Falling down
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
Falling down
I had 11 months up clean and sober. After one horrible day at work I kind of snapped and lapsed. That was late September and I've been drinking and drugging daily since.
My mental health is terrible. I've never before experienced this almost constant, sharp feeling of utter emptiness. I also feel so lonely and alien. This morning before leaving for work I drank two warm beers just to ease that terrible feeling.
Self pity is not something I was ever big on but I'm genuinely scaring myself here.
I need help and this post is the first step..
My mental health is terrible. I've never before experienced this almost constant, sharp feeling of utter emptiness. I also feel so lonely and alien. This morning before leaving for work I drank two warm beers just to ease that terrible feeling.
Self pity is not something I was ever big on but I'm genuinely scaring myself here.
I need help and this post is the first step..
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,772
Can you go for a medical detox? Detox places are just for detox, it's not rehab, and you are supervised and given meds to ease the symptoms of withdrawal. It's a safe way to stop drinking without going cold turkey and suffering thru withdrawal. Google if there are any detox clinics where you live and go from there. If a detox clinic is not available, you can ask your doctor if they would give you a small supply of meds to reduce the anxiety that can be so awful in the first few days. It's worth asking. Look at it as an investment in your future. 
Member
Join Date: May 2018
Posts: 1,951
We all have horrible days at work. In fact there are so many layoffs especially in Tech sector here. Folks are still managing on their own and facing life as it comes.
What I have realized in about 14 sober months is - it gives lasting peace and sometimes even joy as we solve issues and show resilience than reaching out to alcohol and hide problems. These problems, unfortunately go nowhere and come back with a bigger bite.
You have done this for 11 months straight, so you can do it again. Get a fresh start in 2023, you got this.
What I have realized in about 14 sober months is - it gives lasting peace and sometimes even joy as we solve issues and show resilience than reaching out to alcohol and hide problems. These problems, unfortunately go nowhere and come back with a bigger bite.
You have done this for 11 months straight, so you can do it again. Get a fresh start in 2023, you got this.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2021
Posts: 2,838
I feel for you Redempsean. I remember these feelings, the only way out is to stop. There are time's when you will have bad days but the bottle is never the answer, i too found this out and it took a long time before i managed to get some decent time free of alcohol under my belt.
Apart from the usual avoiding places and time of temptation, keep posting and sharing here, its the first step of many to that better life you've alredy experienced in the 11 months. You can do it again.
Apart from the usual avoiding places and time of temptation, keep posting and sharing here, its the first step of many to that better life you've alredy experienced in the 11 months. You can do it again.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2015
Location: NSW - Australia
Posts: 14,578
What other drugs are you taking Red? It can complicate things, depending on the drug.
Eleven months was a mighty effort. Drinking at 11 months seems to be a phenomenon. A year within our reach and we bail.
Keep posting. You can get sober again, and it'll be so good.
Eleven months was a mighty effort. Drinking at 11 months seems to be a phenomenon. A year within our reach and we bail.
Keep posting. You can get sober again, and it'll be so good.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Most of us have gone for years managing our lives, while drinking. But alcoholism is progressive (never heard that before, right?) But the progressive deterioration happens at different speeds for each of us. I went for 30 years getting by, and the progression was so slow that I wasn't aware of what was happening to my life. But then some of us cross a line or something. For me, drinking rather suddenly entered an accelerating spiral, and I was not able to adjust to the acceleration. It felt like insanity.
You may have crossed your line. Instead of feeling insane, you experience "emptiness." Psychologists may call this depression. Maybe you need medical help, but you should quit drinking, because it will continue to progress. Whether it will accelerate in your case, I don't know, but active alcoholism only gets worse.
You may have crossed your line. Instead of feeling insane, you experience "emptiness." Psychologists may call this depression. Maybe you need medical help, but you should quit drinking, because it will continue to progress. Whether it will accelerate in your case, I don't know, but active alcoholism only gets worse.
Your attitude, not your aptitude, will determine your altitude
Join Date: Dec 2006
Location: Oxnard (The Nard), CA, USA.
Posts: 13,938
Welcome to SR Redempsean
You've come to the right place for help many members like myself are willing to aid you in achieving long lasting recovery.
Perhaps the 24 hour recovery plan is a good start. Just work on the present don't mind the past or worry about the future just try to stay sober for today.
You've come to the right place for help many members like myself are willing to aid you in achieving long lasting recovery.
