13 Days
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Seeking a peaceful state of mind
Posts: 99
13 Days
When I was a kid, I played little league baseball. One year, I when the coach was randomly handing out numbers during practice, he handed me the number 13 and he said, "oooh, you get the lucky number!" I think I was in the 4th or 5th grade, not sure, because we moved so much when I was a kid. But I was just a kid and I honestly thought that 13 WAS a lucky number. I didn't know that it was considered unlucky.
I had always played well, I could have been quite an athlete if I would have stuck with it, but that during season, I batted "clean-up" which is the 4th batter in line for my friends who don't know baseball, and I hit the ball to the fence every single time I got up to bat. In fact, during one game, the opposing team's coach came out of the dugout and yelled "Shift!" when I got up to bat and all the opposing team backed way up. What's the point of this story, I guess it dawned on me after I reading dustyfox's post earlier this morning: what's in a number?
It's my 13th day w/o booze and I feel like **** damn awful -I'm extremely fatigued, my head is pounding, then it's cracking, then it's like it's in a vice. My concentration and emotions are all over the place, my legs and feet hurt too, likey from: ALCOHOLIC NEUROPATHY. My symptoms faded almost entirely the last time I made it to 6 weeks w/o booze, the swelling in my legs was totally gone and the pain had subsided to mild tenderness. Although, I've always had tender feet as an adult, likely because I have spent most of my life morbidly obese or close to it. I did lose 185 pounds in the mid 1990s with medical help -it was one of the best times of my life, and even then I had somewhat tender feet when I was thin.
It's true, the long term effects of the booze damage our bodies, but the healing power of the body is amazing. I want to share this with dustyfox and everyone here, I have seen, unfortunately, quite a few cirrhotics (people dying of cirrhosis of the liver and its complications) die. When they reach a point that a transplant is absolutely necessary, but they aren't a good candidate, or that a donor liver isn't available, those folks die. You can look up it on the interwebs and see for yourself, but to see it in real life is damn awful.
So what's in a number? I have never been a believer in counting the days; I have always believed that making the decision to quit and moving on is better for me, although, clearly I have failed in the past. So it's my 13th day without. Okay even though I don't feel good, I ask myself: what am I going to do with this day? Today, I'm sticking with my decision and I've got some things to do.
I'm looking forward to posting tomorrow,
Max
I had always played well, I could have been quite an athlete if I would have stuck with it, but that during season, I batted "clean-up" which is the 4th batter in line for my friends who don't know baseball, and I hit the ball to the fence every single time I got up to bat. In fact, during one game, the opposing team's coach came out of the dugout and yelled "Shift!" when I got up to bat and all the opposing team backed way up. What's the point of this story, I guess it dawned on me after I reading dustyfox's post earlier this morning: what's in a number?
It's my 13th day w/o booze and I feel like **** damn awful -I'm extremely fatigued, my head is pounding, then it's cracking, then it's like it's in a vice. My concentration and emotions are all over the place, my legs and feet hurt too, likey from: ALCOHOLIC NEUROPATHY. My symptoms faded almost entirely the last time I made it to 6 weeks w/o booze, the swelling in my legs was totally gone and the pain had subsided to mild tenderness. Although, I've always had tender feet as an adult, likely because I have spent most of my life morbidly obese or close to it. I did lose 185 pounds in the mid 1990s with medical help -it was one of the best times of my life, and even then I had somewhat tender feet when I was thin.
It's true, the long term effects of the booze damage our bodies, but the healing power of the body is amazing. I want to share this with dustyfox and everyone here, I have seen, unfortunately, quite a few cirrhotics (people dying of cirrhosis of the liver and its complications) die. When they reach a point that a transplant is absolutely necessary, but they aren't a good candidate, or that a donor liver isn't available, those folks die. You can look up it on the interwebs and see for yourself, but to see it in real life is damn awful.
So what's in a number? I have never been a believer in counting the days; I have always believed that making the decision to quit and moving on is better for me, although, clearly I have failed in the past. So it's my 13th day without. Okay even though I don't feel good, I ask myself: what am I going to do with this day? Today, I'm sticking with my decision and I've got some things to do.
I'm looking forward to posting tomorrow,
Max
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Location: England
Posts: 1,850
Max. what a great post, it felt really emotional. I think getting to 13 days is a milestone, is an achievement, and so will day 14, 15, and well.. all those other sober days we can look forward to.
Regarding feet - mine hurt - but I have listened to others here and have started to take B12, Magnesium and Milk thistle as well as completely giving up caffeine - my head hurts all over again but it is worth it.
Goodbye to all that, and despite the pain I am so looking forward to the rest of my life. Thank you again Max for such a moving and uplifting post.
Regarding feet - mine hurt - but I have listened to others here and have started to take B12, Magnesium and Milk thistle as well as completely giving up caffeine - my head hurts all over again but it is worth it.
