DriGuy

The Paradox of Embracing Abstinence occurs because it is a monumental change and atypical of the way we normally operate. One doesn't decide one day to go scale the highest peak in a mountain range. We would first take a hike up to a high mountain lake and see how we like that. If this suits our fancy, we may want to climb up to a ridge next time and observe a view of ridge after ridge fading off to monochrome blue in the distance. We don't normally take big leaps until we get some understanding and comfort under our belt.

Embracing abstinence is going all the way all at once, so shouldn't we approach it little by little like we do most things? I suppose it's been done because going all the way seems almost unfathomable, if not impossible. And there is the paradox. A major step of total abstinence right now that seems unfathomable is actually the easiest way to recovery, and arguably the only way. Not only does it get us to real recovery faster, but it also relieves a tremendous amount of pressure and takes all the, "Yeah but how about this or that," off the table. It removes a vast amount of distracting and harmful mental clutter. It's actually the easier softer way. For me, embracing abstinence as a here and now behavior forever, rather than seeing it as an almost impossible far off goal, made the process a fast track to recovery.

ToughChoices

Beautifully put.

I was initially so overwhelmed by the NEVER AGAIN that I spun around in circles trying to concoct an elaborate plan of deception, hard work, and apparent earnestness that would allow me access (only very occasionally) to my chemical of choice.

So. Exhausting.

And ineffective.

It was much easier and softer for me to admit my true flaws and honestly try to correct what I could. It is much easier NOT to drink.

Zencat

Yes, like Rome wasn't built in a day, But if it was on fire, I would be running to get out.

Klio

DriGuy

Yes, it's hard for all of us in the beginning. And not getting to that point is exhausting and ineffective.

DriGuy

Sometimes it takes that kind of crisis to accept what needs to be done. And for many of us, it's hard to even realize there is a crisis. So we put it off, until our pants are on fire.

D122y

Good or bad, it is in my nature to forget the negatives of my past most of the time.

So I forget how much I suffered getting this clean.

The addiction is there still. Friday nights, happy hour, walking through a casino.

My emotional mind tells me have a drink, my analytical mind says no.

There was a guy that used to post here more, like me, that was so cut and dry, he was cold, emotionless.

This is analytics. Maybe the emotional won over and fooled his analysis and he relapsed.

He is too ashamed to admit it under his old login. This is typical. Most addicts relapse.

Maybe I am close to relapse.

I give my soul to my higher power. I need that back up. Take the wheel.

Health is wealth.

Stay clean friends.

Thanks.

Hodd

That’s the one, ToughChoices

I’m a bit annoyed by my GP and a counsellor I had to see when I was first trying to quit. They banged on about tapering (I wasn’t drinking enough to warrant that), buying smaller wine bottles and such things. It was actually from seeing this (useless) counsellor that it finally dawned on me that the best person to sort out my drinking was me. No one ever said what I needed to know, i.e. just quit. It was relatively easy after that.

Anna

Yes, TC, it is much easier to NOT drink. I was absolutely exhausted in every way when I finally stopped drinking.

DriGuy

I think deep down we know what we need to do, maybe not right away, but after we've sifted through and tried everything that fails, it's easier to take the leap to total abstinence. While abstinence is the answer to what to do, the hard part is in accepting that as the answer. I don't know about your doctor and counselor. Lots of doctors are alcoholics and hardly experts on recovery, but your counselor should know better. Of course, like you said, they don't know you as well as you do.

Klio

My experience with GP was similar. He didn't see the problem with tapering.

Andante

It blows my mind to hear that in this day and age, any so-called "professional" can possibly recommend tapering as a sound method for quitting drinking when to do so betrays a total ignorance of what addiction is.

Would they tell compulsive gamblers to gradually cut down on the amount they bet or the number of bets they make? SMH...

Hodd

Tapering is for very heavy drinkers who would have big medical problems if they stopped suddenly. A few people told me I mustn’t stop straight away despite the fact my intake towards the end had dropped to “only” a half to one bottle of wine a day. My problem with tapering is that if it’s not medically needed, it becomes an excuse to continue drinking.

Tetrax

I always enjoy your posts. I hope your friend finds his way; I'm glad you are still here and walking the line.

Radix

"Would they tell compulsive gamblers to gradually cut down on the amount they bet or the number of bets they make?"

This is great.

I also agree that abstinence is easier than moderation.

In my own experience, to be perfectly honest, when I thought about how nice it would be to "moderate" my drinking, what I really meant was how nice it would be to keep drinking to the same point of drunkenness only without the negative consequences. ...and of course that's why it never worked.

Andante

Good point. I guess if you're an overworked ER doc presented with a late-stage chronic alcoholic and the options within your woefully inadequate system are limited to telling them either to stop drinking (with immediate potentially lethal withdrawal complications likely) or telling them to taper (with at least a chance of kicking those lethal complications down the road a bit), you'll choose the latter.

I agree that the problem with tapering in general is that it's just a form of moderation: you're trying to regulate something that you've already demonstrated you can't, so it almost always ends up serving only as an excuse to continue drinking.

DriGuy

me too

Offthemast

exactly.

Zencat

Chronic. As drinking slowly progress over chronos I had the rational in the book to continue drinking. Got to have my buzz goods no matter what my family would say. I would defend my right to drink as I please with staunch protest of 'mind your nose' in my matters. All fuel for the future AV in recovery. Locked in a mindset of defiance interring addiction is still being weeded out of me.

Progressive. The wheels slowly grind on and on until way down the line they fall off and concept or two pops in mind. Slow down or quit me thinks. Quit again for me. Holding a heap of 'wellness tools' (comorbid drug addict needs for sanity and sobriety) and this time applying my tools of the recovery trade vigorously, persensent, dogged, "all freaking" in to treat and maintain remission of
my disorder(s)

​​​​​​​Late end addiction is gigantic cluster of dysfunction wrapped in a fragel glass ball of confusion. Getting out of that alive, even with a good recovery treatment. Well just have a look around here at SR. Ioad's of people doing just fabiolus one day and poof gone the next. Where? I have a hunch Good news some come back and do good finally in my case.

​​​​​​​Thank you Dry thoughtful post as usual

overforty

"Embracing abstinence is going all the way at once "
I'm really struggling with this @DriGuy
Even though it makes sense to my logical brain, I'm just not ready to accept that I won't ever drink again - which is ridiculous because that means I probably will.
At 83 days sober I haven't had time to build a sober life, and fighting the urge to drink is still there a lot of the time every single day - it's exhausting.
But then the obvious is that it's even more exhausting being an active alcoholic.
I feel like I wont ever have fun again - using the example of my birthday yesterday - it was lovely, nice food, relaxed company and I went to bed sober and woke up today hangover free - but I feel like it was all a bit serious - we didn't laugh like we used to and after a few hours I was ready to go home - I was at home with tea by 7pm.
I'm quite honesty bored.
I'm going to attempt to paint some woodwork today which should keep me busy - but it's not fun is it!
Anyway I'm going to stop moaning now haha - I'm grateful to be sober.