How to deal with regrets
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
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One of the things I have worked really hard on in recovery is staying focused on the present moment. It isn't always easy, but mindfulness techniques have helped me with this. You cannot change your past, you can only learn from it and make positive choices in the present moment. Worrying about what "might happen," is another one that can cause a lot of unnecessary stress, this is the one I need to remind myself of frequently.
You can control what you say and do right now. If you have damaged relationships with your actions in the past you can show people you have changed through your actions, and apologize for what you may have said or done. You cannot control whether or not they choose to accept, and if they don't that is okay, you can move on and create new sober relationships.
Some of the things that help me are going for walks to clear my head and breathing techniques, I will also journal, or even write here about how I am feeling.
You can do this, one step and breath at a time!
You can control what you say and do right now. If you have damaged relationships with your actions in the past you can show people you have changed through your actions, and apologize for what you may have said or done. You cannot control whether or not they choose to accept, and if they don't that is okay, you can move on and create new sober relationships.
Some of the things that help me are going for walks to clear my head and breathing techniques, I will also journal, or even write here about how I am feeling.
You can do this, one step and breath at a time!
EndGame
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: New York, NY
Posts: 4,677
Originally Posted by advbike 
I have also had certain financial realities forced on me by my past wasteful and reckless behavior but when I step back and look at my life I am actually grateful. I have found that the more simple and quieter life I have now is actually richer and more rewarding. Fewer choices means fewer agonizing decisions than when it all seemed (falsely) to be limitless. I have even found that in sobriety there are many creative ways to make (or save) money while also increasing the satisfaction I get.
It's amazing the different ways we bounce back.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Delilah1
One of the things I have worked really hard on in recovery is staying focused on the present moment. It isn't always easy, but mindfulness techniques have helped me with this. You cannot change your past, you can only learn from it and make positive choices in the present moment. Worrying about what "might happen," is another one that can cause a lot of unnecessary stress, this is the one I need to remind myself of frequently.
You can control what you say and do right now. If you have damaged relationships with your actions in the past you can show people you have changed through your actions, and apologize for what you may have said or done. You cannot control whether or not they choose to accept, and if they don't that is okay, you can move on and create new sober relationships.
Some of the things that help me are going for walks to clear my head and breathing techniques, I will also journal, or even write here about how I am feeling.
You can do this, one step and breath at a time!
You can control what you say and do right now. If you have damaged relationships with your actions in the past you can show people you have changed through your actions, and apologize for what you may have said or done. You cannot control whether or not they choose to accept, and if they don't that is okay, you can move on and create new sober relationships.
Some of the things that help me are going for walks to clear my head and breathing techniques, I will also journal, or even write here about how I am feeling.
You can do this, one step and breath at a time!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Not a lot to report! Still sober and trying to go easy on myself with the regrets and shame I have been feeling!
Day 16 today! The AV is trying to get my attention but I am not interested in listening to the lies!
Day 16 today! The AV is trying to get my attention but I am not interested in listening to the lies!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Anna
You're doing great. Day 16 is an achievement so take some time to pat yourself on the back today. That might help ward off the regrets and shame for a bit. 
Member
Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
I found it was really hard to change my inner dialogue. I also saw/ found that my inner dialogue is really negative and quite toxic. When I start to replay a situation or a past regret comes in I have taken to chanting. Chanting the thoughts and the past out of my head. It has proven to be really effective and allows me to feel positive in this life I am living. I have spent a lot of waking hours doing this due to how negative my brain was/ is. I can see that the thoughts are changing and my brain is here.....NOW.
Perhaps this may be helpful for you? We are meant to be happy here. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone regrets. Life is full of all of that. We are not meant to live in that regret though. I wish you inner peace and happiness.
Perhaps this may be helpful for you? We are meant to be happy here. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone regrets. Life is full of all of that. We are not meant to live in that regret though. I wish you inner peace and happiness.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Mizz
I found it was really hard to change my inner dialogue. I also saw/ found that my inner dialogue is really negative and quite toxic. When I start to replay a situation or a past regret comes in I have taken to chanting. Chanting the thoughts and the past out of my head. It has proven to be really effective and allows me to feel positive in this life I am living. I have spent a lot of waking hours doing this due to how negative my brain was/ is. I can see that the thoughts are changing and my brain is here.....NOW.
Perhaps this may be helpful for you? We are meant to be happy here. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone regrets. Life is full of all of that. We are not meant to live in that regret though. I wish you inner peace and happiness.
Perhaps this may be helpful for you? We are meant to be happy here. Everyone makes mistakes and everyone regrets. Life is full of all of that. We are not meant to live in that regret though. I wish you inner peace and happiness.
I would like to hear more about it if you have the time!
