jane_668

Hi, I just cannot believe it ,I havenot taken for 15 days.Things are going on fine but I having difficulty sleeping.at first I would only sleep 2 hours but now a bit better.It was very difficult and I am really feeling tired of everything.I'm just sick of it but I didnot take yet but I donn know till when

eddie z.

((((jane)))),
CONGRATULATIONS on 15 days!! Hang in there, girl, and DON'T use, OK? You didn't get through all that withdrawal mess just to start over again, right? Keep talking to your therapist and doctor and keep talking to us. You CAN stay clean! I know it.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

hopealwayz

Hi Jane, congrats on those precious 15 days!

I have faith that you can overcome any obstacle placed in front of you. You are doing fantastic hon!!!

Take care,
Angel

jane_668

Hi,thanks guys .You are really great.You encourage me a lot but 2days ago I took again.I was feeling so down and had many cravings so I couldnot resist.I was feeling very tired.I just couldnot bare it anymore so I took 10 pills.But that doesnot mean that I gave up.I didnot take yesterdays and I'll continue like that.I guess when u have a long road ahead of you than even if u fall u just pick ur self up and keep walking step by step.but u know something when I took again I felt relieved.I enjoyed the feeling.for the past 15days i was feeling so lazy that I couldnot do anything except sleeping the whole day and staying awake qll night.It is somthing very tough especially that when I took i was vomitting the whole.I'm sick of everything;i'm sick of taking and of not taking.I'm sick of seing my dreams fade away.I'm feeling trapped.I wish I can have the courage to die and end all this........

eddie z.

Exactly, ((((jane))))!! You didn't take yesterday and you don't have to today, so DON'T. Just start over and stay clean Just for Today, OK?

It takes courage to live, jane, and you have courage or you wouldn't be posting here. But, please, call you doctor or therapist and tell them how you're feeling! They are there to help you. Also, I really suggest you go to some more meetings. You need support and meetings are a great place to find it. I'm always keeping you in my prayers, jane!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

hopealwayz

Jane, there will be good days and bad days. You had a bad day and that was *yesterday* but today is a whole new day and tomorrow will be too. Don't stop walking on the path that you want to be on. Do not get discouraged and let that pull you back down. You learn something in those sober days and that stays with you. The stuff you learn and feel while clean and sober never leaves you. Keep going to meetings and getting that support.

Also, if you feel cravings, come on here and post, post, post!!!! Tell us how you feel and vent away. We are here for you, Jane, and that is a promise.

Hugs,
Angel

jane_668

Hi, it's been a while since I last wrote.Things are bad .I've messed up things.I took again and continued to do so .I was even sick of taking 10 pills of tramadol 50 mg so I am now taking 5pills 1oo mg and mixing it with alcohol.Why did I do that?well I donn know .all what I know is that I've been taking on daily basis for the last couple of weeks.i'm feeling so numb and careless.my friend had an overdose on tramal.They are all scared for me ,They all think that Iam taking 2 many.iam so tired that I think it will take me decades before I start to even think about quitting.last withdrawl was just too tough.i guess i'll jjuust enjoy my time now

eddie z.

Anything over 400mg per day carries a risk of causing seizures, jane. Alcohol increases that risk. Get to a meeting and talk to your doctor again about getting you through the withdrawal, OK? (((((jane))))) I'm still thinking of you!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jbm125

Hi Jane....you've passed the point of taking codiene to get high. You're at the point most addicts get to where you're taking drugs to kill some emotional pain. You really need to discover what's causing that pain and then you'll be able to quit the drugs....hopefully. Taking the codiene only makes you numb....not high. Go to a therapist or a clergy person or someone you trust implicitly and try to find out what makes you want to be numb. It took me years, years of heroin, booze, coke etc. but I finally found out what had happened to me to make me want to be brain dead. Now I enjoy life...most of the time. I still have urges, temptations, and want to get stupid but thanks to AA and NA I don't do it. I wish you well.
God bless

livenletlive

Hi jane 668, I just read all of this thread and would like to offer some more support. I just want to remind you that you made it 15 days. I would guess your pain and emotional state were improving dramatically. Just keep in mind that after 30 days, you would feel twice as better than you did at day 15. You have to do this one day at a time.

Create a diversion for yourself when you are feeling weak. Post here like you have been and get to a meeting. Even if you don't say a word in the meeting, you are doing something positive for yourself. Eventually, you will talk to someone with the same drug of choice and relate. For me, the meetings once a day is a daily milestone of accomplishment. Even if I don't want to be there, I grin and bear it, the next meeting is bound to be better anyway...and at least I didn't use that day.

The physical pain must be the worst for you, but I see you are adding alcohol into the mix. This could be very dangerous for your body. Please accept your dillema and take action to get to the program and continue to work with you doctor.

YOU ARE WORTH IT. And, your family needs you. I am a month clean and sober and honestly feeling great. I want to stay sober with all my heart. It comes with clean time to ponder what life is really about. Keep trying.

