Disgusted at Myself
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Welcome to SR, this is such a wonderful site. I will be sober four years on January 1st and couldn’t have done it without the supportive family I have found on this forum.
I was drinking more often than you. For a while it was just a glass or two of wine, then it wasn’t. It was a bottle of wine, and some nights more. I did not have a rock bottom moment, just a lot of not feeling my best moments. I attempted moderation, and it didn’t work. I have found it so much easier to just be sober.
You will find lots of support on here!
I was drinking more often than you. For a while it was just a glass or two of wine, then it wasn’t. It was a bottle of wine, and some nights more. I did not have a rock bottom moment, just a lot of not feeling my best moments. I attempted moderation, and it didn’t work. I have found it so much easier to just be sober.
You will find lots of support on here!
Member
Join Date: Jun 2016
Location: Adelaide, Australia
Posts: 28,669
It does not matter what label one puts on alcohol being a damaging activity.
Allergy, alcoholic, problem, disease, disorder, intolerance- if it causes damage, then it needs addressing. With daily support- from professionals, meetings- here...….
Allergy, alcoholic, problem, disease, disorder, intolerance- if it causes damage, then it needs addressing. With daily support- from professionals, meetings- here...….
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by DriGuy 
...And the knowledge that I don't ever have to drink again is a wonderful relief that I never saw coming before I actually quit.....
I remember that moment as if it were yesterday, like remembering where you were when you heard President Kennedy got shot, or the moment when you heard, "Tranquility Base here, the Eagle has landed."
Member
Join Date: Nov 2018
Posts: 5,169
Originally Posted by ColoradoRocky
You just brought back my memory of the exact moment about three months in when it dawned on me: "I don't HAVE to drink!" It was indeed a wonderful relief.
It ended up being a simple choice: "I can drink or not drink. Hmmm. What shall I do? Oh, I know. I won't drink." Hell, that wasn't even hard. ***
I remember others in my group saying something like, "I used to have to drink, but now I have a choice." I puzzled over that for a long time. I was happy for them, but I didn't understand what they meant until years later. In fact I didn't understand it until long after I experienced it myself.
---------------
***With discovery of this new found choice, it makes not drinking easy, but it also carries an element of danger that can be the down fall of many recovering alcoholics. It's easy to make the assumption that since you have acquired the ability of choice, you can drink again in moderation and choose when to stop. Unfortunately for alcoholics, it doesn't work that way. We can maintain the ability to choose, as long as we always choose not to drink. Once we choose the other alternative, we lose the power of choice.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,442
“why don’t you just have a beer at this BBQ” or “have a glass of champagne at the wedding.”
Now you needn't say that out loud - 'no thanks I'm fine' is all anyone else needs to know - but with acceptance of the problem comes the acceptance that it's the first drink that starts the madness, not the last.
D
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by DriGuy
...I was expecting to slowly build strength until I became a kind of mental gorilla that would overpower my need to drink with lightening bolts of massive willpower. Instead as it happened, I no longer needed willpower.
....
....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by DriGuy
You've been sober of 9 months. The last thing you feel like is an alcoholic. You have begun recovery and are feeling what it's like to be normal. In fact, you are normal when you aren't drinking, so it seems totally logical you should be able to drink normally. However, that notion is a logical fallacy. It's a contradiction between what you want and the reality of who you are.
So you decide to test yourself. You have one drink, and you still feel normal. Victory!!! If you can have one, why not two? Two and you're still OK. Hurray again! Just where is the point when you lose control? One, two, five?
Here's what I think. You didn't screw it up at three or five. You didn't screw it up after one. You screwed it up before you took the first sip. In fact, it happened years before you took that first sip. You failed to internalize the most fundamental fact about alcoholism; Alcoholics, no matter how they get to be that way, can't drink normally.
."
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by SoberCAH
Thanks for coming to visit us here at SR.
We hope you get sober and stay.
You are very open-minded about your drinking.
