Going to Do It & Become a Didit
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
Hi,
I still didn't sleep well but I woke up happy and had a plan for the day. I got some shopping done, the cupboards were bare and I bought myself some nice smelling lotion to make me smell pretty.
I have and had this intense craving to drink this afternoon because: I did accomplish so much today, because I felt good, and because some old snotty man yelled at me today. All good reasons to drink..................... I even checked the sale paper to see what there is out there...............
So I came to SR to find reasons not to drink and to post. I also read some over in your May Thread, I'll have to join in with you. I'll post there tomorrow.
I am not going to drink, I worked it through, and I am going to go drink a couple bottles of fizzy water just to fill the void for the beer I won't buy.
I will stay and say I didit again, today ends day 3. It really is a mind game, I have to make my brain think different. I told myself that, that pretty smelling lotion won't smell so good on me tomorrow if I am sweating out booze through my pores! My face will be bloated, and I will be mad at myself for giving up.
It will be an early dinner again after I drink my fizzy water.
didit
I still didn't sleep well but I woke up happy and had a plan for the day. I got some shopping done, the cupboards were bare and I bought myself some nice smelling lotion to make me smell pretty.
I have and had this intense craving to drink this afternoon because: I did accomplish so much today, because I felt good, and because some old snotty man yelled at me today. All good reasons to drink..................... I even checked the sale paper to see what there is out there...............
So I came to SR to find reasons not to drink and to post. I also read some over in your May Thread, I'll have to join in with you. I'll post there tomorrow.
I am not going to drink, I worked it through, and I am going to go drink a couple bottles of fizzy water just to fill the void for the beer I won't buy.
I will stay and say I didit again, today ends day 3. It really is a mind game, I have to make my brain think different. I told myself that, that pretty smelling lotion won't smell so good on me tomorrow if I am sweating out booze through my pores! My face will be bloated, and I will be mad at myself for giving up.
It will be an early dinner again after I drink my fizzy water.
didit
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Location: St.Petersburg, FL.
Posts: 1,077
Hey, didit--congratulations on day 3! You did it! Yay! Early sobriety is rough, but just keep powering through and you will be feeling much better soon. There is nothing like waking up in the morning sober, clear-headed and ready to face the day--such a contrast to a hangover and the guilt, shame and terror I always felt after coming to. It is always an excellent idea to check in with SR if you're shaky, or even if you're not! I have over 4 years of sobriety and SR has been vital to me--I check in several times a day. Back in March I had to do some traveling, and airports are a big trigger for me--lots of opportunity to drink, and layover time to do it. I had a few hours to kill so I posted and hung with my pals here till it was time to board. Wishing you all the best--you're doing it--keep it up!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
Hi,
Thank you all for your thoughts.
Some more crazy dreams last night, made me wake up a little scared and out of sorts, and a lot of brain fog today, but that is ok. I was reading about how the brain heals in stages after quitting drinking, it gave me a better understanding of the why I feel like I do.
No craving today, which was nice, I keep saying to myself that I just need to get over this first big hill so I can get some clarity with a more healed brain. The thoughts I have now can't be trusted so I say to myself, just don't listen to the AV, just get over this hill so I can see better and it is keeping me a bit calmer.
I was going to post around the forum, but to be honest I just need to keep my focus on me right now, I was reading some other posts and it started to get me a little confused and thinking about what they are going through and I am trying so hard right now just to keep my own thoughts organized and sifted through. Sort of like put your own air mask on first before you put it on someone else. Not trying to be unkind, I just need a few more days to sift through my own feelings so when I do post it will be genuine and sincere from me, I am not sure what to say yet to others when I am barely thinking. Hope you understand.
Edit..... ididit for day 4
Thank you all for your thoughts.
Some more crazy dreams last night, made me wake up a little scared and out of sorts, and a lot of brain fog today, but that is ok. I was reading about how the brain heals in stages after quitting drinking, it gave me a better understanding of the why I feel like I do.
No craving today, which was nice, I keep saying to myself that I just need to get over this first big hill so I can get some clarity with a more healed brain. The thoughts I have now can't be trusted so I say to myself, just don't listen to the AV, just get over this hill so I can see better and it is keeping me a bit calmer.
