Homer Simpson once said "Alcohol - the cause of, and solution to, all of life's problems"
I sometimes think about this quote and how much it applied to me. For 20 years I was in a cycle of getting blackout drunk, then engaging in behavior I am deeply ashamed of, then needing to drink to feel better, and of course repeating the cycle.
what helps me is knowing what I was doing when drunk is not the real me. I have made a choice to no longer drink and no longer compound the problem. Those behaviors are in the past and not part of who I am.