Free2bme888

After years and years of drinking, three weeks and for me was still quite miserable being newly sober. It takes up to five years to start to feel like “normal” , so they say.

We have done quite a bit of subconscious training of our brain to think of having a drink whenever stress comes into play. Because we did that thousands and thousands of times over many many years. And unfortunately our subconscious thinks that we need it to survive. But the intelligent part of us knows that that is not true, in fact we know it makes us miserable. That will take quite some time of not drinking and retraining your brain to not think about a drink to relieve stress or be happier or to be relaxed. Because actually none of those things were working anyway, that’s a good way for me to think of it is to remember that it wasn’t working for me anymore.

​​​​​​​Do it day by day, and you will get there I would say it six months to get so much easier.

Hangclean

Yeah it just feels weird. I feel really out of place and lost. Yesterday i called the Doc to seek therapy and it's a 4 month wait to get in, so that's disappointing. I live in a very small town, so even the Docs located in the big city over an hour away are hard to book time with. I don't feel like myself at all. Like a shell of someone who lost everything, but the only thing i have lost is alcohol. I guess it's just a response to not drinking for the first time in several years.

I'm extremely introverted and suffer from social anxiety. Being around people while sober is terrifying for me. Maybe if i'm around 1 or 2 people i'm fine, but large groups and loud places cause me panic. I think it will be fine eventually, as when i was younger i was very social, but over the last 10 years i've become somewhat of a recluse.

I have been going for walks almost every day after work. Thankfully i live in a very beautiful part of the states, so i have dozens of places to go hiking. It's just that once i get home i feel terrible, like i don't want to be home or leave either? It's very confusing.

I just returned from a 2 hour drive, just thinking about how i feel and what life is like now. I'm remembering all the things i used to do when i was sober and happy, but for right now those things do not bring me joy. After 30 minutes of doing something i get bored and want to do something else. Rinse, repeat.

I read it takes like 1000 days for our mind to flip the switch on certain addictions, not sure how true that is but it makes sense. I do feel like my mind is fighting with itself. One minute i feel good and positive, a few minutes later it's doom and gloom, like the world is ending.

I just need to stay focused, i know the tricks my mind is playing on me, i just don't ever think i've been depressed before and this is overwhelming. Everything outside of this is perfect, my life is good and i shouldn't complain, i have everything i need and want for the time being. I'm thinking of taking 2 weeks off work and renting a cabin in the mountains. But something makes me want some social interaction, it's just that i'm anti-social, so for me to seek activities with other people is a struggle. My close friends don't know what i'm going through, when i brought up my drinking problem a few months ago i was ridiculed. So, i do not have a support system at all.

I mentioned to my GF that i was going to stop drinking for a while and she laughed at me. Even told her family that i'm having a rough time and i need to put my big boy pants on. Not very helpful.

fishkiller

When we stop poisoning ourselves the brain kind of freaks out.
Give it time. You will adjust.

I still get those days but they are further apart the longer I stay sober.

Alcohol turned me into a recluse also. I have always had social anxiety and used alcohol for decades to get through it. Since getting sober and working through some things and gaining back my self worth and confidence I am much better at social situations. I still get anxious in crowds and nervous speaking in groups but my social life, never thought I'd say that, is good. I am comfortable around people and have met many new friends since I quit. Friends that support me. Some drink but most don't. None give a **** if I drink. None of them give me crap if I tell them why I don't drink.

It's a shame your close people reacted the way they did. This is Our battle but it is nice to have support especially from those close to us.
I have pretty much stopped associating with those who do not support me in one way or another. I don't need the negativity. We don't need the negativity.

Most of us have to make some big changes to win this battle. I only want those who help me fight to be by my side.

biminiblue

Wow, well I would be sad/mad/frustrated/at odds too if my closest people were not being supportive. That girlfriend isn't much of a friend, if you ask me (and I know that you didn't ask me.)

Well done for putting down the drink. It was really hard for me for months. I still have my moments and I've been sober over eight years. I think the rhythms of ups and downs are much more noticeable when I'm not using alcohol for the fake euphoria every time I feel a little bit down. Life isn't all roses and unicorn farts for me all the time, but it's still one heckofalot better than it was at the end of my drinking.

