I'll eventually just start another "long term thread" but here we go....
Slept 15 hours horrible broken sleep, a bit depressive, suicidal thoughts, missing ex..........then suddenly realizing my mind is clear and my body is rested is a great feeling.......
A bit depressive? get out of bed and stop staying in bed like this! The alcohol is out of your system go get up and make today better than tomorrow!!! (depressive thoughts gone)
suicidal thoughts? Constantly seeing a rope around my neck allowing dark thoughts to come in. Ok i think in rational recovery he is on to something. "addicted people are plagued by suicidal thoughts but often don't act on them. But it serves as a good excuse to drink" ok so I am tired of this conflict. Am I going to top myself? Noooooo....so **** off!! I'm going to die any way all I have to do is wait, may as well have a go of it and see if I can get over this and make something happen. So I am not doing it no matter what? Nooooo and you know it. (suicidal thoughts gone)
Missing ex? ohh please I am tired of thinking of her. what am I missing? We developed a codependent dynamic. It is not nice being codepentent. Obviously I was dependent on her for something AND THAT IS WHAT I AM ******* MISSING. Solution? go stay teetotal, discover who you are, what you like, FILL YOURSELF UP AND LEARN TO POUR YOURSELF OUT. Look to give rather than take......and that lies in the future and the process starts in the present. Give instead of looking to take. That is LOVE WITHOUT ATTACHMENT. Love with attachment is what you are missing. let that **** go into the past and float away. She is dead to me buried at the bottom of the sea just like I am to her. (no longer missing ex)
Nice 10k two hour walk tonight listen to Jordan "SLAYING THE DRAGON WITHIN" very inspiring. Stop feeding the dragon else he gets bigger.......The dragon is guarding gold. The gold is everything I need.
Watching UFC tonight. Fed drinking coke.
Oh....hungover or drunk: the situation seems impossible to get over!! impossible, overwhelming!!!!
Teetotal clear mind? BRING IT BRING IT BRING IT! Have cash for bus fare to get to job on Monday (tempted to buy alcohol with it? The thought popped into my mind, but I am started. I'm teetotal. This has gone on too far. I need to have my mind and body and energy to face the dragon)
Again the weirdo of a landlord start harassing me again and bringing up the past even bringing up my ex. I don't know how I remained calm and rational. Well i do, I probably have psychopathic traits but that's a different thread. Anyway, not letting the ***** bother me and I'll go when I'll go. That being said the sooner the better and I may already have found a solution......I'll know tomorrow.
pretty confident that staying teetotal, fit and healthy with a positive attitude I can clean up this mess and come out a stronger person on the other side.
Started Ian Rankin first novel last night. Knots and Crosses. I forgot Reubus was a whisky fan. Dohh. Not letting it bother me. I have books from Cuba and they mention Rum a lot. Shouldn't making any difference. If I am choosing teetotal let others do what they want. Can't stop me enjoying novels, series or movies.
Last edited by Thesaviour; 10-23-2021 at 03:15 PM.
Reason: accidently miss spelled a swear word. Result was the filter didn't pick it up. so spelled it correct in edit