For most of us, we had to be faced with dire consequences before we sought help.
For me, I went through treatment, matriculated into AA and have been an active member ever since - a pretty good while.
You may want to evaluate the various methodologies, plans and programs for getting sober and pursue whichever one you choose.
We sure hope you hang around here with us, amigo.
We hope you get sober and stay.
You are very open-minded about your drinking.
For most of us, we had to be faced with dire consequences before we sought help.
For me, I went through treatment, matriculated into AA and have been an active member ever since - a pretty good while.
You may want to evaluate the various methodologies, plans and programs for getting sober and pursue whichever one you choose.
We sure hope you hang around here with us, amigo.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by Obladi
Better to make no promises at all than to do that.
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Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by Delilah1
Welcome to SR, this is such a wonderful site. I will be sober four years on January 1st and couldn’t have done it without the supportive family I have found on this forum.
I was drinking more often than you. For a while it was just a glass or two of wine, then it wasn’t. It was a bottle of wine, and some nights more. I did not have a rock bottom moment, just a lot of not feeling my best moments. I attempted moderation, and it didn’t work. I have found it so much easier to just be sober.
You will find lots of support on here!
I was drinking more often than you. For a while it was just a glass or two of wine, then it wasn’t. It was a bottle of wine, and some nights more. I did not have a rock bottom moment, just a lot of not feeling my best moments. I attempted moderation, and it didn’t work. I have found it so much easier to just be sober.
You will find lots of support on here!
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Hi Harry,
I just read through this thread and there is so much good stuff. I especially agree with the concept of never when it comes to drinking. If I don't accept it as a truth, then there is more struggle than there needs to be. I love driguy's basketball analogy. I always say I would love to be a supermodel lol six inches taller than I am with super long legs, but it ain't happening. There are things I can't change, so that leaves me two choices. Waste my life being miserable wishing I was some other way, or embrace and accept all that I am and live my best life. When I drank, I didn't like who I was. I hurt other people, people I love. That will never change. If I choose to drink again, the same will happen. There will never be a different outcome. I know that to my core, so drinking ever again is a firm No.
I'm glad you are here and hope that you find peace.
I just read through this thread and there is so much good stuff. I especially agree with the concept of never when it comes to drinking. If I don't accept it as a truth, then there is more struggle than there needs to be. I love driguy's basketball analogy. I always say I would love to be a supermodel lol six inches taller than I am with super long legs, but it ain't happening. There are things I can't change, so that leaves me two choices. Waste my life being miserable wishing I was some other way, or embrace and accept all that I am and live my best life. When I drank, I didn't like who I was. I hurt other people, people I love. That will never change. If I choose to drink again, the same will happen. There will never be a different outcome. I know that to my core, so drinking ever again is a firm No.
I'm glad you are here and hope that you find peace.
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Hey Harry....glad you are here. Are you sober now? This week? Since you first posted?
Lots of good folks have made lengthy and important comments.
Here's a couple from me:
AUD is simply the new way to define alcoholism by professionals. It can make sense to us - but also be a way to wiggle around the fact that we have a problem, bottom line, and the "degree" or "type" doesn't really matter.
I'm of the opinion that it is important to admit that each of us is an alcoholic - but truly critical to view what that word means - perhaps looking it up and I'd suggest reading the first 164p of the Big Book of AA. It's a source of info about our disease. I am pretty sure it will register with you and be eye-opening.
I have to reiterate something that many people insist on denying or "negotiating with"
It's not about how often you drink
It's not about how much you drink
It's not about what kind of alcohol you drink
And so on.
It's about what happens when you drink. Maybe not every time, but when "it" happens it is any and all of the bad stuff you describe- and LOTS more for many of us.
I hope you choose to quit - getting completely, consistently sober is the only way to then address any and all life and relationship issues clearly.
Lots of good folks have made lengthy and important comments.
