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A New Year, A New Thread

Old 10-23-2014, 12:28 PM
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Davey? Will you check in and let us know how you are doing?
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Old 10-23-2014, 01:51 PM
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Hey guys, I'm sorry I caused so much worry, I'm ok honestly. I would never hurt myself, or if I ever developed that kind of mindset I would just go to the hospital.

I was having a very bad day, having to drain a couple cysts which were more painful than usual, must have been near a nerve. I was just exhausted, couldn't sleep, pain and I had to miss someones birthday party because I was just too unwell to go.

Just one of those days when everything comes at once and buries you, but hey I've had them before, I have never hurt myself and I bounce back quickly.

Sorry again for worrying you so much, very unfair of me.
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Old 10-23-2014, 04:10 PM
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Eegads, Davey! Vent all you want. That sounds like it was a horrible day.
Glad you got back to us.
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Old 10-23-2014, 07:06 PM
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We all have those kind of days, maybe not to that degree, but bad ones. Everyone needs to vent sometimes.
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Old 10-24-2014, 10:12 AM
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Please don't think I'm a drama queen, that was how I felt that day rather than simple venting. I don't think I would ever hurt myself, I've been in that frame of mind before and not done anything extreme like that, it would upset my family too much.

I do at times wonder my purpose considering I can't do very much. I wish I could just find some useful outlet, preferably helping others. But hey I guess I just have to keep going and hopefully find something. Sometimes I guess being an atheist can make things slightly harder, I imagine if I were religious I coudl easily excuse this existence. For me there is no grand plan, we have to seek our own purpose.

I've spent all day looking online for opportunities via the phone, maybe some support work or something I can fit around my illness. Lots of charities demand certain hours and hours per week. I'm sure I'll find something that can fit. Maybe even email support for a charity would be great. I'll keep looking at it.
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Old 10-24-2014, 10:50 AM
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Davey, it wasn't my intent to minimize your circumstances and feelings by using the word "vent". I'm sorry if it came across that way and I certainly didn't for one second think you were being a "drama queen".

I sure hope things get better for you.
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Old 10-24-2014, 02:53 PM
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Originally Posted by Received View Post
Davey, it wasn't my intent to minimize your circumstances and feelings by using the word "vent". I'm sorry if it came across that way and I certainly didn't for one second think you were being a "drama queen".

I sure hope things get better for you.
Oh no no no, please mate that's not what I was trying to imply. I'm sorry if it seemed that way. I should have been more careful in the way I put it. The internet is so difficult sometimes in this regard.

You're great, I value your input and never take offense.
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Old 10-24-2014, 10:09 PM
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Same here. I think the great virtue of this forum is the ability to say whatever you're feeling. Vent isn't a great word for it but I can't think of a better one. Words and ideas have power, sometimes power over us. Just putting your thoughts down in ink, er, photons, can help take the power back sometimes.
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Old 10-26-2014, 09:06 AM
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Hey guys, just an update.

After a lot of thought I decided to go back to my doctor and talk about my pain medication. I think it's about reaching the limit I set anyway. I didn't want to increase it but with how awful I've been I have to weigh up the choice between feeling like I did the other day, which was a bit scary now I've had time to consider it and the risk of becoming dependent on the medication.

I knew ultimately the meds will have to be increased, it's just a part of my condition but I'm deeply resistant to it due to my alcohol issue. I really have thought long and hard about it, this seems the best choice for both my general health and continued sobriety.
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Old 10-26-2014, 05:21 PM
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From what you've shared, Davey, I would tend to agree. Imo, being dependent on medication for quality of life is a lot different than addiction.
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Old 10-27-2014, 12:03 AM
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Originally Posted by Received View Post
From what you've shared, Davey, I would tend to agree. Imo, being dependent on medication for quality of life is a lot different than addiction.
+1 to this. I can certainly understand that as an addict you are leery of becoming dependent on meds, but in this case I think the risk is worth it. As long as you keep an eye on it I think you're better off using them to stay as functional as possible, as you say for your sobriety but also for your sanity.
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Old 10-30-2014, 02:35 PM
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Just to say I'm alright, nothing is bad guys so please don't worry, I'm again sorry I worried you so much last time.

I have an appointment with my doctor, I could have had a sooner one but I decided to wait until my current medication was coming to an end. As I said a long while ago I put a very clear limit on my meds, it's up now so time to discuss things. I utterly hate the idea of being dependent upon meds for pain management but as you guys have said, there is a difference between needing pain management and the other reason for taking such things.

Still it's been very hard trying to come to terms with this thinking. Intellectually I understand it, emotionally I'm still a little troubled by it. I know I need the medication, I know as my illness progress I will need more, I know others in my position are usually on higher doses than I am already but still it's so hard to reconcile if you already have a problem with another substance. Even if your problem with that substance ultimately comes back to trying to cope with the condition you are now getting medication for! It's such a stupid situation and if I had just accepted my doctors original pain management scheme then I wouldn't be where I am now.

