I’ve come back
Member
Join Date: Oct 2017
Location: New England
Posts: 1,224
Cmon Stew! Do something different. You need to break up the pattern here.
If you want to be a winner, do what the winners do. They are giving you the playbook page by page. Don't ignore them.
I wouldn't be concerned by the firm responses you get to your posts, I would be more concerned if I got none.
The hardest thing for our addictive egos to hear is often the truth.
If you want to be a winner, do what the winners do. They are giving you the playbook page by page. Don't ignore them.
I wouldn't be concerned by the firm responses you get to your posts, I would be more concerned if I got none.
The hardest thing for our addictive egos to hear is often the truth.
Member
Join Date: Feb 2015
Location: MN
Posts: 8,704
Hi Stew, I hope you take some time to throughly read through some of these posts on your thread. It is wonderful support and encouragement. We care about you and everyone battling an addiction. I can understand you thinking that some of the suggestions are critical of you, but I am certain it is meant to try and do nothing but help you. There is an old saying here in the US "nothing worthwhile is ever easy". And beating addiction is one of those things.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Hi Stewy,
I'm glad you checked back in. I have found posting and reading on SR daily to be an important part of my recovery plan.
You may want to look into mindfulness. You can't change the past, and worrying about future only causes more stress and anxiety. You can control the here and now, you can make positive choices in this moment.
Today, get rid of all of the alcohol in your house. Today go to work, and put in 100%, you seem to like this job, give it your all, this will be easier to do with a clear head, so you're 100% will become stronger each day you have sober. Call your daughter's mom and craft a plan together to talk about what has already been tried, and what the two of you can do to address the issue. You don't need to be together to coparent and support your child. Setting up s meeting with her teacher, or the principal is a good first start.
It's great that you're parents are so supportive of you, spend s littke time thinking about all you do have. Think about how you can make the best of the time at your parents' house. How can you enjoy your time with them? How can you contribute to the household.
Go to a meeting today, if you're not up to talking just listen. Get out and go for a short walk and clear you're head.
These are all things you can do today. You can do them tomorrow too, and gradually add more to the list.
Don't think about the house, when it sells that will be great and you'll be able to make a decision as to what you want to do with the money.
You can do this Stewy, sobriety is a very simple thing, not easy, but simple. Put the work in, you know how much better life is sober.
❤️Delilah
I'm glad you checked back in. I have found posting and reading on SR daily to be an important part of my recovery plan.
You may want to look into mindfulness. You can't change the past, and worrying about future only causes more stress and anxiety. You can control the here and now, you can make positive choices in this moment.
Today, get rid of all of the alcohol in your house. Today go to work, and put in 100%, you seem to like this job, give it your all, this will be easier to do with a clear head, so you're 100% will become stronger each day you have sober. Call your daughter's mom and craft a plan together to talk about what has already been tried, and what the two of you can do to address the issue. You don't need to be together to coparent and support your child. Setting up s meeting with her teacher, or the principal is a good first start.
It's great that you're parents are so supportive of you, spend s littke time thinking about all you do have. Think about how you can make the best of the time at your parents' house. How can you enjoy your time with them? How can you contribute to the household.
Go to a meeting today, if you're not up to talking just listen. Get out and go for a short walk and clear you're head.
These are all things you can do today. You can do them tomorrow too, and gradually add more to the list.
Don't think about the house, when it sells that will be great and you'll be able to make a decision as to what you want to do with the money.
You can do this Stewy, sobriety is a very simple thing, not easy, but simple. Put the work in, you know how much better life is sober.
❤️Delilah
Do your best
Join Date: Aug 2014
Posts: 67,047
Originally Posted by tomsteve 
since ya didnt answer before,ill ask again:
are ya ready for rehab yet?
I just feel like last time I used the forum that people were highly critical and frustrated with me so it put me off coming again.
i hope ya see by the replies on this that playing the victim and blaming members here....welp...we aint gonna take responsibility or accountability for your recovery.
are ya ready for rehab yet?
I just feel like last time I used the forum that people were highly critical and frustrated with me so it put me off coming again.
i hope ya see by the replies on this that playing the victim and blaming members here....welp...we aint gonna take responsibility or accountability for your recovery.
2 members of my own family completed rehab one of them twice
It has to be for you though I can help if you want as I'm in London and can send some stuff over just pm bro
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 222
Everyone is being unbelievably brilliant here. These responses are amazing and each and every one I believe is intended to help me and for that I’m eternally grateful. For whatever reason I’m stuck on what happened last time I was here and that’s something I need to work on within myself as to why I feel strongly about it. It did and does affect me but that said, I came back for support so I know how great being here is.
