DaveyT

I'm happy to report my new mix of pain meds is far better than before. Don't get me wrong I still have pain but it's easy to manage, really this is nothing. I know a normal person would be in pain but it's all relative, I'm so used to it that this really is nothing.

I will still attend my next doctor appointment in case the antidepressant he recomended could help reduce my pain further. I was very against it when he bought it up because ultimately I'm not depressed. However he explained about the brain and the pain matrix and how these medications have other effects like reducing pain so I am open to the idea.

It will be interesting to see what he comes up with, as my condition is so rare I'll just have to wait and see what he finds.

Received

You sound much better, Davey. Having a willing spirit, for me, was so helpful. I used to be so rigid with my non addict self that many times I made things much worse because I was to damn bullheaded to take something that would help.

I don't do that anymore...much.

Glad things are looking up.

DaveyT

I really do feel a lot better and I don't feel any kind of high. My doctor as I said is looking into some antidepressants which affect pain levels, he's also looking into other pain relieving medications outside the NSAID group. I'm feeling the most positive I have for quite a while. I think my shift in mindset has helped also. I was kicking myself so horribly because I thought taking even prescribed meds made me a failure and that wasn't good for me.

I'm still in pain don't get me wrong, that's just a part of my illness, but it's nothing compared to how I have been lately. This I can deal with. I'm actually looking forward to new year now, it holds no fear for me. I'm going to drink lemonade and coke and enjoy myself with friends

MythOfSisyphus

That's awesome, Davey! Your experience reinforces my view that one should always remain hopeful, no matter one's present circumstances. Most of us have had times when things suddenly went to hell and that sticks in our memories. But just as often we "dodge a bullet" or wind up having things turn out better than we expect. Any day on the green side of the grass is a good one. Hopefully this upturn will last! Maybe they're onto something with your meds. Make the most of it!

So glad to see things are better.

DaveyT

I just wanted to give this updae because of how positive I feel. Too many times I've had to give an awful update so it's nice to break the pattern.

I wake up each moring and I'm in a lot of pain, I take my meds and after maybe an hour I feel a hell of a lot better. Ther eis still pain but it's so minor it's completely ignorable (is that a word?).

Anyway I'm seriously looking forward to new year, for the first time in quite a while. I'm looking forward to making a new years post celebrating my first full year sober in a long time.

And with all of this I recognise how much you guys have helped me, I think without the support I have received here, along with my doctor of course then I would be stuck in a bottle right now. I imagine I would have caused damage which could not be reversed.

You know I even managed to cook tonight, something I haven't done in ages as the energy involved is a bit much for me a lot of the time. Still I did it, a spicy little dish that's left my mouth tingling.

I hope others are having a good time as well, especially you lot who have kept reading my stupid ramblings. All the best guys and take very good care of yourselves.

Received

I'm the master of stupid ramblings.

MythOfSisyphus

Nice! It's cool that you feel well enough to ramble.

DaveyT

Just a quick "I'm ok update". I think those who have followed this deserve that especially with the general kindness and patience shown by them. With my pain management under good control I feel a hell of a lot better, don't get me wrong it's not perfect, I have plenty of days when I'm hurting but it's nothing compared to before. I really was an idiot trying to cope with pain and the absolute minimum of medication. Stupid pride can do many bad things.

I feel really very positive, dont' get me wrong I can't do a lot due to my condition but at least I can feel ok and do all I can to the limits of my abilities. I even enjoyed a day with my nephew recently

MythOfSisyphus

Man, take a good day when you get one! Apropos of nothing I watched "A Theory of Everything" recently; it's a biopic of physicist Stephen Hawking and wife Jane. Great movie, btw. At any rate, Hawking was diagnosed with ALS in the sixties and despite a prognosis of two years to live he has managed to live with the disease for many decades. He has lived 50 years longer than expected and is still going. I'm continually amazed that he's not only survived but thrived, and is indeed one of the greatest scientists since Sir Isaac Newton. And every major work of his came after he was already confined to a wheel chair.

Don't misunderstand me, Davey- I don't mean this to make light of your condition at all! I just mention it because most people would give up but Hawking not only didn't give up, he helped change the entire world of theoretical physics.

DaveyT

Hey guys, coming up to the new year I must admit that despite my confidence I have a great deal of apprehension. So many tempting things all around, so many pressures, I'm really confident but it's the first year I've been fully sober and I just find myself almost panicking. I was going to cancel the party I'm going to but I decided that ultimately if I don't go then alcohol has won, it will still be controlling me. So I will be having fun with the neighbors, making sure I stick to the soft drinks and making sure I have a nice place to sit so I don't get tired too quickly. Ultimately I can't drink with my pain meds anyway, not that's it's overly dangerous but it'll put me straight to sleep, so it's an extra incentive to stay sober

And I'm so looking forward to this year as my nephew is I think 4 or 5 and he's a lot of fun. I get tired so quickly but he's a good kid and understands. You know I think as I see him so often he's become a pillar of strength for me, I want to see the little guy grow up. I can't do that if I drink myself into a grave.

