Second Day on 4mg feeling good.
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: LA, CA
Posts: 226
For me that was part of breaking the addictive behavioral cycle, not that I have been as successful as I would have hopped. I have at least realized I have a longer journey than I had thought.
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
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Originally Posted by hulihan 
yes but you can do it, just keep moving forward!
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Join Date: Apr 2009
Location: LA, CA
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I just ******* lost, i've got to sit down tomorrow and get my **** figured out. I woke up at 11:oo last night went to bed at 10:oo. I'm just floating in this stagnate blob of indirection. I need fire, but ive nothing to burn.
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Join Date: May 2009
Location: Culver City, CA
Posts: 16
Good Morning,
Hi Jimba, I am lowering my dose 4 days at a time, I want to get down to only one pill a day, at the advise of someone I trust, I have my moments during the day, but it is not bad, I hope you are well, it is hard for everyone these day with the economy . and even harder for us addicts, but you can do it, I believe in you, keep moving forward ! If it is just and hour at a time, as long as you do not look back, smile, you are a good person !
Hi Jimba, I am lowering my dose 4 days at a time, I want to get down to only one pill a day, at the advise of someone I trust, I have my moments during the day, but it is not bad, I hope you are well, it is hard for everyone these day with the economy . and even harder for us addicts, but you can do it, I believe in you, keep moving forward ! If it is just and hour at a time, as long as you do not look back, smile, you are a good person !
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Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 1,401
Originally Posted by Tish28
Where are you all?? I'm getting worried.
Please check in soon.
Please check in soon.
I haven't been blabbing my recent exploits. I had ten days clean, messed up a couple days, one good, one not so good, one good (yesterday) but today sucks (though I haven't used...YET). Sorry.
I just made myself get back out of bed because I'm just letting my life pass by. When I start obsessing as much as I am today, I just want to hold up somewhere until I feel sane again. When I'm up and moving, my head is scheming. I hate it.
This morning, my husband said, "I've got to do something with my sixteen-year-old today. He wants to do something. I just can't leave him by himself." It made me cry. Damn! I was the one who used to be the GOOD parent!! What is so frustrating is that just a small handful of pills and I can act like that GOOD parent again. My head will be quieted. I will be feeling good. And I can go and try this sobriety stuff tomorrow. That's what my head keeps telling me. But, tomorrow or the day after will give me another reason to use. I know that. I really expected it to be better by now. I feel like I just don't have what it takes.
Right now, I don't even want anyone to support me anymore. WOW! I had no intention of typing all that. Sorry, Jimba. I really hijacked this thread this time. Honestly, sometimes I think that I just need to stop fighting. I had a moment this morning when I sensed the relief that I would have in surrendering -- to the addiction that is. I've fought this thing from day one. I'm tired, Tish. When my head is such a mess, I don't have the energy to fight and I can't seem to get the concept of surrendering to recovery. I have all the best advice, all the best people behind me, and I still can't do what I need to do.
Well, I guess for anyone who read this, my screw ups are now public.
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