Now or never
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
Bulletin "day 2" (which is in fact day 3):
Sleeping is still an issue, overall I'm feeling more or less alright, work is genuinely a splendid distraction. Good news for me is, that I'll have an appointment with a shrink in 2 1/2 weeks, until then I'll be fine enough to tackle and fix some nasty issues of mine with him.
However, though my body was slightly troubling yesterday, I was in a splendid mood all day, I know I got a real chance right there in my hands: I'll never drink a drop of alcohol again. I opened up to two friends (and to you, fellow reader!), asked for help, got help, it's one of these rare "Cortés scuttled his ships"-moments. I'm much calmer now.
Oblade, I'm afraid, I wasn't familiar with "Alcoholics Anonymous" at all, yesterday I gave them a call for the next meeting, but only in the evening I looked them up. I doubt it's my thing, I'm not religious at all. Hence I'm going to discuss with my shrink what's the most suitable way for me apart from his treatment. But there's no doubt, that I'll find a community to go along with.
Apart from that: I fixed some "outside the home in the evening"-activities for each of the next 7 days, going to concerts, meeting some friends, I should have got in touch with since years. My home is the place, where the temptation waits: I hadn't been drunk in public since my student days, not even buzzed, I'm safe there.
Plus, I rewarded myself with some days in beautiful London at end of September/beginning of October!
Summary day 2: I'm looking forward!
Sleeping is still an issue, overall I'm feeling more or less alright, work is genuinely a splendid distraction. Good news for me is, that I'll have an appointment with a shrink in 2 1/2 weeks, until then I'll be fine enough to tackle and fix some nasty issues of mine with him.
However, though my body was slightly troubling yesterday, I was in a splendid mood all day, I know I got a real chance right there in my hands: I'll never drink a drop of alcohol again. I opened up to two friends (and to you, fellow reader!), asked for help, got help, it's one of these rare "Cortés scuttled his ships"-moments. I'm much calmer now.
Awesome, Jan. Facing this is the thing that needs to be done and you're doing it? Where is the next closest meeting today? Can you get there?
Apart from that: I fixed some "outside the home in the evening"-activities for each of the next 7 days, going to concerts, meeting some friends, I should have got in touch with since years. My home is the place, where the temptation waits: I hadn't been drunk in public since my student days, not even buzzed, I'm safe there.
Plus, I rewarded myself with some days in beautiful London at end of September/beginning of October!
Summary day 2: I'm looking forward!
Member
Join Date: Mar 2015
Posts: 1,228
Hi Jan!
Glad to hear you are doing better today. I am on day 5 and struggling a bit. I loved what you shared about moving a wine bottle under the leeks as "a fact." I have played that scenario in my head over a hundred times.
I also wanted to let you know that you should join the September 2019 sobriety class. It is a great place to get daily support.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of September Part 1 2019)
Glad to hear you are doing better today. I am on day 5 and struggling a bit. I loved what you shared about moving a wine bottle under the leeks as "a fact." I have played that scenario in my head over a hundred times.
I also wanted to let you know that you should join the September 2019 sobriety class. It is a great place to get daily support.
https://www.soberrecovery.com/forums...-1-2019-a.html (Class of September Part 1 2019)
Member
Join Date: Jan 2015
Location: London, England
Posts: 7,060
Sounds like you are going to be busy socialising for the next week which will give you a great start. Should help with your sleep issues as well.
Careful not to get too exhausted though either as that too can be a trigger..
I love your positive, can do attitude.
Careful not to get too exhausted though either as that too can be a trigger..
I love your positive, can do attitude.
