FreeOwl

yes, the move to legaliztion across the US is opening up a whole new wave of addiction. People will tell you marijuana is not addictive. Those people are often themselves addicted.

ANY drug that has a psychoactive effect on the brain is addictive if you're addictive.

first 24 hours clean of marijuana this morning.

biminiblue

Yay!

WaterOx

It's interesting. I've never enjoyed marijuana and some people insist that it's "better" than drinking. Yet everything on your list is exactly what I experience when I drink alcohol.

Thank you for sharing. I truly envy your sobriety and in the end I believe you'll do the right thing when it comes to this other addiction.

FreeOwl

back to Day One today for me and cannabis.



However, I will choose to view this as a Good Thing.

A Good Thing - because if further confirms what I already knew.... that weed has crept into a similar place in my life that alcohol was. It's something that I'm turning to as self-medication, it's not 'under my control' - but rather I'm choosing to let it control me.....

My life has become unmanageable..... simple: when I see myself resolve in the morning to make it a day free of marijuana - but then make the opposite choice later in the same day, with some half-conscious rationalization like "well, I'll get back to quitting tomorrow" or "well.... I already had some.... so today is shot... might as well have some more and start over tomorrow".... that is unmanageable.

When I see myself experiencing symptoms of respiratory issues, gradually developing over the course of this year, quietly wondering inside whether I may have COPD or lung cancer.... yet still choose to smoke...... that is unmanageable.

And so, today, back at it again.

I admit, I am powerless over marijuana and my life has become unmanageable.

I believe that a power greater than myself can help restore me to sanity.

Today, I choose to give my will and my life over to that power - as I seek to deepen my understanding of it....

biminiblue

I read your new thread, but I think it leaves out this past six months since the first post in this thread. That's too bad, because this thread is the real-deal struggle.

I voted against legalizing pot. Of course it was voted to legalize it (I'm in Washington.) I had already quit drinking, and even though it was a bit alluring to do that novel thing of going into a store and browsing pot I know that I don't need to be putting anything in my body to change my mood. Like I said, I have cookie issues already and that is enough, TYVM.

I hope this Day One sticks.



Are you going back to meetings? That's where I could clearly see how jacked up my thinking was in early sobriety.

It's gonna take time to get back to normal.

FreeOwl

I'll go have a closer look at the six months you refer to..... and the posts.... and dig into that. As a little sobriety homework assignment. . Thank you for the share.

There are currently no meetings where I am. Our state is on a semi-lockdown prohibiting them. But, I am resolved to pick my tools back up. SR is a tool. journaling is a tool. Exercise is a tool. The Steps are tools. Reaching out to fellow AAers / sponsors.....

It's not just meetings. It's that I put aside almost all the tools of recovery as marijuana took their place.

biminiblue

Good plan.

There are a ton of Zoom/online meetings...

As TomSteve would have said, "You can put away the ass-kickin' machine." Miss him. (I think he just moved on, some people are in touch with him.)

FreeOwl

starting over from the beginning of this thread at the prompting of bimini..... and this bit jumped out immediately: Lately, each time I've gone and smoked again, I find myself saying "this is so freaking DUMB" or "you IDIOT" or some other form of chastisement.... literally WHILE I'M DOING IT.

that's the equivalent to the times I'd be driving past a liquor store and say out loud to myself "F**K IT!!" and drive in and buy vodka and within a few minutes be chugging down booze and calling myself names in the parking lot.

Yesterday, mid-day, I was feeling agitated, depressed, glum, anxious..... it was withdrawal. "They" say that weed isn't addictive and doesn't have physical symptoms - but my own experience suggests that's entirely untrue for me. These psycho-somatic swirls of emotion and angst that come at me with 24+ hours distance from getting high are clearly symptoms of addiction.

I didn't give in because I felt like 'relaxing' or as a medicinal therapy or as some kind of higher-self introspection or creative muse.... I gave in to marijuana yesterday because I was seeking relief and escape.

That's the bottom line evidence right there.