Blogs


Notices

How have I managed to feel like I don't fit in?

Old 03-20-2009, 03:19 PM
  # 1 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
How have I managed to feel like I don't fit in?

ANYwhere on this board anymore?

When I first found SR, Newcomers was my lifeline. I logged on the second I woke up and stayed around as much as possible all day long until I went to sleep. I eventually started checking out the Alcoholism Forum, and Women in Recovery, and even the Cafe. My eyes were opened and I felt like I'd been missing all of these "hiding spots" on SR! Each filled with their own little groups of people laughing, joking, supporting, and struggling all together in harmony. I even hung out in the Newcomer Daily Support area for a while, whining with the Whiners and being a bottom-feeder. It was fun while it lasted.

Then came the Secular forum. Ahhh, the right place at the right time. Drama was starting to kick in (in heavy duty) and the tensions were high at every turn. I wasn't up for it. I wanted to find my comfy spot, the rooms filled with my recovery pals who knew me and what I had been going through - and what I will continue to go through. I also loyally read the F&F Forum, to keep a very firm grasp of what it looks like from the other side and exactly what I stand to lose if I ever CHOOSE to go back to my bad ways.

First it was the bickering. Then it was the AA/anti-AA, or God/Anti-God debates. Then it was about who's trying to help and who's just flaming. None of it was good and all of it made me want to just stop coming here altogether.

But I like it here, and here is a part of my sobriety routine. I feel like I've gotten to know several of you, and I honestly wonder and worry about you when I don't see you online for a few days. So mostly I lurk, read how other people are doing, drop an occasional visitor message or PM. And now that it's been like that for a couple of weeks, it feels strange when I want to post in a thread again... almost like I have no "right" to "interrupt" it. Like I don't belong.

I guess I feel like I don't belong here anymore.

What do I do with that?

Does anyone else feel this way?

Something about SR has just felt "off" for a long time now and I'm trying to determine how much of it is within my control.
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:34 PM
  # 2 (permalink)  
Member
 
Join Date: Nov 2007
Posts: 26,407
Blog Entries: 1
THC.....If I don't post...i start to feel like i don't belong...i think the interaction with the thread is what makes a part of.

SR goes through phases and threads do as well...when i start to feel disconnected, I just sorta get out there and look around for a place i feel at home....

Maybe SR/Threads change or maybe I do...but if i just particpate the connectedness comes back (hug)

I think you, like me, belong whereever you want to belong (hug)
Ananda is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:39 PM
  # 3 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
(((THC)))

It's all good.
doorknob is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:39 PM
  # 4 (permalink)  
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,069
I basically post everywhere except the womens forum, Overeaters and the GLBT forum. Nothing I can add there.

I feel at home on certain threads rather than the forum itself. I try to keep the forum's purpose in mind - for example I will never tell anyone here to pray about it or turn it over to their HP.

So bottom line the threads I feel I can add something to, and feel comfortable with, I will contribute to (this would most likely be alcohol related as I was mostly a booze hound). If at any time the thread deteriorates enough, I walk away.

I hope that helps.
Taking5 is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:39 PM
  # 5 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
when i start to feel disconnected, I just sorta get out there and look around for a place i feel at home....
I try to do that too, nands, but whenever I find one and think about jumping in, I stop because I feel like I'd be butting in on someone else's conversation. KWIM? And then I'll post and *poof* - thread killer!

So I dunno... I'm feeling kinda stuck lately. Thanks for your input.
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:41 PM
  # 6 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
Originally Posted by THC
And then I'll post and *poof* - thread killer!
At least you're not getting threads locked down...
doorknob is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:48 PM
  # 7 (permalink)  
Member
 
Mariposa18's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Posts: 1,055
My Sister~ I feel the same way right now. I read, but don't post much, when I do post I feel like I shouldn't be posting. I wish I knew how to pinpoint what feels "off". Problem is things feel that way pretty much everywhere right now for me, on and off SR.
Mariposa18 is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 03:53 PM
  # 8 (permalink)  
Member
 
stone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
I have been feeling similar for a while, the thing is I don't know if it is SR or me.

I think it is easy to get a bit over-sensitive and start to forget that the board is full of individuals and not one big entity. I sometimes feel the whole board doesn't like me just cos one person said something to me I didn't like, that type of thing.

Nands has a point, when I start feeling disconnected I post less and that leads to feeling more disconnected.

I think I had a sort of honeymoon period here where I really felt part of things, was always PMing with people, now I feel like everyone must be sick of me. I have been posting regularly for 2 years and still have no real sober time to speak of. I feel paranoid about posting sometimes because of that.

So.....you thought you felt bad! LOL
stone is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 04:08 PM
  # 9 (permalink)  
Resident
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Toronto, Ontario
Posts: 4,150
I often feel that way but I post anyways. If nobody reads what I say that is cool.
I try to welcome every newcomer but don't feel connected to the newcomers section. If I can make someone feel encouraged there, even for a second as they read the encouragement I offer then I am happy for that.
I do feel connected with my class as we are going through similar things at the same time.
Fubarcdn is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 04:08 PM
  # 10 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Originally Posted by Mariposa18 View Post
My Sister~ Problem is things feel that way pretty much everywhere right now for me, on and off SR.
No wonder we feel like sisters. We seem to live parallel lives! I wish I could sit and watch tv with you, or have coffee, or take our kids to the park. I really, really do.

