction therapist. She was decent at what she did... she recommended many things I was already doing on my own... self-evaluation, journaling, discovering triggers, etc. Every session some time was dedicated into trying to convince me to go back to group meetings, lol.

So finally I found a group called "Not High @ Noon" that meets at noon daily near my workplace... they never asked questions about the sheet I asked the leader to sign, and were a very diverse group from CEO/board of director types to homeless people... all were welcome and they were very supportive... but honestly I only went because it was required, and I only went enough to appease my doctor. I haven't been back since I stopped seeing my doc, but plan on going back soon to get truly involved in the group.

I think you can probably find a good group, but it might take some time and trial-and-error to find the right one... I definitely feel you on that some REALLY frown on any kind of maintenance... but not all.

naugler31

Hey everyone. I am currently 38 days clean with the help of suboxone. My doc prescribed me 16 mg/day but from the start I was only taking 8 mg/day and now for the last five days I've cut that down to 4 mg/day. I plan to get off the drug completely in the next month or two. I tried to do this last time I had a couple months clean but probably went a little too fast and wound up relapsing. Any advice would be welcomed and greatly appreciated. -Neil

dragonfire613

I would talk to your doc about a taper plan... I was on 1mg for a while before I jumped, and even that was rather unpleasant for me... but I had been on subs much longer than you (4 years). Going to meetings or finding some sort of support group will help greatly as well.

Ollie909

Hello to everyone posting and reading this thread.
Dragonfire, thanks for the positive vibes. Good to here your kicking it well. Encourages me. Appreciate the kind comments from all.

Naugler31 I think you may have the same issue as me in the past Get off the codones, take the subs. But always leery of taking subs for any length of time, since you have to detox from those as well. Maybe not long enough to get off the mental part with codones. Having said that I have been taking 1mg of subs for six months, and have been tapering right down to .25mgs-.50mgs. It depends on the crumble. Dosing 5 days a week and skipping doses on the weekends. Been maintaining well with this.

Now I'm trying to get off the subs tapering, hopefully with the least detox effects. So this week I have gone 4 days without dosing. Just trying to get it out of my system. There is no get out of jail free pass this time as we all know. However the symptoms are not as intense as I've known before. This can be ridden out. As in, still go to work, keep the smiley face going and carry on. Make sure the bathroom is close by.

I had a rough decision. Keep on without dosing or relieve myself a bit on day 5. Better or worse, I chose the latter. Hopefully this just doesn't extend the inevitable
I figure that much more is out of my system, with .25mgs added after 4 days. It's really amazing how the little dose brought me back to (normal?).

Anyways that's my plan for now. Dose 2 days and take 5 off. Then dose 1 and 6 off. See how this goes. This is very light detox compared to when I quite codones c/t. Best to all

CarrionDoll

@Finally thank you. I know you are right. I am scaring myself to death and that is not good. I haven't stuck to my taper so well. I had to go get another strip but I really have no choice. It's stick to the taper or end up jumping off at 2mgs and doing horrible. I have no support system and have no idea how I would ever find the time for meetings. Mt husband doesn't undertstand and thinks I should just "suck it up". He can be helpful when he feels like it but I think when I am not feeling well he will be an ass. IDK what to do but I really don't have a choice. I am alone in this unless I come here. Which I need to do. I hate N/A but saw someone (can't remember now who, maybe dragon?) said something about 1 on 1 therapy. I am going to start looking into that monday. That has always helped me with my mental illness in the past. I have to do this. I keep saying that but I always do stupid things and end up leaving myself in a mess. I never tell anyone this but my husband can be very verbally abusive. Especially when it comes to this. he thinks that is how you get people to do what you want/think they should do. I have no friends or family able to help. But I didn't come back here after I last posted and I should. this is the only support I have ever had.

dragonfire613

@CD... the more support you can garner for yourself the better... it makes it harder when the people in your life don't know what's gonig on and thus you are not accountable to them when you do try to kick. On the other side of the coin, I know how difficult that can be in some situations. We are here if nothing else... you can always pm me I'm usually fairly quick to respond.

@Ollie... keep it up man! You're almost there and your willpower continues to astound me.

@everyone else... 1 month coming up soon for me off the subs! It seems like eons ago that I had to rush to get that little strip first thing in the morning... and in some aspects it has gone by in the blink of an eye. I'm doing well most days now... with a day of mopiness and AV whisperings sprinkled in here and there. Nothing I can't handle at this point. Keep it up troops!

CarrionDoll

Thanks, yeah I think the only support I am going to get is online. But I have lived through much worse so I know I can do this. Really there is no other choice. No $$ for sub doc and no $$ for pills and hubby would never go for buying pills anymore anyways. ran out of my script. Wanted to get more to taper for a bit longer but I don't think it will happen. Soooo, tomorrow is probably going to be my day 1. Not as terrified because I have accepted this is just gonna have to be it. I do think I may call my GP for an appt just to talk to her and see if there is anything she can give to help with sleep and the restless legs.

