Misery
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,564
Carpet - You mentioned you hope it's not too late. I was way past 47 when I came to SR & found the courage to save my life. It definitely was not too late - I'm 14 yrs. sober after a lifetime of drinking . I know you can do it too.
Guilt, remorse, & regret kept me drinking even after I knew I had to quit or die. Those are wasted emotions - nothing can be done about our past behavior. I'm not saying you should pretend nothing bad happened - but use the regrets to make yourself determined to never go back to that awful life of uncertainty & instability.
Guilt, remorse, & regret kept me drinking even after I knew I had to quit or die. Those are wasted emotions - nothing can be done about our past behavior. I'm not saying you should pretend nothing bad happened - but use the regrets to make yourself determined to never go back to that awful life of uncertainty & instability.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,943
I am screaming in my head to say but I think they probably already know...
I don’t shout from the rooftops that I sobered up, but if people ask how long I’ve been doing sport/triathlon, I mention I’d been a lot larger before and was dependent on alcohol. Quite a few people I talk to have done exactly the same. This is going to sound like I’ve got an ego the size of a house, but I’m going to a wedding next weekend, and my uni/school friends (all early 50s like me) look absolutely terrible! I’m no oil painting, but at least I’m the right shape now 🤣
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by Hodd 
You’ll be pleasantly surprised at the reaction.
I don’t shout from the rooftops that I sobered up, but if people ask how long I’ve been doing sport/triathlon, I mention I’d been a lot larger before and was dependent on alcohol. Quite a few people I talk to have done exactly the same. This is going to sound like I’ve got an ego the size of a house, but I’m going to a wedding next weekend, and my uni/school friends (all early 50s like me) look absolutely terrible! I’m no oil painting, but at least I’m the right shape now 🤣
I don’t shout from the rooftops that I sobered up, but if people ask how long I’ve been doing sport/triathlon, I mention I’d been a lot larger before and was dependent on alcohol. Quite a few people I talk to have done exactly the same. This is going to sound like I’ve got an ego the size of a house, but I’m going to a wedding next weekend, and my uni/school friends (all early 50s like me) look absolutely terrible! I’m no oil painting, but at least I’m the right shape now 🤣
See how I have mentioned the word 'always'? Because I'm always trying to quit :/
Your words are supportive Hodd. Thank you.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
I don't answer those kinds of intrusive questions like, "How much did you drink then?" For that matter I don't offer up that I don't drink unless it's someone I'm pretty close to. Strangers and casual acquaintances have no need to know.
If I'm somewhere and offered a cocktail, I ask for something else. If someone asks why I'm not drinking I have several replies depending on who it is, how they asked and what the setting is. No one has to be privvy to my past unless they were there. I'm not going to get into a fishing contest with someone who's likely looking for juicy gossip. Alcoholism/drinking problems are still judged by people who don't get it. If I need to talk about it, I come here.
Part of getting sober is understanding that other people are on their own trajectory and I don't have to go with them. Boundaries. Self-protection. Discretion. Non-confrontational conversation. Redirecting when someone asks a question I don't want to answer.
Just because the music is playing doesn't mean I have to dance.
If I'm somewhere and offered a cocktail, I ask for something else. If someone asks why I'm not drinking I have several replies depending on who it is, how they asked and what the setting is. No one has to be privvy to my past unless they were there. I'm not going to get into a fishing contest with someone who's likely looking for juicy gossip. Alcoholism/drinking problems are still judged by people who don't get it. If I need to talk about it, I come here.
Part of getting sober is understanding that other people are on their own trajectory and I don't have to go with them. Boundaries. Self-protection. Discretion. Non-confrontational conversation. Redirecting when someone asks a question I don't want to answer.
Just because the music is playing doesn't mean I have to dance.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by biminiblue
I don't answer those kinds of intrusive questions like, "How much did you drink then?" For that matter I don't offer up that I don't drink unless it's someone I'm pretty close to. Strangers and casual acquaintances have no need to know.