I do feel a bit lost everywhere else in life right now, but I'm used to being able to come here and feel safe and welcome, and that hasn't happened in a while. It's disappointing.
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 04:32 PM
  # 11 (permalink)  
Member
 
Taking5's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2006
Location: LA - Lower Alabama
Posts: 5,069
Originally Posted by doorknob View Post
At least you're not getting threads locked down...
Yeah I got that T-shirt myself DK.
Taking5 is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 04:45 PM
  # 12 (permalink)  
Member
 
allport's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: north yorkshire, england
Posts: 1,891
TSH I think I am feeling the same way as you!

I have made at least one really good friend on SR but apart from her I don't really feel as if i can be open with anyone.

I still post because for me, using SR is one of the things I am trying to do differently this time around.

I don't like to post sometimes because I am either worried about butting into a thread, looking foolish or offending someone.

I too feel that there is something wrong with the whole site at the moment, I cant put my finger on it (probably because it is all in my mind !)

I'm pretty sure it is my perspective on things that is wrong so I'm going to hang around for a while longer and hope it changes.
allport is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 04:56 PM
  # 13 (permalink)  
Member
 
KindBird's Avatar
 
Join Date: Nov 2008
Location: San Francisco, CA
Posts: 753
TSH - First of all I have missed you on some of the other forums/threads that you had been hanging out at. Have popped into your thread of random thoughts in the Secular forum from time to time to see how things are with you.

Maybe we all have our own form of self consciousness in SR.. for me I feel really boring - I don't have a lot going on, so when I post most of the time it is really routine and I think "who would want to read this".. but it is a leap of faith to put it out there and so far no one has said "and next, kindbird,... like this is your life??" so guess I will keep posting my boring stuff..

I so have valued your posts - your compassion, your kindness, your lack of judgment with others.. And I celebrate your sobriety which I know you work hard to keep.. Don't know what to say but my own selfish thought that I miss you when you are not posting.

E-communication is hard too sometimes - like what do people mean by *@#%*)%[email protected] what is their tone of voice, are they smiling, laughing (laughing at me?).. I never am sure how to read between the lines..

Anyway, I want to say "please stay" here in secular or somewhere.. here on SR because you are so much a part of this community.

Anyway, do love you TSH ! :ghug3
KindBird is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 04:57 PM
  # 14 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 191,663
Blog Entries: 1
I could have written your post TSH - so I'm guessing, what with the other responses on this too, it's not 'us'...or not just us anyway.

I've been here for nearly two years...it's a big shock to realise that somewhere somehow someone moved the furniture.

Nands is right tho - SR does go in cycles, and maybe you just need to participate no matter what and it comes back?

Feels more than just a cycle to me tho. I'm just concentrating on the other areas of my life for now. Growth - and change - isn't as scary to me as it used to be, so I'm runnin with that
D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 05:01 PM
  # 15 (permalink)  
Knucklehead
 
doorknob's Avatar
 
Join Date: Mar 2005
Location: Davenport, WA
Posts: 4,005
OMG, I'm driving everyone away... is it the avatar?
doorknob is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 05:07 PM
  # 16 (permalink)  
Administrator
 
Dee74's Avatar
 
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 191,663
Blog Entries: 1
we didn't want to say, man....



D
Dee74 is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 05:17 PM
  # 17 (permalink)  
sentient puddle
 
spark42's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jan 2009
Location: Essex, UK
Posts: 180
:ghug3 @ tsh


:ghug @ everyone
spark42 is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 05:29 PM
  # 18 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
:ghug back at all of ya.

I'm glad I'm not the only one picking up on all the weirdness around here. Doesn't mean I'm glad for the weirdness, just glad that it's not all ME, ya know?!

KindBird... awwwww. Thanks.

Dee - I knew I hadn't been seeing you around as much, either, but figured you to be busy and all. Next time shoot me a PM or something, eh?

Love and hugs to you all. Thanks for sticking with me.
TryingSoHard is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 05:46 PM
  # 19 (permalink)  
Member
 
stone's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2005
Location: UK
Posts: 18,299
That's it! It's DK's fault!
stone is offline  
Old 03-20-2009, 05:48 PM
  # 20 (permalink)  
I'm just a little unwell
Thread Starter
 
TryingSoHard's Avatar
 
Join Date: Aug 2008
Location: USA
Posts: 2,219
Windy's av always creeped me out more than DK's, but I can't even blame it on Windy right now. LOL
TryingSoHard is offline  

Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
 
Posting Rules
You may not post new threads
You may not post replies
You may not post attachments
You may not edit your posts

BB code is On
Smilies are On
[IMG] code is On
HTML code is Off
Trackbacks are On
Pingbacks are On
Refbacks are Off




All times are GMT -7. The time now is 08:28 PM.