AJ143143

Hi everyone ... I am on day 4 today. I don't know why but this time feels different. It doesn't feel like a big struggle this time. I feel so ready and not tempted. Nothing big happened due to alcohol but I started getting migraines a few weeks ago. I have made appts to see specialists already that will happen in the following months. Drinking never was super bad for me in terms of getting drunk often but I was drinking 3-4 drinks every night ( mainly wine ) and at 40 years old I got so tired of feeling sluggish ... I got tired of wine being my go to in order to decompress.... It weird how it sneaks up on you ... Anyway... I am very thankful for this forum... I had tried a few times before to quit but my friends I had in my orbit used wine a lot to decompress as well... The friends I am with often now ( due to a move) rarely drink....if ever... I have always worked out everyday and ate pretty healthy ( no fast food or soda ) ect... however I crave worse food when I am not drinking.... I know a lot of people wat more calories when they drink ... I do the opposite.... gotta stop those cravings... I am very excited to be sober totally. I am so looking forward to this journey. I also am thinking that maybe .....just maybe my migraines will go away with no more wine.

Dee74

I'm glad you made it back AJ.
Any more ideas on what you might do differently this time?

D

AJ143143

I don't know really. I have gotten back into my spiritual lifestyle... praying... journaling .... reading... medititation

I think one of the things that happened to me that really changed my perspective where the last 3 migraines I had were scary. I was on a run all 3 times and all 3 times my hands went numb on one side, I have double vision and then a 5-10 hour intense headache... During that time that was so scary all I was thinking is "I just want to feel normal"... I had this aha moment when I said to myself "Then why do you drink ever"... It really hit me.... So I started praying and even through the pain of the migraine I felt like I had this moment of peace and clarity... the peace came from knowing I never wanted a drink again...

Dee74

I just ask because I was totally sure a few times I was done too, but my addiction didn't get the memo, y'know?'

I'm not wishing you any bad luck - just trying to keep it real It would be great if you really were done now and I wish that for you and everyone else here.

While, its good you've moved and have so many good things going on...but if this is day four something must have gone haywire somewhere, unless you've just moved?

D

AJ143143

I moved a few months ago... At first I still wanted to drink. Mostly cause I was nervous being surrounded by so much newness and wine had been my crutch. Now though the friendships I have built and the old friendships I have rebuilt in the new place I live I started noticing that hardly anyone drank.... Even the guy I met is 16 years sober... I was drinking a lot less the last few months but I just don't want to at all... Even 1 glass of wine started to make me get a headache and just made me feel not good... I just started to actually not like how it felt

Dee74

I hope you're less nervous now and/or have plans to look into other ways of dealing with nervousness
Like I said,I really hope you've reached that point we all reach of 'its just not worth it ', AJ.

D

AJ143143

I really do feel like I have reached that point. It is just not worth it... nor do I want it. I WANT to feel healthy. I think that may be the difference. I want to have all of my energy I have in me to feel .... I want to be present for myself and my family.... I trust that anxious moments will come and go without alcohol... I am craving feeling myself and loving myself... I have done a lot of soul searching recently... a lot of crying... a lot of being alone .... I think for me setting up new rewards systems may be helpful .... I used to think to myself... " If I run an extra 30 min on my evening run...THEN I can have a glass of wine".... So I have to find a new rewards system which I don't mind... Maybe chocolate. I LOVE chocolate. I don't know why but the rewards of not drinking are so much more clear this time. I don't even WANT a drink.... not even one... I guess you could say that I dusted some old tools off ( emotional tools ) and I am starting to use them again. These past few months I have gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable and now I am ready to let go of alcohol... I trust in myself for the first time since I can remember. It wasn't hard this time... I just feel done...

Hevyn

I just saw your thread, A. So happy you are here with new determination to have a better life.
I guess this is Day 6. The early days are rough, but we grow stronger & more hopeful as we continue on this journey. We're with you.