Thesaviour

I get you. And you could say that is what I am doing.

Although one can not concentrate on "not doing" something, rather cultivate the opposite.

So I will use Charlie Sheen (and OCD?) as inspiration and say , I blinked and changed my brain. I am now teetotal and I have severed this nasty period from the present and may it float into the abyss of the past as I transition on my teetotal adventure.

This got boring fast.

The time is now.

I watched some Christian videos today as I tried to feel better. And a sinful life I no longer wish to lead

Later I had fun by myself watching clips of OZ (I'll probably start the series tomorrow) and drank tea and water. Same tomorrow I will clean and amuse myself with series and get back to one of what was my favorite pastimes: reading novels. This is much better and I don't need anything else.

(one cigarette was just leading to another and then another and then another and then another.......same with alcohol and all drugs........it's the same trap, there is no end. Hungry ghosts. Big mouths and tiny stomachs. With alcohol I cannot concentrate on a book nor a series nor a movie. Teetotal I can enjoy all of these things in a relaxed manner)

I blinked and changed my brain.

Steely

Just do it! In the blink of an eye. 😎😃

Don't doze off though. lol.

Thesaviour

Bi-winning!!!!!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=h5aSa4tmVNM

Steely

Poor Charlie. He knows how to win.

If you look, you'll see he's not blinking.

TroubleAfoot

I agree with this. It just has to be done and done right now. I was quitting drinking all the time. I was quitting tomorrow, next week, next month, at the end of the year. Lots of I'm quitting today, in the morning, only to be drinking again at 4 or 5 pm because, well, I'm gonna quit tomorrow of course. Tomorrow, tomorrow, tomorrow. Again and again and again. I was quitting that way for years and the years slipped inexorably by with accumulated regrets piling on top of regrets.

Do your self a favor and stick to it this time. After a bit inertia kicks in and it gets easier.

Thesaviour

He also knows how to get and stay sober it seems.

After "relapsing" when he got the HIV diagnosis from his interviews he said he was annoyed at himself that
he couldn't bring his daughter to a doctor's appointment because he was drunk.

He woke up and apparently said "today's the day" and it's three years no.

I kind of like his singlemindness "I'm doing it and that's that"

"Are you afraid you're going to relapse?"
"No"
"why not?"
"cause I won't"
("can't is the cancer of happen")

It's the mentality that will propel me ahead instead of dragging the feet. I can't afford anymore negative thinking or worry. I've got to frame this in a positive / adventurous way.

Thesaviour

perhaps I'll keep making notes/journalling. As the Dee fellow says connect/post before hand not after...

Two types of decisions: Constructive and destructive. Making no decisions is where mental illness and addiction lie, a state of inertia.

Decision making process must be guided by observing ego / mindfulness. Is my mind obfuscated by irrational thinking? Irrationality clouds all decision making and is the precursor for horrendous mistakes. If I am in an irrational state of mind I need to get it back to a rational state before making a decision and guiding myself to make a constructive one.

A stoic exercise on dealing with feelings. 1) What am I feeling? 2) Acceptance "ok I am feeling such and such, that's ok ·3) looking at where it is coming from. Where is this feeling coming from? 4) Act on it rationally

Anyway, there is still some sunshine and I am making a constructive decision right now: Just put on training gear and going to go out for an hour's walk by the river in the sunshine while listening to a podcast. Free healthy drugs are at my disposal: endorphins. Being in nature and exercising it tremendous for mental health.

This is pushing the wheel in the opposite direction. It will take a while to get momentum and it starts spinning freely with it's own momentum, but little by little, got to start with that first heavy push.

Thesaviour

I'll eventually just start another "long term thread" but here we go....

Slept 15 hours horrible broken sleep, a bit depressive, suicidal thoughts, missing ex..........then suddenly realizing my mind is clear and my body is rested is a great feeling.......

A bit depressive? get out of bed and stop staying in bed like this! The alcohol is out of your system go get up and make today better than tomorrow!!! (depressive thoughts gone)

suicidal thoughts? Constantly seeing a rope around my neck allowing dark thoughts to come in. Ok i think in rational recovery he is on to something. "addicted people are plagued by suicidal thoughts but often don't act on them. But it serves as a good excuse to drink" ok so I am tired of this conflict. Am I going to top myself? Noooooo....so **** off!! I'm going to die any way all I have to do is wait, may as well have a go of it and see if I can get over this and make something happen. So I am not doing it no matter what? Nooooo and you know it. (suicidal thoughts gone)

Missing ex? ohh please I am tired of thinking of her. what am I missing? We developed a codependent dynamic. It is not nice being codepentent. Obviously I was dependent on her for something AND THAT IS WHAT I AM ******* MISSING. Solution? go stay teetotal, discover who you are, what you like, FILL YOURSELF UP AND LEARN TO POUR YOURSELF OUT. Look to give rather than take......and that lies in the future and the process starts in the present. Give instead of looking to take. That is LOVE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT. Love with attachment is what you are missing. let that **** go into the past and float away. She is dead to me buried at the bottom of the sea just like I am to her. (no longer missing ex)

Nice 10k two hour walk tonight listen to Jordan "SLAYING THE DRAGON WITHIN" very inspiring. Stop feeding the dragon else he gets bigger.......The dragon is guarding gold. The gold is everything I need.

Watching UFC tonight. Fed drinking coke.

Oh....hungover or drunk: the situation seems impossible to get over!! impossible, overwhelming!!!!

Teetotal clear mind? BRING IT BRING IT BRING IT! Have cash for bus fare to get to job on Monday (tempted to buy alcohol with it? The thought popped into my mind, but I am started. I'm teetotal. This has gone on too far. I need to have my mind and body and energy to face the dragon)

Again the weirdo of a landlord start harassing me again and bringing up the past even bringing up my ex. I don't know how I remained calm and rational. Well i do, I probably have psychopathic traits but that's a different thread. Anyway, not letting the ***** bother me and I'll go when I'll go. That being said the sooner the better and I may already have found a solution......I'll know tomorrow.

pretty confident that staying teetotal, fit and healthy with a positive attitude I can clean up this mess and come out a stronger person on the other side.

Started Ian Rankin first novel last night. Knots and Crosses. I forgot Reubus was a whisky fan. Dohh. Not letting it bother me. I have books from Cuba and they mention Rum a lot. Shouldn't making any difference. If I am choosing teetotal let others do what they want. Can't stop me enjoying novels, series or movies.