I was going to post around the forum, but to be honest I just need to keep my focus on me right now, I was reading some other posts and it started to get me a little confused and thinking about what they are going through and I am trying so hard right now just to keep my own thoughts organized and sifted through. Sort of like put your own air mask on first before you put it on someone else. Not trying to be unkind, I just need a few more days to sift through my own feelings so when I do post it will be genuine and sincere from me, I am not sure what to say yet to others when I am barely thinking. Hope you understand.
Edit..... ididit for day 4
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
Thanks Kaily
I am feeling better today, more focused. I have tons of laundry I am doing, feels good to finish that up, I have been lazy so one project a day, doesn't have to be big just something good accomplished. I am finding that as the days are adding up I can calmly decide things or answer to things, that in itself feels like power for me, like having control, a good thing.
My legs are still jumping all over the place at night in bed,I am drinking a lot of water, staying hydrated and more, just shows how my body has suffered from the alcohol. Like being sick, and then getting better, why would I want to put alcohol back in me and poison myself and destroy all the healing I have done.
I am saying didit day 5
I am feeling better today, more focused. I have tons of laundry I am doing, feels good to finish that up, I have been lazy so one project a day, doesn't have to be big just something good accomplished. I am finding that as the days are adding up I can calmly decide things or answer to things, that in itself feels like power for me, like having control, a good thing.
My legs are still jumping all over the place at night in bed,I am drinking a lot of water, staying hydrated and more, just shows how my body has suffered from the alcohol. Like being sick, and then getting better, why would I want to put alcohol back in me and poison myself and destroy all the healing I have done.
I am saying didit day 5
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
Thank you all for your support
I am just writing this down so I can remember what I am going through, I am anonymous here and I don’t want a paper diary at home. I don’t want to forget what I am going through and how all this is feeling.
I only slept a few hours then laid in bed on my phone in the middle of the night reading about different organ parts, and their health. Both drinking for such a terribly long time, so stupid of me, and this withdrawal has really irritated, or worse, my digestive health, a lot of things hurt and don’t feel right and haven’t for awhile. Not drinking is the number 1, first thing to do to heal this, and I am definitely not drinking, and I will go to a doctor in a couple of months. I am aware of some health issues that my doctor confirmed in a prior visit quite awhile ago, not real serious, but a warning sign not to be ignored. Then my mind worries about the damage I have already done or maybe haven’t done, but either way I know for a fact how destructive alcohol is to the human body.
I just don’t want to forget this, and want to document when I see changes for the better, and the time frame. I hate what I have done to myself. I am a little tired, lack of sleep, teary eyed also so I am going to take it easy today and love my body and love myself for finally making a change in my direction. I will be positive because I am doing good things and making good choices for me.
Holding on tight and not letting go on this roller coaster ride of emotions and everything else.
It's half way through Day 6 and I will continue to do it.
didit
I am just writing this down so I can remember what I am going through, I am anonymous here and I don’t want a paper diary at home. I don’t want to forget what I am going through and how all this is feeling.
I only slept a few hours then laid in bed on my phone in the middle of the night reading about different organ parts, and their health. Both drinking for such a terribly long time, so stupid of me, and this withdrawal has really irritated, or worse, my digestive health, a lot of things hurt and don’t feel right and haven’t for awhile. Not drinking is the number 1, first thing to do to heal this, and I am definitely not drinking, and I will go to a doctor in a couple of months. I am aware of some health issues that my doctor confirmed in a prior visit quite awhile ago, not real serious, but a warning sign not to be ignored. Then my mind worries about the damage I have already done or maybe haven’t done, but either way I know for a fact how destructive alcohol is to the human body.
I just don’t want to forget this, and want to document when I see changes for the better, and the time frame. I hate what I have done to myself. I am a little tired, lack of sleep, teary eyed also so I am going to take it easy today and love my body and love myself for finally making a change in my direction. I will be positive because I am doing good things and making good choices for me.
Holding on tight and not letting go on this roller coaster ride of emotions and everything else.
It's half way through Day 6 and I will continue to do it.
didit
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Very wise, didit. I wish I had written down the details of my final binge & the hell I went through. Time tends to dim our clear memory of it. I held on to my Dui tickets & court records though - that usually serves to scare me to death.