Guest
Join Date: Apr 2017
Location: UK
Posts: 2,256
Hi Jan! Sending you greetings and support from London. Posting regularly on this site and reading the words of others here has helped keep me sober for almost 3 years now and I know it can do the same for you. I liked what you wrote about the way your mind works..... No big fanfare about relapse, just a sneaky little thought about where to put the wine bottles. That's how my mind works too. It's almost as though stocking up on wine is no big deal. But it is a big deal and you know that. So my advice would be to watch your mind. Challenge every thought you have about drinking .... In the early days I used to speak to my addictive voice, 'thank you for your input but I disagree. I don't deserve a glass of wine tonight' etc. Be aware that you are not your mind. You're not your addictive voice. You are the strong, calm presence beneath the chatter of your mind and that presence has decided to quit drinking. Never doubt that decision. I look forward to not drinking with you today xx
Member
Join Date: Jul 2017
Location: New York, New York
Posts: 600
Your articulate posts are an encouraging sign. Belief is the first ingredient in any transformation. Belief that you can do this - live a better life without drinking. This site saved my life, gave me the wisdom & encouragement to stop the madness before it was too late.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Jan,
So glad to hear from you on Day2/3. I'm not fixated on AA, but do ascribe to the notion of living life by spiritual principles. When you go (or even if you don't go), pick up the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and read the first 134(?) pages. (It's available on line, but I prefer having the hard copy.) The founders deliberately make the point repeatedly that no religiosity is required; just a belief in something greater than yourself.
A good friend here cautioned against "contempt before investigation." Good advice indeed. I'd like to also point you to the "AVRT Crash Course" you can find by Googling it. If that appeals to you, you might want to purchase the book, "Rational Recovery: A New Cure for Addiction." The author is very anti-recovery movement (particularly AA) and that's ok by me. I continue to benefit from his approach to leaving addiction in the dust.
Looking forward to your next update!
O
So glad to hear from you on Day2/3. I'm not fixated on AA, but do ascribe to the notion of living life by spiritual principles. When you go (or even if you don't go), pick up the book "Alcoholics Anonymous" and read the first 134(?) pages. (It's available on line, but I prefer having the hard copy.) The founders deliberately make the point repeatedly that no religiosity is required; just a belief in something greater than yourself.
A good friend here cautioned against "contempt before investigation." Good advice indeed. I'd like to also point you to the "AVRT Crash Course" you can find by Googling it. If that appeals to you, you might want to purchase the book, "Rational Recovery: A New Cure for Addiction." The author is very anti-recovery movement (particularly AA) and that's ok by me. I continue to benefit from his approach to leaving addiction in the dust.
Looking forward to your next update!
O
The opposite of addiction is connection.
Join Date: Nov 2017
Location: Oregon, USA
Posts: 373
Originally Posted by Ravel 
Quick update: the night was unpleasant. Rapid and way too present heartbeat, anxiety, the feeling to choke, when I closed my eyes. Since sleeping was no option, I stood up and busied my mind. The upcoming nights will be disquiet, but I'll get through them.
I'm way more afraid of the post-detoxication weeks. I vividly remember my relapses, I wasn't thinking about or craving for alcohol at all. I was in a supermarket and my thought process went like this: "Now over there to the cat food for mademoiselle. Keep in mind, chicken is fine, she had salmon yesterday, tuna means riot, I better place the wine bottles underneath the leek", there was no craving, no feeling or thought. Just a fact. I guess, this is the point where it's going to be pretty rough for me. I'm now convinced, that I stand no chance without help. I wrote a mail to a friend, she is a doctor. In this mail, I told her everything and asked her to introduce me to a shrink or psychologist. Hopefully, I can jump the queue here. It's time to get to the root, my life needs a serious cleanup. It was an absurdly happy moment to write that mail to her.
Apart from that I wrote down a couple of rules for the next months:
1.) One Relapse means a walk to Alcoholics Anonymous. No negotiations about that. Their bureau in my city is at the Gesundheitsstraße, which means "Health Road" in English (but we got no humour, eh?)
2.) I'm fine during the day, but when the evening comes, I'm most vulnerable. No old patterns, only new ones.
Bottom line: I'm sitting quite tired at my job, but I'm optimistic to get through the next days more or less in one piece. Then it's time to get my act together!
Day 1? Done.
I'm way more afraid of the post-detoxication weeks. I vividly remember my relapses, I wasn't thinking about or craving for alcohol at all. I was in a supermarket and my thought process went like this: "Now over there to the cat food for mademoiselle. Keep in mind, chicken is fine, she had salmon yesterday, tuna means riot, I better place the wine bottles underneath the leek", there was no craving, no feeling or thought. Just a fact. I guess, this is the point where it's going to be pretty rough for me. I'm now convinced, that I stand no chance without help. I wrote a mail to a friend, she is a doctor. In this mail, I told her everything and asked her to introduce me to a shrink or psychologist. Hopefully, I can jump the queue here. It's time to get to the root, my life needs a serious cleanup. It was an absurdly happy moment to write that mail to her.
