spooky

OK *Y'all*...-(I'm originally from Mississippi and my real name is Georgia)- I almost didn't make it last night!!! I felt unhappy...wanted to get that happy little high. I felt frustrated and deprived and at times down right mad as hell I couldn't have a drink. There is still wine in the fridge and tons of booze behind the bar. I cried a couple of hours. Tried to hide it from my husband. He was really good thru it all. Mostly left me alone except for several "I love you's" and some small talk. He didn't mention the drinking...I did and was a real "B" about it. He just didn't go there with me, which was great. I'm lucky to have him. Instead of cooking...which is drinking time for me, we ordered pizza and I just didn't even go into the kitchen till right before bedtime. I took some tylenol pm read and went to sleep. Woke up several times, partly due to the fruitpunch coolaide I consumed and some cold sweats, and at least 2 nightmares. I feel like my brain is taking it's own trip without me. I know that sounds crazy, but I'm not really sure how to describe what's going on with me. I just hope it gets better soon and I start to feel "whole" again instead of fragmented and depressed. Anyone care to tell me what comes next!@#%^ . I don't want the nightmares to get "real" on me or any crazy thing like that. We've got kids this weekend and I really need to get my "S" together before they get here. I did call AA here and found out there is a meeting on Sunday at 2 for newbies. I kinda wanted to go without telling my husband the first time. I don't want him to be disappointed in me, he's had enough of that. It would be hard to disappear 2 hours before time to take the kids home. So don't know if I"m gonna go or not. Hell, I've gotta get thru tonight first, and if it's anything like last night I"m in for a battle. It means so much to come here and read your messages. I actually did think about "what the hell would I say to those people if I drink tonight"??? It did help me to stay away from the wine. I'm praying to get stronger and stronger. Thanks everyone...SO MUCH....Georgia

lulu70

When I decided to get sober, I had to get rid of all the alcohol in the house. It would have been too easy for me to get a drink before I had even thought about it. Not to mention that it would have made me crazy to know it was right there and I couldn't have it.

As far as the hubby knowing about you going to the meeting, why does that worry you so much? If he is as supportive as he sounds, he should be understanding about you wanting to try out AA as well. I really think you will find the meeting very helpful. I hope you will find a way to go.

I can TOTALLY relate to the feelings you are describing, as can almost every alcholic on this board who has stayed sober for any period of time. Your body and mind are trying to adjust to not having those toxins all the time. Be patient with yourself. Try to remember that they are only feelings, and they will go away eventually.

Glad you made it through last night. Each time you make it through a craving, you gain strength to make it through the next one!

Hugs--

hopealwayz

Hi Georgia,

You made it thru the night and it has made you stronger because of it. Get rid of the wine in the house. You will feel a bit more relieved by getting rid of it. You are lucky to have a supportive husband to help you as you go thru these times. It will get much better, I promise. Remember that each day will be better than the last one and before you know it, you will be feeling lots better.

I had bad nightmares the first couple of days too, and I'm still sober. So they don't mean reality. The mind just has to get used to a new sober life and it will adjust. Your body is healing and you will feel normal in time. Just know that the day will come when this will all be just a memory.

glad you are here with us! I said a prayer for you!

Love,
Hope

degadar

Hi Spooky - just passing by on my way to bed - thought i'd say hello and hope you're feeling a bit better. You did sound a bit down in your last post.
The awful feelings are normal - and they will subside. Every minute and every hour you go without a drink you're one step closer to where you're going. There are only two paths available to you. Forwards or backwards. I think you know which is the right one.
I can't remember how long it took the fog to clear for me - was a few weeks I think. Keep thinking positive thoughts and watch out for temptation's sneaky ways.

Deg.

spooky

Well guys...this is me this morning!!! I had a good night. The craving wasn't all that bad and the headache was dull enough to ignore for most of the night. Was a good tv night too. I actually exercised on the ball for a while yesterday and have some pretty soar muscles this morning and it makes me feel real. It's been over 2 years since I can say. "I feel real in the morning". I'm not dragging around in a fog with a hangover. I'm gonna get outta this house and do some things today. I really feel so much better today. Thanks for the support .... Love all of you, Georgia

degadar

Great news Georgia,

I still have to pinch myself to believe that feeling great - not just good - is the new reality for me - anf that's after nearly 2 years without a drink. The subtle changes are the most profound - increased confidence, less paranoia... and I never see red, ever, I used to flip at stupid things and scream at the children and wife every day. Now I'm like the Dalai Lama, LOL! ok, well , you get the picture.
Exercise is essential - I think I've lost count of reading here posts by sucessful quitters who cite exercice as their main weapon in recovery. I know it helped me and a few muscle aches are much better than a hangover, any day.

