itsmeagain2020

I've been a full-time alcoholic for the past 10 years. Meaning, I started drinking every day about 10 years ago. Before that I was probably an alcoholic since my teens. I wasn't a daily drinker when I was younger but I certainly abused alcohol my entire life.

A few years ago (1, 5, I really don't know?) I joined this forum under a username I no longer remember because I decided to quit alcohol and cigarettes. I did really well for a couple weeks. I even posted on here about how well I was doing. Sobriety was really easy for me. Piece of cake! Well, here I am again however many years later and however many thousands of dollars wasted on booze and cigarettes since my last post here.

My last drink and cigarette was July 21. I have a much less cavalier attitude about just how difficult it's going to be for me to maintain sobriety.

DriGuy

Cavalier is not a helpful attitude toward a disease which holds so many millions in it's grips. "Cavalier" is the exact opposite of "committed," which may be the most important requirement in recovery. And it sounds like you have realized that. This may be be the start of your journey.

itsmeagain2020

Clearly that's why I failed on my first attempt. I'm afraid of making the same mistake again. Last time I managed a couple weeks. I don't know, maybe even a month. A celebratory event occurred and I remember saying, "I'll just drink today then be done.". Well, that turned into, "I'll just drink this weekend and then quit again.". Here I am however many years since then and I have not taken a single day off drinking between that fateful day and July 21, 2020.

Anyway, thank you for listening.

Greentree87

Hi its good that you have made it back. keep going. Maybe join us on Class of July thread. Some good support there

owen90

Welcome we share the same sober date. Good luck my friend.

DriGuy

I know, I know. That was me the last 5 years of my drinking. I'd swear off every morning, and by supper time, I'd always be thinking, "Just one drink after a busy day at work." It can't be just one drink. You have to be all in, or not at all. Apparently, this is still the case after years of sobriety. I haven't tested this personally, but I believe it, because I've seen enough people think they can get away with "just one drink" after even years of freedom. I've never seen it work out well. That's from personal observation. And the reports of the phenomenon seem to be in universal agreement. You will never have just one drink again. What seems to happen is that you have one drink, and in the best case scenario, you stop, and then two days later, you are so enamored with your success that you have just another one drink. You may fall off the wagon the first night or realize you're off the wagon on the third night. It just won't work like you want it to. You are either all in or not at all.

Anna

Welcome back, and I'm glad you've made the decision to stop drinking. Have faith that you can do this. I think it's helpful to make a plan that you can follow in order to stop drinking and stay sober. I learned that I couldn't be around alcohol and people drinking for a very long time and that was a step forward for me. There is lots of support here.

least

Welcome back! I hope this time you'll fully utilize the support here to help you get sober for good.

LumenandNyx

You can stay sober this time - if - you really really really really really really really really really really really want to, More than anything else. Plus 1.

biminiblue

My suggestion that you didn't ask for is to stay here this time.

I posted here every day in early sobriety. I joined my "Class of March" thread and stuck with it until it died on its own. I think maybe three or four people who were in that thread managed to stay sober. I was one of them.

Why not commit to the plan of posting here every morning to state your Intention To Not Drink that day. It's a good thing to do for yourself, and maybe you can get your head on the pillow sober every night by doing it.

itsmeagain2020

Thank you, thank you and thank you for every single reply. I think the biggest reason I joined is just to know someone else is out there who understands.

I don't have a plan yet. I 100% know that I can never just have 1 drink. I'm a zillion percent positive that if I ever succumb to that though process I'll be drunk for another five years before I even realize what happened. I installed a sobriety day counter on my phone for now. Every single day that passes, I want to commit to just one more day. Now that I've introduced myself, I'm going to spend some time reading and learning here.

I am going to commit to making this forum a daily stop. I won't post every day, but I'll read every day. If I screw up, I'm posting here. If I hit a sober milestone, I'm posting here.

To every person who replied, I thank you for your support!

MaximusD

I encourage you to post. Even in early sobriety there will always be someone in earlier sobriety than you that can benefit from anything you say, even just a "welcome" This will help your quit as well.

Steely

I just continued to come back here, and even if I didn't start many threads I got a lot out of reading other people's stories. Offering support where I could. It has/had me think about my own case.

I'm a little ever 7 months sober and I wouldn't change a thing. And no time for regret.

Dee74

welcome back

whats your plan to stay sober?

D

itsmeagain2020

Hi Dee. Thank you for asking. Honestly, I don't have one. I don't even know where to start. My SO is also an alcoholic and she has no plans to stop, so that's going to make this much more difficult for me. There will always be alcohol and cigarettes in the house and there will always be a person getting drunk and smoking right in front of me.