Apart from that I wrote down a couple of rules for the next months:
1.) One Relapse means a walk to Alcoholics Anonymous. No negotiations about that. Their bureau in my city is at the Gesundheitsstraße, which means "Health Road" in English (but we got no humour, eh?)
2.) I'm fine during the day, but when the evening comes, I'm most vulnerable. No old patterns, only new ones.
Bottom line: I'm sitting quite tired at my job, but I'm optimistic to get through the next days more or less in one piece. Then it's time to get my act together!
Day 1? Done.
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
Quick update: I'm doing splendidly well. Pardon me, that I didn't reply to all of your suggestions yet, I'm most grateful for everything you wrote. I did in fact wrote a longer reply last Tuesday, but I was (and am) way too overexcited about my luck and all the hope I have. So, once I finished my reply, I started hesitating. On that day a fellow poster lost her brother, two were gravely struggling with a relapse, long story short, I tought it was inappropriate to submit my text, it suddenly read pretty much like a Mary Poppins number in bad grammar.
And you're right, not posting was wrong of course, I shall just curb my enthusiam a bit.
Bulletin: My body is doing great again, no tensions, to tremor, no panic or qualms. Which is bad news for my body, cause: this means sports tomorrow, buddy!
I know, I'm months - if not years - and dozens of shrink sessions away from the point, where I can assess my situation in a reasonable manner. And I'm aware of the fact, that I rather let it assess by somebody else. But breaking away from my drinking pit at home last week went hand in hand with escaping from a lifelong habit of self-command (or acting, if you prefer that). Reaching out and getting a long hug were the best remedies I could ask for. I am not going to mess that up.
So again: thank you all so much for your compassion, it really means a lot to me!
And you're right, not posting was wrong of course, I shall just curb my enthusiam a bit.
Bulletin: My body is doing great again, no tensions, to tremor, no panic or qualms. Which is bad news for my body, cause: this means sports tomorrow, buddy!
I know, I'm months - if not years - and dozens of shrink sessions away from the point, where I can assess my situation in a reasonable manner. And I'm aware of the fact, that I rather let it assess by somebody else. But breaking away from my drinking pit at home last week went hand in hand with escaping from a lifelong habit of self-command (or acting, if you prefer that). Reaching out and getting a long hug were the best remedies I could ask for. I am not going to mess that up.
So again: thank you all so much for your compassion, it really means a lot to me!
Member
Join Date: Sep 2016
Location: Kansas City, MO
Posts: 1,121
Originally Posted by Ravel
And you're right, not posting was wrong of course, I shall just curb my enthusiam a bit.
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
Hallo Jan
I’m an Englander but lived in Germany for many years. I liked the street name Gesundheit Straße 😀
People will be reading your every word, so please keep posting. Alcohol in Germany is very cheap and available everywhere which must make things more difficult.
You mentioned a “shrink”. Have you seen your doctor too? He/she may be able to help. The more the merrier as we say.
It sounds like you’re working on some good plans to stop drinking. I certainly drank way too much in Germany and was worried about relapsing during a recent trip there (I was four months sober then), but I didn’t drink and am now eight months sober.
Viel Spaß in London und viel Glück 😀
(Have fun in London and good luck 😀 )
I’m an Englander but lived in Germany for many years. I liked the street name Gesundheit Straße 😀
People will be reading your every word, so please keep posting. Alcohol in Germany is very cheap and available everywhere which must make things more difficult.
You mentioned a “shrink”. Have you seen your doctor too? He/she may be able to help. The more the merrier as we say.
It sounds like you’re working on some good plans to stop drinking. I certainly drank way too much in Germany and was worried about relapsing during a recent trip there (I was four months sober then), but I didn’t drink and am now eight months sober.
Viel Spaß in London und viel Glück 😀
(Have fun in London and good luck 😀 )
Guest
Join Date: Aug 2015
Location: Atlanta
Posts: 8,674
Glad to hear more and more from you Jan.
