Delilah1

Hi Vincent,

I am glad you are back and posting. It sounds like getting back to work is one of the worries right now, if it were me I would just say I had some sort of bug that really knocked me out for a few days, although with current Covid protocols that may require you to get a negative test to return.

I agree with others about figuring out what happened or stopped happening before you drank. It seems like you stopped posting on here, so you know that is something you can put back in place, there may be other things you can put in place as well. What was working for you up until a few days ago? What else do you think you might want to add?

anxiousrock

I can totally relate to this. Matt Skiba (people know him from blink 182), has been one of my favorite people for almost 20 years, but he is a HUGE drinker. So I'm always thinking about how I'd like to drink with him

Delilah1

How are you doing Vincent?

blazen

Alcoholics have a way of sabotaging ourselves. I used to relapse to celebrate my sobriety. Now that's some twisted thinking.

Vincent484

Hi everyone. I'm back to about 80% normal now. No real consequences of this one since I was alone most of the time. Called in sick three days but it's not big deal but it doesn't happen often.

I still don't know how it happened. I never considered drinking in eights months. Friday, I had off, worked out, errands, bike ride. Then it's just like it took over. There was no real trigger event or anything I can think which scares me. Everything was going great for months prior to this.

Thank god I got out of it with no consequences though, so it's easy to bounce back. I was drinking very heavily though. Beer, which is my drink, but just as much as when I was in my peak alcoholism (up to about 36 per day around).

Gonna have to figure out what happened. I seem to be getting seven to ten day benders every 5-12 months then no temptation at all in between. Usually the trigger is a social night though, and this time I was alone comfortable at my home. Also, I wasn't thinking "Maybe I'll have a beer" it was "I'll just get drunk tonight. I have two days to recover". Seriously, I can't believe I even thought it. Then I bought forty beers while I was still sober without a thought.

Back at work since Monday, no problems at all, business as usual. Was asked to do a special assignment Sunday since I'm "trusted" lol (got a good laugh when my boss said that). Got a good work out in earlier. Had a healthy, breakfast and dinner. Now I just have the insomnia. Hopefully that is gone by the weekend.

Could have lost it all because of that one slip though. Between work, some questionable texts and the drunk driving my whole life could be a mess right now.

Vincent484

Thanks. This site helps tremendously. I do feel I was posting somewhat regularly before this though. I'm still not 100%. I'll have some time to try to figure out the slip further in the next few weeks and will post my thoughts here.

I do think watching TV and characters were alcohol is glorified could be a trigger. I'm just not sure yet.

Vincent484

I also can't believe it was a nine day binge. It feels like it was a month looking back right now.

Delilah1

I’m glad you’re feeling better, and back at it with your sobriety again. If that thought pops into your mind again tomorrow, next week, or in five months, log in and post about what you are thinking instead of heading to the store. I promise someone will be here to talk you through that feeling.

Dee74

Its not just posting tho - it's asking for help when you need it...before its too late. Even if you feel like there;s no warning you can still post before you crack that first drink

D

Vincent484

Yes I agree with what you guys are saying. It was such a quick process from thought - leaving -store - back - first one cracked open it was crazy. Was maybe twelve minutes from start to finish there. That's something I have never experienced before but will be on the lookout for next time.

Aellyce

Glad you feel better and the binge had no real adverse consequences other than your feelings. My recent relapse was like that too. We lucked out, and I think it's one very good reason to never repeat the experience, create no more chances.

I live in a city where you can buy booze everywhere, it only takes 5-10 minutes of walk. Short notice for our sane self to take over and kill an impulse, and I think this is why it's especially important to have a solid decision and strategy set in advance. Understanding triggers can be useful, but I personally did a lot of that and still picked up, fully conscious and able to predict it, and still acted out. I now find it's more important to focus on how not to drink when those urges hit, because we really can't avoid all the cues and definitely not the desire, for a while. Some people claim that their desire just somehow "magically" vanished in early recovery, and that's fantastic, but not my experience at all. Even a single minute can be a lot of time to change the outcome of an impulse though if we know how to do it and are prepared, I think, but then also need to apply whatever method instantly, often at a short notice.

biminiblue

Drinking or not drinking for an alcoholic (or problem drinker) is one black or white thing in life.