I explained in another post that sleep is hard to come by for me these days so I need to be able to get it when I have the chance. And I am barely keeping up with all I have to do now so not quite sure how this will work, but it has to.

dragonfire613

How's everyone doing? No activity for this thread in a few days... I continue to improve myself... things just keep getting gradually better as time goes on. Except I had a wicked daydream fantasy about poppies last night that really shook me up when I snapped out of it.

I was taking a shower and just enjoying the hot water running over my neck and shoulders and started thinking about the warm poppy caress I would feel if I used now after being clean for so (not-so) long... it was a very detailed fantasy that I won't describe in detail (insert your favorite using memory here)... went on for 15 minutes or so until the rational side of my mind woke up and was like "WTF ARE YOU DOING! She (opiates) is NOT an angel... she will lull you and then eat your soul!"...

It shook me up pretty good that I could just drift off dreamily thinking about how wonderful that opiate glow was, without thinking of any of the hell that comes along with it. Trust me, I have been reminding myself every 5 minutes since. It may sound trivial, but it scares the he77 outta me.

24hrsatatime

dragon, it's called euphoric recall and it's one of our disease's favorite weapons. Do you attend any type of face to face support groups or any therapy/counseling? And congrats on telling the b!tch to hush and on your continued success in recovery.

dragonfire613

Actually, that was the kick in the pants I needed, cuz immediately afterwards I was like "Man, that was sick and twisted. I need to get me to a meeting." I haven't been yet, as local NA meets on saturday nights here (small town) but I'm going to go tomorrow night.

24hrsatatime

NA has saved my sanity and my life. I hope you will grab on to what it has to offer. It's by no means a cure, but I have learned much better how to cope with my life as it comes and how to stop trying to manipulate the world to revolve around me. I'm surprised you've come this far without support. I know what it's like to be in a small town, when I first started NA there was 1 mtg a week. We now have them every night. For me getting involved with NA has been like finding the missing link. Most of my life I've felt like a square peg in a world of round holes. Now I know where to find the square holes. Don't get me wrong, NA, like anything else in life isn't all sunshine and singing birds. There are people who are there for the wrong reasons, most of em don't even know it is the scary part. But I take what helps me and give the rest a very wide berth. The relationships I've developed in NA are the first in my adult life based on mutual respect and understanding. It's the one place that I never have to pretend to be something I'm not.

dragonfire613

Well I ended up not making the meeting Saturday night... long story but that day & time is not going to work out very well... checking around surrounding towns to see if there is something during the week or earlier on the weekends... there has to be I'm thinking.

Anyway, yesterday made 1 month since the kick! Funny, that when I started this journey 1 month seemed like an eternity. I thought I'd be golden if I could make it this far... although in the meantime I have come to terms with just how early I still am in my recovery, and the day-counting and milestones mean less now than they did on say, the first 2 weeks... mostly cuz its a one-day-at-a-time kind of thing.

Hope everyone else is doing well! I still plan on getting into a f2f support group, just have to find something that fits better into my schedule, or adjust my (and my family's) schedule accordingly if need be.

Ollie909

Great to hear how well your doing dragonfire. Keep us posted about your continued recovery. How the meetings go. What you gain and learn to continue in successful recovery. Everything helps and your doing it. Good Job.

alienbrayn1

Great thread

dragonfire613

Briefly checkin' in... 40 days and it keeps getting better. No physicals now whatsoever... sleeping better and better... getting to where I can even sleep in a few hours later than usual on a Saturday if the kids don't wake me up. Cravings few and far between. Focus and concentration continue to improve... sometimes I amaze myself at how much better I can focus now compared to when on suboxone or other opiates. Turning back into an adrenaline junkie... better rush than any drug. Determined to get healthy & in shape now so I can accomplish some goals. Want to get back into rock climbing & urban (such as it is here) mountain biking. Things I used to do and was very good at before drugs.

Hope everyone else is doing well... keep checking in to let me know how you're doing and I will do the same!

IronMaiden

Glad you are still improving! It's nice to hear how well things can turn out after detox. I have set mine up for sept. 10th or 11th... I set my work schedule up for it so i won't have any obligations other than recovering. Nervous but anxious to start... I will post about it for sure... Thanks for the inspiration! I actually have your Day 8 blog entry posted on my fridge for inspiration... something to look forward to! Thanks a bunch!!

dragonfire613

Great to hear! I'll be cheering you on all the way! I'll have all this new free time to chat or lend an ear.

dragonfire613

Checking in and bumping the thread. 56 days now. I kind of feel like I've reached a plateau... things are good physically and mentally I still struggle often with boredom & mild anxiety (mostly in the mornings, which is par for the course with me it seems). Still feel emotionally flat most of the time, but life is manageable and not a constant struggle or roller coaster anymore.

I'm living proof there is life after opiates & suboxone. Keep fighting the good fight people, and check in from time to time will ya?

Faithlove

This thread has given me hope that my AH will recover. Thank you all for sharing a part of yourselves! Keep it up!!