Disgusted at Myself
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Disgusted at Myself
This is my first post. I am not an “alcoholic” as I think I understand that term because I don’t drink daily or even weekly. But I am a problem drinker who has a problem with alcohol and binging. When I do decide to drink, I don’t know my limits and start doing stupid and embarrassing stuff.
Well, last night I had a relapse and got really drunk at a block party and embarrassed myself and my wife. Then we got in a fight back at the house and I said some mean things to her. It appears she’s thinking of leaving me. We have a 2 year old son who I love and adore and I can’t believe I might lose it all over booze.
I have struggled so much to try to do “moderate drinking” - just an old-fashioned or glass of wine. Yet every once in a while I’m doing this “moderate drinking” I just get going and don’t stop. This happened last year at a wedding and I quit alcohol for 7 months afterwards. Then returned to it thinking I would just drink moderately. How could 1 or 2 beers hurt?
I realize I need to quit completely. At this point, I don’t even know if I’ll be still married in a year. God help me.
Well, last night I had a relapse and got really drunk at a block party and embarrassed myself and my wife. Then we got in a fight back at the house and I said some mean things to her. It appears she’s thinking of leaving me. We have a 2 year old son who I love and adore and I can’t believe I might lose it all over booze.
I have struggled so much to try to do “moderate drinking” - just an old-fashioned or glass of wine. Yet every once in a while I’m doing this “moderate drinking” I just get going and don’t stop. This happened last year at a wedding and I quit alcohol for 7 months afterwards. Then returned to it thinking I would just drink moderately. How could 1 or 2 beers hurt?
I realize I need to quit completely. At this point, I don’t even know if I’ll be still married in a year. God help me.
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Well, there is more to being an alcoholic than how often one drinks. But the term isn't as important as recognizing that you have a problem and sobriety is the solution.
Originally Posted by HarryLime 
I am not an “alcoholic” as I think I understand that term because I don’t drink daily or even weekly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
Welcome to Sober Recovery.
Well, there is more to being an alcoholic than how often one drinks. But the term isn't as important as recognizing that you have a problem and sobriety is the solution.
Well, there is more to being an alcoholic than how often one drinks. But the term isn't as important as recognizing that you have a problem and sobriety is the solution.
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,514
Welcome!
Alcoholic is just a term. And, alcoholism isn't based on how often you drink, or even how much you drink. It's about what happens to you when you drink. It sounds to me like you can't stop drinking when you start and that you become someone you don't like when you're drinking. Fwiw, that's alcoholism.
I'm glad that you know you need to stop drinking. I think, if you take a look around here, you'll be inspired. It's always a good idea to have a plan in place for how you will stop drinking and begin your sobriety journey. What will you do when you feel like drinking, and what about friends/family? Those are things to take into consideration when you come up with a plan.
Alcoholic is just a term. And, alcoholism isn't based on how often you drink, or even how much you drink. It's about what happens to you when you drink. It sounds to me like you can't stop drinking when you start and that you become someone you don't like when you're drinking. Fwiw, that's alcoholism.
I'm glad that you know you need to stop drinking. I think, if you take a look around here, you'll be inspired. It's always a good idea to have a plan in place for how you will stop drinking and begin your sobriety journey. What will you do when you feel like drinking, and what about friends/family? Those are things to take into consideration when you come up with a plan.
RIP Sweet Suki
Join Date: Apr 2008
Location: In my sanctuary, my home
Posts: 39,913
Not all alcoholics drink every day. Many go weeks or even months without drinking, but when they do drink, they don't have an off switch. They go through episodes like you described. Whether or not you are willing to admit you are an alcoholic doesn't really mater. It's good that you realize that your drinking could very well end your marriage.
You will find a ton of support here. Welcome!
You will find a ton of support here. Welcome!
