16YearsDrunk

About 2 months ago I had a drink, which broke my 3 year sobriety. I didn't drink after that, until I broke up with my partner of 12 years.

I was fine when we broke up. I had to return home because the house is still half mine and I have nowhere else to live. We're sort of together, but she feels it's best we live sperate. But it was when I came home and was "happy" that I decided to drink.

I didn't hit the bottle hard and I didn't drink because of the relationship issues; although I've no doubt it contributing. I purchased 24 bottles of Stella because I thought "The sun is out, it's a nice day, why not". But that didn't end well. I was opening a bottle at 2pm just because. After the second day I noticed I was doing this I got rid of the remaining alcohol and I haven't drank since.

I don't want this to get out of control, so I'm signing in.

I also developed a codeine addition after a nasty tooth ache during COVID. The dentist couldn't even do a filling, so now the tooth is so bad it needs a root canal. I still have to take codeine for pain sometimes, but I started using them because they felt nice.

I'm starting to see the addictive behaviors I have inherited. My Dad's family were drug addicts.

Positive news, just started a career in game development. It seems to be when things are going well there is more temptation to drink.

SoberLeigh

Glad to see you posting, 16yearsdrunk. Looking forward to seeing your username change to 16+yearssober.

As alcoholics, we tend to drink AT things, good or bad. We need to change our mindset to something along the lines of I don’t drink because I am worth it or I don’t drink because I want a much better way to live. It may sound selfish but you need to do this first and foremost for yourself. The benefits you derive for yourself, though, will pour down to those important to you. You will see the benefits spread through your life.

I am sure that you already know that mixing codeine and alcohol is very dangerous. A talk with your doctor seems wise.

Don’t wait; start today.

lessgravity

Sorry to hear this 16. Our paths have crossed here as we both were getting sober in 2018. You had a significant amount of sober time that you should be proud of and use to return back to the life you want to be leading. But what are you going to do differently this time? I don't mean this harshly but there is an ambivalence in your post that I think is concerning. Your desire to get sober was driven by pain and yet your decision to drink seems like a flippant decision made without much thought. I think that you could have identified the path you were headed down prior to the purchase and consumption of the booze. What had changed in your mind? What perspective did you have that was different from the way you were for years beforehand?

I noticed that before today your last post was more than 7 months ago. I think using this site, staying close, might be essential to your sobriety. What else can you change and fortify?

Anna

I'm sorry that you're struggling right now, but so glad you came here and posted. I'm sure you have things that work for you in your recovery to keep you sober. Maybe there is something you can add to your recovery plan that will help you get past this point and into long-term sobriety.

advbike

I agree with what Less Gravity said. I too became complacent and threw it away at 3 years. Glad you stepped on the brake and changed course.

Posting regularly here does help and was something I had gotten away from before my relapse also.

tursiops999

Welcome back 16, thanks for posting. I'm glad you poured it out and stopped. I hope you continue to participate in SR -- I find the mutual support here is a good daily reminder for me, of how much I treasure my sobriety.

16YearsDrunk

Thank you. I am not mixing codine with alcohol on the few days I drank I didn't take any medications, including my mental health medications because they're dangerous with alcohol too.

16YearsDrunk

Thanks all. To answer the question: what changed?

Good question. I had not thought about this until I just read that. The time I drank the first time I was feeling depression. Summer was coming and my agoraphobia was starting to bug me. My ex partner was beginning to get annoyed that I just couldn't leave the house. The following day she asked if I wanted to come for a walk around the woods. I couldn't decline, because the day before we had an argument about my agoraphobia. I decided to stop off at the shop on the way to the woods and pick up 2 beers.

I got back and my neighbor offered me a beer. They all couldn't believe I was drinking again, but they were too drunk to care. I was feeling merry from the previous drinks during my walk around the woods, so I joined my neighbors for the night. I thought heck it, I've already drank. I regretted every sip, because even though I was feeling drunk I knew had just broken a very long sober streak.

I was drunk that night and I left my partner a message saying thank for such a wonderful day. It was the alcohol talking.

When I woke up I thought "What the heck did you do? Sort yourself out". I decided not to drink after that. But, my agoraphobia was still there, so I went back to not going out. This annoyed my partner, so she broke up with me. I felt gutted. I cried. I couldn't understand it. My mental health issues were being used as a reason to split up.

I stayed with my mom for a couple of nights. I didn't drink. I came back home and was fine for 3/4 weeks and didn't drink.

I went shopping at the supermarket and went past the beer isle. This had been the first time I'd been in a supermarket in a very long time. In fact, I don't think I've been to a supermarket since I quit drinking. I usually shop at halal stores. I am Muslim.

