dustyfox

Sorry not to reply individually but I have taken much from each reply.
I think there is a big issue with me and shame - my family doctor is a kind man and i know would not judge me - but I just cant do it!
One of my main motivators for quitting was the horror of dying and my children and other close family finding out I died of excessive alcohol consumption - or even something going horribly wrong with my body and ending up in hospital - I would have let them down so very badly. It's all so ridiculous but there it is.
Is it my AV talking, I don't think so - despite my OH saying 'Just have a drink at least you will sleep' I have no desire to.
I have found some old Amitriptyline prescribed for some back pain a while ago - I think I will take some and see if a good nights sleep will help me get some perspective. I have a family BBQ on Sunday - I am not sure I can face going -
Positive though is that I have been sober for three weeks tomorrow.

Surrendered19

Several terrible ideas in that reply dustyfox. Refusing to go to your doc. Taking prescription meds NOT prescribed for a current medical issue. Trying to white knuckle your way through this (which never works). Making decisions about all of those things when you are in pain and sleep-deprived.

Three weeks is such an incredible start. Why not do the things (or NOT do the things) that will aid in your new healthy journey?

least

Three weeks is still very early in recovery. Give yourself a few months and see how you're feeling then. If the pain is still bothersome, see a doctor. Or, if the pain is getting worse, see a doctor now.

GerandTwine

Consider over the counter pain relief.
Not going to your doctor because you used to drink a lot when you feel you ought to doesn’t make sense. Just go and deal with the existing problems. You’re not a doctor so why are YOU diagnosing that it has to do with previous alcohol consumption?
If I were in your position, I would report that I’m feeling better than usual except for ...(what hurts).
I would not find it necessary to say it is because you ARE NOT experiencing hangovers etc from too much drinking. Just that your generally feeling good, except for...

Go for it. Let your healing body be examined. Find out what’s causing the hurting.
This is not medical advice, just what I might do in your situation.

dustyfox

I apologise for so flippantly saying I would take some prescription drugs in order to sleep as I am aware there are people here who have struggled and still struggle with such drugs - I have never had a problem with prescription drugs and rarely ever took them even when prescribed,

Sober45

Hi DustyFox. This is just my own experience not sure if it's relevant or not but I will throw it out there anyway. I'm female and almost 47. I'm in perimenopause and have mood swings according to what time of the month it is. I get anxious and overwhelmed at certain times....extremely sensitive.

When I read you're post I got that vibe so I just had to go and look at your profile to see if you're female...and so you are. If there's any chance you could be affected by hormone fluctuations, you can take solace in fact that sobriety, over time, gives you much more control. I have only come to appreciate my bodies natural cycle since I quit drinking.

These days I know what to expect so I'm prepared. Knowledge is power but we need to be sober to harness that power.

My apologies if that was off base!

It's still early days, DustyFox. Give yourself some credit for achieving this much. Stay close and keep posting as much as you can. I never thought I could live without wine after so many years of abuse... but here I am now after 17 months on a Friday afternoon not even phased by it. The permanent void I feared, does not exist. It will happen for you too.

What you are doing now is the very hard work of starting a SOBER HISTORY for yourself. You will eventually look back at this time with a great sense of pride.

Take care

dustyfox

Thanks Sober 45 I am female - (congratulations on 17 months that's fantastic and on getting the vibe right) - I am probably about completing menopause as I am now 54, - menopause started for me at about 52 - I am sure hormonal fluctuations are in the mix somewhere - it all feels like a cocktail of chaos in my brain right now - I am often quite together ( as far as that can be true of an addict) but not so today. I am counting the hours until my children go to bed ( I am an older parent they are still quite young) and I can stop pretending I am fine. I will not be drinking alcohol.

Nonsensical

My AV's favorite tool is to paint a fantasy about drinking too beautiful to ignore.
It's second favorite tool is shame. To make me believe I am not worth saving.
It is a liar and a thief. It would murder me if I let it.

You've been sober for 3 weeks. Shout it from the rooftops to your doctor in the street below.
You're doing hard things.
Be proud.

Feel better soon!

lessgravity

Congrats on 3 weeks - you are turning a corner in my opinion. An early corner in the sober road but definitely pushing into the second month of sobriety is a real achievement. AVRT and this website got me sober as well. I can't speak to some of your ailments but the insomnia and other mental suffering I can - it almost all has faded from my life now that I am deep into sobriety.

Good for you for getting this done. Great work. Stay strong.

Dee74

Don't let fear or shame obstruct you.
If the pain continues I hope you'll go to a doctor - go to a different one if necessary?

D

phoebe64

Dusty, back in January, I was in your shoes. You can probably find my post on January 2nd, basically having anxiety that ended in a panic attack and a visit to the ER. I came clean for the first time in my life, and again, with a dr on follow up a week or so later. I was treated with great compassion. The dr on following up was new to me because my regular one left the practice. He did say, “Why were you drinking?” And when I had no good answer, we both agreed I should not, and then he just moved on to helping me with my health issues, and promised to help me get well. That was it. I felt like a hundred pounds were lifted off my shoulders. I’m 57, just a bit older than you, but basically the same sort of history of drinking.