Goodbye to all that, and despite the pain I am so looking forward to the rest of my life. Thank you again Max for such a moving and uplifting post.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: Florida
Posts: 2,077
Good post Max, I was lucky 13 yesterday!! I thankfully don't have any of the lingering effects others here do but, when I went through that monstrous home detox I endured all I kept saying to myself was every minute of every day you getting a little better. I had strange emotions when I was going through that as well like crying at commercials etc...Sounds kinda funny now lol
saoutchik
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London
Posts: 16,205
Congratulations on 13 days Max! I quit at 54 after decades of excess (6+ years ago now) and was headed for some sort of organ failure so I understand what you're going through.
There really is an invisible point or line after which things start getting easier and you no longer have to endure a daily battle with cravings. For me that was around about the two month mark - I didn't notice it until I realised I had been 3 or 4 days without craving. I'm sure that on an intellectual level you are well aware that the rough early days won't last forever but I was always cheered when other people posted that thisecdays will not last forever so I hope it will have the same effect on you.
Quitting is tough but it's not tough forever so hang in there.
There really is an invisible point or line after which things start getting easier and you no longer have to endure a daily battle with cravings. For me that was around about the two month mark - I didn't notice it until I realised I had been 3 or 4 days without craving. I'm sure that on an intellectual level you are well aware that the rough early days won't last forever but I was always cheered when other people posted that thisecdays will not last forever so I hope it will have the same effect on you.
Quitting is tough but it's not tough forever so hang in there.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2013
Posts: 11,434
Some days are just hard not only with physical issues, but emotionally as we try to move forward getting our heads around life without booze. I was very scared it would be a sterile purgatory and frankly didn’t know how I would build new habits, including stress management, into this sober life.
I mean, alcohol was the focus point of much of my life, my “go to” for comfort, and I genuinely was grieving I could no longer have it.
As time passed, I realized that perspective was not objective reality, but rather me looking up hopelessly from the deep hole I had dug for myself. As sober living brought me back to the surface of “real life”, my perspective changed hugely and I began to enjoy life just for itself again—as I had when younger.
I realized I could cope and solve problems without a drink to “take the edge off” of stressful situations. In fact, my overall performance in areas of life got so much better I couldn’t believe it at first. The erosion and negative thinking had been pretty gradual over years, and what I thought was “functional” alcoholism was really me hanging on by my fingernails and taking my crap out on my family while passing in public.
Good sleep, healthy digestion, peace in the family home, and feeling good about my daily choices instead of hating myself for over-drinking all the time did wonders for self-esteem, attitude, and hope. Yes, you are in the hard and steep part of the climb now, but you know that when you get a bit higher the view will open up, and you will see options and future for yourself and your family you might have forgotten or given up due to the drinking.
Just keep doing the next right thing Max—it really is worth it!
P.S. As you can tell by my user name, 13 is my lucky number—well done on reaching it!
I mean, alcohol was the focus point of much of my life, my “go to” for comfort, and I genuinely was grieving I could no longer have it.
As time passed, I realized that perspective was not objective reality, but rather me looking up hopelessly from the deep hole I had dug for myself. As sober living brought me back to the surface of “real life”, my perspective changed hugely and I began to enjoy life just for itself again—as I had when younger.
I realized I could cope and solve problems without a drink to “take the edge off” of stressful situations. In fact, my overall performance in areas of life got so much better I couldn’t believe it at first. The erosion and negative thinking had been pretty gradual over years, and what I thought was “functional” alcoholism was really me hanging on by my fingernails and taking my crap out on my family while passing in public.
Good sleep, healthy digestion, peace in the family home, and feeling good about my daily choices instead of hating myself for over-drinking all the time did wonders for self-esteem, attitude, and hope. Yes, you are in the hard and steep part of the climb now, but you know that when you get a bit higher the view will open up, and you will see options and future for yourself and your family you might have forgotten or given up due to the drinking.
Just keep doing the next right thing Max—it really is worth it!
P.S. As you can tell by my user name, 13 is my lucky number—well done on reaching it!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2021
Location: U.S.
Posts: 95
Your post, I enjoyed reading it Max, it was my first read here today. My takeaway from reading it is that you believe in yourself, and that is so important when we want to make changes with ourselves.
13 days is a great number, it’s good you’re looking forward to 14 and many more!
I agree with you that the healing power of the body is amazing, but we also have to be a part of helping it. Alcohol causes a lot of inflammation in the body, I have seen that in so many people I know (drinkers), including myself.
I have seen quite a few people die from this also, sadly they were so deep in to the addiction, it is hard to say whether they just gave up or just lost because it took them. But we are here and willing to change. Support groups like this, the people I knew either didn’t use or didn’t have, so sad. Support in numbers helps, we need support and guidance and understanding. So many people I knew were to embarrassed to say they had a drinking problem or ask for help.