Thus far I've buried myself in work, mild exercise (I need to start slow on that) and hobbies just to keep myself busy and keep my mind focused on the goal. The weekend was difficult but I got through it. I've been drinking tons of water with lemon. Every time I feel like I want beer, I just pour an ice water and add lemon instead.

Sorry if this is all over the map. It's difficult to gather my thoughts on the topic.

itsmeagain2020

Right back at ya, Owen! I hope to share many sober milestones along our journey together.

Hevyn

Good to see you, itsme. I definitely loved the fact that I never felt alone anymore after joining here. It meant the world to know others actually understood. None of my family or friends could relate - they were all social drinkers. Any attempt I made to explain how I could get so out of control was met with a blank stare. Even after I was sober a while people would say, 'Well, you know where you went wrong - you can just have one!' NO, I can't.

itsmeagain2020

My last beer (and cigarette) happened on July 21 at around 7pm. I listed my sober date as July 22 at 5am. That means I've been sober for 9 days, 0 hours, 13 minutes and 42 seconds at the moment I typed this. I'm proud to be able to type that!

This weekend is going to be a major challenge for me. I always got so excited for weekends because that was when I could really unwind and not even have to worry about getting up the next day for work. On weekday evenings I used to drink just around 18 beers (half a 36 pack). I'd always try to stop drinking at a reasonable time so I could be functional at work the next day but that inevitably led to, "eh, I can have one more and still get to bed by 11. Okay, one more and I will be in bed by midnight. That will still give me 4 hours of sleep..." On weekends I'd always have to buy extra because I didn't have to do those negotiations. I could stay up drinking as long as my body would let me.

My goal for tonight is to make it through to tomorrow sober. My goal for Saturday is to make it to Sunday sober. My brother has asked me to text him every morning and let him know that I made it through the previous night without drinking, so I don't want to let him down. I don't want to let anyone here down, either.

DriGuy

Many do one day at a time, and if that works, it's a good strategy. I never understood one day at a time. My goal was not one day, but the rest of my life. If you recover successfully, either one takes you to the same place, a happy sober life filled with personal exploration and enjoyment. Even though my goal sounds bigger in writing, it was still fraught with all the same dangers and fears about failure that you face.

So I would offer this. Congratulations on your goal of one day at a time sobriety, but whether it's one day or long term, you also need a plan, which by definition, requires planning. Like you, I was deathly afraid of failure, especially at first, and it was pointed out to me that a plan should included contingencies and escape routes for dangers you may not see coming and for those that you know are going to show up. I knew what was going to show up, and I think we all know what those most risky ones are for us. Mine were social engagements. Plan A was to just avoid them, and at first that was mandatory for several weeks. After several works, it became normal procedure, but what about those rare things you can not avoid? Keep in mind that you can avoid anything, so be careful about the silly excuse that "you have to go," but eventually you know you will venture out and place yourself in danger again. If you must go, Plan B is an escape route. Don't just freeze and drink. Get out at the first feeling of vulnerability. Have your own transportation, and don't apologize or explain why you are going. Someone is going to try to convince you that a drink won't hurt, even after you have been sober for five years.

I still have the Plan B escape in my arsenal, even after years of sobriety, and actually, I have never had to use it, but knowing that I would at the first sign of danger gave me a lot of strength. Eventually, you will stop being afraid of failure, but your plan should be permanent.

Plans aren't the same things as goals. Plans are pre-thought strategies for reaching your goals. Make them! Recovery doesn't just happen. It requires full engagement on our parts.

itsmeagain2020

Hi DriGuy!

First, I want to thank you very sincerely for the effort you put into writing a reply intended to help me in my journey. I believe you are correct, but I'm nowhere near having a long term plan yet. I've spent 30 years of my life abusing alcohol. Alcohol has outlasted personal relationships, jobs, houses and cars. It's been a permanent fixture in my life. For the past 10 years I was drunk every single day, 7 days a week, 365 days per year. At this point, reading your words is probably analogous to me reading about why it's a good idea to have a plan before launching a rocket to Mars. I logically agree with every word, but I don't have the slightest idea how to begin to implement the plan. It's completely foreign to me. My hope is that as the days continue to pass and I manage to remain sober I'll begin to gain a long term understanding of how to shape my future. I'll probably come back and read your post and the words will resonate with my new understanding. I'm just not there yet.

But again, I thank you for caring enough to try to guide me toward a path of success. I'll reach out and lean on you and everyone else here as needed.