Conflicted with AA
Member
Join Date: Jun 2014
Posts: 2,775
Originally Posted by sortofhomecomin 
My experience of AA is not that it is a cult, but some members exhibit cult-like behaviour. I also find the veneration of long term sober members, some of who are or behave like dry drunks and appear to have long lost sight of the core principles of the programme whose praises they sing to others, troublesome. Nevertheless for this alcoholic, there are enough positives to keep me coming back.
Imo, many of the complaints regarding AA and members I've heard over the years are in fact valid.
Yet, for this alcoholic AA is a good fit. However, from my first week in AA I realized not everything and everybody was what it seemed.
But so what? I took what I needed and have been sober since joining AA.
You're not going to agree with everyone and everyone is not going to agree with you.
Imo, a major key is learning to get along with others. Don't like the Lords Prayer? O.k. but no reason the bash it either. You feel there is too much of a religious aspect to AA? Don't believe in a higher power?
Again O.k. But don't take offense or resent those who do.
Take your time in AA. Members who are pushy and get in your face are generally dry drunks regardless of how long they have been sober..
Today there are plenty of options with regards to getting sober but AA is free and well established.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2019
Posts: 259
I've only been going to AA for the past 3 months but it has been useful to me in many ways and I take what I find useful and ignore the rest. My experience is with only one specific place so I know there are differences in groups and locations.
I will say that in my meetings, there does seem to be an emphasis on the sobriety day and this sense of being reborn. I get it. But at the same time, I know a lot of people don't discuss anything they learned or experienced in life prior to entering AA unless its something negative. Its like their lives were worthless prior to that point. But I've learned a lot from people who are still drinking or struggling with drugs. If I only learned life lessons from people after they got completely sober then I wouldn't know much about anything. Related to that, there are a lot of long time sober folks who's only advice is really to work the program or talk to a sponsor. Feel like drinking cause your brother died? Work the program, do an inventory etc. It sometimes feel like no one should offer an opinion unless they are drawing on something they learned after joining AA, which I think leaves out a lot of useful experiences from people to draw on.
I will say that in my meetings, there does seem to be an emphasis on the sobriety day and this sense of being reborn. I get it. But at the same time, I know a lot of people don't discuss anything they learned or experienced in life prior to entering AA unless its something negative. Its like their lives were worthless prior to that point. But I've learned a lot from people who are still drinking or struggling with drugs. If I only learned life lessons from people after they got completely sober then I wouldn't know much about anything. Related to that, there are a lot of long time sober folks who's only advice is really to work the program or talk to a sponsor. Feel like drinking cause your brother died? Work the program, do an inventory etc. It sometimes feel like no one should offer an opinion unless they are drawing on something they learned after joining AA, which I think leaves out a lot of useful experiences from people to draw on.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2006
Location: UK
Posts: 225
Lola, I'm thrilled that I came across your thread! For me it was years before I took step 4 and I realised my life before and during my drinking was ordinary by some people's standard. I don't conduct formal step 10s but try and review a few salient issues every couple of days - am I getting screwed up about other people's affairs, am I still fearful about my past and if I am, do I just accept my emotion or does it "make" me act weird.
I define "higher" power my way (I've stated it in other posts) but that's just me. I learned the hard way I have to recover as an agnostic. My agnostic way of living helps me take what is around me on its own terms as much as or if I want, or leave it.
None of the other people in the rooms know what their "yets" are going to be, either. A day at a time. Today was wonderful and sober.
I define "higher" power my way (I've stated it in other posts) but that's just me. I learned the hard way I have to recover as an agnostic. My agnostic way of living helps me take what is around me on its own terms as much as or if I want, or leave it.
None of the other people in the rooms know what their "yets" are going to be, either. A day at a time. Today was wonderful and sober.
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