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Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2022
Posts: 19
New here
Hello, i was looking for a support forum/group to help me through my drinking problem. I've been drinking (getting drunk) everyday for the last 5 years. I had a clean spell for 6 months in 2016. I've been a heavy drinker off and on for about 10 years, but it wasn't until the last 2 years that i realized i have a serious problem.
I'm functional and have a good job, i've never had a problem going to work. But my drinking has caused me to turn into a recluse. I'd rather stay home and drink than go out and do anything. I'm an introvert by nature and not very social, but i've noticed i will intentionally make excuses not to do things so i can drink.
Long story short i just hit 40 and feel like it's time to get away from it. I do have the ability to control myself when it comes to anything, but it seems i enjoy drinking way too much. I typically drink 8-12 beers a night. I can binge drink once i get home from work. There was a period last year where i would basically drink all day Saturday and Sunday, but since i got into a relationship that has stopped. However i'm still drinking way too much on a daily basis. My GF lives an hour away and i live alone, so it's very easy to conceal it.
Never gotten into trouble or anything, but i know i've been lucky. Most of my drinking is done at home and i know better than to drive.
So the last 3 weeks i cut my drinking in half, which was a good starting point. I plan on stopping completely this weekend. It feels good not to get drunk every night, but it has been challenging to reduce the amount i drink. To be honest i just feel bored out of my mind.
Last month i went to the Doc for a checkup and my bloodwork came back really bad. So i plan on following a better diet and starting to exercise. Nothing too crazy, but enough to make me want to change my lifestyle. In my 20's i was a health freak who exercised 5 days a week and followed a perfect diet. I was very healthy and used to compete in weightlifting competitions. Around 2013 is where things went downhill, i stopped working out, started drinking and eating like crap.
I really just want to get a handle on the problem and be healthy again.
I'm functional and have a good job, i've never had a problem going to work. But my drinking has caused me to turn into a recluse. I'd rather stay home and drink than go out and do anything. I'm an introvert by nature and not very social, but i've noticed i will intentionally make excuses not to do things so i can drink.
Long story short i just hit 40 and feel like it's time to get away from it. I do have the ability to control myself when it comes to anything, but it seems i enjoy drinking way too much. I typically drink 8-12 beers a night. I can binge drink once i get home from work. There was a period last year where i would basically drink all day Saturday and Sunday, but since i got into a relationship that has stopped. However i'm still drinking way too much on a daily basis. My GF lives an hour away and i live alone, so it's very easy to conceal it.
Never gotten into trouble or anything, but i know i've been lucky. Most of my drinking is done at home and i know better than to drive.
So the last 3 weeks i cut my drinking in half, which was a good starting point. I plan on stopping completely this weekend. It feels good not to get drunk every night, but it has been challenging to reduce the amount i drink. To be honest i just feel bored out of my mind.
Last month i went to the Doc for a checkup and my bloodwork came back really bad. So i plan on following a better diet and starting to exercise. Nothing too crazy, but enough to make me want to change my lifestyle. In my 20's i was a health freak who exercised 5 days a week and followed a perfect diet. I was very healthy and used to compete in weightlifting competitions. Around 2013 is where things went downhill, i stopped working out, started drinking and eating like crap.
I really just want to get a handle on the problem and be healthy again.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Welcome, Mr Clean!
You've found a good place to share your journey. I dare say most of us passed through where you've been and many of us can tell you how much worse it got for us. What I learned is that there is no true "bottom" aside from the grave. I kept finding new ones, so I've no doubt there are more if I ever drink again.
I was functioning, too - for a very long time. But not really, right? Making excuses so that I could go/stay home and drink wasn't actually a very functional aspect of my life. In fact, pretty much the only thing that did 'function' was my work self. But when I look back, I can see now that I wasn't working anywhere near the level I had previously (or do now).
So here's the hard part for me - this thing you say about being able to control yourself with anything. I thought that too. But it turned out in the end that I gave up control the moment I started drinking. It didn't used to be that way, but that's what it became. And it will never be different. This was a very difficult thing for me to accept/understand and I can't explain it. It's just how this thing goes.