A lot of my posts are and addicted person not me. So yeah I get why that needs to be addressed harshly because it’s an addict talking and not me. Harshness is understandable when someone is on a mission to destruction. Ive never abused this forum or taken it for granted. I’m the same as anyone else, in a mess and looking for help. Rather than posting, I’ll read. I understand that someone posting and making claims and not delivering causes frustration. I come here because I know I have a problem, same as anyone else. I try and be honest, same as anyone else.
I get this this one thing sorted and my life starts. I’ll just read for now. Thanks for all your support and I’ll be reading everything and taking it all in.
A lot of my posts are and addicted person not me. So yeah I get why that needs to be addressed harshly because it’s an addict talking and not me. Harshness is understandable when someone is on a mission to destruction. Ive never abused this forum or taken it for granted. I’m the same as anyone else, in a mess and looking for help. Rather than posting, I’ll read. I understand that someone posting and making claims and not delivering causes frustration. I come here because I know I have a problem, same as anyone else. I try and be honest, same as anyone else.
I get this this one thing sorted and my life starts. I’ll just read for now. Thanks for all your support and I’ll be reading everything and taking it all in.
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
Rather than posting, I’ll read. I understand that someone posting and making claims and not delivering causes frustration. I come here because I know I have a problem, same as anyone else. I try and be honest, same as anyone else.
The problem is not you posting, or you not being honest - it's you drinking.
Unless you address that, you're just gonna go round and round.
I think you should post more not less, and I think you should explore as many options for treatment and as many methods as you can, even if its uncomfortable and inconvenient for you to do so.
That way you can honestly say you're doing every thing humanly possible to beat this thing.
This reads like that addictive part of your brain has already determined that you're not going to do much, so may as well limit the 'bad responses' by not posting.
Thats madness.
You need to start fighting for your life..
D
Member
Join Date: Feb 2013
Location: W Washington
Posts: 11,589
stew, less than two weeks ago, when you returned, you claimed:
I think the only thing that really happened when I left here was that I pushed the support to one side, continued to refuse the notion that I had a problem and then reverted back to the same destructive pattern
and now here you are starting that cycle again, already. people ask you directly what is your PLAN, and you won't answer. you shut down.
what ARE you willing to do? it won't happen on it's own. however you've been doing it on your own isn't working. leaving here for 8 months didn't change a thing. things for you are the same, if not worse. that is the nature of the disease. you keep drinking, it keeps progressing.
I think the only thing that really happened when I left here was that I pushed the support to one side, continued to refuse the notion that I had a problem and then reverted back to the same destructive pattern
and now here you are starting that cycle again, already. people ask you directly what is your PLAN, and you won't answer. you shut down.
what ARE you willing to do? it won't happen on it's own. however you've been doing it on your own isn't working. leaving here for 8 months didn't change a thing. things for you are the same, if not worse. that is the nature of the disease. you keep drinking, it keeps progressing.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 222
I’ve no idea what to post anymore to be honest. What do you say to someone down and out? Rehab is mentioned ok so I go there and get hassle at work for taking a month out and not seeing my daughter. I’ll just read, honestly it’s a good plan right now. I’m not a stupid person. I’m just stuck in a bad cycle but I’m not stupid I’ve got a massive issue. Once I’ve mastered this I’ll be ok. It’s just addiction that’s all I’m not a bad lad and mean no I’ll feeling to forum users
Administrator
Join Date: Apr 2007
Location: Australia
Posts: 211,444
No one here thinks you're bad or stupis - why would we - we've been there?
Honestly tho if reading posts was enough for you, you'd be several years sober by now.
It wasn't enough 2 years ago, or 8 months ago, and it's not going to be enough now.
I'm not trying to be 'harsh' - I see no point in pissing you off.
This is simply cards on the table honestly Stew.
You won't be able to change things to the point you need to without changing some things in your life.
Its gonna take doing some things you don't want to do to get out of this one.
In the end like I've said several times before, no one can make you do anything you don't want to do Stewy...
I just hope you accept the need to do something, anything, soon.
Wishing you the very best man
D
Honestly tho if reading posts was enough for you, you'd be several years sober by now.
It wasn't enough 2 years ago, or 8 months ago, and it's not going to be enough now.
I'm not trying to be 'harsh' - I see no point in pissing you off.
This is simply cards on the table honestly Stew.
You won't be able to change things to the point you need to without changing some things in your life.
Its gonna take doing some things you don't want to do to get out of this one.
In the end like I've said several times before, no one can make you do anything you don't want to do Stewy...
I just hope you accept the need to do something, anything, soon.
Wishing you the very best man
D
Member
Join Date: Nov 2016
Posts: 8,639
Originally Posted by Stew1984
Rehab is mentioned ok so I go there and get hassle at work for taking a month out and not seeing my daughter.
