FreeOwl

Yes.... it aligns with my thoughts and experience too: Spirituality is another addiction, in a way. I think all human beings tend toward addiction. I think that's part of our wiring. Those of us who struggle with it deeply are those of us for whom that wiring is particularly strong..... and so we need to place it somewhere. Be it religion, AA, work, exercise, mindfulness, welding.... whatever. I think we need to make that daily choice: "What will I give my addictive energy to?".

Yesterday for the first day in a long while, I didn't use any chemical (apart from my prescription meds) and I went to bed and woke up better for it.

Thank you.

FreeOwl

Yeah.... the 'benign and natural' combines - in my state - with it also being legal and pot delivery available and pot shops opening on every other corner in my town.

Thankfully, I've never had nearly the same problem STOPPING marijuana as I did alcohol. But, I can see very clearly how the drug has led me to the same kinds of behaviors. Sure, less impactful on my day-to-day life in dramatic terms..... but certainly just as impactful in terms of the sacrifices being made of my life to a drug and a drug-state in which I don't tend to things, am not present for my family as I'd prefer to be, am more prone to feelings of depression.... all in all, this is one of the things that really bothers me about the legalization movement. I do support legalization. There's been far too much damage done to lives in the name of an illegal plant. BUT..... the trouble is that in the US legalization is leading to glamorization. I imagine there will indeed be a rise in those whose lives become hijacked by weed.

But, anyway. I digress. It definitely contributed to my decision to use pot again. Just the simple, casual nature of it and the fact that it's popping up everywhere now.

FreeOwl

Thanks, Resurgence.

My next step - for today, is to focus on getting some tasks done that I've long neglected, to spend this day with a positive attitude, to exercise gratitude and to be present with my wife and kids.

I'm at that one-day-at-a-time step and though I know it's not nearly as shaky ground as alcohol - I'm not worried or in a place of fear about it. I'm in a place of empowerment and I will remain there.



Thank you

cantsleep123

This is exactly why I keep reminding myself that I can't let weed back into my life. While actively getting stoned multiple times per day I never thought it was an issue. Now I can see that I was just as addicted to weed as anything else. I remember having panic attacks if I couldn't find any. Letting entire days be ruined by the pursuit. Never again if I stay vigilant.

brighterday1234

It’s very powerful to accept oneself as an addict as that takes any mind altering drugs off the table as for an addict they will always destroy their lives in one way or another.

FreeOwl

well... my next step?

I don't know.... actually I've wound my life up into so much complexity and uncertainty and anxiety that I feel really overwhelmed and truly screwed.

Today is a long and challenging day that I've got laid out before me and I don't know WTF to do about it.....

But, I will start by being sober and clean and focused on making headway on the many things weighing me down - while seeking to maintain a positive attitude about it all.

Dee74

I'm not downplaying your problems whatever they might be but my life was overwhelming uncertain, anxious and complex too - but it got a lot less so when I made the decision to put the weed and the booze down for good.

You can do this man

D

MissPerfumado

Hi FreeOwl, I've only just dropped back in after being gone a long while. You are as determined and insightful as ever, and not making any excuses for yourself. So those things haven't changed.

I think a spiritual practice can be a crutch like any other. However, I view spirituality as an expansion of perspective, a journey of discovery and an evolution of consciousness, whereas an addiction is destructive.

Spirituality can be integrated into a life as a way of seeing how reality operates and how one can operate in reality, something alcohol or other drugs can't offer sustainably. It is not a running away from life but a way of understanding it more deeply.

The reason I think many recovering addicts benefit from spirituality is because addicts understand that there is something not quite harmonious with the way humans live here in this particular construct we know as life, and we used our DOC to escape from that 'not quite right' feeling.

My spiritual self understands it chose to be here at this time in this 'not-quite-right' construct to learn and to connect with others - that's what any physical construct is used for by a spirit.

Finally, the aim of spiritual practice for me is to align my spiritual self (soul, higher self, whatever you wish to call it) with this human personality and physical vessel. My spiritual self has no use for alcohol or other drugs if used for escapism. Those things are also very depressing (energetically speaking) and no spirit generally speaking wants to engage energetically with them.

This is why I have found spirituality very useful and not a dangerous addictive thing at all.

Sorry for the very long exposition. 'Take what you need and leave the rest' is something I hear often in spiritual circles too and of course what is intended here.

Aellyce

Hi FreeOwl,

I really hear you on the wiring and tendencies for multiple addictions or addiction-like excessive preoccupations/behaviors. I was just writing about one of mine, post-alcohol, in another thread. These things are definitely challenging and I wish I could just be free of all of this so that they do not occur anymore and I also don't cause further complications for myself and others with them. I personally never had problems with weed, but agree with others that it can become just as serious an addiction as alcohol, for some people. It is not less harmful then and even just the constant mental preoccupation, inner conflicts and motivational shifts it causes can be very disruptive. Some people can use weed recreationally long-term and never have an issue, but it sounds like you are worried about your habit.

