How to deal with regrets
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
How to deal with regrets
If anything is going to make me pick up a damn drink it is going to my regrets
The relationships I lost or ruined, the insane amount of money I pissed away, the way I treated people when I was drinking!
When I start thinking about it it makes me feel so sick inside.
All of the things I blew off for drinking and now I am at an age where my earning potential has passed !
I am not sure what to do with these feelings of regret and disgust for myself! !
The relationships I lost or ruined, the insane amount of money I pissed away, the way I treated people when I was drinking!
When I start thinking about it it makes me feel so sick inside.
All of the things I blew off for drinking and now I am at an age where my earning potential has passed !
I am not sure what to do with these feelings of regret and disgust for myself! !
Member
Join Date: Dec 2016
Posts: 2,576
Use them as motivation to never drink again. They can be wonderful stepping stones. In AA they talk about "morbid reflection"...stay away from that.
While I was drinking I felt comfortable rolling around in the mud and the muck. I can't afford to do that, nor do I want to anymore. I apologize where I can, and make a solid effort to not repeat past behaviors.
If we are to live happily and sober, we have to learn to forgive ourselves and let it go. When the shame comes, I let it come, acknowledge it, see where I can make it right and let it go.
It takes time. Just keep doing the next right thing. Most of my amends today are by living right, and doing what I can to be helpful, and cause as little harm as possible.
There is no future in the past. Don't let it bring you down AD42L.
While I was drinking I felt comfortable rolling around in the mud and the muck. I can't afford to do that, nor do I want to anymore. I apologize where I can, and make a solid effort to not repeat past behaviors.
If we are to live happily and sober, we have to learn to forgive ourselves and let it go. When the shame comes, I let it come, acknowledge it, see where I can make it right and let it go.
It takes time. Just keep doing the next right thing. Most of my amends today are by living right, and doing what I can to be helpful, and cause as little harm as possible.
There is no future in the past. Don't let it bring you down AD42L.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,505
This is the hardest part of recovery, I think. When we are sober and have to turn around and look at the messes we created while drinking, it can be overwhelming. But, you can't let it take over because it can make you return to drinking. It does take time to get past those things and to forgive yourself. Having gratitude in your life can help a lot and journaling can help to get the feelings out.
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: NC
Posts: 5,160
Drinking will only add to future regrets.
Early on I had a wave of guilt, shame and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. Felt like a real pos.
Posted here.
They got me over it.
Acceptance helps
Accept the fact these are things we did and there is nothing we can change about it.
But we can change the way we do things in the future .
Thats all that really matters anyway.
Early on I had a wave of guilt, shame and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. Felt like a real pos.
Posted here.
They got me over it.
Acceptance helps
Accept the fact these are things we did and there is nothing we can change about it.
But we can change the way we do things in the future .
Thats all that really matters anyway.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
We can't change a second of the past - but we can do extraordinary things with our present.
I did more in ten years sober than I did in the previous 20 years drinking.
Don't waste any of the present looking too much at the past, AD42L
D
I did more in ten years sober than I did in the previous 20 years drinking.
Don't waste any of the present looking too much at the past, AD42L
D
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Sonoran Desert & Southeast Asia
Posts: 6,561
Originally Posted by adrunk42long 
If anything is going to make me pick up a damn drink it is going to my regrets
The relationships I lost or ruined, the insane amount of money I pissed away, the way I treated people when I was drinking!
When I start thinking about it it makes me feel so sick inside.
All of the things I blew off for drinking and now I am at an age where my earning potential has passed !
I am not sure what to do with these feelings of regret and disgust for myself! !
The relationships I lost or ruined, the insane amount of money I pissed away, the way I treated people when I was drinking!
When I start thinking about it it makes me feel so sick inside.
All of the things I blew off for drinking and now I am at an age where my earning potential has passed !
I am not sure what to do with these feelings of regret and disgust for myself! !
I have also had certain financial realities forced on me by my past wasteful and reckless behavior but when I step back and look at my life I am actually grateful. I have found that the more simple and quieter life I have now is actually richer and more rewarding. Fewer choices means fewer agonizing decisions than when it all seemed (falsely) to be limitless. I have even found that in sobriety there are many creative ways to make (or save) money while also increasing the satisfaction I get.
Mistakes aren't as bad if we just don't repeat them. 
Member
Join Date: Jan 2016
Posts: 173
Originally Posted by adrunk42long
If anything is going to make me pick up a damn drink it is going to my regrets
The relationships I lost or ruined, the insane amount of money I pissed away, the way I treated people when I was drinking!
When I start thinking about it it makes me feel so sick inside.
All of the things I blew off for drinking and now I am at an age where my earning potential has passed !
I am not sure what to do with these feelings of regret and disgust for myself! !
The relationships I lost or ruined, the insane amount of money I pissed away, the way I treated people when I was drinking!
When I start thinking about it it makes me feel so sick inside.
All of the things I blew off for drinking and now I am at an age where my earning potential has passed !
