Steely

I'm just really glad you're back and getting sober BABM.

You'll get to like yourself again, just you wait and see.

I think your're a good good man BABM. Bad men don't want to be better men. You do.

Glad you're back.

Aellyce

I am also inclined to think it's not other people but yourself. Has everyone or most people around said you are not likable? I doubt... I think you could investigate what inside you makes this judgment and conclusion and work on changing it, but it would be much more realistic and effective to do it sober. As far as I can see, there are plenty of addicts and people in recovery who struggle with similar self-esteem issues, they can be worked through, but not if you keep escaping from truly addressing it.

Bekindalways

Heya BABM, welcome back. I hope you are drinking lots of water and getting through the minutes and hours.

How are you feeling right now?

Obladi

I get it BABM.
I also knew other people didn't like me much.

Now I know other things:
1. I had an awful lot of learning to do in regard to dealing with other people.
2. There were things about my behavior that was unlikable - when I took a good hard look, I didn't like 'em either.
3. My unlikable behavior is not me - it's a reflection of my feelings. Fear, anger, resentment
4. Through working my own individually crafted program which included/includes the steps of AA, I am learning to be a likable person to myself. It matters a whole lot less to me what other people think of me now. I never in my life thought I'd be able to say that, but there you have it.

For today, try not to beat yourself up. You're suffering enough after that bender of yours. Take it easy, take a bath. Pick up your place, change the sheets on your bed. Eat. Drink water.

I think you're a good guy too, for what it's worth.

Dee74

I'm glad you're back BABM.
The community is not the same without you

D

silentrun

There it is. That was what recovery was really about for me. Somewhere along the way I picked up this idea I was worthless and unlovable. I assumed everyone else knew that too.

FreeOwl

boy have I been there.

Turns out, back when I was regularly feeling that way, I hadn't even begun to give myself the change to be at my very best.

Sobriety is a superpower, brother.

I'm glad you're back.

soberlicious

I get what you are saying BABM. Some people don't like me either. I mean, in all fairness I can be a lot. I'm intense, opinionated, and not always the most diplomatic...definitely not everyone's cup of tea. That's ok though. I think if you are authentic and genuine, that's the best gift you can offer others.

Based on the responses above, your presence here has been appreciated by many, so there is evidence here that others like you and I'd bet that's the same in real life. Are there specific people in your life you're referencing when you say no one likes you? Some people you're trying to connect with more that don't seem interested? What behaviors do others exhibit that leads you to believe that they don't like you? You don't have to answer...but for me, just thinking about those questions has led me to a couple of conclusions like A) I'm seeking approval from the wrong people and/or B) my brain is telling me lies.

I'm glad you're quitting the drinking and taking that fighting chance.

BeABetterMan

I ended up drinking yesterday. But I’m not going to today. I thank everyone for their kind words and incite. I don’t o what’s wrong me other than I’m an alcoholic. And with, for me, comes a lot of a fusion and shame. I’m so ashamed at all the things I’ve done (nothing dark). I am just so sick of failing. I know what I need to do, but it’s so shameful crawling back into a meeting, after losing again. People treat me differently. Like I don’t take it serious. Maybe I don’t? I just know where I need to be so I’ll be there.

nez

People know you take it seriously, but they also know there is only so much they can say. The rest has to come from you. Lots of people I have met over the years in AA, have a fair amount of relapses as part of their story. Some of us, have more than others, but the goal is the same...get sober, stay sober, help others. I believe in you, believe in yourself.

Steely

Thing about people's memory of us is that 'new memories' are formed the longer we remain sober. People begin to build new memories of us being sober, and we build these sober memories too.

Keep creating those new memories BABM. It's something to look forward to.

I'm really glad you're back.

Obladi

You know what? Some people may in fact treat you differently, but that's way more about them than it is about you. You know AA is full of sick people, right? But some of them found a way to get truly well. BABM, when you go to that meeting, speak up and share how you feel. That it's hard as can be to go back there and that you feel like people treat you differently because you keep falling. I think every person who has ever relapsed (and even some of those who haven't) will be able to relate to those feelings. If you don't get support through being vulnerable, then (1) I'll eat my hat and (2) you're in the wrong meeting.

The thing is - you can't really get the help you need by putting on a good front all the time. Sometimes you just need to let it be where it is right now and be brave enough to let others in.

I'm glad you're not drinking today.

O

soberlicious

I agree 100% with this. Steely is spot on with this. People will get to know you in your authentic state as a nondrinker. Over time, the rest will be old news.

Dee74

One of the best things recovery has given me is a kind of emotional gyroscope. I know my strengths and my weaknesses.
I'm also in my fifties now and I don;t think I've ever cared less what other people think.

I don't mean that in an arrogant way - I know I'm no saint and I know there's room in me for improvement, but I'm no longer breaking my neck to get people to like me.

I did that for 40 years.

I'm no longer dependent on what other people think of me to feel good or for validation.

Man, I dunno - you may have one or two people that do not like you - hey me too lol - but the dislike they have is nothing on the dislike we have for our self.

Thats the thing recovery can help with.

D

Wastinglife

I can relate. Sobriety doesn't change much for me. I am just not numb to it all. Still can't get a decent job. Still spend every Christmas and birthday alone eating frozen pizza or something. Still hopeless.

Anna

BABM, I think that shame is a big part of alcoholism, at least it was for me. And, ironically, that shame kept me going back to drinking again and again. At some point, you have to stop running. Feel the shame and know that you can get through it. Being sober and being kind to yourself will be so helpful to you.

least

It took me a long time to realize that if I'm being the best person I can be, and some people don't like me, oh well, that's the luck of the draw. I no longer twist myself into a pretzel to 'make' people like me. I like myself just fine and that's all I need. I know I'm doing the best I can and am happy with that.

BeABetterMan

Filled with a lot of emotion from your posts. Tremendous observations and all from the heart. Went to a meeting I did not drink today.

comewhatmay

It sounds like you're having a really rough time. You have a lot to offer the world, even though you might not feel that way right now. Stay sober, it is worth the struggle, keep with it! Best of luck. You've got this.

Dee74

that's great BABM

D