A few thoughts -
"The God thing" and calling AA religious is a common fallacy many have. I too would encourage you to learn what AA is, and as importantly what is is NOT, before ruling it out. Plenty of other ways to get into a real recovery besides it, but for me I can't have too many other support vehicles and resources to place on top of my AA foundation.
And, I believe in the necessity of a physical assessment when we get sober. It's tough to "face" but critical. I also believe in therapy/psych care for all.
Keep going- glad you are here.
A few thoughts -
"The God thing" and calling AA religious is a common fallacy many have. I too would encourage you to learn what AA is, and as importantly what is is NOT, before ruling it out. Plenty of other ways to get into a real recovery besides it, but for me I can't have too many other support vehicles and resources to place on top of my AA foundation.
And, I believe in the necessity of a physical assessment when we get sober. It's tough to "face" but critical. I also believe in therapy/psych care for all.
Keep going- glad you are here.
Member
Join Date: Aug 2019
Location: Colorado
Posts: 347
Originally Posted by Ravel
...there's no doubt, that I'll find a community to go along with.
....
....
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
Originally Posted by PinnacleOR
I’m early in recovery but I am finding meditation very helpful. A daily practice helps me separate thought and action enough to consider mindfully the consequences of drinking.
Originally Posted by Hodd
You mentioned a “shrink”. Have you seen your doctor too? He/she may be able to help. The more the merrier as we say.
And now, the week in review:
Well, that was a grand week, I'm still flabbergasted about all the changes and the potential this week can have for me. Mostly I'm looking forward to my shrink appointment, there're quite a lot of obvious flaws and issues, I'm suffering from. When he calls me into his office and asks me why I came, I'm really wondering what the best gambit is.
I'm very happy! I can cope with cravings well so far, the days, when alcohol seems to be nothing but a distant memory, this is the time I'm afraid of. Luckily this time is weeks away, time enough to work on counter-measures (friends, habits, shrink, doctor etc.). Habits are on top of my list, all of my boozing took effectively place in just one room. I plan to renovate this room in the upcoming week, last week I already placed my notebook into another room and didn't enter it since. Due to the fact that I now got ~21 h/week more at disposal, I'll take my time to transform it into an a w e s o m e music lounge: just the audio equipment, a comfy chair and some shelves for CD's. Accidentally when I was down in the basement searching for some tools, I found two dusted boxes of nice French wines. No clue when I acquired them, anyway, I disposed of them (nothing personal, France!) and went on searching for these tools. Tomorrow I'll get the necessary materials (paint etc.).
I learned a lot since last week, and since gratitude was never a real forte of me, I'll write it down: I am most grateful!
Member
Join Date: May 2019
Location: UK
Posts: 3,944
Originally Posted by Ravel
Dein Deutsch ist klasse, lass es ja nicht einrosten. Roosting klingt Deutsch nicht besser! !
I can sense the early days of withdrawal frustration in your post. Good idea, though, to keep busy with a clear out. I always preferred French wine too 🙂
Keep on writing, please.
Life Goes On
Join Date: Jul 2012
Location: Baltimore, Maryland
Posts: 6,069
Jan,
Thanks for the update. I applaud you for pouring the wine out (hope that is what you mean by "disposed off" and you don't have full bottles in your trash.) It's also brilliant that you've decided to repurpose your drinking room. Rearranging and refurbishing my home was a pretty significant help to me in a previous quit. I've been sleeping on the couch quite frequently this time around, and you bring to mind that I need to do something about my bedroom, which was my drinking room.
I think your best "gambit" when you see the shrink (is he a psychologist or psychiatrist?) is to tell the straight up truth about your addiction, what you think may be at the root of it, and what you hope to get out of working with him.
If my rudimentary math skills are accurate, you're now reaching the end of Day7/8. Either way that's your first week and weekend done and dusted. Congratulations!
O
Thanks for the update. I applaud you for pouring the wine out (hope that is what you mean by "disposed off" and you don't have full bottles in your trash.) It's also brilliant that you've decided to repurpose your drinking room. Rearranging and refurbishing my home was a pretty significant help to me in a previous quit. I've been sleeping on the couch quite frequently this time around, and you bring to mind that I need to do something about my bedroom, which was my drinking room.
