dustyfox

Hey Carpet cleaner - I have a 12-year-old and a 13-year-old - I didn't quit for ages , even though it was killing me inside. I woke every night at 3 am with a pounding heart, hated myself, scared , guilty, and ashamed.

In the end I couldn't stand the misery anymore, the sheer overwhelming guilt of it all. So anyway I found this site and I quit. And I have had so much support and encouragement. But it has been hard work. It has taken time to get to a place where I now know for me, drinking is never an option. Hang on in there and let us help you through it.

Anna

Welcome back, Carpetcleaner!

I've definitely been in misery, the place where you find yourself now. It feels hopeless, but it's not. Have faith that you can do this. You will be able to get sober and live the life you want.

carpetcleaner

I'm grateful to you all for your wonderful words. Thank you. You're all so right, I can do this. I feel deep shame this morning, full of regrets, and of course not feeling well. It's just awful.

carpetcleaner

Ps. I am also terrified, what if it's too late? I'm scared I'm only 47

Hodd

I finally quit at 49, CC, and what a great move it was. I had concerns I’d damaged my health, especially my liver, but apart from a fatty (reversible) liver, no problems at all. You do need to know all is OK, though, which is why I recommend making an appointment with your GP. You won’t get told off or lectured. You’ll probably get praise for being proactive

carpetcleaner

That's very helpful, thank you. I get teary looking at my child this morning, wondering what would happen if I became ill. That's no way to live is it?

Hodd

^ Welcome 🙂

Obviously, health is a good reason to quit alcohol. We all know someone who didn’t quit, and that’s such a waste.

But there are other benefits. I turned from a low-esteem selfish type who hated everything into a person who I quite like, if that makes sense. Everyone will improve when alcohol’s no longer a factor. You’ll wish you’d quit years ago, but 47 is young, plenty of time to start living a great life.

Mizz

Its never too late to live the life you were meant to live.
Quitting alcohol is not an easy walk. For me, it was very hard. It was hard for all of us. You are not alone.
We can tell you it gets better because it does. You can do this! Let today be the day where you make the decision to change your life for the better.

carpetcleaner

That pounding heart and terror about what my body looks like inside...what I've said and done. I can't remember anything most evenings and don't know what I've discussed, argued, agreed to. I can't remember if I had sex.

It's a total humiliation. Bruises from God knows where.

I have booked a GP appointment and I need to be honest. It's not for a month though which scares the hell out of me.

I have just taken my recycling out and I counted 6 visible bottles on top, others carefully covered, and I worked out i have drunk 9 bottles in 3 days, plus extra spirits. This is insane.

Thanks to you all.

biminiblue

Let that trip to the trash be the last time you have liquor/wine/beer bottles in your possession.

Welcome to Day One.

I'd say, figure out what you're going to do for the whole day. Plan it. Don't include a trip to the store unless it's necessary for food.

Change your sheets. Take a shower. Start a fresh new life. Lay your head on a clean pillow, sober tonight. It's pretty delicious.

carpetcleaner

I did actually change my sheets this morning bimin, and I had a shower as I woke again to that unmistakable stench of sweat on my PJs, there's no other smell like it. I'm so ashamed.

I have had that delicious feeling many times. Hopefully I get get it back day by day.

It's rainy here in England and I'm watching a film with my child. I want a drink but I've replaced the thoughts with ideas for a delicious dinner. I should go for a run but I'm pathetic and lazy today, let's be honest, I'm hungover!!!! Ugh. Let this misery end, please 🙏 😢

biminiblue

Next time you go to the store look for some calming herbal teas. In the U.S. there are lots of them, I'm sure you have more. I had to find ways to replace my drink with other drinks that didn't remind me of a drink. Ya know?

I bet you could take a walk, maybe with your kid to the park or some place they want to go? I eased back into longer exercise.

carpetcleaner

Oh yeah, I've done them all, including AF 'beers'. The best non alcohol drinks are fruit ones, and they kept me sober, plus diet coke. AF beer just led me back to beer

I have a nice dinner planned

Thank you bimin

ToughChoices

I did NOT move seamlessly from addiction, depression, and self-loathing to peak health (mental and physical) with a touch of general industriousness. There were a lot of blanket-wrapped naps, herbal teas, ice creams, novels, and movies with my kids in my early days of sobriety.

Go easy on yourself. You can run later. Overhaul your diet another day.
Today: Don't drink. Rest. Snuggle your loved ones. Get to a meeting and/or keep posting here.

You are doing great, CC! You are in the right place! ❤

-TC

Hodd

You’re a runner? You’re already a star!

You won’t be hungover tomorrow. Go for a run then 👍

carpetcleaner

Thanks Hodd, yep been running years. It makes me feel amazing and keeps the weight off. Everyone thinks I'm really fit and healthy but I'm a pickled mess.

I look puffed and red at the moment, I can't even colour my cheeks with make up to take away the redness (I'm female).

RAL

You're doing great. It's 6.20pm now. Maybe get an early night and before you know it you'll be on day 2 👍😃

Hodd

How are you holding out this evening, CC?

I very much doubt it. Are you able to do your running in the mornings? I originally cut down on alcohol (as opposed to quitting) along with taking up exercise. When I tried to run after drinking the night before, the acid reflux was grim! You’ve got the running bug already which is great, and you should use this talent to help you quit.

I think we’ve got enough runners on SR now for a couple of triathlon relay teams!

carpetcleaner

I run with a friend and we go around 7.30-8am most weeks. I usually run hungover, dehydrated. I pretend I didn't sleep well but in reality, I necked 2 bottles plus a nasty chaser. I look awful all the time, but I remember in my sober periods my fellow runner says I look great, 'what's changed?' I am screaming in my head to say but I think they probably already know...

kes

CC,
U given the inpatient detox any thought? If you can't kick on your own, this may be a lifeline.

I'd recommend geting a liver function test too, see where you're at health wise.