spooky

Hi Wendy, Keith,

It's so good to be back. I noticed something, I think pretty important, with my 'fall off the wagon'. I didn't notice this before when I was drinking every day. I felt very vounerable and uncomfortable with the 'buzz' this time. I was skiddish and not sure of myself. After several days of sobriety and feeling grounded and thinking clearly it was a bit scary to go into that other world where things are unclear and hazey. Feeling that was is a definate deterant and another reason to stay onboard. AA here has meetings on Sundays at 2 for first-timers. This Sunday we will be at my Inlaws for Mothers day. I don't think we will make it back in time to go to that meeting. I've made my mind up to go though. If I had a group of people as great as all of you here I would feel much better. Kinda like a safety net in a way. If I had had someone to call on Wed I probably would have handled things differently. I really didn't wan to drink that day, I just didn't know how to experience and deal with my emotions at the time. So I treated it more like a fire and just dowsed it out with alcohol. It was a hard test and lesson. I'm looking forward to having a group of friends -here in person- to lend a helping hand when things get rough. Although, I'm sure I'll not have this same thing hit me again.....God willing I won't. There will be other bumps in the road and I want to be 'planted firmly on the waggon'. Thanks to all of you I will have support and help. I'll be okay today. Today feels great!

Georgia

wantneeda

Spooky,
I hope you make it to your meeting!!
Anything i put before my recovery , i will lose,
Don't be shy to pop on hear when you get those urges until then and in between time..responses are usually pretty quick! : )It starts one minute at a time, then 5 minutes, then one day at a time!!
Yes today is a beautiful day, sun shining or not!!
I'm as happy as i make up my mind to be!!
\\//peace, Wendy

spooky

Good Morning,

Made it thru the weekend ok....had a really good Mothers Day. Had some urges but with the help of my husband was able to get past them.

kckman

Georga, The lesson you learned on wednesday are the diamonds in the ashes of an experiment. The experiment seems to have been a success not a failure. some important points I picked up on.

A) drinking is scary. It causes you to feel unconfortable, vulnerable, skiddish, hazy, unclear and not sure of your self with the buzz.
B) With Sobriety you feel grounded and you think clearly

I dont think you need to run that experiment again. The results are sure to be the same or even worse. Thanks for reminding me about those experiments. For me it is a good shake. I do nod off from time to time entertaining the thought of alcohol selfindulgence. peace and love

wantneeda

Hi,
glad you made it through the weekend!!! \\//peace

spooky

Up for another day. Trying to be anyway. only slept about 3 hours last night and that was very broken. I still have nights like that. No 'real' reason I can pinpoint It's truely frustrating and after a few days of this I'm am so worn out can't do anything. And my eyes feel as heavy as bowling balls but sleep still doesn't come. Last thing I wanna do is start on sleeping pills but I can get so tired I don't even makes sense.
anyone have advise on the sleep issues that go along with abstinence??
That dumb blue face up there really does depict me today....lol

Georgia

BSPGirl

Well I don't really know much about withdrawal from alcohol myself cuz I've never had an alcohol problem, my poison was cocaine mostly but I want to wish you best of luck, Georgia *hugs*

wantneeda

Hi Spooky. I'd say your body is very confused and withdrawing, detoxing...it WILL pass! But...if you don't drink,...don't pick up that first one, then you only have to go through this once!!
Patience...i know...i still don't have alot of it..
When i go to sleep i've found (through practice) to quiet my mind..prayer and meditation( listening for the answers) gets me to sleep in no time. Let go of your fears, have faith that you are on th right path. Time takes Time.
You might want to try a hot bath before you go to bed. Are you drinking lots of coffee?
Don't give up!!
your sleeping patterns will be crazy for awhile...you may go to wanting to sleep all the time..perseverence my friend!!

spooky

I am fighting so hard tonight. I want a drink so bad right now. I just cant stop the tears from flowing. I managed to make it to the gym and to the track today. I also drove by the address of the AA meetings. I still haven't been able to make myself go yet. I've got another issue eating away at me that I just can't verbalize. I know it has to be delt with at some point but sometimes it's a large chunch in my throat to swallow. I did ask professional advise about it, and was urged to get the drinking at bay first....well it's some times hard to not drink when these things way so heavy on my heart and mind. This feels like a viscious merry-go-round. I'm just praying to get thru the night without a drink. and hopefully my husband won't wake up and find me balling my eyes out right now.
G

BSPGirl

I dunno what's bothering you but I'm sure you can get thru it.