I am not sure what to do with these feelings of regret and disgust for myself! !
you can lose friends, mess up a career, **** away all your money at any age.. the good news is you have had that lesson now, learned from that experience and have the time to turn it into a positive.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by lessgravity
Learn to live with them, as Jay Z said.
Regrets of the past, fear of the future, discomfort in the present = all excuses to drink. Sobriety is the key to dealing with any and all of them.
Regrets of the past, fear of the future, discomfort in the present = all excuses to drink. Sobriety is the key to dealing with any and all of them.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by advbike
Been there done that. All we can do now is accept our current reality. Make the best of it and be grateful that we are alive to enjoy another day. I have experienced considerable shame and regret myself, so all I can do now is try to be a better person and help others where I can. I try to look forward not back, and take pleasure in the simple things. Wish I had learned this decades ago.
I have also had certain financial realities forced on me by my past wasteful and reckless behavior but when I step back and look at my life I am actually grateful. I have found that the more simple and quieter life I have now is actually richer and more rewarding. Fewer choices means fewer agonizing decisions than when it all seemed (falsely) to be limitless. I have even found that in sobriety there are many creative ways to make (or save) money while also increasing the satisfaction I get.
I have also had certain financial realities forced on me by my past wasteful and reckless behavior but when I step back and look at my life I am actually grateful. I have found that the more simple and quieter life I have now is actually richer and more rewarding. Fewer choices means fewer agonizing decisions than when it all seemed (falsely) to be limitless. I have even found that in sobriety there are many creative ways to make (or save) money while also increasing the satisfaction I get.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Dee74
We can't change a second of the past - but we can do extraordinary things with our present.
I did more in ten years sober than I did in the previous 20 years drinking.
Don't waste any of the present looking too much at the past, AD42L
D
I did more in ten years sober than I did in the previous 20 years drinking.
Don't waste any of the present looking too much at the past, AD42L
D
This is going to be hard for me! I am pretty hard on myself
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by fishkiller
Drinking will only add to future regrets.
Early on I had a wave of guilt, shame and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. Felt like a real pos.
Posted here.
They got me over it.
Acceptance helps
Accept the fact these are things we did and there is nothing we can change about it.
But we can change the way we do things in the future .
Thats all that really matters anyway.
Early on I had a wave of guilt, shame and regret hit me like a ton of bricks. Felt like a real pos.
Posted here.
They got me over it.
Acceptance helps
Accept the fact these are things we did and there is nothing we can change about it.
But we can change the way we do things in the future .
Thats all that really matters anyway.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Anna
This is the hardest part of recovery, I think. When we are sober and have to turn around and look at the messes we created while drinking, it can be overwhelming. But, you can't let it take over because it can make you return to drinking. It does take time to get past those things and to forgive yourself. Having gratitude in your life can help a lot and journaling can help to get the feelings out.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by Libby06
Use them as motivation to never drink again. They can be wonderful stepping stones. In AA they talk about "morbid reflection"...stay away from that.
While I was drinking I felt comfortable rolling around in the mud and the muck. I can't afford to do that, nor do I want to anymore. I apologize where I can, and make a solid effort to not repeat past behaviors.
If we are to live happily and sober, we have to learn to forgive ourselves and let it go. When the shame comes, I let it come, acknowledge it, see where I can make it right and let it go.
It takes time. Just keep doing the next right thing. Most of my amends today are by living right, and doing what I can to be helpful, and cause as little harm as possible.
There is no future in the past. Don't let it bring you down AD42L.
While I was drinking I felt comfortable rolling around in the mud and the muck. I can't afford to do that, nor do I want to anymore. I apologize where I can, and make a solid effort to not repeat past behaviors.
If we are to live happily and sober, we have to learn to forgive ourselves and let it go. When the shame comes, I let it come, acknowledge it, see where I can make it right and let it go.
It takes time. Just keep doing the next right thing. Most of my amends today are by living right, and doing what I can to be helpful, and cause as little harm as possible.
There is no future in the past. Don't let it bring you down AD42L.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I would suggest training yourself not to fixate on your regrets, because no matter how much you fixate and obsess, you can't change it. Instead, direct your attention to today. Don't underrate the present. It's where you are every minute of the day. Here is where you can actually affect change. The past is gone, but any repairs to it can only be done in the present. You have no power anywhere other than the present. But don't spend all your time in the present trying to deal with your past. You have other work too. And perhaps more important, the present is where you can find new things to enjoy and be grateful for. Sobriety is not about misery and pain. It's about freedom and a chance to improve your life. Embrace that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Mar 2021
Posts: 273
Originally Posted by DriGuy
I would suggest training yourself not to fixate on your regrets, because no matter how much you fixate and obsess, you can't change it. Instead, direct your attention to today. Don't underrate the present. It's where you are every minute of the day. Here is where you can actually affect change. The past is gone, but any repairs to it can only be done in the present. You have no power anywhere other than the present. But don't spend all your time in the present trying to deal with your past. You have other work too. And perhaps more important, the present is where you can find new things to enjoy and be grateful for. Sobriety is not about misery and pain. It's about freedom and a chance to improve your life. Embrace that.
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