I think your best "gambit" when you see the shrink (is he a psychologist or psychiatrist?) is to tell the straight up truth about your addiction, what you think may be at the root of it, and what you hope to get out of working with him.
If my rudimentary math skills are accurate, you're now reaching the end of Day7/8. Either way that's your first week and weekend done and dusted. Congratulations!
O
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
Hi Obladi,
yes, I emptied the bottles into the sink, after all, there's nothing wrong with rituals in the first days.
The "shrink gambit"-remark btw. was made half in jest, though, as the appointment date approaches, I got to admit, my take gets more and more serious. I'm not worried about it. It's more a kind of thought experiment: "How to outline yourself in one sentence to a doctor?"
Technically I'll have 4 trial sessions with him (he's a psychiatrist and psychotherapist), after that, we both decide whether it's a properly functioning doc-/patient-relationship or not. Nothing to worry about.
"Rational Recovery: A New Cure for Addiction." I followed your book tip and ordered it yesterday accordingly. And for that, I'll send a big "Thank you!" to you!
yes, I emptied the bottles into the sink, after all, there's nothing wrong with rituals in the first days.
The "shrink gambit"-remark btw. was made half in jest, though, as the appointment date approaches, I got to admit, my take gets more and more serious. I'm not worried about it. It's more a kind of thought experiment: "How to outline yourself in one sentence to a doctor?"
Technically I'll have 4 trial sessions with him (he's a psychiatrist and psychotherapist), after that, we both decide whether it's a properly functioning doc-/patient-relationship or not. Nothing to worry about.
"Rational Recovery: A New Cure for Addiction." I followed your book tip and ordered it yesterday accordingly. And for that, I'll send a big "Thank you!" to you!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
I'm now 11 days sober. When I quit drinking for a couple of weeks many moons ago, I was struggling. Now that I know, I shall never come close to the bottle again, my struggle is somewhat significantly less intense. It can't hold a candle to the relief, I feel.
When I now go to my job in the morning without the panda look, without tremor, without breath panic ("TOO close - he/she will smell IT!") etc., I realize the pressure under which I functioned in the mornings until noon. Compared to that I'm now living in a world of ease.
I got a larger timespan to react. Since a year, for instance, I started to develop difficulties to find a word (no pun intended, but there's surprisingly no word in English for it. All I found was amnesic aphasia; and that's way too clinical.). You're searching for a common term, but you can't find it for your life. You know that. It bothered me, and it is still going on, but in the last days I'm in no rush anymore. All of a sudden there is ample time for me to choose another term. My mind is at peace.
The term "larger timespan to react" sounds abstract, I agree. But I know I hadn't had this tool at disposal 2 weeks ago. These days, when somebody comes to me with a problem (I'm a software developer), I don't feel stressed anymore, there's no longer the compulsion to offer a solution on the spot. It's so nice to listen, to just have a quick chat and discuss alternatives.
I'm on a helluva good way!
When I now go to my job in the morning without the panda look, without tremor, without breath panic ("TOO close - he/she will smell IT!") etc., I realize the pressure under which I functioned in the mornings until noon. Compared to that I'm now living in a world of ease.
I got a larger timespan to react. Since a year, for instance, I started to develop difficulties to find a word (no pun intended, but there's surprisingly no word in English for it. All I found was amnesic aphasia; and that's way too clinical.). You're searching for a common term, but you can't find it for your life. You know that. It bothered me, and it is still going on, but in the last days I'm in no rush anymore. All of a sudden there is ample time for me to choose another term. My mind is at peace.
The term "larger timespan to react" sounds abstract, I agree. But I know I hadn't had this tool at disposal 2 weeks ago. These days, when somebody comes to me with a problem (I'm a software developer), I don't feel stressed anymore, there's no longer the compulsion to offer a solution on the spot. It's so nice to listen, to just have a quick chat and discuss alternatives.
I'm on a helluva good way!
Member
Thread Starter
Join Date: Sep 2019
Location: Germany
Posts: 210
Originally Posted by August252015
[...] to add to your momentum with the specific actions you have mentioned to us.
Currently Active Users Viewing this Thread: 1 (0 members and 1 guests)
