eddie z.

(((((jane))))),
It is always good to hear from you!! CONGRATULATIONS on your degree!! I'm sorry to hear you're still struggling to stay clean, though. Wish there were something more I could do to help, but for now know that you're in my thoughts and prayers!!

I'm doing OK. You know SR lost a beloved member, Trish/miracle, last week, and I also found out about another friend who died recently, so I'm a little down. Trish died from an overdose. Remember that, jane, OK? This disease really does kill.

Take care!!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

Hope

((((jane))))))

Congrats on earning your degree! That is awesome!

This disease does kill. I'm sorry that you are struggling. You are in my thoughts and prayers!!

Hugs,

Cheryl

jane_668

oh that's a verybad news.I'm sorry to hear that.but i'm glad that u r doing ok.Hope u r not still struggling 2.It's very sad 2loose pple due 2overdose but I guess no one can guarrantee anything with drugs.we may expect anything.even when it comes 2me.I know that as u said when a person takes *10 the expected dose anything can go wrong.perhaps death is the easiest.we may spend our lifes with disease and 4 the rest of the world they may think that we deserve it cose we were so foolish 2play with our lives.I guess if addiction had 2do with reason we would quit immediately but it's not.u just continue 2 takeno matter what they say.not becouse u r afool but simply because we prefer easy solutions.If we can block our pain with a pill a shot or any other ******* way we won't say no.But there's one good thing ,i'm still trying and that's the most important thing.I donn wanna live like an addict my who0le life even if it takes me a million trial.It's not gonna be be easy but we have to take the responsibility of our actions.That's how we change when we know that addiction is partly related to choice.We can choose be in pain for few months and gain a whole life or we can pretend to enjoy a non lasting pleasure and chose to destroy our life.I'm telling u this so that maybe I'll listen 2my own self .Last time I could have died with an overose and yet I' still taking.I cannot find a reason 4 that.

eddie z.

YOU said it, jane!! You should listen to yourself. You made a lot of sense. Thank you for that wonderful post!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jane_668

hi eddie how r u doing. I am 5days clean.But Iam only sleeping 2hrs a day.Uonce told me when I was 15days clean that it's shame if I start using again after all what I went through.U right.I hope I just had the power to say no.But iam feling more powerful and determined.I found that tappering off is the least painful method.It worked fine with me.I tried to take lexotanil to sleep but it didnot help much.I stopped seeing the doctor because I am bored.
LOve and hugs

Hope

(((((Jane)))))

Hang in there. I know you can do it. Just remember, it gets better. Focus on one day at a time.

I am here pulling for you!!

Love,

Cheryl

jane_668

Thanxs Cheryl.Iam hanging in or at least trying to do so.Today is day 6 and knowing that i couldnot sleep till 4:30 Iam surprised that I am doing ok.What really bothers me is that my sister doesnot believe me anymore .She say that she will believe that I quit after a month.She says that I am repeating the same thing over and over again.I donn care cause I thinki trying and relapsing later is b etter than not trying at all.It's something very hard but te withdrawl is better today.I'm just still suffering with insomnia.U feel that u have no energy left 2do anything .Anyway as u said I am taking it one day at a time.

mike66

as long as your trying, your still fighting. When you stop trying, you will start dying. Just keep fighting, Im pulling for your and praying for you. I hope you have a blessed sober and clean day!!
mike

Hope

Jane, keep on going, girl! Never give up the fight! Your life is worth fighting for. There is such a beautiful plan and future in store for you. You are special! Just keep focusing on getting well and on your sobriety and everything else will fall into place. You have to put yourself first now. We are here for you!

Love and hugs,

Cheryl

eddie z.

I'm not sure what you mean by this. I think it's really important to work closely with a professional who can help you, especially early on and especially if you're not going to go to any meetings. I just don't believe we can stay clean on our own. I know I need all the help I can get.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

P.S. CONGRATULATIONS on 6 days, jane!!!

