Quitorelse

I drank! It is called many things, a slip, a relapse, falling of the wagon as we all know it doesn't matter what we call it! I just plain and simple lost my focus and drank!
I had two drinks and stopped but here I am again feeling defeated and ashamed!

Alpine

I have done that many times as well and it is not a fun feeling or a fun place to be, but what counts is you are here. A few people here have said " You fall down 7 times you get up 8". You can do this.

Jo43

The key here Quit is that yes you drank but you stopped! And you are here posting about it! I fell many times over the years. Keep trying. Keep going. Keep posting here. Well done on coming back, posting and being on Day 1. Sending you hugs xx

Mizz

Rome wasn't built in a day. Sobriety is not a linear path for most people. I relapsed many many times.
You can do this. People here will speak of a plan and using that plan. What is your plan moving forward?

doggonecarl

And just like that I drank!

Not "just like that." You posted yesterday that you had been thinking about having "one" drink. So, it wasn't so much losing focus as it was your addiction had you focused on drinking.

Look up AVRT. It will help you combat the voice that tells you, "You can have just one."

Anna

I'm sorry Quit, I know how that feels. I think it's important to figure out why you made that choice so it can be avoided in the future. Is there something that you can add to your recovery program to help you? Stay positive and be kind to yourself.

KAD65

But you're back, and right away. That is a triumph! Many of us disappear into alcoholic oblivion if we pick up the bottle again. Guilt and shame are not only pointless, they can be a portal to another slip. So, dust yourself off and begin again. You're in the right place!

CaliButterfly

It's ok, Quit. Like the others have said, keep trying until it sticks. I've been trying off and on for 8 years and now I think I've finally gotten to where I need to be to stay sober for good. Figure out what triggered it, have different options to avoid it, and don't give up. You've got this.

nez

There is no reason to feel shame, you are among friends who can relate. Because you are here, you are not defeated. This is a place of hope, strength, and courage, those same attributes brought you here. Lean on them.

Surrendered19

I'm sorry you are feeling that way Quitorelse. But you are not defeated. Defeated is going back out and losing another few years of your life and then maybe never making it back here. You are here and fighting your addiction and you should be proud of that.

DriGuy

I read once, I can't remember where, that the relapse usually starts long before an alcoholic takes that drink. While I haven't had any direct experience with that since I committed to sobriety, it makes an intuitive sense to me. It's like there is a long running internal debate between a craving and a desire to stay sober. Part of us wants to drink. Part of us wants sobriety. Two opposing factions often settle the issue through compromise, and compromise is one of those words that is usually assigned a positive value. However, with alcoholism, compromise in the form of one drink or one small relapse serves no positive purpose, and has no positive value. When that one drink is taken, it is a compromise shrouded in the pretext of "just this one time." Whatever you call it, it is not quitting.

All I can do is attempt to understand the dynamic. What to do about it is the bigger issue, and that is what AVRT offers. It is good for recognizing the dynamic while it's operating, and RR's Big Plan, "I will never drink again," offers the solution. I used to fault the Big Plan as one of those things anyone can say, only to later ignore, but actually the Big Plan is rock solid. However, saying it is not the answer. It must be understood, accepted, embraced, and carried out. Only then does it work. It is sobriety reduced to it's most simple fundamental. Yes, it's hard to do, but it is the basic requirement for any successful recovery program.

SoberLeigh

Doggone are made a great suggestion. AVRT has helped many.

Formulating a strong Sober Plan would be wise, also.

Jo43

I agree with others that a strong sober plan will definitely help.

Dri you are so right with the battle between the two!! I class myself as lucky as more recently the argument doesnt seem to be there. Its just nope not that one drink and there is no discussion or debate about it.

Hevyn

Hi Quit. I agree with those who said it was good you kept it to 2 drinks & then stopped, and came here to post.
The last time I picked up, after 3 yrs. of sobriety, I went off the rails in a reckless & dangerous way. I got a dui & many other horrible things happened. I never got back to being sober for years. Unfortunately, that's what it took to force me to face reality - I can never touch a drop - ever again.
I'm glad you're here to talk things over.

advbike

What DriGuy said is correct, in my experience, with hundreds of relapses. The idea of taking a drink starts well before it happens. We may not even recognize the thoughts as such - the Beast (our primitive brain) wants the pleasure of booze and so thoughts of alcohol begin to occur in subtle ways. Just like when we are hungry we begin to have thoughts of food, so we become susceptible before the conscious thought of a drink ever hits us. There may be fleeting thoughts and images of a beer or glass of wine, or a vague restlessness. Then the next time we feel irritated, or hungry, or anxious.. BAM! - the voice (of the AV) is right there - suggesting "one beer" wouldn't cause a problem.

Personally, I am very susceptible to frustration, irritation, and low blood sugar (hunger) because my Beast learned long ago that a beer (temporarily) solves both those problems within minutes. Instead of just sitting with those feelings and letting them pass, I learned to take the shortcut. So it takes time to learn to put distance between those thoughts and our actions, realize the trick that is being played on us, and play the tape through - but as many here can attest it, is totally doable.

In your case, the critically important thing is to immediately get back on the horse and keep your sobriety moving in the right direction. Do not give in and take more drinks or it will reverse all the healing you had. And learn from the experience. Glad you came right back!

DriGuy

The argument with the AV is not there anymore for me either, and I think this is the way recovery is supposed to be. The argument needs to be absent. Arguing with your AV just keeps you engaged with the problem, rather than the solution. But it's hard to pass on to someone else how to get to that point. In retrospect for me, it was all about commitment and resolve. Yeah? So OK, how do you pass on to others how to get to commitment and resolve? That of course, is exactly the problem they are up against. I guess all we can share is telling others about it. It's up to them to find it. Maybe it works different for others, but I think there is one universal truth for all of us. "We can't be half-way about any of this."

SoberLeigh

Quitorelse, here is a great thread on Sober Plans.

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ery-plans.html (Psst...wanna know why I'm always recommending recovery plans?)

Hodd

There but for the grace of whoever go any of us.

It’s a shame, Quitorelse, but it’s not something to be ashamed of. You’ve done nothing wrong. It’s just we’re addicts. I think you’re great for posting this as you’re clearly planning to sort this out.

Dee74

Hi Quitorelse

many of us faltered a time or two, it’s good you’re back and trying again.

it’s good to look at what happened and why, Do you need more support, or do you need to use th3 support you have more effectively?

what can you do the next time you feel the desire to drink?

Have a look at the link SoberLeigh posted - it’s a good one

D

advbike

I agree with this too. The most effective way I have of dealing with the AV is to dismiss it immediately, not debate it, or "allow it a seat at the table".

If I do, and I start to consider the thoughts, it is very easy for me to rationalize a drink.