You've made a great decision to put down the alcohol for good. It's great that you've cut down to half and are planning to be completely done this weekend. And yeah, it can feel like life is a bore for awhile. I combatted that by creating a schedule/routine to follow every day. It's just stuff I know I "ought" to do to keep myself at baseline healthy, but it keeps me honest and on the right course to check those things off the list every day. (Literally, on a whiteboard.)
My advice is to not expect too much out of yourself for the first several months (at least). If you get through the day without drinking, that's enough. You can get buff and lean a bit later.
O
You've found a good place to share your journey. I dare say most of us passed through where you've been and many of us can tell you how much worse it got for us. What I learned is that there is no true "bottom" aside from the grave. I kept finding new ones, so I've no doubt there are more if I ever drink again.
I was functioning, too - for a very long time. But not really, right? Making excuses so that I could go/stay home and drink wasn't actually a very functional aspect of my life. In fact, pretty much the only thing that did 'function' was my work self. But when I look back, I can see now that I wasn't working anywhere near the level I had previously (or do now).
So here's the hard part for me - this thing you say about being able to control yourself with anything. I thought that too. But it turned out in the end that I gave up control the moment I started drinking. It didn't used to be that way, but that's what it became. And it will never be different. This was a very difficult thing for me to accept/understand and I can't explain it. It's just how this thing goes.
You've made a great decision to put down the alcohol for good. It's great that you've cut down to half and are planning to be completely done this weekend. And yeah, it can feel like life is a bore for awhile. I combatted that by creating a schedule/routine to follow every day. It's just stuff I know I "ought" to do to keep myself at baseline healthy, but it keeps me honest and on the right course to check those things off the list every day. (Literally, on a whiteboard.)
My advice is to not expect too much out of yourself for the first several months (at least). If you get through the day without drinking, that's enough. You can get buff and lean a bit later.
O
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,576
Welcome, Hangclean. I'm so glad you found us & told your story. At 40 I was still trying to pretend I could be a social drinker, & it caused chaos in my life. This never has to happen to you.
Reading & posting here on a regular basis meant I never had to feel alone. Everyone here understands what you're going through. We want to help.
You can get free. Congratulations for making this life changing decision.
Reading & posting here on a regular basis meant I never had to feel alone. Everyone here understands what you're going through. We want to help.
You can get free. Congratulations for making this life changing decision.
There's a great support group here. You're in the right place! 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2022
Posts: 19
Originally Posted by Obladi 
I was functioning, too - for a very long time. But not really, right? Making excuses so that I could go/stay home and drink wasn't actually a very functional aspect of my life. In fact, pretty much the only thing that did 'function' was my work self. But when I look back, I can see now that I wasn't working anywhere near the level I had previously (or do now).
So here's the hard part for me - this thing you say about being able to control yourself with anything. I thought that too. But it turned out in the end that I gave up control the moment I started drinking. It didn't used to be that way, but that's what it became. And it will never be different. This was a very difficult thing for me to accept/understand and I can't explain it. It's just how this thing goes.
So here's the hard part for me - this thing you say about being able to control yourself with anything. I thought that too. But it turned out in the end that I gave up control the moment I started drinking. It didn't used to be that way, but that's what it became. And it will never be different. This was a very difficult thing for me to accept/understand and I can't explain it. It's just how this thing goes.
I agree that i'm probably not as functional as i think i am and that i'm a bit diluted in what i consider normal. When i drink i typically do change in personality and do not have complete control of myself, i get very impulsive. I can think back to the last time i was sober and things were much better. Over the years i think i've convinced myself i'm better off than i really am. I'm positive i would be a better person in every way if i stopped drinking.
I am a very structured person, but once i get 2-3 beers in all that changes quickly. That's why my work has not suffered much i think, because i never drink at the office mainly because i can't. There are a lot of things i don't do that i know i should. So i'm going to try to structure my day a little better and follow it. As long as i stay busy i think things will be fine. It's when i'm alone and my mind starts racing, then i immediately want a drink.
I'm over the point of thinking i can control it, i've failed so many times in the last 2 years it's obvious i am not in control. I live in a small town where everyone knows each other, so i don't have much of a support group here. I'd prefer to keep this quietly away from most people i know except a few friends and family members that i know will be supportive.