If I'm somewhere and offered a cocktail, I ask for something else. If someone asks why I'm not drinking I have several replies depending on who it is, how they asked and what the setting is. No one has to be privvy to my past unless they were there. I'm not going to get into a fishing contest with someone who's likely looking for juicy gossip. Alcoholism/drinking problems are still judged by people who don't get it. If I need to talk about it, I come here.
Part of getting sober is understanding that other people are on their own trajectory and I don't have to go with them. Boundaries. Self-protection. Discretion. Non-confrontational conversation. Redirecting when someone asks a question I don't want to answer.
Just because the music is playing doesn't mean I have to dance.
If I'm somewhere and offered a cocktail, I ask for something else. If someone asks why I'm not drinking I have several replies depending on who it is, how they asked and what the setting is. No one has to be privvy to my past unless they were there. I'm not going to get into a fishing contest with someone who's likely looking for juicy gossip. Alcoholism/drinking problems are still judged by people who don't get it. If I need to talk about it, I come here.
Part of getting sober is understanding that other people are on their own trajectory and I don't have to go with them. Boundaries. Self-protection. Discretion. Non-confrontational conversation. Redirecting when someone asks a question I don't want to answer.
Just because the music is playing doesn't mean I have to dance.
I have been asked many times over the years in my sober periods why I haven't had a drink and I have replied 'because I don't want to drink alcohol'. Lots of stifled laughter, judgy looks, the disbelief I didn't want one. Made me feel extremely uncomfortable but it's their issue not mine.
I now don't mind so much about others wondering why I'm not necking stuff at bbqs, Christmas etc., I'm now of the mindset that actually who cares if anyone drinks or doesn't?! Young people in the UK are very much non drinkers, don't smoke, going vegan. It's us in our 40s, 50s and 60s who will have the liver disease.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 105
Alcoholism/drinking problems are still judged by people who don't get it.
...but I have also found that the judgements come a lot from people who really DO question their own drinking. It might make them feel a bit unsettled.
...but I have also found that the judgements come a lot from people who really DO question their own drinking. It might make them feel a bit unsettled.
Magsie
Join Date: Oct 2013
Location: UK
Posts: 26,681
Hi carpetcleaner, I was 55 when I stopped drinking for the last time. I’d tried about 14 years earlier and got to 8 months then went to a London theatre weekend trip and thought one drink won’t hurt. It’s never just one though.
Finding SR online was the best thing I did to help me not drink. I didn’t think there’d be a life after stopping but there is. Sobriety takes away the chains of alcoholism.
I don’t speak to people about my sobriety only on this forum, and a few good friends who are normal drinkers. People on SR have experienced what you go through and can lead you on your way. They know the pitfalls along the way.
And one thing I loved I realised these people ‘get’ me. They understand because they’ve been there.
You can do this.
Finding SR online was the best thing I did to help me not drink. I didn’t think there’d be a life after stopping but there is. Sobriety takes away the chains of alcoholism.
I don’t speak to people about my sobriety only on this forum, and a few good friends who are normal drinkers. People on SR have experienced what you go through and can lead you on your way. They know the pitfalls along the way.
And one thing I loved I realised these people ‘get’ me. They understand because they’ve been there.
You can do this.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I think its the drinkers who ask the most questions about the former drinker. Its not anyone's business about my former issue with alcohol. I don't offer up that I am sober. I dont offer up anything really. I think we get to choose our own adventure with this one. You are doing great!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,943
Lots of stifled laughter, judgy looks, the disbelief I didn't want one.
As you say, it’s their issue, but maybe just avoid them.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by carpetcleaner
Alcoholism/drinking problems are still judged by people who don't get it.
...but I have also found that the judgements come a lot from people who really DO question their own drinking. It might make them feel a bit unsettled.
...but I have also found that the judgements come a lot from people who really DO question their own drinking. It might make them feel a bit unsettled.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
a lot of drinkers do have a pretty good idea about what is happening to them. They just don't know what to do about it.