Hope

I agree with this. I don't believe we can stay clean on our own without any kind of support either. It goes along with being powerless over addiction.

Having a strong support network is important to recovery.

jane_668

ya probably u are right because I took awhole pack of tramadol 100mg .I'm planning 2work again with the dctor.he would support me ;

jane_668

do u think guys that one can return back to physical addiction if he take once every while.Like once a month.Cause I've been sleepin for almost 2days.It's been a while since I last slept more than2hrs.I miss the feeling

Hope

With addiction, it is impossible to do it once in a while. That never works. Somehow, even with all the best intentions, it gets out of control so fast. Addiction lies when it says that every once in a while is ok....because it is not. It is the addiction feeding those lies to you so it can get you right back into the clutches. Jane, you are worth so much for than the pain of addiction. Stay on the right path. Don't even look back at what is behind. What lies ahead is so much better. It may take a while to feel better. But honey, hang in there and you are promised a much brighter future.

Don't worry, the good feelings of sobriety are so much better than any drug could ever provide.

We are here to support you! Hang in there!

eddie z.

It never worked for me. If I used any, things only got worse and I always wanted more right then. That is why complete abstinence is suggested as the way to go. Cheryl is absolutely right as far as I'm concerned. Get back with the doctor and try again, Jane!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jane_668

[Don't worry, the good feelings of sobriety are so much better than any drug could ever provide.[/QUOTE]]iam willing to try again because I didnot use again and I dont feel any withdrawl so far. u know I really want to quit but i just miss feeling normal and being able to sleep and be happy without having to bare all the pains and depresion.I donn wanna feel the high anymore,i justwant the cravings and pain to disappear.I'm really sick of all the withdrawls and at the same time sick of taking everyday 10 or 20 pills. the doctor is worried because he think that i'm hurting my liver and at any time I maysuffer a liver failure.AnywayI took an apointment for 2omorrow.I'll C

eddie z.

I'm so glad you're going back to the doctor!!
Let us know how it goes, OK?
Love and hugs,
Eddie

jane_668

hey guys,yesterday I had pretty hard talk with doctor.he was very frank and that hurted me.He said that he trusted me so many times before and I never listened so why would I listen this time.he think that I'm either not willing to quit or i cannot quit and for him using once a week,month or year is still using .he actually said that i'm heading towards a black tunnel and he want stay around just to watch.he ssaid that doesnot care for money and so his condition for working together is that I either a 1month inpatient program with him or come to him after being 1month clean so as to trust me .so as he sayif i really wanna quit i should let him sail my boat and do every 2weeks a urine test to confirm that I am cean.well **** him.he 's so tough.I donknow what to do.I'm already 5 days clean

eddie z.

I got "fired" by a couple of doctors, too, when I was still using. I was angry with them at the time because I did not want to quit then. Now I'm angry at the doctor who let me just go on using with no consequences. I know the truth hurts, jane, but I think your doctor may very well be right. Why not go for the one month inpatient? Now that you're out of school, it's a good time, right? I think I suggested it a long time ago actually. I really don't believe we can stay clean without help, so get help. Urine tests are also a good tool for keeping me clean. I'm subject to random tests Monday through Saturday myself, so I end up testing about every 2 or 3 weeks, too. Don't reject his offer just because you're feelings are hurt, OK?

CONGRATS on five days, too!!
Love and hugs,
Eddie

HWB

yes codeine is an opiate. What you are feeling is withdrawl symptoms from the opiates. The body aches are one of the withdrawl symptoms. You may also have joint pain and abd. cramps, nausea vomiting, runny nose, unable to sleep. Opiates are very hard to come off of. Not only that but if you continue to opiates you can become toxic. There is tylenol in opiates and if you continue to use a large amount you can go into immediate liver failure and die. My advice to you is get into treatment immediately. You must be detoxed off of this. It is going to be painful, but there is a light at the end of the tunnel you just have to get to it. Good luck and let us know how it goes.