Member
Join Date: Nov 2015
Location: East Coast USA
Posts: 1,068
Welcome to SP. I think the current clinical term is alcohol use disorder (AUD). There are varying degrees of AUD. The term alcoholic only describes the more severe end of the AUD spectrum. Many folks with an AUD are not alcoholics but the solution is often the same - quit drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2019
Posts: 87
Its great you are putting together how alcohol seems to be giving you some tough consequences. It took me to become physically dependant on it and dui before I got it. From what Im reading it sounds like I drank the way you were before my last couple of years that I went off the rails. Right now sounds like a great time to assess if alcohol is worth putting your marriage in jeopardy and potentially even more dire consequences in the future.
Member
Join Date: Sep 2011
Location: UK, South Coast
Posts: 605
Hi, I'm the same as u, dont drink everyday & sometimes not every week, but I'm a moron when I drink because I cannot have just 1, ever!
I will drink every last drop I can get my hands on, then wake up feeling guilty because my husband has had to undress me & put me to bed!!
Make the changes now before it's too late, can I ask, is it the drink issue that's making her want to leave?
I will drink every last drop I can get my hands on, then wake up feeling guilty because my husband has had to undress me & put me to bed!!
Make the changes now before it's too late, can I ask, is it the drink issue that's making her want to leave?
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Whatever you call it, it looks like you've crossed the line.
You're caught in a revolving door I know only too well:
1. Harry, you drink and do things you wouldn't do otherwise.
2. Then you realize what you've done and you hate yourself; you go into an orgy of self-loathing and contempt.
3. Once that wears down a little, you resolve to stop drinking, and think of all the reasons why you "need" to.
4. Then you go a period of not drinking, say, seven months, however long.
5. Then you start thinking, "Maybe," just one old-fashioned glass of wine (or whatever)
Next think you know you're back to square one.
The only way out at this point is to stop drinking. Thinking about your wife and child and any other consequences you imagine won't be enough. Alcohol doesn't care about destruction of others or self. Been there.
Harry, it isn't hopeless if you're willing to do anything it takes to stop, including asking for help from more immediate resources than God's help (prayer's good but you might not be able to pray your way out of this).
Welcome; this is a good place to start.
You're caught in a revolving door I know only too well:
1. Harry, you drink and do things you wouldn't do otherwise.
2. Then you realize what you've done and you hate yourself; you go into an orgy of self-loathing and contempt.
3. Once that wears down a little, you resolve to stop drinking, and think of all the reasons why you "need" to.
4. Then you go a period of not drinking, say, seven months, however long.
5. Then you start thinking, "Maybe," just one old-fashioned glass of wine (or whatever)
Next think you know you're back to square one.
The only way out at this point is to stop drinking. Thinking about your wife and child and any other consequences you imagine won't be enough. Alcohol doesn't care about destruction of others or self. Been there.
Harry, it isn't hopeless if you're willing to do anything it takes to stop, including asking for help from more immediate resources than God's help (prayer's good but you might not be able to pray your way out of this).
Welcome; this is a good place to start.
Community Greeter
Join Date: Aug 2007
Location: Upstate New York
Posts: 51,569
Welcome, Harry. I'm so sorry for the painful time you're going through - but very happy you found us. Talking things over here helped me quit after many years of struggling to be a social drinker. It was very hard to admit that willpower alone wasn't going to work. I never knew what would happen once it was in my system. It feels so good to be free of it - and all the drama and chaos it caused.
bona fido dog-lover
Join Date: Mar 2008
Location: SF Bay area, CA
Posts: 99,784
Welcome to the family Harry. 
The cure for what ails you, is to stop drinking. If you don't drink, none of this bad stuff can happen to you. I hope our support can help you get sober for good.
The cure for what ails you, is to stop drinking. If you don't drink, none of this bad stuff can happen to you. I hope our support can help you get sober for good. Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Any questions about whether or not you're an alcoholic should be off the table - losing anything in your life (career, spouse, family, money, self respect...) to your drinking means you're an alcoholic. And if we don't like terminology, which I often don't, then at the very least you just know, in your heart of hearts, that you have to quit to live your life properly. Until you do, regardless of what labels we throw back and forth, the cycle of loss, pain, disgust and shame will continue to consume you.