All the best, Deg.

spooky

Hey guys,
I made it thru the weekend just fine. Only had one rough spot. Yesterday when my husband took the kids home, it's an hour there and an hour back. I stayed home and prepared dinner. It use to be great to relax with my wine after a weekend with the kids. By the way, last Thursday night I threw away a half a box of wine left from last Sunday. So I didn't have that ugly thing staring me in the face each time I opened the fridge. Today is day 8 for me and it has gotten easier. There are tempting times but, it's not on my mind every min of every day and I don't feel as deprived now as I did in the first few days. I told my husband about this site and also told him I was 'thinking' about going to an AA meeting. He was great...he supports me all the way. Last night before we went to sleep he said he was proud of me. That was so wonderful!!! I did have a good night sleep. It feels so good to be proud of "me" and for him to be proud of me. Things for me are really going good right now. I owe you guys so much. I'll be here for all of you!!
Lots of Love,
Georgia

degadar

So glad to hear you're doing well. The benefits of not poisoning yourself will keep rolling in for quite a while yet. I know what you mean about the drink in the house - I remember going to the fridge to get something to eat and found it was behind a row of beer bottles - took me ages to gather the courage to touch the bottles only to move them to one side - They sat there for nearly a year before I threw them out.

Now I'm quite comfortable pouring my wife's wine out for her - even though the smell makes me feel a bit uneasy still.

I can feel another SR success story coming on :-)

Deg.

kckman

Georgia, your thread really has the feeling of life all about it. It feels like it is busy living with becomeing sober. Living sober or living drunk boy they are two sides of a coin arnt they? Thanks for the great thread Georgia I wish you the best today.

Cathy31

Georgia
This threasd is so awersome, it's so great to watch your progress- I am SO glad for you that you have a supportvie husband, I am sure he is very proud of you - just as you must be of yourself too!!!!!
Love
Cahty31
x

kckman

Georgia, Welcome to day 9. It is a new day. It is good to feel proud of yourself. You are doing a great. I am looking foward to reading of your progress. Take care of your self.

spooky

Hello everyone,

I'm feeling good this morning. My husband went out and got ice cream last night for us. I was 'missing the drink' a little last night. The ice cream and a few laughs together took care of the urge. It is so amazing the clear thoughts I have now..especailly in the morning. lol There is so much to do when you are not planning your day around 'the drink'. There were so many things I -didn't- do because I wanted to start drinking at 4 so I'd have a good buzz by 6..when I was cooking. I couldn't drive after 4 so I would plan my whole day around that, is that not the craziest thing you ever heard!!!! Now I do anything I want when I want and it's fun to do things on impulse and not worry about not being able to drive after drinking. I started redecorating my bedroom yesterday and have the energy and the inspiration to do it. I never knew how much of my life 'the drink' really was taking from me. I do now. I know how lucky I am and how wonderful it is to have friends like 'y'all'!! Have a great day everyone

love and prayers,
Georgia

kckman

Georga, What a great post laughter and ice cream that sounds like some good medicine. I used to plan my day around my drinking. It is a really crazy way to live isnt it?

Just as crazy the daily battles I still have with myself to drink or drink not. I do have the knowledge of hind site on my side. With that I still have the desire to just throw all of the goodness we get with soberity away for another tussle with the bottle.
Living the way of life of planning every thing around the bottle is a hellish thought.

Today I will remember the hell because that is the part of the trip that is real. Today we are in the winners circle. WE hit the bullseye staying abstinant today. Georga, thanks for sharing your strength with us. It is a ripple in the pond. It is a good ripple to share. Day 9 is almost over now you got double digits comming your way. Stay with your plan it is working.

hopealwayz

(((Georgia))) Your inner strength is shing through and is so beautiful and amazing. You are growing and moving forward. Thanks for sharing the journey with us.

