Surrendered19

There is no good plan to more responsibly use meth and drink rather than heading off on a 5 or 6 day binge. That is never how it works Hoplesstap and you know it. Dump all that **** out now if you want to live. I also think you are looking for reasons to use. Your last post from a few minutes ago is full of reasons. A bad experience with a sponsor is not the reason you went and bought booze and meth. You bought those things because you are an addict and your addict voice is in full control of your actions, logic and reasoning. The reasons you offer make no sense if you step back. Pretend you are sober and then reread your last post. Stay with us Hoplesstap. Dump all that stuff and hit the new year with 18 days of sobriety under your belt.

Dee74

Meth was the only drug I ever tried I didn't like. It destroyed the life of a few or my friends.

It's not a road I'd want anyone to go down.

Dump it and the holiday beverages if they're alcoholic.

Using and drinking is not a healthy reaction to being upset especially if it's about a sponsor.

You can always find another sponsor

Make a change for the better

D

Hoplesstap2019

You are right, deep down I know they were excuses. $ 500 dollars worth 🙄(money I didn't really have). The last 6 months been feeling bad enough I would buy lots of meth, thinking I can do alot and od. Really just don't have the energy to try and start again .
But havent had the guts to follow thru. That is partly why I have all that.

Dee74

you don't have to keep making bad choices.

It sounds simple I know but it really boils down to that.

D

Surrendered19

Don't try to od Hoplesstap. Can you call a crisis line or go to an ER and tell them you are suicidal? It doesn't matter how much the meth and the drinks cost. Just get rid of it. Pour it all down the sink. Please stay with us. Get some help and stay with us.

Surrendered19

Check in Hoplesstap. Hope you are still with us.

Hoplesstap2019

I am here, just thinking. 🙄

Surrendered19

I've been thinking about you today Hoplesstap. I hope you are clean and healing up or will be soon. Dump that meth and the booze and start getting clean. Please keep posting here if you are open to an honest, open conversation about your situation and if you need some support to make some changes. As obstacles present themselves, seek support to get past those, but always keep moving towards recovery regardless of the challenge.

Hoplesstap2019

Thanks , I appreciate the help. I am open , I realize I am not my own best thinker.🙄.already disappointed enough people at AA bere where I live. they were my only support except for addiction counselor. Decisions do need to be made, just alittle drained, tired and lacking hope, at the moment.

Surrendered19

I seriously doubt the folks at AA are disappointed in you. That is just not how they roll. They are still there for you. Just like the support here. Collectively we've heard it all. You cannot shock or disappoint. If you are open, let me observe that you pepper every conversation with your perception that others have failed you and, for that reason, all hope is lost. You have to get out of that loop Hopless. That is your addict voice at work telling you there is no reason to be sober.

HeadEast

Hi Hoplesstap! Why would you ever think the people at AA would be disappointed in you?

Hoplesstap2019

I know I am alittle disappointed about my sponsor, but other than that I feel I let them down. The one lady always tells me I am to hard on myself, this last year has sucked out the little confidence I did have. I didnt try to explain it all but would be forever. Quit my job due to ongoing issues, wsib denied stress claim( they are in no way there to help employee), my ex bosses lied in paper work for wsib, got a lawyer, ended up settling frustration of contract. Currently on Ontario works but waiting on decision about longterm disability . Other than sponsor, I only had phone numbers of 2 other ladies. One of the lives very close to me and we had been going to meeting together sometimes and texting. The last week she knew I was struggling, I assume she is frustrated or disappointed with me. She stopped answering my texts and haven't heard from her. She had said to me one time that once I got some sober time others would see that I want to try.

snitch

I thought I was a Hopeless case too. I Would pray at night and ask God to not let me wake up in the morning. I always did. I guess God had a different plan for me.

I am now nearly 20 months sober with AA.

Sponsors are there to take us through the steps. They are not able to get us sober. In AA we come to believe that only a Power Greater than ourselves can relieve us from our alcoholism/addictions.

In the early days, I prayed so hard. I asked God (my HP) to keep me sober everyday. When I wanted to drink I prayed. knowing what I know about where 1 drink will take me, if I start to think that a drink sounds like a good idea then I need to be restored to sane thinking. Praying to my HP restores me to sanity and then I am able to put in some ACTION. I would go to a meeting or I would call another alcoholic, I would post here. I needed support. And I got it. Everyday, my priority was to not pick up a drink and get my head on the pillow sober.

