TiredCarpenter

Awesome experience at the Boys Ranch.
How many people get to have an experience like that one? Must’ve been amazing.

I agree with Dee above.

Steely

You ARE a good man BABM. I'm trusting in replies from others that the liver does and can recover. You seem to be doing everything right, and you present with grace. Get well BABM.

~ proud to be whacko, steely.

Dropsie

What an affirming experience -- if you did not tell them about the Mars rover, tell them when you go back to visit.

I loved this from Myth -- "I'm just trying to find grace, to learn radical acceptance of life on life's terms. I will work hard to control the things I can but just as hard to accept the things I can't."

Wise words.

BeABetterMan

I didn’t tel them that. Partially because a lot of my life accomplishments were made during my active addiction, including that. I was ironically wearing my NASA shirt but I didn’t mention I worked there. I don’t share stuff like that very often. I feel
like it’s kind of bragging. I have a self esteem issues. I don’t like to be recognized for my achievements, only my failures

Caramel

Even had you not heard from Dean, those who heard you would have taken your story with them, it's part of their experience now.
You have "cast your bread upon the waters".
Words spoken from the heart have great power.
Best wishes to you.

MythOfSisyphus

That's rough! Hopefully you can learn to cut yourself some slack, BABM. We all have worth and obviously your professional achievements are amazing!

Mizz

What is this about the Mars rover???
Im late to this party. BABM, where do I find this very interesting information?
I've become super excited all of a sudden!

BeABetterMan

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...ing-proud.html (Something to be proud of)

Mizz

WOW! ******* WOW! That is so damn cool, BABM! I'm smiling big time for you right now!

Delilah1

Just saw this thread tonight’s, and I am going to add to the list of people who are sending you so much love. I hope you get some more news this week that will let you start figuring out what you need to do to help get/stay healthy.

I am glad you finally got some answers about how you have been feeling, I know they are not the ones you wanted, but they dull help you know what your body needs to heal.

Your story about Dean brought tears to my eyes, you are a great guy BABM. I am also glad you are moving closer to your kids.

Sending lots of love your way.

❤️Delilah

BeABetterMan

Thanks everyone for everything. I met with my doctor today and she put my mind at ease. She said I do indeed have cirrhosis and have done a lot of damage, but my liver appears to be working fine. All of the important liver enzymes are working the norm and she doesn’t want to do any more tests on it. I told her I was changing my diet and she said I didn’t even need to do that. She said I did the number one thing I could do, quit drinking. Thanks to God, AA, and my family at SR. I’m so grateful for all of you.

I am still sinking into a depression based on my chronic loneliness. I’m feeling very insecure. I spoke to an ex and she seems to be thriving, though I did find it curious that I’m only 5 minutes of speaking I caught her in three lies. And I remain alone. When I was drinking I was lonely, but I wasn’t alone. Now I am both. I keep telling myself to be patient with the whole process, but damn I’m struggling.

I hope that my upcoming move to get back near my kids and some of my friends will help. My life is so stressful and I need help. I’ve been leaning on my previous and current sponsors and the people in AA and on SR. So many people I may never meet providing so much needed support. Gratitude.

Dee74

You've had some *great* news man - let that sink in.
The loneliness/alone thing will work itself out - I promise

D

BeABetterMan

Thank you Dee!

MythOfSisyphus

That's a relief, BeABetterMan! You deserve to do a little victory lap for that. It's a miracle I escaped all those years of drinking without killing myself. Now at age 51 I'm finding a few things I need to address health-wise, just stuff age related that I have ignored. The body does have a wondrous capacity to heal and regenerate if we allow it to.

I'm sorry you're dealing with loneliness like that. Due to the pandemic I suppose there's a lot of that going around. In the past I never much experienced it but now I certainly do. Just being around people and soaking up the vibes was a big deal; I used to like to hit the coffee shop, having a tea and surfing the net, just observing a little and letting the ambience wash over me. Now that everything is locked down I feel a lot more isolated than I am used to. Hopefully moving back to your kids and some support systems will help you out.

Hopefully you can take a breath though and let this sink in! There will always be another challenge to overcome, that's just part of life. I'm glad the medical news is better than you'd feared.

dpac414

I know that part of the reason I drank was because I couldn't stand to be alone with myself. I had to relearn how to do that and it took a little time. It sounds like you're setting yourself up to have more support moving forward with the move, and with the all internal work you've been doing I think you'll be all right

Also, happy to hear the good news about your liver. I hope you're able to breathe a little easier.

Also....I'm sure you probably know this, but talking to exes is usually a bad idea. If they don't have anything to do with your life, leave the past in the past. Easier said than done, but that's the tagline to this whole alcoholism thing anyway.

Mizz

I have been thinking about your liver ( that sounds weird) since you posted the other day, BABM! You have received GREAT news! Thank HEAVENS, Dude!

I am sorry that you are "feeling" the way you are. I do think the move will prove to be beneficial. You have a lot support here.
It is good that you are leaning on others right now. We all need each other to get through this ******* **** show of a year. There are better times ahead, BABM. I know this to be true.

nez

Sorry that you are struggling with loneliness BABM, it can be a real son of a gun.

I found my relief in the process of working the twelve steps and continue to keep it at bay by following the last suggestion of step 12 "to practice these principles in all our affairs".

Practicing these principals is working for me and I have no doubt that you will find the same. Loneliness didn't vanish on my timetable but with patience and persistence, it did fade away. Trust the process.

Dave9185

Great to hear the good news BABM. You gotta take care of yourself, keep doing what you're doing, stay sober. Everything else will be figured out. Especially now that you're moving, you have a lot of good things to look forward too. If you keep it up, I'm sure you will figure things out in terms of your loneliness eventually. You don't need alcohol to meet someone, you don't need alcohol to enjoy life even if you're by yourself for the time being. But now that you're moving to a new place, you have nothing but opportunities ahead of you, new people to meet and everything. I think your body and mind will heal with enough sobriety, and you'll be a much better and happier person for it. Keep us updated.

Delilah1

Happy tears reading your post tonight! That is such wonderful news, and definitely a reason to celebrate. I know we are all virtual, but the friendships I have found on this forum are genuine, and I do not know anyplace more supportive than this forum. Please know we are here for you!

Try to stay focused on what you can control, like getting ready for your big move. When do you leave? Wait do you need to do before then? Start working on getting ready. I’m really happy that you’re going to be closer to your kids, and I hope that you aren’t able to work virtually permanently so you can put down some roots there (if that’s what you want.)

Sending so much love your way BABM!❤️

ZIP

Nice to hear your better news BABM. Hang in there, Buddy, and stay abstinent!