It’s good you shared, and it made me share, others read, I know I feel a boost of strength right now from this.
My legs were jumping and cramping and kept me awake all night, but I am believing in that it is part of my body trying to reset itself.
Glad you’re sticking with your decision.
13 days is a great number, it’s good you’re looking forward to 14 and many more!
I agree with you that the healing power of the body is amazing, but we also have to be a part of helping it. Alcohol causes a lot of inflammation in the body, I have seen that in so many people I know (drinkers), including myself.
I have seen quite a few people die from this also, sadly they were so deep in to the addiction, it is hard to say whether they just gave up or just lost because it took them. But we are here and willing to change. Support groups like this, the people I knew either didn’t use or didn’t have, so sad. Support in numbers helps, we need support and guidance and understanding. So many people I knew were to embarrassed to say they had a drinking problem or ask for help.
It’s good you shared, and it made me share, others read, I know I feel a boost of strength right now from this.
My legs were jumping and cramping and kept me awake all night, but I am believing in that it is part of my body trying to reset itself.
Glad you’re sticking with your decision.
Member
Join Date: Oct 2016
Posts: 221
Awesome job Max! I remember the first month for me was just aweful. But it gets so so much better. Remember to be kind to yourself and be patient. It takes time to undo the years of damage we cause our bodies and minds. I’m at six months and it really does get better with each passing day 
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,785
Congrats on 13 days sober, and, like Dee said, remember, it gets better.
The best tool in my sober toolbox is Gratitude. Practicing gratitude every day gives me a more positive perspective and makes me happier and more contented with my life.
The best tool in my sober toolbox is Gratitude. Practicing gratitude every day gives me a more positive perspective and makes me happier and more contented with my life.
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Wonderful!!
The first few weeks....months for me were something of a horror. I really had a lot of work to do to get well.
You are changing your life and that is something to be especially proud of. Keep moving forward and stay positive.
Determination, strength and knowing you can conquer this challenge! You are doing this!
The first few weeks....months for me were something of a horror. I really had a lot of work to do to get well.
You are changing your life and that is something to be especially proud of. Keep moving forward and stay positive.
Determination, strength and knowing you can conquer this challenge! You are doing this!
Member
Join Date: May 2021
Posts: 177
Good job on making it this far and, as everyone is saying, it does start to get better. I am only 6 weeks in, myself, but the last month seemed to go by about ten times faster than the first two weeks. Those first 14 days or so seemed like they took f o r e v e r. I was so wrapped up in wanting to distance myself from alcohol again, to get those days in, that the clock felt like it was almost going backwards.
5 . . . . . . . 7 . . . . . . . 9. . . . . It's only been 9 days??? What the hell??? What am I in purgatory??? I quit for three months early last year. My personal best but I want to smash that record. I desperately want to get to that three months again. I am angry at myself for relapsing because, at the time, I had (at least physically) healed myself: the foot pain and internal organ pains were gone. But I drank again and it all came back and now I have anxiety that I won't be able to get rid of them again because, at six weeks, some of these discomforts remain with me when, by this time before, they had completely subsided.
But I remain hopeful and the days go by faster and, slowly, the mood improves. Hang in there because it will get better. I know you can do it. You can still save yourself, you can save your life, and by doing that, save your relationship with your family. Do all you can to heal that liver and bring it back away from the edge. Eat healthy and slowly work in an exercise program. And, perhaps most importantly in my opinion, do some mind work. Look into meditation and stess reducing guided relaxations, visualizations, and healing sessions. Youtube is full of them. Try out different ones and find what works best for you. I think the mind-body link is very strong and extremely important.
5 . . . . . . . 7 . . . . . . . 9. . . . . It's only been 9 days??? What the hell??? What am I in purgatory??? I quit for three months early last year. My personal best but I want to smash that record. I desperately want to get to that three months again. I am angry at myself for relapsing because, at the time, I had (at least physically) healed myself: the foot pain and internal organ pains were gone. But I drank again and it all came back and now I have anxiety that I won't be able to get rid of them again because, at six weeks, some of these discomforts remain with me when, by this time before, they had completely subsided.
But I remain hopeful and the days go by faster and, slowly, the mood improves. Hang in there because it will get better. I know you can do it. You can still save yourself, you can save your life, and by doing that, save your relationship with your family. Do all you can to heal that liver and bring it back away from the edge. Eat healthy and slowly work in an exercise program. And, perhaps most importantly in my opinion, do some mind work. Look into meditation and stess reducing guided relaxations, visualizations, and healing sessions. Youtube is full of them. Try out different ones and find what works best for you. I think the mind-body link is very strong and extremely important.
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