((((jane 668))))

From,

Rob

jane_668

Hi, does anyone know whether it's safe to mix pain killers with stimulants such as Benzhexol

ARIES

I'm sorry to say this...All I know bout codeine is that it's also in coughsyrop...And that the sister of a friend was adicted to it and died of it...But don't worry Alcoholics die too....So stay around...try to quit ....And choose to live...Love from Stefanie :hug

eddie z.

jane,
Benzhexol is NOT a stimulant! Why are you asking anyway? I thought you were trying to quit taking. Girl, I really worry about you a lot. Take care of yourself, OK?

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jane_668

Thanxs rob for offering me suppport and Eddie ,I'm really greatfull for being here with me and listening for all my trash again and again.I'm sorry and i donn know what to say else.My sister was crying all the day when she knew about the tramadol.the reason why I asked about benzexol is that I took 600mg tramadol along with benzexol and alcohol.I felt my heart pumping so fast that it scared me.I know that i'm crossing the line with such big dose but I dont want to have an OD.My sis says that i'll be lucky if I stay alive to my birthday which is on october 8.she really annoyed me.i wanna quit but the last withdrawl was very annoying.i donn wanna pass through that again .The doc said that he's there 4 me if I decided to quit . anyway can you tell me more about benzhexol pls.

eddie z.

Benzhexol information

You are lucky you didn't have a seizure. The fast heartbeat was probably from the Benzhexol. The tramadol is not supposed to be taken more than 100mg at a time (max 400mg per 24 hours) due to the seizure risk. And the Benzhexol increases the risk of seizures. Please stop messing around with all this sh*t, jane, before you really hurt yourself.

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jane_668

Hi,yesterday I celebrated my birthday with my friends.All were happy and enjoing their times except me because I was too numb to show any reaction no matter how hard i tired.As u said eddie, I guess I'm messing around with so many ****.I took 500 mg tramal along with 2pills benzhexol and some alcohol.i felt like my head weighted tons.even aguy who was there and i donn know him asked my friend whether I was on drugs.i feel really bad because i donn know how all this will end up.they are all telling me that I'm playing with fire.I want to stop before things mess up but I donn have the power to do that.it's easier to continue using.u donn have to put alot of effort on that.It's like living each minute by itself and not knowing when things will suddenly go bad...............anyway thanks eddie.u're a gr8 person though i donn know u.

eddie z.

A belated happy birthday, (((((jane)))))!! Your b-day is the same day as my wedding anniversary, which is also John Lennon's birthday. It doesn't sound like things went too well, though. I think you need to talk to your doctor about some treatment soon, OK? I will be praying for you always!!

Love and hugs,
Eddie

jane_668

hey,Iwas just wondering what things can be called as bad and for how long will it stay bad or change to become worse.I think u guys are doing a gr8 job just by knowing when it's the time to say enough or at least u're trying to figure out the best 4 u.I know that what I said wrote sounds meaningless or simply stupid but that is what I really feel.all what I wanted from drugs was to enjoy a bit but definately not fall .Know at least for the 1st time I can accept myself as an addict.U know i've
been taking tramadol for 2 month and I've recently mixed it with Benzhexole.I just wantedto try a new feeling.But now I donnot think that it's called trying something,actually it might be called out of controll,U know 2days ago I took5oomg tramadol with 3 pills Benzhexol.The next day ,my heart was bumping so fast that I couldnot breath.I talked to the doc to ask him if it would be safe to take anything but the doc said that if I take any I might face a heart stroke.He said both are very dangerous together and may also cause depression of the lungs.He begged me to go out with a friiend that day so as not 2 take.But guess what,I wanted really to do wht he said but I couldnot since I took benzo in the evening.I'm really feeling stupid for doing all this but i feel like sommeone who fell from a cliff into a deep valey were climbing out of it is very hard were as Im feeling 2 week.The doc is telling me that all what he needs from is just one decision and he'll help with the rest but I can't even take the decision to quit.furtheremore, many people,incuding my father, r .noticing that something is wrong.I'm always daydreaming with my eyes ubnormaly opened.I'm judt feeling too numb just 2 do anything

carolm

Hi Jane,

I just read through this thread, and I would like to offer you my support. I've been just where you are. When you say all the doctor needs is a decision are you talking about going into rehab. I think it would be a great idea. It's the only way I go clean.

I will be thinking of you.

Carol

paralysisofwill

Hi Jane,
I feel your pain. I could have written a lot of the same stuff you wrote. I am addicted to vicodin, and I'm struggling with wanting to quit/not wanting to. The pills don't even do anything for me anymore, but for some reason I keep taking them anyways. I was watching Dr. Phil one time and this girl was on there who was addicted to meth and couldn't/didn't want to stop....he told her that what she was doing was "trying to get that same high" that she got the first time and that she would "NEVER, EVER be able to reach that same point". That really hit home to me b/c I am always trying to do the same thing, just taking more and more trying to feel like I did when I first took it, but it never works. Eventually you just OD. I just want you to know that you are not alone in your situation and I hope it gets better.