Hevyn

Vinono, I'm so glad you decided to share these thoughts with us. We all understand, like no one else can. Not being alone meant everything to me, & I quit after being dependent on it for many years.

You're very self aware & that's valuable. You will need a clear head to deal with your possible dissatisfaction with your marriage. It's impossible to assess our feelings when numb & foggy from alcohol. Everything makes us miserable & we feel empty. Good advice here already - I'll just add that we are with you as you get your life back & become healthy again. You can do it, there is no doubt.

lessgravity

Well that says a lot. Also says to me that there is a lot you need to do. What's the plan?

Suzieq17

Your story sounds so much like my story.

You can do this. You are worth it. Your family is worth it. There is great life in sobriety and you deserve to live!

Keep reading on here, we are here for you — take the first step.

Primativo

I think you need to accept that drinking any more alcohol is off the table, forever.

Don't get caught in the trap of feeling sorry for yourself because alcohol is making you feel like crap, and slowly ruining your life, then you feel better after a few weeks and then attempt to moderate again.

Your relationship with alcohol won't ever be like a normal persons. Once you accept this, you can start moving on with your life, a life without drink.

kenton

Hi Vinono, just wanted to say hello to you and Awkwardkitty. I'm a parent of young kids too and I know you already know this but in case there is any doubt at all..... life is so much better since I stopped drinking. Infinitely better. I have so much more patience with my kids now .... so much interest in their lives. I know all about their friends, their homework, their dreams, their strengths, every thing that makes them unique. ... I can't wait to hear how each school day goes, I enjoy helping them with projects ... I love watching movies with them, taking them to museums, I love how they make me laugh every day. Sure, they can be hard work and thoughtless sometimes .... that's their job. They're kids .. they're learning. But I'm stepping up to my job now.... being the best mother I can be. And I always thought I was doing my best before but secret binge drinking and hangovers made me snappy, impatient, tired and selfish. I see that now. I know it's hard to begin with but the benefits of sobriety far outweigh any hardship involved in quitting so my advice would be to stop drinking and be serious about stopping. You won't find anyone here with long term sobriety who wishes they weren't sober. Just believe what so many people here already know .... sobriety will make every aspect of your life better. I don't go to AA but I work on my recovery every day. This place is my life line ... this is where I can connect with people who understand. My advice to you would be to make your recovery the most important thing in your life. Whatever happens ... you do not drink. You deserve to be the best version of you. And your kids definitely deserve you to be the best version of you. And we're all here to help so you don't have to do this on your own. But you do need to do this. Good luck.

AwkwardKitty

Thank you, Kenton, I have just read your post with tears streaming down my cheeks.

I havent drunk or smoked today.

vinono

sorry to hear you're also suffering, it's horrible. I have woken up today, read through these replies and agree with what everyone is saying. It's down to me, no one else. I HAVE to stop, to fight this and get through the uncomfortable first few weeks. I hope you can find a way through. Its vital we do.

vinono

Thanks everyone for your messages. I completely agree with you all, only I can do this and I have to fight for it. I do want to rescue my family life which, is strong still, but not because of my fighting for it, but everyone elses. I've become a selfish person, looking in at my life from the outside with dissatisfaction because I'm not fulfilling my ambitions, which are simply to be a better dad and husband. I can see it, I have always known it.

So with absolutely knowing this is going to be a struggle, I'm taking the next few days to slow work down, prepare myself for the start of my recovery. No more drinking, no more!

Dee74

People confuse simple for easy - I did.

I thought in order to stop drinking I'd have to solve all the problems I had, all the things I drank for first - but it turned out that I had to stop drinking in order to deal with those problems.

Stop drinking is simple...noones saying it's easy...but it can be done.

It depends on what you're prepared to do vinono - what action are you prepared to take right now?

I'd give that some thought - it'll get you farther than thinking about what you won't do?

