carpetcleaner

I am so unhappy and I know sobriety will make me happy.

I've been on here on and off for years. I wish I was strong like everyone on here.

All I do is get drunk

biminiblue

Sorry you're struggling.

It is the nature of addiction to want it both ways. I wanted to drink without consequences, but I couldn't.

I don't know that sobriety "made" me happy, but it gave me the ability to see life completely differently than the negative, depressed drinker that I was. Now I can see the good in the world, other people and myself.

Stick around. Keep reading and keep posting. People here will stand with you if you let them.

carpetcleaner

Even my beautiful 11 year old child isn't enough to make me stop. It's appalling. I wake in the night panic stricken. Vow to stop. Back in the wine aisle at 11am. I know we've all done this, so the support here is crucial.

biminiblue

At some point, and on some day you'll need to push past that wine o'clock. It is going to be uncomfortable. Get some good food in the house, line up some TV shows and hunker down as much as you can for a few days. Take two vacation days. You can do this.

Worried14

Well, I'm the last person who can give advice, but maybe a suggestion.
Why not have a good think about how you know that sobriety will make you happy

Worried14

Ah ha ha ha

carpetcleaner

Because, Worried, it always does when I quit! I never want to return to Hell. The fact that I do means I have a serious problem. I know you understand. Nothing is better with alcohol, I just want to take all the pain away and I know when I stop abusing substances, I deal with it better, but I'm an addict and I'm really struggling.

Worried14

Thanks CC. I wouldn't say that I personally always believed I'd be happier sober. I do now, but that hasn't always been the case. I needed something to live for , but that's only part of it and that's my story. I thought maybe there are some feelings of despair in your own life that are keeping you from achieving sobriety. Or feelings of conflict or whatever.
It hasn't always been straight forward for me. More so now than ever but it wasn't always a case of "oh, I'll stop drinking and then I'll be happy."

carpetcleaner

I think I should have chosen 'less sad' than happier...your words have made me think.

Crikey, it's 4pm in the UK and I've already done a bottle. I'm very sad thinking about that 😞

carpetcleaner

Thank you I usually get piles of sweets in. Listen to me, usually!! Yes I've attempted this so many times. Just, urgh basically

biminiblue

Okay, well maybe read around on the forums instead of drinking more. Have you eaten? Get some food and a bunch of water.

carpetcleaner

I'm planning on doing a bbq but obviously don't have the energy...I can't let my child down though. What a mess

Hodd

Hi carpet, no one here is any stronger than you, neither are you weak. You just need some guidance in the right direction.

If you’ve had a bottle by 4pm, you’re clearly dependent on alcohol, so the only real option is to quit. It’s obviously really hard to quit, but you’ll be much much happier without alcohol holding you back. What turned me round was going to see my GP to ‘fess up. I’m now 3.5 years sober. Give that a try.

brighterday1234

A life free from alcohol is possible. Honesty, open-mindedness and willingness were/are essential to get and remain sober. Total abstinence is the only way in my experience for an alcoholic to achieve any meaningful happiness.

RAL

I can relate and know how hard it is. I have a 12 year old.

I once heard someone say ' I'd die for my child but wont stop drinking for them'

Wow. Pretty powerful stuff. And made me feel guilty as fundamentally it was true. Ateotd I have to stop drinking for me. Cos I want to. And then I'll be a better parent.

Hope you are ok and can make tomorro your day 1.

boreas

My son was a little older than yours when I quit. It was the best decision I ever made. He is now 21, and I had years of being a present parent when he needed me most. I shudder to think what I would have missed.

I didn’t quit for him, though. It was just a happy outcome. I quit because I was tired, because I knew what more drinking would bring, and because sobriety was different, so it had the potential to be better.

Here’s what worked for me early on…keep it simple. Identify when you buy your alcohol, and do something different. I loved to drink on an empty stomach, so I didn’t skip meals. I went to the shop daily to buy wine, so I bought groceries ahead. I tucked into wine immediately after work, so I had something already cooked, ate it, then went for a walk. I hiked. I bowled. I did absolutely anything to break up the nasty pattern I was in.

Then time passes, it gets easier, and you get more involved in recovery. But at first, just do anything but drink.
Best wishes,
-bora

Hevyn

carpetcleaner - I'm so glad you posted. You sound disgusted, & this is what it takes. Here's where the nightmare can end.

I absolutely know you can do this. I drank 30 yrs. I felt just like you when I first came here - miserable & desperate. Couldn't imagine my life without alcohol, yet I knew I couldn't continue pretending it was making me happier or more able to cope. In fact, it was sabotaging me & causing chaos in my life. People I loved & my co-workers were so disappointed in me, & I could feel them backing away (my son, too of course). It was devastating to admit I was out of control and about to lose everything.

I had to give up any thoughts of moderating - something I had tried for years. I always figured if I used enough willpower I could be a social drinker. Yet once the first drink hit me, my determination left. The only way was to stop all together.

Please stay & keep posting. You can get free.

kes

Hi CC,
Ever thought of a 10 day alcohol inpatient detox? That's what I did and it's workrd so far. I'm now on day 72 of sobriety.
There's no way I could have done it on my own. I started at 8am and carried on throughout the day. 50 units per day, ever day. I ouldn't cope with the "terrors" and panic attacks that only an alcoholic knows.
The librium they give you during detox removes all the terrors, shaking etc. When you leave, your body is no longer dependent on alcohol, that's where the real journey begins.
Have a good think about it and good luck

mns1

I'd bet that you are stronger than you think carpetcleaner. But that voice in your head won't stop telling you you're not strong enough until you truly stand up to it. That means no matter what it is saying, do not drink. No matter what. Every time you deny it what it wants, it gets weaker, and you grow stronger.

This isn't easy, but the good news is you don't have to do this on your own. We've got your back. You can do this.

Dee74

Welcome back carpetcleaner

I think everybody doubts them selves when they tried to quit – I’m not brave enough to quit, I’m not strong enough, I’m not special enough….

But you absolutely are - we all are.

There’s no need to do this alone. Commit to posting here regularly…not just for a few days but for the foreseeable….maybe even think about other things like AA or some other meeting based group.

Its going to hurt for a while not drinking when you want to…but you’re not alone, and embracing recovery and getting the real you back, is probably the best thing you’ll ever do for yourself - and your family.

You can do this - start now

D