I know I've had some other deeply unpleasant things in life but it's my condition that has tipped me into this stupid situation.

On the up side I started this thread at the new year, so I guess I'm closing in on a milestone. Although still sometimes it feels like I'm cheating. Ok so I didn't indulge my alcohol issue but I'm still taking prescription meds which are technically addictive. Does this mean my so caled success is not success? It's been bothering me a little.
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Old 10-31-2014, 01:00 AM
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Originally Posted by DaveyT View Post

On the up side I started this thread at the new year, so I guess I'm closing in on a milestone. Although still sometimes it feels like I'm cheating. Ok so I didn't indulge my alcohol issue but I'm still taking prescription meds which are technically addictive. Does this mean my so caled success is not success? It's been bothering me a little.
To me that's over thinking it, like contemplating angels on the head of a pin. I can see how you would feel that way but there's a world of difference between getting wasted drunk and taking the minimal amount of prescribed medication that keeps you from screaming. You're doing fine, I wouldn't call it cheating.

That thought occurred to me recently, that soon you will need a new threat for another new year! Congrats Davey. Getting off the booze is an accomplishment for anyone but a greater feat still given what you're dealing with. I think you deserve to crow a little!
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Old 11-01-2014, 10:11 AM
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Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
To me that's over thinking it, like contemplating angels on the head of a pin.
Yeah I am guilty of this generally in my life, my brain just calculates odds, situations over and over and I guess I give myself a hard time over stuff I shouldn't. Like taking prescription meds vs drinking myself into a stupor.

Originally Posted by MythOfSisyphus View Post
That thought occurred to me recently, that soon you will need a new threat for another new year! Congrats Davey. Getting off the booze is an accomplishment for anyone but a greater feat still given what you're dealing with. I think you deserve to crow a little!
I'm not sure about crowing but hey maybe that's a good thing sometimes. A new year, a new thread, sober after what is the biggest challenge for many of us, new year. So yeah maybe i'll kick out a new thread when I achieve that Even if no one reads it I've found it so helpful to share my feelings with you guys as I can't share them elsewhere and as I have said so many times I dont' like the idea of real life support groups. Online suits me very well.
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Old 11-02-2014, 01:11 AM
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Online works for me, too!
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Old 11-08-2014, 04:20 PM
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I'm an idiot. I've really been trying to get my stupid brain around the idea that my prescription medications needed for pain management of my condition are not like addict behaviour and I think finally I've got my brain to accept it. This isn't a cheat, I was never addicted to opiates anyway. I'v been beating myself up about this for too long.

I will continue to encourage my doctor to monitor my dose and to look out for addictive behaviour. I have a very supportive doctor for this so I'm in excellent hands. It's time I stop beating myself up, a needed medication is completely different from abusing a substance.

This has been a big day for me realising this and truly accepting it. This to me is a big point in my development both as an addict and a person suffering my condition.

Thanks to all keeping up with me.
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Old 11-08-2014, 10:27 PM
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Originally Posted by DaveyT View Post
I'm an idiot. I've really been trying to get my stupid brain around the idea that my prescription medications needed for pain management of my condition are not like addict behaviour and I think finally I've got my brain to accept it. This isn't a cheat, I was never addicted to opiates anyway. I'v been beating myself up about this for too long. I will continue to encourage my doctor to monitor my dose and to look out for addictive behaviour. I have a very supportive doctor for this so I'm in excellent hands. It's time I stop beating myself up, a needed medication is completely different from abusing a substance. This has been a big day for me realising this and truly accepting it. This to me is a big point in my development both as an addict and a person suffering my condition. Thanks to all keeping up with me.
Well done Davey T, great insight there. Medical supervised medications are needed sometimes, Chronic Pain tends not to disappear on its own, a managed lifestyle around this kind of thing, including awareness (without guilt) seems so much better than the sanctimonious message of "no substances".
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Old 11-08-2014, 11:46 PM
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You're wise to be wary, Davey, but in this case I think you're also wise to let the doctors adjust your meds. They will be keeping an eye on your usage, too, so that's a plus.
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Old 11-10-2014, 09:42 AM
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Had to see my doctor today, we had a bit of a talk and he's given me a prescription including a new medication. Both of my medications are opiate based but this one is less addictive, so rather than increasing my previous one the idea is by using two I have less chance of addiction with the same pain reduction. Otherwise he would have just increased the dose of the first one.

He's also looking into some other medications for me, as stated I can't take NSAIDs due to the horrible reaction I have to them, so he's looking into some of the antidepressant meds which can reduce pain as a side effect. But he told me he wants to be very careful giving me those as I'm not depressed and care has to be taken.

So I'll keep you updated.
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Old 11-10-2014, 10:48 PM
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Sounds like a good thing Davey. I hope the new regiment works well for your pain.
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