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I do not know where I fit in

Old 08-28-2019, 08:17 AM
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I just read your post mera. Im doing that now.

Im all over the place mentally, shaky and my vision is blurry.

Detox still? I know I will be Ok in time. Just trying to breathe and let the flashbscks pass.

Thank you
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:26 AM
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Shift, are you appearing in court without a lawyer? You have rights as an American citizen. If you cannot afford an attorney one will be appointed to you "free" of charge.

I would never appear in court without counsel especially if my liberty were in question.

Please tell me you have representation for Friday's court appearance?
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Old 08-28-2019, 08:31 AM
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I can not afford an attorney. I just assumed the public defender would be there.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:06 AM
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I calked public defender and could barely speak.

I am confused and shaky still.

They said I need to arrive at 12:45 and perhaps public defender can helo me with the dogs.

I will do that.

Gaving a hard time gettiing through without drinking or a pill.

Just trying to breathe and get there and back on friday.

Ty
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:21 AM
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Good job.

Do not pick up a drink or a pill. Take the dogs for a walk.

It's all going to work out if you stay sober.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:29 AM
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I bed trying to cook some hot dogs.

This is how I get. In a fetsl posituon. Even before i was drinkung.

I drank because in the beginning it helped me get through my adult responsibities when I knew I just wanted to curl up and die.

youre really the only person that replies to me regularly bimini. You and dee.

I must be a real pain in the ass.

i dont have a pill or a drink to take.

Other wise Id probably try to sip and throw up

Im kind of the same as press right now. I will try and ask God for help.

I too fear getting laughed at and hurt. I want to be strong but im not.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:29 AM
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Shift, they can NOT hold this hearing if you are not represented. Perhaps this court date can be continued until you have proper counsel. Please, make sure you tell the judge you need time to consult with a lawyer before your case is heard.

Now, as I understood from your previous posts, a doctor has prescribed certain medications for your anxiety/depression. Why would you not take them as directed to calm yourself?

You can get through this, Shift. We are all sharing our experience to help you face the challenges ahead.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:32 AM
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I am taking the medication as directed except for the klonopin because I took it all.

I could no longer cope.
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:44 AM
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Sorry for typos I can barely see
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:46 AM
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So, do you know for sure that the public defender will be in court with you on Friday?
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:50 AM
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Thats what they said.

I have been locked in this trailer for years. My ex moved on.

I feel stupid and lijke im in a fight everyday.

Thank you
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Old 08-28-2019, 09:57 AM
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I'm glad you'll have an attorney with you.

Try to relax a bit for the rest of the day. Go out for a walk with your dogs and enjoy the day.
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Old 08-28-2019, 10:02 AM
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Ibused to have a comfortable home on LI.

NOw im in a ****** trailer in a bad neighborhood.

They all drink ad smoke pot. Im afraid to go out

I think there is a book titled "if you leave me can I come with you".

Thats me. I would never admit that unless this was an annonymous forum

Crazy and I dont want to be crazy
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Old 08-28-2019, 11:35 AM
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Hey shift -- yes, you can be addicted to people and yes, some would call that codependence. I know because that was me, for a long time. It's nothing to be ashamed of -- we learn what we need to do to survive, physically and emotionally, when we are very young. Then when we get older those tools don't work for us the way they used to, and actually start to hurt us. Being able to recognize this about yourself is a really good first step.

The good news is that you can recover from codependency and the world will get a lot brighter.

There is a book called "Codependent No More" by Melodie Beatty. You might check it out when you get the chance.
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:15 PM
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I read codependent no more in the early 90's I think.

I was even thinking of checking into The Meadows because I knew something was up.

I was too terrified my husband would leave me.

I actually pushed hin out before he could dump ME

If he had approached me **** "hin, dont you think youre drinking too much" i would hace veen much more receptive than someone screaming ib my face, which is what he did.

I am still greiving and own my mistakes. But BOTH people need to do that.

Thanks
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:19 PM
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But, Shift, the only person you can control is yourself. That's why staying focused on your recovery will help you.
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:24 PM
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I agree that the best chance for the survival of any relationship is when both people take responsibility for their part. However, we can only ever control ourselves. Releasing myself from codependency was contigent on letting go of trying to make others do what I thought I needed them to.
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:24 PM
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I know Anna. I did try and never blamed him.

I know I get enmeshed and dependent.

I didnt dump him for a new guy because I knew I was repeating a pattern.

Now Im phobic of letting anyone in and trusting .

Anna is your story here anywhere?

Am I allowef to ask how much you drank and for how long?
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:32 PM
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Shift, I never drank at all until my mid-forties. At that point, I had a perfect storm of two teenagers, a husband who travelled all the time and a stressful job. I self-medicated with alcohol to relieve my depression/anxiety and to sleep. I got hooked almost immediately and drank a lot for about three years. I had no support when I knew I needed to stop, but thankfully I managed to stop drinking and begin the long process of working on myself.
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Old 08-28-2019, 12:35 PM
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Thank you anna. I knew for sure I had a problem since 1999.

And then 9/ 11 happened. I was going to counceling the whole time.

Since then I stop and start. When my flashbacks start, its a contant battle. With myself.


Thanks
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