All that goes away with some sober time.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
I don't talk about my not drinking with people, other than here. It's nobody's business, unless I decide to tell them. It's good to know that you don't need to justify yourself or to answer rude questions. I thinking making boundaries around things like that was very helpful to me.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 274
Hi CC,
You can keep going on about emotionall stuff but you need to grab the bull by the horns. if you can't stop on your own, see about an inpatient detox for 10-14 days. That' what I did. I was proactive rather than attention seeking which is, what a lot of alcoholics do and they'll tel you self indulgence and self pity will get you nowhere in this game.
Detox a practical solution to help you move forward before it's too late. I'd be dead now if I hadn't faced up to the fact I couldn't kick on my own. I went to experts and they removed all pysicall cravings, I could then address underlying issues, not the other way round. sounds harsh but it's the truth.
Have you had a liver function test? Be pragmatic.
You can keep going on about emotionall stuff but you need to grab the bull by the horns. if you can't stop on your own, see about an inpatient detox for 10-14 days. That' what I did. I was proactive rather than attention seeking which is, what a lot of alcoholics do and they'll tel you self indulgence and self pity will get you nowhere in this game.
Detox a practical solution to help you move forward before it's too late. I'd be dead now if I hadn't faced up to the fact I couldn't kick on my own. I went to experts and they removed all pysicall cravings, I could then address underlying issues, not the other way round. sounds harsh but it's the truth.
Have you had a liver function test? Be pragmatic.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2017
Posts: 349
Originally Posted by carpetcleaner
Young people in the UK are very much non drinkers, don't smoke, going vegan. It's us in our 40s, 50s and 60s who will have the liver disease.
Quitting will set a great example for your young ones and allow them to perpetuate these healthy cultural shifts. I'm so glad I cleaned myself up and can set a good example as a parent.
-bora
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 105
Originally Posted by kes
Hi CC,
You can keep going on about emotionall stuff but you need to grab the bull by the horns. if you can't stop on your own, see about an inpatient detox for 10-14 days. That' what I did. I was proactive rather than attention seeking which is, what a lot of alcoholics do and they'll tel you self indulgence and self pity will get you nowhere in this game.
Detox a practical solution to help you move forward before it's too late. I'd be dead now if I hadn't faced up to the fact I couldn't kick on my own. I went to experts and they removed all pysicall cravings, I could then address underlying issues, not the other way round. sounds harsh but it's the truth.
Have you had a liver function test? Be pragmatic.
You can keep going on about emotionall stuff but you need to grab the bull by the horns. if you can't stop on your own, see about an inpatient detox for 10-14 days. That' what I did. I was proactive rather than attention seeking which is, what a lot of alcoholics do and they'll tel you self indulgence and self pity will get you nowhere in this game.
Detox a practical solution to help you move forward before it's too late. I'd be dead now if I hadn't faced up to the fact I couldn't kick on my own. I went to experts and they removed all pysicall cravings, I could then address underlying issues, not the other way round. sounds harsh but it's the truth.
Have you had a liver function test? Be pragmatic.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,943
^ Well done, CC. I know it’s annoying that it takes weeks to see a GP, but you can get your story straight. Imagine being a GP where patients umm and err or blatantly lie about their alcohol intake. If a patient can work it out beforehand and say “I drink X units a week”, the GP will see they mean business. The chances are your liver function results will be normal (but so were and I had aches and pains and a fatty liver), but it’s best to know all is ok.
I wanted my GP to prescribe antabuse, which is the evil drug that makes you sick if you drink, but apparently I wasn’t that bad. She did tell me about other options and counselling, and ultimately that trip to my GP was the start of my quitting. The thing is, three years on, when I see a GP for whatever reason, they ask about my drinking. I don’t think they believe I quit despite me being about 25kg lighter! A lot of patients are less than honest.
