ImNotThatGuy

Welcome and congratulations on over a week of sobriety.

DriGuy

Dee started a thread around here someplace that describes how to make a plan, which would be one place to start. And like any part of quitting there are probably several ways to do it. It wasn't a formal endeavor for me. It evolved rather naturally, with me adding things to it as needed, kind of like, "Here's a problem. How do you deal with it?" At first the plan was incomplete. I think the first thing I put in the plan was that I would never drink again. Granted that's more of a goal than a plan, but I adopted it right away, but only when I realized at a meeting that some old timers had done it, and were hands down observably joyful about it. Before that, I didn't think it was absolutely necessary or even possible. I made a vow that I had never made before. It was a big change in my way of attacking the problem, so it was both a goal and now a plan. It was my first solid step toward recovery.

But I can only tell you how I did it. I'm not an expert (find Dee's thread about it). But I feel strongly that you need to do this early on, maybe not all at once, but get started soon. Otherwise, it becomes just another thing you put off so you can keep on drinking. This is not meant to sound critical, it's more like empathy, a memory of what I was doing before I actually attacked the problem.

Recovery is a problem dealt with by action. Sure there is thinking involved, a lot of it, but action is imperative and comes first. I know it's not necessarily a pleasant thought at first, but it soon will be. The action of course, is to quit, not easy and it can be a huge struggle, but only for a short time until urges become at least manageable. Then things start to change and get easier. Right now you are locked in a cycle of crave, drink, crave drink. It's hard to see where you're going. When I was there, I hit a downward spiral that was accelerating. Things were getting nightmarish, I was acting in ways that scared me. All I knew was that I had to stop, and I could only do that by boycotting alcohol and breaking the cycle. Hopefully, you won't have to get to where I was to take action.

Believe it or not, a bright future can be waiting for you.

itsmeagain2020

DriGuy,

Just to clarify, I don't want you to worry about being critical of me. I didn't join this forum because I have everything under control and don't need help. I didn't join to have people say nice things to me. I joined here for the exact kind of advice you're trying to give me. The fact that I don't know yet how to formulate a plan doesn't mean I don't want to do so. Your advice is helping, believe me. I'll look around for Dee's post. I've been doing a ton of reading here already.

Similar to your early beginnings in sobriety, my only plan so far isn't really a plan. I just don't want to live like I was before so I'm doing everything I can to make sure I never drink again. For the record, it's Saturday and my spouse is doing the normal drinking thing. I'm completely sober and I intend to stay this way.

Sincere thanks for caring enough to not want to see me fail again.

Dee74

https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...very-plan.html (What exactly is a recovery plan?)

D

itsmeagain2020

11 days, 4 hours 26 minutes sober as of now. I made it through another weekend

Dee74

hey itsmeagain

if you haven;t looked through the plan link yet - I recommend it

A lot of us want to hope we can just wing recovery without having to change too much or think too hard...but it too often turns out that's not possible for most of us

D

itsmeagain2020

Hi Dee,

Yes, I read the entire thread, in fact. The most difficult aspect of this for me is the change aspect. Specifically, "the places you hang out and who you hang with". See, my spouse is an alcoholic. I live with her every day, which means I live every day with alcohol and cigarettes in the house. That part isn't so easy to change.

I'm also trying to identify the reason I used to drink in order to develop a coping mechanism, but I don't think there ever was a reason. I started as a teen because my friends drank. Then I went to college and drank. Then I got married and we both drank. I drank because it became a routine part of my days. There was never a time when something bad happened and I was drinking to deal with it. I wasn't stressed out so I drank to deal with it. I drank because that was what I did. Since I stopped drinking, there haven't been any specific events that made me want to drink like a stressful day at work, etc.

I hadn't actually thought of it as a plan, but what I've been doing since I quit drinking and smoking is to:

- Immerse myself in my hobby, which is an extremely time-consuming thing. This has filled all the normal time where I would drink my evenings away.

- Exercise. I take the dog for a walk anywhere between 1-5 times per day. I've been working from home due to COVID, so this has been a really nice way to split up the day.

- Drink lots of water. This satisfies the "need to have a drink in front of me all evening" habit.

- Eating healthier, and smaller, more frequent meals. When I was drinking I didn't like to eat dinner because I preferred to drink on an empty stomach. I've found that keeping food in me throughout the day makes me not crave the idea of putting alcohol in me.

- Posting here and texting my brother my daily sober report update is helping to keep me accountable. As of now it's 12 days, 2 hours and 2 minutes.

Surrendered19

Just like any other rocket to Mars itsmeagain, you assemble that effin thing one part at a time. No need to have your whole plan to stay sober done overnight. I agree with you that early on, that just made no sense to me. But you can and should start assembling your plan today. My plan for the first few days was to eat all of the raspberries and watermelon I wanted and to keep track of my walking each day. I really didn't do much else the first few weeks. I immediately started to write down what time my daily cravings hit and what time they abated and I made sure to keep busy during those hours. 3-7 was my afternoon craving window at first, then it started to shrink some each day.

How about that? Make a few simple things like that the first tools in your tool box and build from there.

Surrendered19

By the way, quitting booze and those dirty cigs at the same time. Ouch. I'm proud of you itsmeagain. That duet is not for the feint of heart.

Reid82

Welcome back.

itsmeagain2020

Hi Surrendered!

Thanks for taking time out of your day to give me guidance. You can see that I've already made some obvious changes. I intend to adapt if/when I face challenges in my sobriety. So far, willpower has been enough.

As far as quitting booze and cigarettes at the same time, it hasn't been as horrible as you might imagine. I only smoked when I drank, so I'm not facing the usual smoker cravings like first thing when I wake up in the morning. The thought of smoking when I'm sober is repulsive to me, in fact. I only ever smoked when I drank, but because I drank every day that meant I was a daily smoker also. I'm extremely confident that I will not randomly begin smoking by itself. The real challenge is to make sure I never go back to drinking, which is the activity that enabled the smoking.

itsmeagain2020

Thank you, Reid

It's great to be back.

MaximusD

itsmeagain, sounds like you are on the right track. Good job! I like the plan you posted above.

itsmeagain2020

Thank you for the encouragement, Maximus! I worked like a mule all day around the yard. The dog was not happy because he only got to go for one walk today. My body is exhausted, so I should sleep well tonight. I feel pretty normal with no foggy head and no cravings at the moment. Day 12 has been a good one.

Dee74

no it's not easy but, without downplaying the difficulty, all of us live in a world of drinkers. We can whats best for us, and stay sober

D

itsmeagain2020

I 100% agree with you, Dee. On that note, I'm now 13 days, 1 hour and 39 minutes sober

Dee74

great stuff!

D