I hope others are ok and preparing for this difficult season.

MythOfSisyphus

Try to relax and enjoy the holidays, Davey. I know how you feel; each time we face another trial or go into a situation sober for the first time there can be some apprehension. But at the heart of it it's just another day/week/month. Just keep doing what you're doing.

The mind can work in funny ways. Now at over 2 years sober I don't give drinking much thought...while I'm awake! But I still get dreams that I'm drinking, and oddly the last two I have had over the last month kind of rattled me. Much stronger and more vivid than any in the past. Last night I had a drinking dream that seemed very real...spooked me a little. But it evaporates when I wake up. I dunno if the Beast is getting desperate, if it's a phase or just a coincidence. But I'm not letting it get to me.

The point of my long winded story is that the Beast can't so much as force you to wiggle a finger, much less hoist a glass of booze. I will be sticking to my Big Plan! I'm sure you'll be sticking to yours too, Davey.

Almost time for a new "A New Year, A New Thread" thread!

DaveyT

I'm so glad you mentioned your dreams Myth because frankly I've had those a lot. I've even woken up sure I've taken a drink only to realise it's 4am and I have nothing but water next to the bed!

I'm looking forward to my 1 year new year thread, but I'm trying not to get complacent because I know from the stories of others that this is one of those danger areas.

Btw we had an early Christmas gathering for those who are not going to be here and I was happy to sit sober, so that's one battle done with

DaveyT

Not sure what's up with me today but I had what I can only describe as a panic attack. Some friends/family came round before christmas and new year for the usual visit and I just found myself really panicking about what's coming up. I had to leave the room as they were drinking and I wasn't and then I felt so scared about new year I basically retired to my room making excuses that my illness was a bit bad at the moment. I feel guilty about using my illness as an excuse as well.

I must admit even typing this is bringing the panic back a bit. I'm not sure if it's just the size of the challenge of new year, or I'm nervous about coming to my first full year sober on my journey or what. All I know is I keep having mild panic attacks about it.

Any advice is very very welcome.

MythOfSisyphus

I would suggest just doing what you've been doing for the most part. Try to be mindful and dissect your fears. Nothing about next year will make sobriety innately more difficult; in fact, it will probably be easier since you'll have more experience dealing with your AV. Christmas is only different insofar you allow/make it be. Try smacking your fears with logic.

I can understand where you're coming from Davey. Humans are pattern seeking monkeys, it's in our DNA. We see shapes in the clouds, hear voices in the wind and discern the Virgin Mary on our breakfast toast. So in that sense we get flustered by "boundary events", things like holidays, anniversaries, etc. Accept that this anxiety is normal and human.

With that said I don't have any good specific advice about anxiety. My last GF would get really crippling anxiety attacks. She described them as feelings that seemed extremely real to her at the time. She would feel intense dread and even fear she was going to die. And she was a smart cookie (with an advanced degree), so it can affect anyone.

Try to take it slow and on your own terms. SR is always here! That's especially comforting during the holidays.

DaveyT

Well this is it, new years day, I'm sober and I intend to stay that way. I've got everything set up for tonight, plenty of soft drinks for me and an absolute determination to avoid the temptation that will be all around. One year sober, I can't believe I'm here.

One thing happened at christmas, someone offered me a chocolate which I was happy to accept but I didn't realise it was a liquer chocolate! As soon as I realised I pretended I hated the taste and ran to the bathroom to spit it out. I'm not going to count that as breaking sobriety as I thought I was just getting a chocolate and as I said I did spit it out. It's annoying though as I avoided everything else, I didn't even have the Christmas pudding because it had brandy on it.

jazzfish

Congratulations and it sounds like you have everything set up well for tonight. I'm lucky as I never liked NYE and would almost always stay sober and go to bed early just to spite the human race. I plan on doing the same tonight.

I wouldn't worry about the chocolate. Your intent was and is to stay sober.

Stewart888

It is now New Years night here in Chiang Mai...I live in a Thai neighborhood and every little house seems to have a party. My wife wants to go to each one and bring cookies. So will go. They have all been gong at it since 1pm....I'm a quick drunk so do admire them for how long they can drink...But...I decided over 2 years ago that i would never drink again and I will never change my mind......so off i go....funny they will already be so drunk that it will turn me off anyway....so will eat some Thai food....once inside and mingling the folks really do not know if you are drinking or not.....but tomorrow i will raise my hands and thank goodness and feel great.....just needed to write this....thanks all for being here.

dwtbd

My wife and I are taking advantage of babysitters and will be venturing out for the first time in years on NYE tonight. No anticipated beast rumblings here, the 'fear' of losing my shirt at the casino tables(too quickly, sure they will at least shorten my sleeves) will keep my mind occupied, lol.
Happy holidays to all and those on the other side of the spinning orb that are there already !!

MythOfSisyphus

Happy New Years, to Davey and everyone else! I hope it's a good one for all. And I look forward to a New New Year thread!

Received

Belated Happy New Year, Myth.

Davey? Where are you????