Jingleboots1

Good morning! To brief you, I have two grown kids on Crystal Meth. My first born of three, my son, age 42 and his younger sister, my first daughter, age 39. My younger daughter does not use drugs, but she has made some bad choices in husbands who did, they are divorced now but her two marriages have left horrible scars on all of us due to the drug use of her 1st and 2nd husbands. Drugs run rampant in my family, I am divorced from an alcoholic (married 28 years) have been divorced 15 years. My ex does drugs with my kids so I have a lot of resentment built up toward him, my two addicted kids and the EX husbands of my youngest daughter. My son has done drugs for about 20 years, my daughter started about 5 years ago. I have had to accept that my son may never be normal, I rarely see him except for Holidays. It's my daughter causing the most frustration and pain because she is an RN, she's beautiful, but she's also bi-polar. I am having a hard time accepting her addiction to this horrible drug. I miss her and the fun things we used to do. I don't like the person she has become, she is now very evasive, not reliable, depressed and not working. She has hooked up with the most disgusting man I have ever seen, he has been arrested 13 times in less than 2 years; 6 of those were drug related, 6 of them were theft. He beats her and she lets him. This is what I'm dealing with but there are more things, very bad things that I deal with pertaining directly to drugs. I am considering alanon, but thought maybe a support group could help me learn to live within my own barriers, ones that can't be penetrated by my kids during all this horror. i am 61 years old, happy in my life other than all the above mentioned problems, and want desperately to see my kids become healthy and happy before I die. I love Christmas and pretty much live for Christmas Day each year, but I can't be truly happy in my life because of all this. I don't think it's fair, and I don't think I'm being selfish to want a little happiness and peace in my life. There are grandkids that are reaping rewards from all of this too, in a very negative way. I worry about them constantly.

GerandTwine

Hi Jingleboots1,

It’s truly sad how loved ones around you are stuck in chemical dependency. There may not be much you can do to encourage their recoveries if they are not living with you.

If your youngest daughter is living with you or nearby, she may be able to help you make this Christmas as good as possible for you and your grandchildren.

One nice thing about Christmases, as you know, is they bring back memories of past ones, and give happy anticipation of future ones. That appears to be why you’re here now, to get feedback on how to make this Christmas gathering as good as possible.

Well, there are lots of people here who can help you.

One thing you may want to try is to make a time when all the kids are outside playing and you get your adult family around a table, ask all of them to please quietly listen as you calmly present YOUR position and thoughts for your children's future as the matriarch of the family. I know that wouldn’t be very Christmassy, but you could do it near the end of the day.

I’m sure how your love to all is expressed through your efforts at making Christmas as classy and celebratory as possible will not be missed by anyone, even those who are chemically dependent.

GT

Sober45

Oh my. My heart goes out to you, Jingleboots. One good thing is you seem to have a very clear mind about the whole situation and good on you for being part of the solution. And there's nothing wrong or selfish about wanting happiness. In fact, being that way sets a positive example for your children and grandchildren to follow. But ultimately, it is up to them what they do.

I have an 18 year old who is struggling with mental health issues. Before I stopped drinking on Jan 2, 2020, we drank together (even though she's underage). I wanted to drink so badly and she was having issues with it so I drew her into my sphere. That's what addicts do. By the grace of God, I came to my senses and neither of us have had a drink since the day I quit. She will be 19 soon, old enough to drink, but says she never will (fingers crossed).

It looks to me like you're a cycle breaker. Keep it going!

SoberInCLE

I wish you could look forward to a better Christmas with your family but I and the SR community will be here to wish you one! Take care of yourself because it is the only way you can be there for others.

Anna

Welcome and I'm sorry about your situation with your children. You're right, addiction is not fair, and I hope your children make the choice to seek help for their addictions. In the meantime, I hope that you can find some peace in your life. I wonder if you've tried AlAnon in your town as a support for you?

advbike

Sorry to hear of the family issues - they're always the worst. Hold to your boundaries. There is a section on here also, for friends and family of addicts that might be helpful. Wishing you the best Christmas!