My oldest brother has been an alcoholic for 20 years and when i tried to talk to him about it he laughed at me. Then tried to convince me it's not a problem, just a lifestyle. I hope one day to help him too, but i need to focus on myself.
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
It's great you have decided that enough is enough and you're ready to take control back of your life.
Drinking has not given you any happiness it seems and it sounds as if things were much better when you were fitter, healthier and happier!
Post often it really does help.
Drinking has not given you any happiness it seems and it sounds as if things were much better when you were fitter, healthier and happier!
Post often it really does help.
Member
Join Date: Dec 2011
Location: New England
Posts: 4,420
Welcome to SR, Hangclean- you are in a great place to give you the support you're looking for. Spend time reading on the boards and get to know us a bit- never be afraid to ask a question or post about your experience- we are great at responding! Good job deciding to put down the drink- it's hard at first but you will be rewarded, just don't drink.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,786
welcome hang clean you came to the right place for support and understanding. 
we understand what you're going through. it's hard at first but if you stick with it you'll be rewarded. getting sober was the best thing i've ever done for myself. my life is manageable and i'm a lot happier. one big piece of advice i'll give you is to practice gratitude every day it makes a hell of a difference.
we understand what you're going through. it's hard at first but if you stick with it you'll be rewarded. getting sober was the best thing i've ever done for myself. my life is manageable and i'm a lot happier. one big piece of advice i'll give you is to practice gratitude every day it makes a hell of a difference. 
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2022
Posts: 19
Thanks!
So i've been tapering down my drinking to see if that helps with withdrawals. The last two nights i drank 3 beers each night. Planning on drinking 2 beers tonight and then stopping. Should be interesting to see how the next week goes. Last time i stopped drinking cold turkey i had crazy insomnia and night sweats. Trying to avoid that if i can.
I feel good and positive, but it is a struggle to stop drinking at night. I've been cooking dinner and eating a lot, which typically will cause me not to drink and it has been working. It's really hard to fall asleep, i can feel some anxiety building up. Going to just stick with it and see how this weekend goes.
It has been great to not wake up with a hangover. In fact it feels a bit off. The first few minutes i'm awake i feel confused a little, probably because i'm used to waking up feeling like ****. My energy levels are way down but i was expecting that. Just been trying to relax and watch movies. My GF will be here all weekend so that should help too. I haven't told her much about my drinking since we haven't been dating that long, but i plan on telling her soon.
Hope everyone has a good weekend!
So i've been tapering down my drinking to see if that helps with withdrawals. The last two nights i drank 3 beers each night. Planning on drinking 2 beers tonight and then stopping. Should be interesting to see how the next week goes. Last time i stopped drinking cold turkey i had crazy insomnia and night sweats. Trying to avoid that if i can.
I feel good and positive, but it is a struggle to stop drinking at night. I've been cooking dinner and eating a lot, which typically will cause me not to drink and it has been working. It's really hard to fall asleep, i can feel some anxiety building up. Going to just stick with it and see how this weekend goes.
It has been great to not wake up with a hangover. In fact it feels a bit off. The first few minutes i'm awake i feel confused a little, probably because i'm used to waking up feeling like ****. My energy levels are way down but i was expecting that. Just been trying to relax and watch movies. My GF will be here all weekend so that should help too. I haven't told her much about my drinking since we haven't been dating that long, but i plan on telling her soon.
Hope everyone has a good weekend!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,171
Originally Posted by Hangclean
Thanks!
So i've been tapering down my drinking to see if that helps with withdrawals.
So i've been tapering down my drinking to see if that helps with withdrawals.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2014
Posts: 25,373
A three day taper is how I quit.
I think three days was just right. If I tried a longer taper I likely would have just kept drinking, "Well, if I *can* drink one or two, why not just do that?" or, "I'm thinking I'll just keep on drinking."
Welcome, Hangclean. Hope to see you around the forums.
I think three days was just right. If I tried a longer taper I likely would have just kept drinking, "Well, if I *can* drink one or two, why not just do that?" or, "I'm thinking I'll just keep on drinking."
Welcome, Hangclean. Hope to see you around the forums.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2019
Posts: 55
How are you doing today Hangclean? I think today or yesterday would’ve been your first full non-drinking day? How do you feel?