Here's a couple from me:
AUD is simply the new way to define alcoholism by professionals. It can make sense to us - but also be a way to wiggle around the fact that we have a problem, bottom line, and the "degree" or "type" doesn't really matter.
I'm of the opinion that it is important to admit that each of us is an alcoholic - but truly critical to view what that word means - perhaps looking it up and I'd suggest reading the first 164p of the Big Book of AA. It's a source of info about our disease. I am pretty sure it will register with you and be eye-opening.
I have to reiterate something that many people insist on denying or "negotiating with"
It's not about how often you drink
It's not about how much you drink
It's not about what kind of alcohol you drink
And so on.
It's about what happens when you drink. Maybe not every time, but when "it" happens it is any and all of the bad stuff you describe- and LOTS more for many of us.
I hope you choose to quit - getting completely, consistently sober is the only way to then address any and all life and relationship issues clearly.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by August252015
Hey Harry....glad you are here. Are you sober now? This week? Since you first posted?
Lots of good folks have made lengthy and important comments.
Here's a couple from me:
AUD is simply the new way to define alcoholism by professionals. It can make sense to us - but also be a way to wiggle around the fact that we have a problem, bottom line, and the "degree" or "type" doesn't really matter.
I'm of the opinion that it is important to admit that each of us is an alcoholic - but truly critical to view what that word means - perhaps looking it up and I'd suggest reading the first 164p of the Big Book of AA. It's a source of info about our disease. I am pretty sure it will register with you and be eye-opening.
I have to reiterate something that many people insist on denying or "negotiating with"
It's not about how often you drink
It's not about how much you drink
It's not about what kind of alcohol you drink
And so on.
It's about what happens when you drink. Maybe not every time, but when "it" happens it is any and all of the bad stuff you describe- and LOTS more for many of us.
I hope you choose to quit - getting completely, consistently sober is the only way to then address any and all life and relationship issues clearly.
Lots of good folks have made lengthy and important comments.
Here's a couple from me:
AUD is simply the new way to define alcoholism by professionals. It can make sense to us - but also be a way to wiggle around the fact that we have a problem, bottom line, and the "degree" or "type" doesn't really matter.
I'm of the opinion that it is important to admit that each of us is an alcoholic - but truly critical to view what that word means - perhaps looking it up and I'd suggest reading the first 164p of the Big Book of AA. It's a source of info about our disease. I am pretty sure it will register with you and be eye-opening.
I have to reiterate something that many people insist on denying or "negotiating with"
It's not about how often you drink
It's not about how much you drink
It's not about what kind of alcohol you drink
And so on.
It's about what happens when you drink. Maybe not every time, but when "it" happens it is any and all of the bad stuff you describe- and LOTS more for many of us.
I hope you choose to quit - getting completely, consistently sober is the only way to then address any and all life and relationship issues clearly.
Anyway, to answer your question, yes I am sober. Ive been 100% sober since that night (night of Sunday, 9/1). This is the start of my 9th day. As I said earlier, I’m not too concerned that I won’t make it 1, 3 or 6 months without drinking. I’ve done it before. I just want to ensure that, for example, 10 months from now, I don’t decide to have 1 beer at a special occasion thinking it’s okay. The scary part is actually having 1 beer and being totally fine. Then I might be encouraged to try it again. That’s what I have to avoid.
Thanks for your comments. As I mentioned before, I’m reading the Carr book but may also check out The Big Book.
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Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad to hear more from you.
I'd make a suggestion that reframing your thinking a good bit would be important -
"I just want to ensure that 10 mo or so down the road..."
IMO and observation and experience, that's not quite the right way to look at it.
You don't get a timeline or a date that you can somehow be insulated from ever drinking again - without work, a program, a plan, whatever each one of us calls it. And whether you view it as a spiritual journey, an acceptance-based, one day at a time perspective like AA, or a rational type program where you make your Big Plan or decisions about never drinking again and how to cement that....it doesn't just "happen"....
