AL48

Happy new year Redempsean.
Im still a novice on 2 years but relearning to live my life sober. Its so much better and you will experience it in the coming weeks and months ahead.
I listen to plenty of podcasts while out walking, i find they help a lot. Its amazing but awful at the same time the amount of people going through and living a life disrupted by alcohol.
Great days are ahead of you grab them with both hands.

Redempsean

Day 2.

This sucks.

Thanks for the replies and support, genuinely helpful

Hevyn

What you're feeling is normal. I drank for decades - when I quit I was very disoriented for a while. Eveything changed as I grew stronger. As you know, it won't always feel this way. You're doing great on Day 2.

Redempsean

Morning of day 3. Very little sleep, sweating profusely and anxiety sitting bubbling just below the surface. I am really just all over the place but I am glad the nightmare of my last relapse is over.

Yesterday was a really tough day. There was moments I knew just by opening a beer this horrible feeling would go. Then I thought of ruining this newfound hope and resolve for a better life and I was relieved I didn't cave so quickly.

I had 11 months up through AA, a strong resolve to never repeat the incident that led to me getting sober and some great support from my family.

I didn't want to do a medical detox although I would say it would be wise. Every time I have medically detoxed in the past, Vallium has ended up becoming a huge problem.

I am sitting in my car having a coffee before work. Work is a huge stressor and has proven to be a pretty toxic place. It just pays well, has great conditions and this job was one of the gifts of my last sobriety. I have a very checkered past due to decades of alcoholism and addiction and I see this job as a rare opportunity for a bloke like me.

I don't know. I'm just going to try to hold my tounge and focus on doing the best I can there. I know that this place has triggered my last relapse so I am cautious. I don't know. My brain feels like it's floating in a bowl of soup at the moment.

Just a bit of a vent..

Thanks for the replies, support and understanding. Hope you all are going well and have a grateful sober day 🙏🏻

Hevyn

You described Day 3 well. Your strength & determination are getting you through it. There will never have to be another Day 3. Be proud.

Redempsean

Couldn't make it past the bottle shop tonight.

Gutted 😞

calmself

Keep trying! You can go without it, just for today. It's a worthless chemical.

Dee74

Many of us faltered a time or two Sean...the thing is to regroup and consider what else you might add to your recovery action plan - do you need more support, or need to make better use of the support you have?

What changes can you make to your life to help encourage your desire to stay sober?

How might you handle a situation like this differently this time?

D

Sammy1980

Okay so you couldn't make it past the bottle store last night. That was last night DON'T give yourself permission to continue today. Throw out the bottle from last night and move on. You can do this Redempsean.

Hevyn

It happens - but you know in your heart you're done with it. Nothing at the bottom of that bottle for you, Sean.
Keep going. I'm glad you wanted to talk about it.

VikingGF

Never stop trying- because it only takes one time to stick for your sober life to start. We know how hard it is- this is a pretty learned behavior and a chemical dependency you're dealing with- the very first step is to realize the answer is not in the drink. It does not make things better- not even for a minute- because that first sip makes you a passenger in your own body. For the first days, it can truly be minute by minute- I spent that time glued to this site- wouldn't let myself go anywhere (besides work) and had to be here every night.

I know your job is hard- drinking actually makes it harder, though. Getting some time sober will either help you see the job more clearly and make some changes and being sober will actually allow you to be able to do so. Just don't drink. I wish it didn't sound so simplistic- I know it isn't. But it really also is. Do not drink. Just don't. The minutes/hours/days add up and it all gets better and easier. The first weeks are a challenge but NOTHING compared to be hungover and miserable. You are fully capable of a better life, Sean. And you deserve it. We are all here for you- stay close, stay strong.

AL48

Just like everyone has said dont give up. Keep trying. I can imagine how you feel. I felt the pain and disappointment in myself but thats what the AV dose to us. It talks us into believing its only one but it never is.
Staying here with people who understand is very important. I tried and failed many times on my own.
I Hope you get through this hiccup and look at the 11month spell you already had. You can do this.

Hevyn

How are you today, Redempsean? We are here.

Wes B

Hope you're well Sean.. I know the feeling with the work situation, I was stressed out every day. I had been given a small promotion which I felt compelled to accept as it was slightly better salary but I was unqualified for the positition. Stuck with it as I thought it was my opportunity to have career.

Drinking was contributing to me missing deadlines and just generally being unproductive which just increased the amount of stress I was under and resulted in bigger binges. It was a viscous cycle.

I hope you can get enough time sober to figure out if your work is contributing to your drinking, or was drinking making work stressful. I left my job before I could find out, hopefully you can do better than I did 😀.

Good luck pal 👍

Redempsean

I am done with it. I'm really glad I dropped into SR this morning and read your posts for me. Thank you all.

All went ugly fairly quickly. A few nights ago I had this horrible screaming fight with my father who was confronting me over my drinking. The sort of ugly scene that I had never wanted to repeat again with my own dad.

Day one tomorrow as I've put some plans in place, taken a week off work. This is my last shot at this.

I despise myself and this situation Ive ended up in again. Life is the pits right now. I've got to get out of this.

Thanks again

biminiblue

Redempsean, the only way out is to fully accept that it will always end the same way for us if/when we decide to pick up that first drink.

I quit for 18 years.

Then I thought a glass of wine would be okay.

It took me seven years to quit again with a lot of drama and misery in those seven years and now I'm at nine years sober. NEVER AGAIN! I give up. Alcohol packs a knockout punch. Maybe not in Round One, but it will win. The only safe way is to never go in the ring with it again. No more, not one drink.

kensie12

You can do this, I was hopeless in my drinking I accepted I can't AT ALL.

VikingGF "because that first sip makes you a passenger in your own body"
Thank you so much for that. I like visuals and this gave me a visual of drunk me asking me now if I need a ride. This will come to mind next time I want to take a drink haha the answer NOOOO!!

Hevyn

Just like Bim - I had some years of sobriety & decided I could have 'one drink' while on a date with a person who didn't have a clue I was an alcoholic.
Took me 7 yrs. to quit again too - and during that time I created a nightmare for myself and others. Did reckless things I can't even believe. Proof that we can't touch the stuff.

AL48

Glad you got back here Redempsean.
The only road worthy of us and our time is the sober one. The others lead us to dead ends, feeling lost, pain and suffering, ultimately we are back to square one and looking for the sober road again.
Keep trying and stay strong. You have great support here.

Redempsean

Day one clean and sober. I cannot continue living like I was for another second. The insanity of picking up a drink or drug, knowing how it will end. Every time.

I've made a mess here and the world is pretty bleak from my window this morning but this is it.

I can't live like that anymore. I'm done.

Thanks again for all the posts and support 🙂