It was common for me to pick up a box of beers when shopping. I think maybe there was subconscious stuff going on? I got to the checkout, put all the shopping away and realised I had £20 left over. I thought "It's hot, you drank the other time and was fine, you can space them out or just keep them in fridge you don't have to drink them all".

I thought to heck with it and went back in the store to buy them.

I got home, opened one up and sat outside. I had 4 bottles and left it at that. I felt merry, and happy. The next day I though to myself "You did ok yesterday, it wont hurt to have a few today". That day led to 7 beers. The next day I realized this isn't good and I shouldn't be drinking at all. I remembered all the hell I went through with alcohol in the past.

I remembered the family members who I lost to alcohol and reminded myself that I have addiction problems too. I can not safely consume anything that could be addictive. My Dads side were drug addicts, my moms side were alcoholics.

The things I need to change are:

• Come to the forum when I feel any sort of issues with alcohol
• Seek help for my agoraphobia (I have sought help, just COVID stuff atm means there is no face to face therapy in my area)
• Find something to distract me when I feel those thoughts such as: playing the piano, or going for a walk
• Shop in stores that don't sell alcohol. I have been doing this for 2 years, I shop at halal stores, but this one time I went into a supermarket went bad.
• Seek advice from those in my faith

I've had to dig deep to post this. Thank you for asking.

least

I hope you'll come here often and take advantage of the support and advice you'll find.

b0glerd69

Thanks for sharing, 16Years. The guard has to be kept up. Regardless of how attractive alcohol seems to us, deep down we know that it will end in disaster. I hope you have learnt from the experience and are better equipped to cope next time. All the best.

16YearsDrunk

Phew, I nearly had an issue in the supermarket. I'm cooking a nice meal tonight and I used to enjoy a bottle of wine while cooking. It crossed my mind so many times. I continued to the checkout without buying alcohol. I settled for an energy drink, not great but refreshes my mouth I hope these things are not addictive lmao.

It's so crazy what a little alcohol can do to your mind when you're an alcoholic. It feels like the temptations are back because I had those drinks the other week.

I am going back to my regular stores because supermarkets are a clearly a trigger right now.

Still sober though. I will be checking in more often. Thank you folks.

Zebra1275

Welcome back. I got complacent once and screwed up a 5 year run of sobriety. It took me a very difficult year of on and off drinking to finally get sober again. I've now got an 11+ year run of sobriety and I'm not going to get complacent again.

16YearsDrunk

Thank you for sharing. I've felt a lot of guilt, but I had a good 3 years, and a slip up. I look forward to reaching 11 years. Congratulations!

tursiops999

Your plan looks good 16 - -glad you "dug deep".

Mizz

It is so good you have recognized your triggers and are moving forward.
Finding solutions and implementing those solutions.
Keep on moving forward. You are doing this!

16YearsDrunk

I'm still sober, and had no desire to drink. Looking back, I think my mental health wasn't great in that I had broken up with my partner (we're together now). I wanted to be the happy person she remembers. I was jolly and happy when I drank, and my anxiety and agoraphobia went downhill when I quit.

I'm just battling so much tiredness from my mental health medications. I feel like I'm in a medicated haze, which demotivates me, makes me sleep, etc. I don't feel as depressed any more, but my anxiety is bad. It's been made even worse because I got a fitbit which has sent me into a frenzy of constantly checking my pulse. I have these OCD type anxiety behaviors.

I drank 3 energy drinks today to try and wake up, but it just makes me feel worse. I seem to have fallen into a dependency with these to "wake up".

I'm even more worried that the relationship will suffer if I'm dealing with agoraphobia and can't leave the house. I feel so lazy. Some days I can get up and do the chores and some work. Other days I can't even get out of bed.

Non of this makes me want to drink. I have no desire for alcohol.

Anybody ever been through this?

biminiblue

All medications are not "right" for every person. Your current situation doesn't sound good.

I think from my past experience on prescribed drugs that if I didn't feel better, then I needed a different med. Anti-depressants come in many different forms and maybe the class of anti-depressant you are on is not the right one for you.

I'd tell the prescribing doctor exactly what you've said here. Keep seeking!

Dee74

I’m glad you’re not drinking, but I agree with Bim - if you have been on them for awhile and things aren’t getting better it’s time to go back to your doctor.

Drinking multiple energy drinks every day can’t be good for you either.

D

least

My doctor once prescribed Paxil (paroxetine) for my depression but after a couple weeks I asked him to put me back on Zoloft (sertraline) as the Paxil made me so fatigued I couldn't do anything - no ambition, no energy. If your antiD isn't helping, ask your doctor to try something else. If you've been taking this med for over six weeks, then the fatigue is likely not a side effect, as most side effects go away after a month or two.

ThatWasTheOldMe

If you can get the root canal done, your tooth will almost certainly feel much better.