Be123

It's tough BABM. Personal relationships are hard and I'm struggling through a few right now. I think I'm being mindful and considerate but it just isn't 'clicking' for me and I question, like you do, whether there's just something wrong with me.

But I couldn't progress if I was drinking. Sobriety isn't the solution to all my problems, but without it I can't find any solutions.

I know you can do this BABM, and there is no short cut. But you've got a whole load of experts on getting sober in your corner and your own personality convinces me ypu
can do this

Delilah1

I am another one who is very glad you’re back.

I always enjoy your posts, and you offer positive support to many on this site. I am sorry you are struggling now. Have you been able to spend time with your kids? Is working remotely going okay? Have you met anyone new since you’ve moved?

Just want you to know that I like you very much, and I’m glad you’re here.

❤️Delilah

MaximusD

BABM, I just can't believe this negative self talk that you are saying in this thread. You are an amazing person and stand out to me and everyone else on here as such. Stop the negative self talk. If you do that in real life I think it will drive people away so stop that ****. Hard talk is what I am trying to do here. Bottom line is we all love you and think you are an amazing person and I think you should stop the negative self talk. Thought about you when Persie (sp) landed on Mars. I believe I remember reading that you worked on that project.

BeABetterMan

You are an angel Delilah, so special.I have been spending time with my kids (never drunk) and I have them now for 5 days. I love working remotely. Life is actually good. But something inside of me gets a hankering for alcohol and it takes ahold. I’m back on my Antabuse and started meetings again tonight. I also play to hit the floor after logging off to thank God for all I’m blessed with and to ask for strength to do His will.

I love you buddy. I do have a lot going for me. I’m not hideous, I don’t smoke, I have a great job, the great kids, 3 dumb dogs, two conniving cats. I try to help people when I can. When I love, I love deeply. I’m not all the things alcohol says I am. Or even what anyone else says.I am defined by my actions. So if I do right. I’ll be right.

Thank you so much everyone for taking time of offer encouragement!❤️!

stickyone

Hey BABM great to have you posting again.

WaterOx

not to be a wiseass but if they are exactly the same then why not choose sober?
You'd save loads of money, time and health and achieve the same results

BeABetterMan

Smartass! Yeah, no for real, excellent point and saying they are the same is obviously not true. In fact I commonly refer to alcohol as the big lie. It tells me everything I want to hear, and when I wake up however long later, none, NONE of it is true. But, the same can be true that I still haven't achieved a true serenity. A calmness. Contentment.

I'm a very Type and complex person that grew up in a terrible household and have been on booze and drugs for exactly 30 years. There was a lot I was NOT learning in those years. Or just learning the wrong things. So when you set me down in the midst of normies, I feel really out of place. I feel like I'm always on stage. I'm emotionally sick in many ways.

That being said, I was just reading some articles on how to be the best dad I can be and for the most part I'm checking those boxes and HOPEFULLY not handing down too much of my own crap. I'm fortunate their mother is opposite of me so they get a little bit of both for better or worse. They have a pretty good life though. And being the codependent I am, when they are happy, so am I. NOW IF EVERYONE WOULD JUST GET HAPPY, I'D BE HAPPY! lol, not really, I'd be like, "why is everyone happy but me". FML.

Sober today. Grateful to God and you all.

Billymacintosh

Just to say BABM I have followed your story for a while and I am so glad you are back and posting, like others have said you're obviously a worthwhile, loving and thoughtful person who would be an asset in anyone's corner. I've seen you offer invaluable support and advice to others and big them up. Do the same for yourself for the future, you're worth it
love Billy x

biminiblue

You sound pretty normal in that last post, BABM.

Committee in the head notwithstanding.



I think most of us can tell childhood tales.

BeABetterMan

The worlds worst night of sleep and a huge day ahead of me. Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. Luckily I’ve been in this very early stage of withdrawal many times so I know, generally, what to expect. So I’ll ask for God’s help, be realistic with my goals for the day and chick in with SR for my daily support.

I have trouble accepting compliments or constructive comments but if you people keep this up I might actually believe I have worth in this world. Which just brought a tear to my eye.

Take care everyone. And please please please don’t drink. Reach out to someone. ❤️

Mizz

I am sorry to hear that people treat you differently after a relapse or that you are not taking sobriety seriously. None of this is easy and for some people relapse is a part of their journey. You and I and everyone else has TODAY. That is it.

I do hope you can find some space in yourself to just allow yourself to be. One of the members here told me to learn to ignore my brain when it starts acting up. I created a red button in my mind. When my head wants to go to places that are not positive, I hit the "IGNORE" button and I go about my business. Sometimes I hit that button repeatedly in a few minutes time. Perhaps you can do something like this when your head starts to talk negative to you?

Also, its none of my business what people think of me. This thought has made a huge difference in my life professionally and personally. The only thing that matters is what I think of myself and what my intentions are for my life.

Also, "Ignore" all of the above if it doesn't fit. I don't want to come across as "preachy" or that I "know" everything. Im just a human on a planet living life with all the other humans on the planet. This **** is real complicated at times.

nez

If it would help, I would be willing to accept them for you and then forward on to you.

Yeah, I have the same difficulty, although a huge part of me used to need them big time, in recovery I have learned to enjoy them when received but to look to myself for validation of my worth. It seems kind of a Catch-22 contradictory statement when I look at it from the viewpoint of when I was newly sober and a egomaniac with low self esteem, but recovery helped me to sort out the issue.

Trust me, I have read enough of your posts to know that you are a good man, but like most of us, you do have some areas that are not so stellar, but with work, I have no doubt that you can begin to eliminate those and to maximize your good qualities.

Obladi

nez, you're awesome! Pass it on...