D

vinono

Hi Dee

Thanks for the reply. I'm prepared to firstly admit this issue is out of control, and in the past I think I've gone in trying to do too many things at once, like quit drink, eat healthier, exercise. This time round I want to work on each day at a time and not drink. For me that's the hardest thing. Yes, I want to est healthier and lose weight, but today it's not drinking. Tomorrow it's not drinking and the next day. Once I feel mlm more comfortable not drinking, I'll introduce the other stuff. Having said that, I have also thrown out the cigs today too, as they trigger my desire to drink.

As I've read here so often, take each day at a time seems the right approach.

Dee74

I think focusing on not drinking is a good idea. I did that.
Anything else could wait.

I did just sit around and wrestle with my cravings tho. I put in some serious hours here asking questions and helping others and I kept myself out of trouble with regards social occasions etc.

I really wanted this time to stick.

If you want some ideas on what else you could do while you're not drinking, there's some good ideas and suggestions here.

http://www.soberrecovery.com/forums/...very-plan.html

D

listae

The fact that you're posting means that you want the misery to stop. I'm only recently sober (since January 1). I've tried to quit for the last twenty years but my drinking progressed because I wanted to numb out memories, my daily responsibilities, fear of failure, trust issues, and my self-loathing. As long as I had a bottle or two with me, I did not care who else was around. I also wanted to be alone and progressively distanced myself from my family. Alcoholic drinking is not independence. It is not going to make up for getting married early. Alcoholism is a slow death.

I'm not lecturing. For me, I hit bottom when I lost my job this past December. I could no longer meet deadlines and perform at the level required for my job.

i've made it to 35 days (and, if I can, you can...trust me). The only way I got here is by taking it one day at a time and focusing on recovery as many hours as necessary to get through the day. I feel so much better. Please give it a try. You deserve to be sober. Join the February class thread and post every day.

least

As our beloved CarolD used to say; you have to want to be sober more than you want to drink.

Fearlessat50

Hi Vinono, I am glad you have come back. I think starting to come here regularly is a good first step. Knowing you are not alone is very helpful. There’s lots of advice on types of recovery plans and ideas too. With your drinking history, I’m wondering if either detox or rehab might be a good place to get outside help. If you aren’t comfortable with that, what about being honest with your doctor and getting a prescription to help with withdrawals short term?

There is no one path to sobriety. Many people go to AA. I did not. I did a lot of recovery reading in my own. I went to therapy, started yoga and meditation, running, journaling and started changing myself. I really worked on my thoughts, behaviors and habits through therapy. It was so much work, and I am still a work in progress in terms of my emotional sobriety and still use these approaches. It has been well worth the hard effort.

Whatever path you decide, it’s important to know that recovery is a life long process and regular practice (daily, for me) is essential

Fearlessat50

I wanted to add if you have clinical OCD and anxiety, there are so many new meds that could help, if you talk to your doctor. I have worked with a naturepath and take natural supplements that have been effective for me. Again, I recommend you be completely honest with your doctor. I’m sure you are not the first alcoholic patient your doctor has had. There is no shame in honesty and a desire to better yourself.

AtomicBlue

Vinono, I’m close to your age with family as well. I remember thinking I’m just going to check into a hotel to get away from things and drink in peace. That would get expensive! I finally did check into a hotel right near my rock bottom, not to party, but to recover from hangover. Really did some soul searching that day.

After years of attempts at moderation and a couple tries at quitting I realized I was defeated and couldn’t do it on my own. So I called a place up and signed myself up to outpatient treatment and then continue with AA. Felt like a huge weight lifted off my shoulders when I finally decided to seek help.

Benefits - Lost 30 lbs, no longer isolated, no longer tired all the time, restored confidence.. I’m the dad I want to be (always a work in progress though). Enjoy the little things in life again. Love spending time with my family. The list goes on. I quit smoking at 4 months sober. Good riddance!

I’m so glad I sought help and wish I had done it sooner. This worked for me and I wouldn’t change a thing about it.

Wish you the best!