Many of the things you stated are similar for me. Functional, good job, drink at home alone. But definitely time for a change, being in my 40s and knowing the drinking will catch up at some point. My last doctors visit was over a year ago and I was shocked my labs were good. I didn’t deserve them to be. I had cut down significantly, but not totally. I let some things bother me and I went right back to drinking pretty much everyday. Throwing that good news down the toilet. I haven’t been back for fear of what labs look like now. But it’s time to change for real.
I’ve attempted tapering a time or two. I prefer liquor, so I tried from liquor to wine to hard seltzer. Last week I did a decent job of trying to get down but the weekend came and I went back to liquor, but I’m not letting that stop me. I’m traveling out of state this week and wanted to be off the booze beginning on my travel day. I am not a day drinker and am rarely one to drink on a plane. Funny how I can reign it in under certain circumstances. Well I decided today that I was not going to drink even though I really hadn’t tapered after the liquor this weekend and have prayed I wouldn’t have many withdrawal symptoms.
So far I’m okay, I’m at nearly 21 hours since I had my last drink, maybe a little longer. I’ve had a moment of two of lightheadedness, but that’s normal on any given day for me anyways. Probably a slight fluctuation in blood pressure. I’ve always worried about severe withdrawals so that’s scared me when trying to quit cold turkey. But as of now I’m close to a full day off alcohol and I’m glad I didn’t need to call off the trip. The drink cart just rolled by with vodka clearly visible and I didn’t crave it at all. I’ve read day two can be bad, so that’s another concern, but I hope the fact that today was okay is in my favor for tomorrow and the day after. Thankfully I’m traveling with a nondrinker who I know hit it hard in the past. I don’t know if they used a program or not but they are sober as can be and I’m glad that’s who I’m traveling with.
I’m hoping and praying days two and three are okay. I feel like after that I’ll likely be okay for the serious withdrawal problems that could occur. I hope when I get back home later this week I can say I’m five days sober, but honestly I’m just going to count the hours and days and just do my best to get through.
I hope you are doing well Hangclean and look forward to your updates. It definitely helps knowing there are others on the same approximate timeline as you are, for me at least.
~Peaches
Many of the things you stated are similar for me. Functional, good job, drink at home alone. But definitely time for a change, being in my 40s and knowing the drinking will catch up at some point. My last doctors visit was over a year ago and I was shocked my labs were good. I didn’t deserve them to be. I had cut down significantly, but not totally. I let some things bother me and I went right back to drinking pretty much everyday. Throwing that good news down the toilet. I haven’t been back for fear of what labs look like now. But it’s time to change for real.
I’ve attempted tapering a time or two. I prefer liquor, so I tried from liquor to wine to hard seltzer. Last week I did a decent job of trying to get down but the weekend came and I went back to liquor, but I’m not letting that stop me. I’m traveling out of state this week and wanted to be off the booze beginning on my travel day. I am not a day drinker and am rarely one to drink on a plane. Funny how I can reign it in under certain circumstances. Well I decided today that I was not going to drink even though I really hadn’t tapered after the liquor this weekend and have prayed I wouldn’t have many withdrawal symptoms.
So far I’m okay, I’m at nearly 21 hours since I had my last drink, maybe a little longer. I’ve had a moment of two of lightheadedness, but that’s normal on any given day for me anyways. Probably a slight fluctuation in blood pressure. I’ve always worried about severe withdrawals so that’s scared me when trying to quit cold turkey. But as of now I’m close to a full day off alcohol and I’m glad I didn’t need to call off the trip. The drink cart just rolled by with vodka clearly visible and I didn’t crave it at all. I’ve read day two can be bad, so that’s another concern, but I hope the fact that today was okay is in my favor for tomorrow and the day after. Thankfully I’m traveling with a nondrinker who I know hit it hard in the past. I don’t know if they used a program or not but they are sober as can be and I’m glad that’s who I’m traveling with.
I’m hoping and praying days two and three are okay. I feel like after that I’ll likely be okay for the serious withdrawal problems that could occur. I hope when I get back home later this week I can say I’m five days sober, but honestly I’m just going to count the hours and days and just do my best to get through.
I hope you are doing well Hangclean and look forward to your updates. It definitely helps knowing there are others on the same approximate timeline as you are, for me at least.
~Peaches
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