I really do feel like I have reached that point. It is just not worth it... nor do I want it. I WANT to feel healthy. I think that may be the difference. I want to have all of my energy I have in me to feel .... I want to be present for myself and my family.... I trust that anxious moments will come and go without alcohol... I am craving feeling myself and loving myself... I have done a lot of soul searching recently... a lot of crying... a lot of being alone .... I think for me setting up new rewards systems may be helpful .... I used to think to myself... " If I run an extra 30 min on my evening run...THEN I can have a glass of wine".... So I have to find a new rewards system which I don't mind... Maybe chocolate. I LOVE chocolate. I don't know why but the rewards of not drinking are so much more clear this time. I don't even WANT a drink.... not even one... I guess you could say that I dusted some old tools off ( emotional tools ) and I am starting to use them again. These past few months I have gotten comfortable with being uncomfortable and now I am ready to let go of alcohol... I trust in myself for the first time since I can remember. It wasn't hard this time... I just feel done...