The form of the logic for this personal exceptionalism is:
Under ordinary circumstances and for most people X is undesirable/irrational;
My circumstances are not ordinary and I am different from most people;
Therefore X is not undesirable/irrational in my case - or not as undesirable/irrational as it would be in other cases".
Addiction, Lies and Relationships
Administrator
Join Date: Aug 2003
Location: Dancing in the Light
Posts: 61,512
Stewy, I think every one of us here have been down and out because of our alcoholism. It's what happens. And, yes, there are problems in early recovery such as missing work to go to rehab or being apart from your daughter. This is part of the recovery process. Part of early recovery is figuring out how to manage our lives, our jobs, our spouse, our children. You can do this.
As Dee said The problem is not you posting, or you not being honest - it's you drinking. If you make the choice to just read on SR and not post, you are jumping right back into the same cycle you've been in for so long. Do something different this time. Stay, respond to members who post to you, manage your life during early recovery and begin to feel better about yourself.
As Dee said The problem is not you posting, or you not being honest - it's you drinking. If you make the choice to just read on SR and not post, you are jumping right back into the same cycle you've been in for so long. Do something different this time. Stay, respond to members who post to you, manage your life during early recovery and begin to feel better about yourself.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
Originally Posted by Stew1984
[left]Rehab is mentioned ok so I go there and get hassle at work for taking a month out and not seeing my daughter.
hopefully you can see how irrational this is.
youre work is already suffering now but ya dont see it and your truly "not there" with your daughter at this time.
you cant get hassled at work for going to rehab without employees and/ or employer suffering consequences. theres laws about it.
use some courage tonight- find out company policy( and the laws on it), call rehabs, and get r lined up.
Guest
Thread Starter
Join Date: Jan 2018
Posts: 222
What do I post though? What do I say? Does everyone want me to just say rehab? What does everyone want me to do? I know I’m in a mess. Trust me once I sort this out, I’ll be a good man and help others here. I just need a foothold. I’m no quitter. I try and be a good man.
Member
Join Date: Apr 2012
Location: northern michigan. not the U.P.
Posts: 15,281
it isnt what everyone wants you to do,my man.
its what YOU think and KNOW in your heart what you should do.
theres no doubt in any of us that you would be an inspiration for others here IF you get into action with the help you know deep down in yourself you should seek.
whats deep down in your heart? what does your heart say you should do?
its what YOU think and KNOW in your heart what you should do.
theres no doubt in any of us that you would be an inspiration for others here IF you get into action with the help you know deep down in yourself you should seek.
whats deep down in your heart? what does your heart say you should do?
Canine Welfare Advocate
Join Date: Sep 2010
Location: Norfolk, VA
Posts: 10,962
Originally Posted by Stew1984
What do I post though? What do I say?
You can reply to other people's posts, offering support or understanding for what they are going through. That can be better than advice for some. And there are threads for gratitude, weekender threads. It might do you good to get out of your own struggles for a while.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2017
Posts: 1,276
I’ve found the monthly classes pretty helpful Stew. They might be a nice change of pace.
Have a look into your options with rehab Stew. I took a quick look and it looks like you can probably get signed off work with anxiety and/or depression (if you show the symptoms obviously) and then use the time when you’re off to attend rehab. I imagine this would be fine with your work.
Have a look into your options with rehab Stew. I took a quick look and it looks like you can probably get signed off work with anxiety and/or depression (if you show the symptoms obviously) and then use the time when you’re off to attend rehab. I imagine this would be fine with your work.
Member
Join Date: Jun 2013
Location: Big City
Posts: 3,895
I'm sorry but I have to ask - do you think your experience on this incredible website, that has gotten so many people sober, including me, is somehow unique? Do you think that this last time you were here you were singled out and picked on? Really?
Or do you know that the reason you stopped posting, like many I wondered where you went, was because you wanted to keep drinking?
I've seen you get a much positive support and responses as anyone on this site. This site and the wonderful people here aren't the reason you are still drinking.
Or do you know that the reason you stopped posting, like many I wondered where you went, was because you wanted to keep drinking?
I've seen you get a much positive support and responses as anyone on this site. This site and the wonderful people here aren't the reason you are still drinking.
Member
Join Date: Mar 2012
Location: California
Posts: 13,044
Originally Posted by doggonecarl
You don't have to start your own threads every time. In fact, you might hold off since you just get worked up. However there is plenty you can do on SR. You can join and post to the monthly "class" and get support/offer support to those who quit when you did.
You can reply to other people's posts, offering support or understanding for what they are going through. That can be better than advice for some. And there are threads for gratitude, weekender threads. It might do you good to get out of your own struggles for a while.
You can reply to other people's posts, offering support or understanding for what they are going through. That can be better than advice for some. And there are threads for gratitude, weekender threads. It might do you good to get out of your own struggles for a while.
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