I do agree that spirituality can also turn excessive, out of place, a tool for manipulation, and addiction-like for some - in those cases, it is not a good "replacement" and healing power.

It is not easy to give up all crutches and sources of mind-altering experiences for us who are wired to seek them more than average. I sometimes a bit jealous of those who apparently moved beyond all this for good, but am also skeptical if it is the whole truth. We can certainly get free of specific, disruptive habits though - you have demonstrated it for yourself with your recovery from drinking.

FreeOwl

Thanks Miss Perfumado.

This is good reflection.

In 2020, I have definitely allowed spiritual space to shrink.... perhaps even just outright neglected it. This has been a hard year, but my own choices to lean on weed, to allow exercise to dwindle away entirely, to neglect self care, to neglect my spiritual self...... have all just played right into an unhealthy and addictive dance with marijuana. I'm thankful it hasn't destroyed my life like alcohol surely would have.... but it's cost me regardless.

I popped back in here today after not having been on SR for months. That's another data point in my neglect. This place, the connection to sober community, investing time to support others and in so doing, supporting my own sobriety..... is all part of a much healthier, more present and more spiritually rich life.

I appreciate you and Aellyce2's input.

It will help me stay sober today, free of marijuana, and focused on presence in my life.

Velvetee

Weed was one of the major reasons why I left my ex-husband in 2018. I have been patient for 15 years and then gave up, with no regrets. It got even worse now, he's got problems with cops. I don't think that you need another evil in your life, it's just another addiction. How about finding a less harmful hobby?

zerothehero

I've known a lot of people who have tried giving up alcohol or other drugs but continued with THC and claimed to be "in recovery." The vast majority relapsed on the drugs they were trying to avoid, and there's a reason for this. As long as we're satisfying our inner buzzhound with substances, especially those that cloud our brains, we're just not on the road to recovery, and we're not really abstinent.

FreeOwl

yep. 2020 came with a combination of life events and - in my state - the legalization of cannabis and the sudden normalization of it as "medicine".....

I saw this coming, actually. A little more insidious than alcohol because it never quite derailed me the same way.... but I also have personal experience to draw from. The very first real run at sobriety I took, I made it about 5 months - but kept using weed. I saw my 'occasional' become 'habitual' and then my 'habitual' morph into 'addictive' and then one day I just decided it was OK to drink again.... and off I was on a couple year bender that included many of the worst moments ever with alcohol.

biminiblue

So how is the abstinence going?

Have you made The Commitment for today?

Aellyce

You see, I am a pretty liberal person in general, but what you describe is why I am not a fan of completely legalizing more drugs for recreational use. Decriminalizing I support, but making these substances available like pieces of chocolate in a candy store is not necessarily a good thing for people who had a problem with them in the past or have a predisposition. I never cared much about cannabis (more precisely THC) for myself, but have similar thoughts now about other psychedelics, which may go through a similar path in the US in the coming years. I do believe they can be used as medicine for some people (much like cannabis), but there are also the ones like me - I liked them way too much in the past, often mixed with alcohol, in fact one of the worst experiences with drugs ever was when I mixed high doses of both one day. All that happened at a time and place where certain psychedelics were completely legal and freely available, they would not even ID people to purchase..., I never misused them anywhere else before/after.

Hope you are doing well today FreeOwl

blazen

I don't think weed is nearly as destructive as alcohol. It won't destroy your liver, you won't get debilitating hangovers. If you're going to pick a poison, weed is fairly innocuous.

Velvetee

It is destructive, it does influence people's brains. It impairs perception and accuracy, it pollutes the lungs (cancerogenic) and there is a risk of asphyxiation when people smoke it every day and thus have to increase their consumption due to their addiction. There is a temporary sense of well-being but it can also provoke anxiety and aggressive behavior which can be very harmful both for the user and his or her family. Spent 15 years with someone who had smoked weed every single day for almost 30 years in total. It's simply not good to minimise any of the addictions.

Dee74

Dude, we have a whole sub forum here dedicated to marijuana addiction, the OP clearly sees it as a problem, they clearly want to stop...and this is a recovery site...and the Newcomers forum to boot.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Rule 2

It is inappropriate to promote the use of alcohol or drugs on our addiction recovery forums.

You can do whatever you want to do in your own life, but read the room, read the rules, and don’t be tone deaf about it here.

Dee
Administrator
SR

emme99

Hi FreeOwl, I just wanted to offer you my support. I’ve always enjoyed your posts and insight you share here. I started experimenting with weed a couple of months ago, and this is a good reminder that I need to stay vigilant, thanks.

Meraviglioso

For real! I have heard people talk about their suffering for drinking one glass of wine, once a month. As someone who has regularly downed five BOTTLES in a day this was hard for me to understand. But I came to learn and accept that if it is a problem for them it IS. A problem, and they deserve the same support and care and help that any of us do. For our dear friend this is a problem and no one should diminish that.