I'd encourage you to put those first 9 days to even better use by engaging in specific action - you can try AA, say, and learn what the program is and it becomes your path (like mine) or it doesn't but you learn something about how YOU need to change your choices and actions and habits (ie everything) to stay sober for good.
My final line to that "it" stuff above - "It's not about the alcohol."
Take care.
I'd make a suggestion that reframing your thinking a good bit would be important -
"I just want to ensure that 10 mo or so down the road..."
IMO and observation and experience, that's not quite the right way to look at it.
You don't get a timeline or a date that you can somehow be insulated from ever drinking again - without work, a program, a plan, whatever each one of us calls it. And whether you view it as a spiritual journey, an acceptance-based, one day at a time perspective like AA, or a rational type program where you make your Big Plan or decisions about never drinking again and how to cement that....it doesn't just "happen"....
I'd encourage you to put those first 9 days to even better use by engaging in specific action - you can try AA, say, and learn what the program is and it becomes your path (like mine) or it doesn't but you learn something about how YOU need to change your choices and actions and habits (ie everything) to stay sober for good.
My final line to that "it" stuff above - "It's not about the alcohol."
Take care.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by August252015
I'd encourage you to put those first 9 days to even better use by engaging in specific action - you can try AA, say, and learn what the program is and it becomes your path (like mine) or it doesn't but you learn something about how YOU need to change your choices and actions and habits (ie everything) to stay sober for good.
My final line to that "it" stuff above - "It's not about the alcohol."
.
In regards to your final line, care to elaborate?
Join Date: Aug 2011
Location: "I'm not lost for I know where I am. But however, where I am may be lost ..."
Posts: 5,273
Harry,
If you haven't checked out the AVRT in the secular section here, you might be interested in it. It's a great technique for when that time comes down the road when that part of your brain will try and convince you that one drink will be ok. That time will come, but it's ok. You got this. There are some great threads on using the technique. Worth a read.
If you haven't checked out the AVRT in the secular section here, you might be interested in it. It's a great technique for when that time comes down the road when that part of your brain will try and convince you that one drink will be ok. That time will come, but it's ok. You got this. There are some great threads on using the technique. Worth a read.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Aug 2019
Posts: 27
Originally Posted by soberlicious
Harry,
If you haven't checked out the AVRT in the secular section here, you might be interested in it. It's a great technique for when that time comes down the road when that part of your brain will try and convince you that one drink will be ok. That time will come, but it's ok. You got this. There are some great threads on using the technique. Worth a read.
If you haven't checked out the AVRT in the secular section here, you might be interested in it. It's a great technique for when that time comes down the road when that part of your brain will try and convince you that one drink will be ok. That time will come, but it's ok. You got this. There are some great threads on using the technique. Worth a read.
I wanted to say thanks for the recommendation. I ended up reading several threads on AVRT in the Secular forums and have begun implementing that methodology into my life. I even bought the Rational Recovery book and am a couple of chapters in. This method really clicks in my brain. I love the concept that the voice in my head saying “come on, of course you can have a beer or two the next time you’re sitting on a beach during a vacation” is not my voice at all, but my AV. I find this voice trying to drop doubts on me every now and then and I’m getting good at catching it.
Anyway, thanks again.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
Originally Posted by HarryLime
Hi Soberlicious,
I wanted to say thanks for the recommendation. I ended up reading several threads on AVRT in the Secular forums and have begun implementing that methodology into my life. I even bought the Rational Recovery book and am a couple of chapters in. This method really clicks in my brain. I love the concept that the voice in my head saying “come on, of course you can have a beer or two the next time you’re sitting on a beach during a vacation” is not my voice at all, but my AV. I find this voice trying to drop doubts on me every now and then and I’m getting good at catching it.
Anyway, thanks again.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Glad you followed through on reading up on AVRT. The concepts have also been extremely helpful to me, particularly the characterization of the beast using a "rational" addictive voice.
There's absolutely nothing rational about drinking.
There's absolutely nothing rational about drinking.
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