Thanks
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Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic
How I Changed My Inner Talk and Changed My Life
https://web.archive.org/web/20180423...nner-talk.html
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic
How I Changed My Inner Talk and Changed My Life
https://web.archive.org/web/20180423...nner-talk.html
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Dee74
Challenging negative thinking | ReachOut.com Australia
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic
How I Changed My Inner Talk and Changed My Life
https://web.archive.org/web/20180423...nner-talk.html
Negative Self-Talk: 9 Ways To Silence Your Inner Critic
Challenging Negative Self-Talk | Psych Central
Positive thinking: Reduce stress by eliminating negative self-talk - Mayo Clinic
How I Changed My Inner Talk and Changed My Life
https://web.archive.org/web/20180423...nner-talk.html
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 388
Homer Simpson once said "Alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
I sometimes think about this quote and how much it applied to me. For 20 years I was in a cycle of getting blackout drunk, then engaging in behavior I am deeply ashamed of, then needing to drink to feel better, and of course repeating the cycle.
what helps me is knowing what I was doing when drunk is not the real me. I have made a choice to no longer drink and no longer compound the problem. Those behaviors are in the past and not part of who I am.
I sometimes think about this quote and how much it applied to me. For 20 years I was in a cycle of getting blackout drunk, then engaging in behavior I am deeply ashamed of, then needing to drink to feel better, and of course repeating the cycle.
what helps me is knowing what I was doing when drunk is not the real me. I have made a choice to no longer drink and no longer compound the problem. Those behaviors are in the past and not part of who I am.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 56
I guess this is what alcohol does to everyone. \ Missed your mark, burned down everything... listen to me I am the voice of addiction/.
While the damage is real. The only thing I do is just cope with what has happened in my life, and understand that in order to go with the flow, with nature, is to understand again that all pain of the past can be turned into strength and whatever needs to be done in the future can actually be done if necessary.
While the damage is real. The only thing I do is just cope with what has happened in my life, and understand that in order to go with the flow, with nature, is to understand again that all pain of the past can be turned into strength and whatever needs to be done in the future can actually be done if necessary.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2016
Posts: 1,645
I try to enjoy the present and look to the future.
And learn from the past. If it helps, honestly look at the portion of your regrets that are directly attributed to or associated with being an active drunk.
For me, it's more than 90%.
I'm an instant moron - just add alcohol. But I'm a decent person otherwise and that's where I direct my attention.
And learn from the past. If it helps, honestly look at the portion of your regrets that are directly attributed to or associated with being an active drunk.
For me, it's more than 90%.
I'm an instant moron - just add alcohol. But I'm a decent person otherwise and that's where I direct my attention.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 2,909
It didn't happen overnight, but I no longer have any regrets. I slowly came to the conclusion that i needed to do everything I have done (all the good and all the bad) thus far in life in order to be who I am today and I am okay with the me of today.
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Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by adrunk42long
Not a lot to report! Still sober and trying to go easy on myself with the regrets and shame I have been feeling!
Day 16 today! The AV is trying to get my attention but I am not interested in listening to the lies!
Day 16 today! The AV is trying to get my attention but I am not interested in listening to the lies!
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Delilah1
16 days sober is a lot of good to report!! Keep not listening to that AV, take some deep breaths, and be proud of yourself at this moment in time, we all are.❤️
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Join Date: Dec 2012
Location: Toronto
Posts: 3,195
I am in a very similar situation. 15 years of alcoholism has destroyed my life. I have problems with ruminating and anxiety. The only thing that gives me peace of mind is a few beers but I can't stop once I start. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with anxiety attacks and I can't cope so go for the immediate fix alcohol provides. Sometimes I blackout and wander around the city late at night which i retain very little memory of the next day. I know I was out but not really sure how I was behaving which causes horrible anxiety.
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Join Date: May 2012
Posts: 3,748
Originally Posted by Wastinglife
I am in a very similar situation. 15 years of alcoholism has destroyed my life. I have problems with ruminating and anxiety. The only thing that gives me peace of mind is a few beers but I can't stop once I start. Sometimes I get overwhelmed with anxiety attacks and I can't cope so go for the immediate fix alcohol provides. Sometimes I blackout and wander around the city late at night which i retain very little memory of the next day. I know I was out but not really sure how I was behaving which causes horrible anxiety.
I have not had an attack since December of last year. There is a GAD thread in the mental health section that helped me to concentrate and calm down during the episodes. Box Breathing is a tool that was suggested and that has proven to work. Writing out your feelings. Distracting yourself. Exercise. Turning on music. Taking a shower or bath. Herbs and amino acids were really helpful in the beginning.
The only way through those moments is really to get through the moment and to not reach for alcohol. The work on my anxiety was harder than quitting alcohol to be honest. When I conquered each episode, the overwhelming anxiety had less of a hold on me and I was able to see that I could make it without needing to escape. Of course alcohol would of made me feel better instantly but I was not going to get well if I succumbed to the addiction.
You can do this. Log on here and reach out for support. So many people have gone through or are going through what you described. You are not alone.
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