I got my 1st sponsor after I was in AA for about 2 months. We started going through tbe steps together. I would call her daily. She would tell me not to listen to my head! My head would tell me all sorts of things... how crap I was, how worthless, how I didn't deserve sobriety, what's the point I am hopeless. Lies all lies. I had to really learn to challenge that thinking I would literally (and still do) tell my head to shut up!! That I was not a bad person, I was just very, very sick. That I do deserve sobriety just like anyone else. That I am not hopeless. There is always hope.

Aa is not the only way to get and stay sober. However it is the only way I know. Keep going back. Listen to others and ask them how they got through the day sober. Share your struggles. Don't pick up, get to a meeting or call someone else instead. Remember that sponsors are not supermen/women. They are just other alcoholics trying to staying sober a day at a time and helping others to achieve sobriety. Just doing the best they can.

Stay close

❤🙏❤🙏

Hoplesstap2019

I do understand she has to look after herself first. I think I am confusing friendship with fellowship

Surrendered19

Dearest HoplessTap, another post full of observations about inadequate relationships or not enough relationships. That is exactly what your addict voice wants you to hear. You disappoint others. They disappoint you. And there are not enough of them at any rate. Might as well use.

We have to get you out of that loop HoplessTap. At some point we are, each of us, truly alone in our own heads. It is impossible for anyone to be in there with us.

You should keep posting here. I have a challenge for you - in your next 5 posts, don't mention any relationships with AA, sponsors, your phone contact list. Only talk about your current situation and tangible steps you are taking - under your own power - to get sober. I really think if you start to make moves and make decisions on your own, the kind of supportive relationships you crave will organically form.

Stay here with us HoplessTap.

AAPJ

Hi Tracey! Welcome to SR. I am sorry that you are having a rough time.

"AA Sponsorship is the half blind leading the blind"
Sandy Beach

When ever I hear/see someone discussing an AA sponsor I think of this.

Personally I can understand why a sponsor may prefer to focus on texting vs phone calls. Phone calls are a real time interrupt but texts can be answered when one has time.

I hope you keep reading and posting here.

DriGuy

No one is hopeless. The feeling of hopelessness is one aspect of how alcohol and drugs can drain your hope away. You can do this. It may be dependent on how sick of the spiral you are and how much you want to get better. But no one is hopeless. I felt hopeless at one time too. A taste of sobriety gave me hope, and that got me committed to staying sober, which in turn, gave me more hope. As addiction drains away hope, winning over it allows hope to grow. Both are self reinforcing cycles. I fought a losing battle with alcohol for years, and then one day I just stopped. Fellowship with those in recovery was one important key for me, about equal to a mule like stubbornness to succeed.

Hoplesstap2019

I guess this is where I am confused? Say i call someone need support, will I explain if something has happened to trigger me and wanting to drink?will they ask because unfortunately some of the things I have on go csnt be ignored ( cant br the only person ), constant end of paperwork explaining over and over what happened at my job, this so I can have an income. Some people at Aa here said u have to let go and move on , which would be nice but I wouldn't get the income I am untitled too. One day.i was talking to another person from AA about thev1yr anniversary of my Aunts death whom I was very close too. The response made me feel like I wasnt supposed to let it bother me or invalidating my.feelings. I understand if it stresses me it isnt good but should I not work thru it and give myself permission to be sad. We have done anything possible to not feel in the past, so I assume we need to do this?

Surrendered19

Tracey - another post full of blame. Support here on SR confusing you, a person you don't even know yet perhaps not asking you the right questions, too much paperwork, AA folks dismissively telling you to move on, AA folks invalidating your feelings. It is a recipe to stay stuck where you are and to keep using. And again AA folks just don't do that in my experience. I hope you can take some steps on your own to quit using and get clean. I really do think that when you start to do some hard work under your own power, the relationships you seek will come about naturally. But when you are full of blame of others, you leave folks grasping for what to say to support you. Tomorrow, take a step on your own. Dump your supply. Then take a walk. Then write down what you will do for the day that will make you healthier. Keep is super simple.

Hoplesstap2019

Sorry, to ask but where did I blame anyone or something in these posts. I have discussed things that have happened and I dont understand?