Haris2014

The good folks of SR,

53 weeks ago I told myself I was giving up alcohol for a year..I did this as committing to a lifetime was quite daunting and I had failed after 5 or 6 months multiple times over multiple years going for the big “never again”

but my AV has been chirping up lately and today especially as the Uk’s COVID freedom day arrived...i have been trying to rationalise drinking again..I did what I set out to do...a year proves you are not as bad as you were...it’s freedom day after all..etc..etc.

now, I am in no danger of drinking but have really noticed that my early coping skills have all but dried up as the urges diminished over this last year. I don’t want to have to white knuckle it out so I feel like I need to make this a permanent state of mind and say loudly and proudly “I am not drinking for good”

last week I would have said my commitment was unshakeable...stay vigilant, as these urges really blindsided me

ok...I feel better for typing that out..thanks for listening/reading

haris

Scd619x

my experience was that i promised i would never drink again 100s of times in my drinking days. I did the same with smoking too. The key to my recovery is that I'm not going to have a drink today, not forever as that is nuts because i don't know what the future holds. I'm not talking about the one day at a time thing which helps in early recovery by only having to white knuckle through 24 hours, i mean an acceptance that you only have today to worry about as you don't know what will happen tomorrow. If you can go further than that and practice living in the minute through mindfulness or the like then you even stand a chance of being happy and sober

biminiblue

It's really common to have intense AV thoughts around soberversaries, Haris. Especially when you basically set yourself up for this battle at the One Year.

I did a combo of one day at a time and, "I don't drink." If I spend even 30 seconds thinking about the misery I had at the end of my drinking and the difficult first few months of sobriety I have no problem at all saying, "Never again."


Good decision you've made. Congrats on that Year. That's huge.

Haris2014

Thanks scd and bimi... I thought the intense urges had gone and the muscles I used for early sobriety haven’t been flexed in a while... I think your right though I did set myself up for this with a target of one year..can’t change that now though so have to just crack on with it...😂

as I said I have no intention of drinking..just wasn’t expecting my complacency to have such an emotional effect... a lesson learnt there.

biminiblue

Sometimes I'm still blind-sided by some drinking urge and I've been sober over seven years. It just happens, nothing to be done about it other than say, "Well that's not gonna happen!"

I expect to always have some thoughts about it. It was my go-to for everything for many years. Happy, sad, mad, frustrated, celebration, days that end in "Y"

It's just the nature of the brain. Brains are weird.

advbike

Maybe set a FIVE year target? Best to just go for never again though. Have you looked at the Rational Recovery book? That's their approach.

I became complacent after 3 years and drank again. Never made it back to that since, so please be really careful with this. I hope you do not drink, and it's really great that you caught yourself Haris.

Haris2014

cheers adv, I will not be taking my sobriety for granted and feel lucky the thoughts scared me to write here than pick up a bottle.

I haven’t had more than a cursory look at any recovery books..a few pages in I found them all quite triggering so I gravitated towards self help books and professional/ business help books. I think I adopt a few of the practices of recovery books learnt from reading on here and then researched myself.

novips

I could not stay sober till I fully committed to the recovery program of Alcoholics Anonymous. A couple of quotes from A.A.'s Big Book that might be relevant:

At a certain point in the drinking of every alcoholic, he passes into a state where the most powerful desire to stop drinking is of absolutely no avail. This tragic situation has already arrived in practically every case long before it is suspected. The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called will power becomes practically nonexistent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink. The almost certain consequences that follow taking even a glass of beer do not crowd into the mind to deter us. If these thoughts occur, they are hazy and readily supplanted with the old threadbare idea that this time we shall handle ourselves like other people. There is a complete failure of the kind of defense that keeps one from putting his hand on a hot stove....

There is a solution. Almost none of us liked the self-searching, the leveling of our pride, the confession of shortcomings which the process requires for its successful consummation. But we saw that it really worked in others, and we had come to believe in the hopelessness and futility of life as we had been living it. When, therefore, we were approached by those in whom the problem had been solved, there was nothing left for us but to pick up the simple kit of spiritual tools laid at our feet.

Feel free to PM me if you'd like to chat more about any of this.

Mizz

What if you committed yourself to running a marathon? Walking a marathon? Taking a class? Getting through something that requires your full attention and has no room for alcohol. What if you reset and refocused, as alcohol is no longer part of your life, and reached for a goal aside from not drinking for one year? Fill up the thoughts with other thoughts and other activities. You dont drink and you are not going to drink!

Anna

I agree with what Bim said about anniversaries. The significance of the 52 weeks sober may have triggered your AV. It's good that you are being proactive and plan to do some work on your recovery at this time.

birddawg

Not trying to start a debate, as I see both sides of this issue, but this, for me, is why I don't really count days. I do the first few weeks then I just keep a rough idea in my head. I remember my "day one" dates however.

Great job on a year. Go read some of the relapse and withdrawal threads. That helps me remember how bad it sucked at the end of drinking and early days of abstinence. Good luck.

DriGuy

The first thing that I thought when I read this is that of course you're going to crave. You've done your year, and your AV expects it's reward. It's been waiting a whole year for this. You're AV is you, and you have been waiting for that drink, because you weren't planning to quit. You may not have been conscious of this, but you set it up. You did prove you could go a year without drinking. That's clearly a victory. But drinking after your victory is clearly a defeat. It's like vanquishing your enemy in a war, and then turning over your women, children, and all your possessions to your foe. What was the purpose of winning the war?

Haris2014

Hi driguy, I agree with you completely...it’s a box ticked, let’s go celebrate with a drink...it’s not going to happen, but it has stirred up cravings... this is obviously a flaw in my original plan. I have always believed I would never drink again but set a target of one year and been reinforcing that target for some unknown reason.

I have had a bit of a mental wobble the last few days but I am glad I have written it down, got some solid advice from SR. So thanks everyone

Kaptn

I relate 100% Scd619x
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advbike

Well that's a perfectly valid means of motivation - to set a target. I do the same and find it much easier than "forever". We just have to be careful when we get near that target date to set a new one and do not listen to the AV. Heck I have a 180 Day challenge going right now because I kept slipping up at 2-3 months. I needed more. I will make it and it falls on NY day, so at that point I'll set a year. Then five.. etc.

Maybe before then I will adopt "never". I don't know, it might be a good idea, but it still doesn't negate the tremendous benefit some of us get from a target date. Glad it worked for you too.

DriGuy

The main thing is you aren't responding to your AV. Would your AV have been less loud if the wording in your plan was bolder? I don't know.

silentrun

Good call. When I was in early recovery I read something that said people who maintain longterm sobriety will occassionally recommit to it. I had the same thoughts at a year.