Oh, and, I’ve had some neuropathy issues, moreso 10 years ago, after a different quitting experience. Time did take care of most of it, but I’m also T2 diabetic. You really should get checked out if you haven’t in awhile, just to be sure nothing requires treatment. 💕

TroubleAfoot

Hi Dustyfox,

I also have painful feet from drinking and I assume it is neuroapthy. 800mgs (on average, sometimes more) of ibuprofen, per day, were necessary just so it was bearable to walk. So there you had me getting loaded at night and then taking ibuprofen every day, as well, just in case I wasn't already damaging my liver enough. When I'd get up in the morning I'd feel like a 90 year old man because it hurt so badly I could barely walk. But now I am 33 days sober and, while they still hurt, they are getting slightly better and some days I am even able to skip the ibuprofen. The most I have ever quit drinking, since I started 35 years ago, was 3 months during 2020. I can tell you, from that experience, the pain in my feet completely disappeared. It didn't happen overnight though. 6 weeks in they still hurt and I was beginning to think I was stuck with it and it would never go away. But about 2 months in the pain did go completely away. When I resumed drinking it came back.

So I hope your experience will be the same. And I hope mine will be the same, again, as there is always that fear in the back of your mind that one has finally done some permanent damage. My liver also hurt this time around but that has, thankfully, gone away. I don't want to drink ever again. I healed it once, completely, yet here here I am again, like an idiot, having to go through this all over again. And when your organs are hurting that is your body screaming out for you to stop drinking. I also still have some residual pain, in my left flank, that is probably either my kidney or pancreas. When all those aches go away and I have regained my heath I will not put it in jeopardy again.

Introvrtd1

Hi Dustyfox, I can certainly understand how you feel…decades of binge drinking during my Navy and post Navy days certainly did a number on me…I saw the world thru the bottom of a beer glass as I sailed the seven seas. Decided 5 months ago it was time to end this party which wasn’t fun anymore.

As you hang in there, things will get better. I never thought they would but they did.

Much success to you in your journey of sobriety and keep coming back here to post for more of this wonderful support

silentrun

I highly recommended bringing your doctor in on this. I stopped drinking during peri menopause and that first year was a lot tougher than it had to be. At one year sober I finally asked for help and was put in some anti depressants that helped immensely. I ended up having to be on them for 5 years until they hormones settled down.

There is help out there and all it might take is one office visit. The doctor didn't even write down "alcohol abuse disorder" like he did with the smoking because I wasn't drinking.

I didn't experience the tingling like your have but most people who get sober do make a full recovery. Your odds are good if you just keep moving forward.

enaiddes

I am so sorry you’re having such serious physical difficulties and I hope they pass soon. I’ve been reminded so often that alcohol is a poison.

Hope you feel better soon.

Fusion

How are you today, Dustyfox? I have 'restless leg syndrome' at night when I stop drinking. It's quasi painful and infuriating, my legs twitch as one of the symptoms. I researched and found a supplement which alleviated it. But obviously, I must say that consulting a doctor for me, that wouldn't 'AUD' on my records in the UK, was a worry. But had it continued, then I would've at least had the discussion with a GP that I trusted.

dustyfox

Thank you for asking Fusion - I am ok today - I didn't drink alcohol because I have decided never to again - I did take a tiny dose of amitriptyline before bed and I did sleep and the pain did subside a little - it has allowed me to think more clearly today and re read the replies to my thread again which of course are all giving the right advice and thank you for highlighting this. The amitriptyline was prescribed to me a year or so ago for this same pain - I never took it because I chose to drink instead - I often did this - because my preferred medication was alcohol.
Troubleafoot - thank you for sharing about your pain in your feet it is helpful to know I am not unique in this pain. The problem I had in the past was that the pain was worse when I stopped drinking and less when I resumed - but of course I know that drinking just masked the pain because of course I was drunk.
Pheobe64 I will also have 'no answer' for why I was drinking -I have not suffered trauma - and I don't know why I started or continued - I am not looking forward to being asked that by the GP as I will feel even more stupid than I do already -
Silent Run - I think I made my whole menopause 100 times worse because I drank and hope my GP does not refer to alcoholism when I go and see him. So I am going to make an appointment to see a GP and yes, thank you D of course I could ask to see different one, maybe a woman, seems reasonable as I am one, and may feel comfortable talking to a female. It's a good ruse anyway to avoid seeing the family GP. I am slowing coming round to swallowing my stupid attitude and seeking medical help.....

Anna

DustyFox, your attitude is not stupid. I think that we each move at our own pace and we do what we can do at any given time. I'm glad you're feeling better today and I'm glad you're considering talking to a doctor.

Boondock

Try not to have the conversation in your head before it happens. I doubt they will ask you why you drink. Stay positive and just have that conversation when it occurs. Not every alcoholic has had a traumatic background and they know that just express your desire to quit and they will be on your side. Everybody loves a come back story so be proud of yourself for the time and effort you've put in already. Melatonin worked wonders for my sleeping if you haven't tried it.

Grateful09

I had the feeling of shame that stopped me from seeing a Dr. about my problem for a long time. I think it's pretty common, and if we are people who care about ourselves, our families, and another chance at living a decent life, it's pretty understandable in my opinion. Why can't I just handle this, was my question to myself (not very useful in retrospect). Finally, confronted with the possibility of health issues, I went in. But first I had to lean into the shame. Beforehand, I said to myself, OK, you will feel embarrassed and probably shame too. Accepting that somehow got me over the hump, and when I did open up to the Dr., crying even (talk about getting embarrassed), she was great. I had already decided that if I encountered a non-sensitive reaction from a Dr., I would just hop down from that examining table and say, "This appointment is over." Then find another Dr - there are too many good ones out there to put up with BS. But fortunately, I didn't have to do that! I hope you are doing OK and can find the support you need!