kckman

Georgia, Breaking the addiction can be done. It is a nasty little monster and it is persistent. As you know When it wants a drink it will not go unoticed. You are a fighter and that is a good thing to be. A moment at a time is what it takes when you are hurting for a drink. Those moments when you battle with your desire to drink.... just you and your addiction. All you have to do is to remain absinate and you will emerge as the victor. Stay with your plan. Georgia A drink is not going to make the other problem any better. It will still be a problem weather you drink or not. Your addict voice can not hurt you unless you drink.
I am glad you have gotton professional help for your other problem. It sounds like it is a situation in your life that you are going to have to deal with.
Georgia you can do this with or without AA. I have been to AA in my life. It was something that was forced on me many years ago. I am not going to knock AA. AA is a good place to go to get support. Why not check out a meeting for your self. You have nothing to be afraid of. Go to an AA meeting if that is something you are interested in. Stay in touch Georgia you are not alone.

kckman

Georgia How are you doing today?

wantneeda

(((Georgia))) You're in my thougths and prayers my friend!!!

spooky

I made it without alcohol. Don't really know how. I was awake for nearly 2 days. I took otc sleepaid pills, only after the second dose I took did I realize it was having the oppisite effect on me. I came down from that about 930 yesterday morning and passed smooth out. My husband got me to come around enough to eat a little food last night then I went right back to sleep. I'm feeling some better this morning. Thank God I'm not tweeking over those sleeping pills any more. That was miserable, I couldn't lay still in the bed, had constant knee jerks and tossed around like a jumping bean. I drove by the AA meeting place Wed and honestly was very apprehensive about going. I don't usually go to that part of town and was sorta spooked by some of the people I saw in front of the building. I don't want to come across as a snob,,,I'm definitely not. The appearance of some of the people made me uncomfortable, not to mention, some looked as though they were 'not' sober or bathed in several days. SSSooo. I discussed it with my husband this morning and he is going to look into what kind of help is available on base. He is in the airforce and there are resourses available there, I think, I hope. With all the withdrawls and changes I have going on right now my depression problem is out of control again. The crying episodes is a sure sign of that. I'm thinking if I find a good psychologist maybe I can get the drinking and the depression in check and not feel so unslung. Thanks to everyone for running to the rescue. I sure needed y'all the last few days. It is a life saver to be able to come here and talk about my feelings and have understanding and acceptance. Even if you don't understand me you stick with me...lol
Thanks again
I'll see you soon.
Georgia

kckman

Georgia How is it going?

hopealwayz

(((Georgia)))

The sleep will come...don't give up your fight. You have lots of strength to handle everything and one step at a time, you are accomplishing what needs to be done in your life.

I'm thinking of you...
Thoughts and prayers coming your way--

Love,
Hope

spooky

:nose I didn't make it thru friday night. I couldn't stop crying and wound up histerical. The psychologist at the base is transfering out next month and won't be taking new patients. I did find one in our provider book. I'm over come with depression and can't find a way out of this hole. It almost seems like my meds are no longer working. I feel the weight of the world and worthless. My poor husband doesn't understand. It's gotta be hard to watch someone squall their eyes out till they are histerical and can't tell you why..to any sane person there is a 'reason' when you cry. For someone depressed who's out of control it's the only behavior you can muster up. I'll call the Dr's. office around 9....maybe I can get in today. Ijust don't know why or where this is comming from but it has gripped my life and soul...I don't know how to shake it. I've cried most of the weekend and have devoted way too much time wondering if it would be a relief if I were dead. I only got out of bed 3 times yesterday..

wish me luck
thanks for being there

Georgia

spooky

Still crying some but feel a bit better today. Working out yesterday helped some I think. I have an appointment one week from today to see a psychologist. I know this depression can be controled. I wonder why my meds don't seem to be working now. Who knows maybe they haven't worked for a long time. I've spent the last 2 years with alcohol in my system every day. Now that I"ve spent primaraly a month sober with a few exceptions I am noticing things about me and life in general that I hadn't noticed before. I am trying very hard to hang on and I pray this Dr. can help me get on a walkable path that will lead me to sobriety and some happiness, Lord knows I need that!!

wantneeda

(((Spooky))) I'm very proud of you for not picking up a drink in all that's going on in your mind now. That is an accomplishment friend...be proud of yourself!!!!
Just a thought but...those people you saw outside of the AA meeting i'm guessing are...alcoholics? Underneath that exterior is a person trying to get sober..and live life
free from the desire to drink. Underneath they are PEOPLE. They are there for support and a program that will teach them how to live. How to like then love themselves. How to forgive themselves and others....As alcoholics we are powerless and our lives have become unmanageable. If you think you need AA, go for you. It could be the best decision you ever make...
Is there other meetings you could try?
Good luck with your doctor. You're in my thoughts and prayers. Don't give up..you're doing good
\\// Wendy

hopealwayz

(((Georgia))) Take care honey.

Working out does help. I suffer from severe depression but working out helps me lots better and I actually feel happier all around.