Day 6 - good for you!
Day 6 - good for you!
Member
Join Date: Jan 2020
Location: Australia
Posts: 1,097
Love your determination!
If it is any consolation, the emotional roller-coaster did settle for me a lot during week 2. It does seem to take a while for our minds to fully repair after years of abuse, but I was an emotional wreck for the first week, but after that, it got better and only had minor breakdowns from time to time rather than constantly.
In terms of health, stopping drinking can only help. I had a fatty liver bordering on cirrhosis when I quit the last time, and at six weeks, the ultrasound showed huge improvements - so it is really possibly to reverse some of the damage we inflict on our organs. My digestive system also improved over time. At risk of too much information, when drinking I had sloppy stools often very mucousy which after stopping improved no end, but also moved to constipation. Huge amounts of water and a bit more time, and it all fell into place (aided by eating better than hardly any food when I was drinking). It's a great idea go for a checkup after some sobriety time for your reassurance and addressing any issues. Try not to worry about it too much - you are already helping your body recover by choosing the sobriety path.
And yeah - I share the inability to sleep. The few hours I get now is at least sleep and not just drunken comatose.
Many congrats on day 6!
If it is any consolation, the emotional roller-coaster did settle for me a lot during week 2. It does seem to take a while for our minds to fully repair after years of abuse, but I was an emotional wreck for the first week, but after that, it got better and only had minor breakdowns from time to time rather than constantly.
In terms of health, stopping drinking can only help. I had a fatty liver bordering on cirrhosis when I quit the last time, and at six weeks, the ultrasound showed huge improvements - so it is really possibly to reverse some of the damage we inflict on our organs. My digestive system also improved over time. At risk of too much information, when drinking I had sloppy stools often very mucousy which after stopping improved no end, but also moved to constipation. Huge amounts of water and a bit more time, and it all fell into place (aided by eating better than hardly any food when I was drinking). It's a great idea go for a checkup after some sobriety time for your reassurance and addressing any issues. Try not to worry about it too much - you are already helping your body recover by choosing the sobriety path.
And yeah - I share the inability to sleep. The few hours I get now is at least sleep and not just drunken comatose.
Many congrats on day 6!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
Thank you Hevyn and Coz for being here.
I am glad you shared your more detailed symptoms Coz, they are very similar to mine. An ultrasound awhile back showed a fatty liver for me, but it didn’t scare me enough. The other digestive symptoms you shared are very much like mine. It is also uncomfortable for me to sleep on my right side, and it is probably a combination of the liver and digestive track. I'll have my doctor sort this out for me in a few months.
That is wonderful that your 6 week ultrasound showed huge improvements for you, so happy for you.
I went for a long walk, a bit hot for that, but a cold shower to follow and I am glad I got the exercise.
This is so helpful that we can share like this, otherwise our minds would take us to crazy places.
I am glad you shared your more detailed symptoms Coz, they are very similar to mine. An ultrasound awhile back showed a fatty liver for me, but it didn’t scare me enough. The other digestive symptoms you shared are very much like mine. It is also uncomfortable for me to sleep on my right side, and it is probably a combination of the liver and digestive track. I'll have my doctor sort this out for me in a few months.
That is wonderful that your 6 week ultrasound showed huge improvements for you, so happy for you.
I went for a long walk, a bit hot for that, but a cold shower to follow and I am glad I got the exercise.
This is so helpful that we can share like this, otherwise our minds would take us to crazy places.
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
I remember the feeling of not wanting to put myself out there. Early on, you don't know if the next thing you try is going to work or not, and I think early on in meetings I shared my fears, but not my level of commitment, because I didn't know how real my commitment was. I knew my fears of failure were real so I could honestly talk about them. But when I realized I was going to finally make it and I started to actually love being sober... well then you could hardly shut me up about it.
A group of recovered alcoholics like this is a new environment. Out in the real world, friends and coworkers are watching and observing, maybe counting your failures. Some are mildly interested. Some don't care. But for those who have been through the struggle, we at least understand what you are going through. Your struggle is real to us, and we know how important success will be to you. We would like to help.