Dee74

you’re definitely not alone with social anxiety. A lot of us here suffer from that, me included.
My drinking started, at least in part, as a way of dealing with social anxiety.

When I got sober, I accepted that social anxiety. It was an authentic part of me.

I’m still not comfortable meeting new people, or being in big groups. A lot of the time I’m happiest being by myself - and that’s OK.

I’m not tying myself in knots anymore or poisoning myself with alcohol to try and be who I think other people want me to be.

As a result, I’m the least anxious I’ve ever been in my life

I had to be patient. The joy I used to feel took a little while to re-emerge, but it did as my mind abandoned body healed

but ..that’s me, hangclean.

If you feel you might be depressed, see your Dr.
Get it checked out.

They may even be able to do something to help shorten that 4 month wait for therapy.

D

Colin1

I don't have any idea how close you two are or how seriously you take the relationship. I think it may be a fairly new thing and if this is true you guys may not have really got to know one another yet.

She can't know what you're really going through unless you tell her the whole story. If you did tell her everything and she doesn't understand then she doesn't get it and if you want her to you'll need to explain it again in a way she does understand. Then again, some people will just not get it. That sucks because then we have to decide if we want to accept that going forward.

If all you said to her was that you wanted to cut down on drinking for a while and she doesn't know about your history with alcohol then she doesn't have the full picture and it's reasonable for her not to understand what you're going through.

MissPeaches

Hi Hangclean, how are you doing?
I was so sad to read your GF was not supportive of you. No matter what level you had a problem with alcohol or not, for someone to laugh at you for wanting to quit and make statements to her family is atrocious. YOU DO NOT DESERVE THAT. It's one thing if she just doesn't understand addiction, but it's a whole other level for her to conduct herself as you stated, to make fun of you.
In a perfect world, I hope you expressed your feelings to her and she realized the error of her ways. But if the reality is different, I hope you have moved on from that situation. And I'm very sorry those close to you also ridiculed you when you were open about your struggles. True friends should be there for you, not ridicule. Again, you do not deserve that. You deserve support and compassion. I hope you've been able to receive treatment for depression, etc.
Reading back through this thread, I've realized how my own social anxiety as contributed to my alcohol use/abuse. Most of my life, I've trended towards the shy side of the house. With alcohol, I've felt like the "real" me can come out. Not that shy person who's afraid she won't be truly accepted, that I'm not good enough. The one who can really be "liked", the one who can let loose, the one who is much more fun. Over the years, I've been able to let go in some respects, but not in others.
I've not been doing so great, so it was time for me to get back to SR. My last interactions with you were in May. I believe we were one day apart on our sober days at that time. After my work trip, I came home and drank again that weekend. Right after that, I tried to get back on the wagon and lasted five days. Since then, I've been drinking everyday and my consumption has actually increased. I fell off of reading sobriety books and SR forums every day.
And then one of my dear friends succumbed to his alcoholism. He tried for years, even as his body began to break down and couldn't recover. It's heartbreaking. That fact should propel me into sobriety, but has only contributed to my alcoholism, in addition to other personal factors going on right now. It's easy to do the comparison thing to make yourself feel better. He was morbidly obese vs. be just being "normal" obese. He was a smoker, where I am not. He lost many jobs due to the disease, whereas I am a senior person in my job who is called on for the biggest projects in my company (and I do those projects well). It's easy to rationalize. The fact is, I've been an alcoholic longer than he ever was. Every day, I wonder when my number will be up. I know it's coming, as my body cannot continue as it has. Something has to give. I have to, HAVE to, quit drinking. I have several family members who rely on me. If I'm incapacitated or worse, that will make their lives even more difficult. I've had major motivation in the past, which for one reason or another, has been crapped on. My problem is that I've let outside people/forces derail my progress. Things I shouldn't have paid attention to that effected my psyche. Now is the time. I cannot have the life I've always wanted for myself if I continue to drink. I want so much more. Things my friend who passed always wanted, but will never happen for him now. So much life that was left to live, but will never be. I do not want the same fate. I don't want his death to be in vain. He never knew of my struggles, even though I know I could've shared my own same problems with him. I wonder if I had been honest, would it have helped him in his journey?
Long story short, I hope you are doing okay. I really do want to try to get back on the wagon for good and I hope you are as well.
Lots of love and strength for everyone else out there