Cocojanie

Hi, today is feeling like a bad day for me, I’ve felt vulnerable the last couple of days but today I feel at my lowest. I have been sober for nearly 3 and half years and I SO know it’s one day at a time but the days at the moment feel sooooo long. I’ve had dark days before and have got through them but this time it feels so strong, it worries me. My head says that I WILL NOT have a drink but ‘what if’ also crosses my mind. I don’t want to go back to how I was, I can’t do that for the sake of my children, I nearly lost so much. I feel like i’m treading water. The dreams that I have about having a drink are happening more often also. It feels so lonely at the moment, especially with this pandemic going on. Sorry for being so bloody flat. Cocojanie x

Dee74

Hi Cocojanie

I imagine being in lockdown exacerbates things a lot, but as you say it's not worth going back - it would make things worse.
Its especially not worth going back after 3 and a half years.

I think support is important and connection - why not join some group threads here

Weekenders Thread (also runs through the week)
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-2021-a-4.html (The sober life for good Weekenders 26 February - 1 March 2021)

24 hour recovery connections
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-518-a-2.html (24 hour Recovery connections part 518)

One Year and Over group
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...t-79-a-13.html (One Year & Over Part 79)

maybe even consider hitting some online meetings of the method of your choice - AA SMART lifering etc?

D

DriGuy

Could it be isolating and distancing during the pandemic? I'm actually good at that, because it's something I do a lot naturally. But it's even starting to bother me. I have two hours of social contact 3 times a week, with the same person, when we go hiking outdoors together. We meet at the trailhead, so we don't even drive to the woods together. I buy my groceries by curbside pickup, so I don't even get to talk to the cashier. This forum is by far the closest I come to socializing, and has been for the last six months. Yeah, the days do seem long to me, and it's starting to bother me. I find myself going to bed at 8:30, just because I can't take anymore of the day. But then I'm up at 3:00 AM, and I've got 4 hours to kill before a normal day starts.

I do notice that taking on tasks helps. Spending 3 hours cleaning up the garage makes a big difference. And it helps me to feel like I've been productive, rather than sitting around waiting for the pandemic to end.

Erica375

I wonder if you need more sunlight. I don't know where you are in the world; I'm in the US, so it's the end of winter for me and I know my "sunlight batteries" are depleted.
Many people feel the loss of sunlight in autumn. I seem to be able to ride through the winter and then crash in February or March. Now I know to be aware of it and get some sunlight. Any chance you could get outside for a few minutes on sunny days?
Before I knew about this seasonal affective disorder, I thought I was the only crazy person in the world who hated spring. Now I know how to deal with it.

biminiblue

I HEAR YOU on the dramas of this past year.

I also know the very worst thing I could possibly do is drink.

The Worst.

Hang on, Coco. Do join us in (The sober life for good Weekenders 26 February - 1 March 2021)Weekenders. Quite a few UKers in there.

Anna

Cocojanie, I'm so glad you reached out. The pandemic has, and still is, taking a toll on most of us. But, remind yourself that there is a light at the end of the tunnel with vaccines. Hang on, and check out some of the threads recommended to you.

tursiops999

hi Cocojanie. I hear you too! This past year has been a long slog and sometimes it just feels like a lot to bear. I didn't even realize how important natural social interactions were to me ... just those little conversations and connections every day with people in shops, on the train, etc.

Another place you're welcome to visit and check out is the gratitude forums. Posting there helps my outlook a lot: gratitude list

Cocojanie

Thank you all for your kind words, I'll definitely give the various threads a look.