Perhaps the 24 hour recovery plan is a good start. Just work on the present don't mind the past or worry about the future just try to stay sober for today.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,494
I'm sorry you feel so low, but I totally understand and relate to how you're feeling. We lose ourselves to alcohol. But, you know how to stop and how to live a sober life, and you can do it again. It sounds like you're ready to make tomorrow a big change in your life. I hope you keep posting and let us know how you're doing.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Hi Redempsean. I'm so glad you wanted to talk about what's going on. We're an encouraging & friendly group - who really understand what you're going through.
Maybe you could look at this as further proof that you can't touch a drop. I had 3 yrs. once & decided to have a glass of wine. It was the beginning of a nightmare - it took me years to regain my sobriety. We now know what happens when we experiment with it - off we go, with no end in sight. This can be the last time it ever happens, though! You can reclaim your life and things can be better than ever.
Happy to have you with us.
Maybe you could look at this as further proof that you can't touch a drop. I had 3 yrs. once & decided to have a glass of wine. It was the beginning of a nightmare - it took me years to regain my sobriety. We now know what happens when we experiment with it - off we go, with no end in sight. This can be the last time it ever happens, though! You can reclaim your life and things can be better than ever.
Happy to have you with us.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
I've never before experienced this almost constant, sharp feeling of utter emptiness. I also feel so lonely and alien.
The good news, I used this utter emptiness to fuel my desire for sobriety and freedom. I knew I didn't want what I had, so I dove into obtaining what my soul was crying out for. Almost 20 years later, I feel good about myself and what I have accomplished. You can experience the same. It is available and doable!!!
Yield beautiful changes
Join Date: Feb 2008
Location: A home filled with love
Posts: 1,698
Originally Posted by nez 
That was pretty much my experience with relapsing after some accumulated time clean and sober. Clean and sober time totally ruined any relapse drinking I did, as if it wasn't bad enough before experiencing sobriety, it was really hell after experiencing a period of sobriety. Sobriety smashed any denial I had about my problems with drinking. I knew better and knew I didn't want to do what I was doing...so...utter emptiness.
The good news, I used this utter emptiness to fuel my desire for sobriety and freedom. I knew I didn't want what I had, so I dove into obtaining what my soul was crying out for. Almost 20 years later, I feel good about myself and what I have accomplished. You can experience the same. It is available and doable!!!
The good news, I used this utter emptiness to fuel my desire for sobriety and freedom. I knew I didn't want what I had, so I dove into obtaining what my soul was crying out for. Almost 20 years later, I feel good about myself and what I have accomplished. You can experience the same. It is available and doable!!!
Beautifully put, nez! Relapse resulted in an emptiness that ACHED. But it hollowed me out in order that I could finally be filled with acceptance, peace, determination, and love (for myself and others).
This can be your turning point.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2022
Location: Australia
Posts: 23
Again thank you for the replies and support. This forum is a Godsend.
I have woken up on new years morning on day one. Day one clean and sober. I feel hopeful about this but more so I feel physically and mentally horrible.
Hope everyone had a safe new years and are well. I'm doing this!
I have woken up on new years morning on day one. Day one clean and sober. I feel hopeful about this but more so I feel physically and mentally horrible.
Hope everyone had a safe new years and are well. I'm doing this!
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,417
You can do it, Redempsean.
Going forward, knowing alcohol is never a choice will be at the forefront of your mind- no matter what you come up against. Nothing is worth that dark pit of despair- oh, I remember it well.
Wishing you all the success.
Going forward, knowing alcohol is never a choice will be at the forefront of your mind- no matter what you come up against. Nothing is worth that dark pit of despair- oh, I remember it well.
Wishing you all the success.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,557
Redempsean - It will feel strange & very uncomfortable for a while, but that feeling will leave you. It will get better as you heal and get free. Then you never have to feel this miserable again. You're giving yourself a wonderful gift.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,040
[QUOTE=Redempsean;7888867]Thank you all so much for the replies and support.
Day One will be January 1st aka tomorrow here in Australia. Thanks again guys and gals.
Appreciate it
January 1st is a perfect time for a reset. Eleven months is a good amount of sober time, think about Sahara was working during that time and use those tools, as well as adding in some new tools to support you. SR helped me finally get sober, after many day ones. January 1, 2016 was my last day one, another reason I think this is a great date for you.
Day One will be January 1st aka tomorrow here in Australia. Thanks again guys and gals.
Appreciate it
January 1st is a perfect time for a reset. Eleven months is a good amount of sober time, think about Sahara was working during that time and use those tools, as well as adding in some new tools to support you. SR helped me finally get sober, after many day ones. January 1, 2016 was my last day one, another reason I think this is a great date for you.
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