A group of recovered alcoholics like this is a new environment. Out in the real world, friends and coworkers are watching and observing, maybe counting your failures. Some are mildly interested. Some don't care. But for those who have been through the struggle, we at least understand what you are going through. Your struggle is real to us, and we know how important success will be to you. We would like to help.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
DriGuy, thank you for your post. This is what I like about here, is that I can be so honest and say things that are happening to me and then have someone post, “yes, I had those same issues and let me tell you about these other issues….. and watch out for this or this maybe, it might happen”. Sharing with people that really get it and to get advice from people with experience
As you said, in the real world how people react, that was what made me withdraw and not seek help, some people almost enjoyed throwing it back in my face my failures and worse than that, my inner most sensitive and honest feelings that I shared with the wrong person or persons. That hurts and it sent me back to drinking many times.
I am so grateful that you all would like to help me and everyone else that comes here. I feel so relieved and open and just so ready to jump in and grow and to know that I am safe here.
Seven days tonight, that is one week. It went fast in a way, at least to say one week, but in a way it has been one heck of a long day 1, that just kept going and going. To say one week accomplished is very motivating. It makes me feel like getting to two weeks won’t be quite as long. Not trying to fool myself, but it feels kind of nice to kick the mud off my shoes that has weighed me down this week, I might just feel a little lighter this coming week.
I am kind of glad that I have felt so bad for so long, I really don’t want to throw all this work away for a spur of the moment, heck it, not thinking drink. My clarity in thinking is still messed up, but the one part of my thoughts that is really clear and strong is just how terrible alcohol is to me.
Early dinner, pretty good day and ididit one sweet wonderful week.
As you said, in the real world how people react, that was what made me withdraw and not seek help, some people almost enjoyed throwing it back in my face my failures and worse than that, my inner most sensitive and honest feelings that I shared with the wrong person or persons. That hurts and it sent me back to drinking many times.
I am so grateful that you all would like to help me and everyone else that comes here. I feel so relieved and open and just so ready to jump in and grow and to know that I am safe here.
Seven days tonight, that is one week. It went fast in a way, at least to say one week, but in a way it has been one heck of a long day 1, that just kept going and going. To say one week accomplished is very motivating. It makes me feel like getting to two weeks won’t be quite as long. Not trying to fool myself, but it feels kind of nice to kick the mud off my shoes that has weighed me down this week, I might just feel a little lighter this coming week.
I am kind of glad that I have felt so bad for so long, I really don’t want to throw all this work away for a spur of the moment, heck it, not thinking drink. My clarity in thinking is still messed up, but the one part of my thoughts that is really clear and strong is just how terrible alcohol is to me.
Early dinner, pretty good day and ididit
one sweet wonderful week.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: May 2020
Posts: 68
Thank you Hevyn, Dee and Kaily.
End of day 8. Not much to say, but I need to post something everyday for awhile or I'll stop posting and knowing me, that won't turn out well.
So, I walked outside for a long walk this evening and thought and realized while walking and looking at homes that were kept up and those that were neglected that there were a lot of simple things I have given up on. I am starting to find a little twinkle of a renewed interest to do some up keep again. Such as maybe paint a room a different color, change the look of a room, fix something, anything. I kind of had lost interest in things for quite awhile, figured I was just getting older and not really caring anymore. But, it was the drinking that sucked out the life in me where I just didn't care much about things. I feel like I am starting to come more alive.
I am tired and moody a bit tonight, but I didn't drink so day 8 is done, ididit.
End of day 8. Not much to say, but I need to post something everyday for awhile or I'll stop posting and knowing me, that won't turn out well.
So, I walked outside for a long walk this evening and thought and realized while walking and looking at homes that were kept up and those that were neglected that there were a lot of simple things I have given up on. I am starting to find a little twinkle of a renewed interest to do some up keep again. Such as maybe paint a room a different color, change the look of a room, fix something, anything. I kind of had lost interest in things for quite awhile, figured I was just getting older and not really caring anymore. But, it was the drinking that sucked out the life in me where I just didn't care much about things. I feel like I am starting to come more alive.
I am tired and moody a bit tonight, but I didn't drink so day 8 is done, ididit.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