Love,
Hope

spooky

I had a bombshell in my life today and I didn't make it thru...I had 3 drinks........crown and fruit puch koolaid... I didn't get stoned but got a buzz and knew it was time to quit. Mainly because I didn't want to have a head injury tomarrow and want to be able to control things even better in the morning. I know it's horrible to have collapsed tonight but I wasn't totally kicked out. I wanted more drinks but I know better. When I got the news I just didn't cope very well. I fell to what I know. But, I still have my mind with me and I"m not going to have any more and I'm not gonna passout tonight. I had a real hard hit in the face and didn't hold up so well. But, I didn't hide under the table either,,,,I've had 3 drinks and I'll go no further...just cope with this setback as well as dealing with the realality of the other one also. OH, God I need help now......I know I'm not gonna drink another drop of alcohol tonight....that part is ok...but how do I cope with life in the morning??? I can't run away from it like I did tonight!!!!!

Don't ever do crown and koolaid...unless you like cough med....gross

spooky

I feel so horrible...I let myself and all of you down. I just didn't know how to cope. I had bad..actually horrible news. I should have delt with it differently. And again, I have no business writing here while I"m finishing that 3rd drink..I'm buzzing and do not beging to deserve the company of such brave and wonderful people. I have a long ways to go when it comes to handling problems. I'm gonna stay up till my buzz is gone..read 'the' book for a while before sleep. God knows I need the word right now. I'm not completely stoned but I should have this buzz either. I'm gonna have to fight the battle sooner or later...meaning the thing that happened tonight that caused my collaspe. I've just gotta get a grip...and think for a while...then get a plan....and NONE of that needs to be done on 3 drinks of crown and koolaid!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I'm so angry with myself and that so ads to the stress of the situation... I'm already upset then I go and drink on top of it. Drinking completely COMPOUNDS my situation. It makes me worry about 'ME' along with the other problem at hand. Honestley, I'm probably gonna be sick and get rid of the alcohol tonight...I was so upset I couldn't eat dinner and the alcohol is upsetting my tummy. Been a long time since I've felt this.

I know this whole thing is just horrible. But I didn't have anyone else to talk to.....Please understand and help me tomarrow. I don't want to be alone in this................

kckman

Georgia, Koolaid and crown cant say I have ever tried that one. It is not easy. Life does have so damn many bumps in the road. I know I myself have been comming to terms with the ups and down of my own life without reaching for a drink. It is so easy to do but then I know for me it would just become a daily thing again. I would soon be swept away in the drunk hangover drunk hungover nightmere.

Spooky I am feeling afraid for you just now. I do think it would be a very good idea to dump the rest of that crown out now along with whatever you have left in your drink. Dump it out now.

You are right in that drinking only compounds what ever problem you have now. Right now you can cut your losses and dump the booze out. Stuff happens in our lives and we do have to deal with it weather we are drinking or not. Drinking tends to make things worse and then problems from drinking are on top of the problems that we used as an excuse to drink again. It is an ugly cycle.
Georgia you are in my thoughts tonight. You are not alone.

spooky

Keith, it means alot to not have gone thru this alone. Thanks for talking to me. Even though I didn't read it till today. Actually, after picking up my bible I couldn't finish my drink. I left it here by the computer and slept in the guest room after reading for a while. My husband offered to get rid of all the alcohol in the house. I'm going to take him up on that now. Things with the other problem are smoothed right now. Not gone but bareable. Communication is so important and very under-rated. Tonight we'll be able to talk because for one I won't be drinking. All I can do is start today and leave yesterday where it is instead of dragging it around with me and beating myself up over it. I'm so glad I had the sense about me not to get hammered. For today I'm sober and it is day 1 again. Thank you for listening to me....it helps so much,
Georgia

kckman

Georgia, day 1 is a good place to start. Leaving yesterday where it is is a smart move. Dont forget to keep the lessons learned from yesterday and use them to your advantage. welcome back.

wantneeda

(((Georgia))), we're here for you, day 1 or day,,whatever number.. we can start our day over at any time. This 24 hours is all we really have. Oh , by the way my name is Wendy, a drug addicted alcoholic in recovery. Please consider AA. it has saved my life!!! Wonderful , caring people like on here, but face to face. They understand where you've been, and where you are.
Keep coming back here...i'll be looking for you!!