I wanted my GP to prescribe antabuse, which is the evil drug that makes you sick if you drink, but apparently I wasn’t that bad. She did tell me about other options and counselling, and ultimately that trip to my GP was the start of my quitting. The thing is, three years on, when I see a GP for whatever reason, they ask about my drinking. I don’t think they believe I quit despite me being about 25kg lighter! A lot of patients are less than honest.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2022
Posts: 274
Hi CC,
Great that ou're going to see your GP. I'm in England too and at least your treatment will be funded by the NHS.
I was waiting 12 weeks from my initial apoinment to being admitted into detox. Honestly CC, it saved my life. My liver function tests were really bad and 49 days after detox they returned to normal.
Apols if I sounded harsh, it's just that I want you to get better. I'm happy to private message you if you have any queries Re: Detox. I can explain my journey from my meeting with my GP to the present day.
Detox is expensive. I was in for 10 days and it cost the NHS £7000. You need to show "You mean businness" as Hodd posted earlier, he's spot on with that advice. It's really important that you say the "right" things and jump through hoops for a place.You will be appointed a Key worker, which will be a social worker. They are your ticket into detox so It's paramount you do as they say. Anything I can help with I'm more than happy to. I really hope you get sorted buddy. I went to New Beginnings in Doncaster btw and it was superb. Didn't rattle or get the terrors and I was drinking an average of 50 units a day. please let me know if you would like me to private message you.
All the very best, and us Brits need to help each other out!
Kes
Great that ou're going to see your GP. I'm in England too and at least your treatment will be funded by the NHS.
I was waiting 12 weeks from my initial apoinment to being admitted into detox. Honestly CC, it saved my life. My liver function tests were really bad and 49 days after detox they returned to normal.
Apols if I sounded harsh, it's just that I want you to get better. I'm happy to private message you if you have any queries Re: Detox. I can explain my journey from my meeting with my GP to the present day.
Detox is expensive. I was in for 10 days and it cost the NHS £7000. You need to show "You mean businness" as Hodd posted earlier, he's spot on with that advice. It's really important that you say the "right" things and jump through hoops for a place.You will be appointed a Key worker, which will be a social worker. They are your ticket into detox so It's paramount you do as they say. Anything I can help with I'm more than happy to. I really hope you get sorted buddy. I went to New Beginnings in Doncaster btw and it was superb. Didn't rattle or get the terrors and I was drinking an average of 50 units a day. please let me know if you would like me to private message you.
All the very best, and us Brits need to help each other out!
Kes
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jul 2017
Posts: 105
Thank you both, Hodd and kes, great to have such supportive words and practical advice. It's made me think that being totally and brutally honest with a med professional could actually save my life. I've been so near it plenty of times. Hate the whole 'what's going on inside me?' without being checked.
I had full bloods done last month (for another issue), the works, and everything was normal apart from cholesterol which has raised a little.
Having been given good bloods results, I should be pleased but I'm not....I wanted a scare. I am fully aware that not everything is picked up and cirrhosis cannot be detected on bloods (is that actually correct? I'm too scared to Google!). I've drunk heavily for 25 years, I can't have gotten away with it, surely!
No apology needed for getting real kes, I didn't take it to heart, you were bang on.
Thanks kes, I'll give detox some thought. And I'll bear in mimd your kind offer. It's been helpful, essential, to log in here and post a lot.
I had full bloods done last month (for another issue), the works, and everything was normal apart from cholesterol which has raised a little.
Having been given good bloods results, I should be pleased but I'm not....I wanted a scare. I am fully aware that not everything is picked up and cirrhosis cannot be detected on bloods (is that actually correct? I'm too scared to Google!). I've drunk heavily for 25 years, I can't have gotten away with it, surely!
No apology needed for getting real kes, I didn't take it to heart, you were bang on.
Thanks kes, I'll give detox some thought. And I'll bear in mimd your kind offer. It's been helpful, essential, to log in here and post a lot.
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