There can be zero tolerance. I don't believe triggers are the problem, it's commitment.

Once that foot hit the floor after you thought, "I'll just get drunk," it was already over.


Can not, will not, do not, whatever the terminology is for you - I had to make it non-negotiable, not even a possibility. It's one of the things in my life that are that way.

I also don't sleep with my friends' husbands, I don't steal from Nordstroms' and I don't drop babies. It's the same thinking.

Anna

Vincent, that would happen to me, too. It almost made me think it wasn't my fault. But, of course it was. And, when I really dug deep, I realized that there had been fragmented thoughts, way in the back of my mind, for several days. But, I was in denial. I'm really glad that you're back and working on your recovery again.

Vincent484

Well I am learning my lesson from this and moving forward. Beating myself about how I shouldn't have done it won't change anything. Just won't let it happen again.

Mizz

I cant really explain my relapses when they have happened. I set the stage with my thinking and then I was on a train into Drunkville. I had a number of excuses or reasons ...None of it makes sense now .... I just think that there was a degree of suffering that I needed in order to really see what alcohol does to my entire being. Each relapse has been different and each time I have come back to sobriety has been different........ I don't know what I am trying to say here? I understand when it happens and its confusing and troubling and may not need to be thoroughly examined with a microscope. At least in my case. Worm hole type thing...... Just onward and upward and millions of tools to stay sober. My alcoholism is baffling.

I'm glad you are back and that you are sober. Posting. Positive. Breathing in and out. Doing the next best thing. Keep doing that! Have a wonderful day!

tornrealization

Vincent sometimes the trigger is just contentment or something mildly happy. Gotta say that’s how it happened to me once. Just had a good day...bam! Also, same thoughts...not really 1 or 2, I planned on the whole bottle.

I put a lot of my emphasis on how long I could possibly feel good after I drank vs. how long I’m going to pay for it. So any type or trigger or if nothing special happens but the thoughts start, I’m still going to do my internal math of how many days/hours am I going to suffer after how many hours it maybe ok? It never works out to being an equation where drinking wins. EVER.

I’m glad your back and work didn’t care too much. Keep on trucking!

Vincent484

Thanks for the thoughts everyone. Full week of work was a struggle but I'm off tomorrow. My brain is pretty much snapped out of it at least now as far as the racing thoughts about everything. I'm very grateful there were no serious consequences of this bender but there very easily could have been.

I really think my relapse was due to watching a TV show. I tend to take on many habits and mindsets of those I watch on youtube/tv, ect. I usually watch a lot of exercise, nutrition and stoicism videos. I started watching a TV show this week where the main character was a fun drinker who everyone loved. I'm really thinking that is what caused it.

Something to be aware of in the future at least.

Dee74

I think there are things that can trigger us - but what some called untreated alcoholism and falling out of recovery is the cause of relapsing again.

I've watch many TV programmes with people drinking and stayed sober. If I can do that everyone else can too
D

Vincent484

See this post does more harm than good to me. I'll be leaving for a bit.

Most likely won't be coming back. How condescending of a post for someone coming out of a binge.

CaptainHaddock

Hi Vincent, I’m glad you made it back. I don’t think I need to speak up for Dee at all, but what he says is true. Inevitably we are going to see people on TV, in movies and in real life, drinking and seemingly having a good time. I don’t think the suggestion was that you are weak because the TV show got you triggered. There are and will always be triggers, but the thing is we should learn how to not act on them.

I’d suggest against taking things personally and that you stay close and continue making a valued contribution to this site.