Lucky for you there's a way out. It's hard but it's simple - you have to quit drinking. Welcome to SR.
Lucky for you there's a way out. It's hard but it's simple - you have to quit drinking. Welcome to SR.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by AAPJ
Welcome to SP. I think the current clinical term is alcohol use disorder (AUD). There are varying degrees of AUD. The term alcoholic only describes the more severe end of the AUD spectrum. Many folks with an AUD are not alcoholics but the solution is often the same - quit drinking.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by ColoradoRocky
Whatever you call it, it looks like you've crossed the line.
You're caught in a revolving door I know only too well:
1. Harry, you drink and do things you wouldn't do otherwise.
2. Then you realize what you've done and you hate yourself; you go into an orgy of self-loathing and contempt.
3. Once that wears down a little, you resolve to stop drinking, and think of all the reasons why you "need" to.
4. Then you go a period of not drinking, say, seven months, however long.
5. Then you start thinking, "Maybe," just one old-fashioned glass of wine (or whatever)
Next think you know you're back to square one.
The only way out at this point is to stop drinking. Thinking about your wife and child and any other consequences you imagine won't be enough. Alcohol doesn't care about destruction of others or self. Been there.
Harry, it isn't hopeless if you're willing to do anything it takes to stop, including asking for help from more immediate resources than God's help (prayer's good but you might not be able to pray your way out of this).
Welcome; this is a good place to start.
You're caught in a revolving door I know only too well:
1. Harry, you drink and do things you wouldn't do otherwise.
2. Then you realize what you've done and you hate yourself; you go into an orgy of self-loathing and contempt.
3. Once that wears down a little, you resolve to stop drinking, and think of all the reasons why you "need" to.
4. Then you go a period of not drinking, say, seven months, however long.
5. Then you start thinking, "Maybe," just one old-fashioned glass of wine (or whatever)
Next think you know you're back to square one.
The only way out at this point is to stop drinking. Thinking about your wife and child and any other consequences you imagine won't be enough. Alcohol doesn't care about destruction of others or self. Been there.
Harry, it isn't hopeless if you're willing to do anything it takes to stop, including asking for help from more immediate resources than God's help (prayer's good but you might not be able to pray your way out of this).
Welcome; this is a good place to start.
My wife even said to me this morning “I’m sure you’ll quit drinking for a few months and then take it up again and will be in the same position in 6 months or a year.” Can’t say I blame her for saying that. We had a similar conversation after the wedding incident last year when I told her I was quitting drinking. Which I did for 7 months then started up again every now and then.
Anyway, thanks for the kind words. I just bought a book called Allen Carr’s Easy Way to Stop Drinking based on the list I saw. I will give it a read.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,445
Hi and welcome Harry
I have been there.
For me it's not so much how often you drink or how much but what happens to you when you do.
No one here can force you to wear the label of alcoholic
but...if your marriage is in trouble due to your drinking, I think you have a problem, and I think you belong here.
You'll find a lot of understanding and support
D
I have been there.
For me it's not so much how often you drink or how much but what happens to you when you do.
No one here can force you to wear the label of alcoholic
but...if your marriage is in trouble due to your drinking, I think you have a problem, and I think you belong here.
You'll find a lot of understanding and support
D
Member
Join Date: Jan 2011
Location: Warwick RI
Posts: 1,276
It doesn't matter if you label yourself an alcoholic or non alcoholic or what anyone says...you know that your life is being seriously impacted by alcohol...and the only way to make it stop happening is to cut the alcohol from your life and vocabulary and thoughts....
Alcohol isn't fun for you anymore....so just let it go and keep your wife and your son...
Alcohol isn't fun for you anymore....so just let it go and keep your wife and your son...
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
